₦airaland Forum

tonididdy:
Sorry I'm still lost.
What I meant was...who will be responsible for the child's custody after birth?
Or will the surrogate mom continue to raise the child until an agreed age?
Or youll be a FT dad?

A surrogate can leave the next morning after child birth,it depends on agreement. In my own case there's an egg donor,the agreement is between us.

fyneboi79:
A surrogate can leave the next morning after child birth,it depends on agreement. In my own case there's an egg donor,the agreement is between us.

Correct me if I'm wrong.
You meant egg donor as in the female?

Ok well good luck to you champ as for me am battling with extreme loneliness and miss my kids like a fever

tonididdy:
Correct me if I'm wrong.
You meant egg donor as in the female?

Ok well good luck to you champ as for me am battling with extreme loneliness and miss my kids like a fever

oh you have kids? Go to court for joint custody.

Kill the loneliness with productive thoughts.

I have a son almost 10 years and I am just clocking 30..I forsaw this a long time ago during my early twenties...me na d only kid...what I did ...got a lady pregnant intentionally...she agreed to it...wasn't a mistake...got a boy...gave the kid solely to my parents to take care of...me and the lady initially stayed together...but the trouble I saw was too much...I had to opt out...my boy stays with my family.... co-parenting with the mum is easy...her and my parents do the communication...I no get strength for back and forth argument...now dating a new lady almost a year now... She won settle down but I am not ready....in the process of starting a new business.. chasing dreams...and I feel since I got a grown boy, I have my space to myself to reflect and grow...why add a woman to start nagging and giving problems I really don't need .

Hhh4444:
I wish I can like this comment a million times...it took me years to finally come to this realisation. Women are mostly liars but I have been oportuned to date a few honest ones. I got to understand the dark female psychology and I can boldly say everything you stated here about women is the truth.

Thats why they say "it takes at least one fool for marriage to work." Unfortunately most times, that fool is the man. And by marriage "working", doesn't really mean it works. It just means "continue", not that it really works.

If ud still continue playing a fool, very likely ud still have ur marriage today. The only difference is some men are lucky enough to play fool not very often. While some others will play fool much deeply.

fyneboi79:
oh you have kids? Go to court for joint custody.

Kill the loneliness with productive thoughts.

Yeah we have that but because it's school period xoxo

JoeEeL:
Who told u you must be married before u can defeat loneliness? So u think d opposite of marriage is staying alone?

Reason right guy!

Tell me how you want to beat loneliness in your life, in your home when your kids are all grown up and moved out. They would prefer to rent apartment or a room just for them to be independent no matter you do to prevent them. And they won't give you their kid(s) to live with you.
Tell me, how do you want live and cope in your 70s in your own house when your kids are all on their own and away from your mansion?
The loneliness that will deal with sorry ass is still doing press up, and you will suffer

Juliearth:
You mean the same marriage that slows women's career growth, alters their bodies, paves way for terminal diseases, ages them, stresses them...?


Tell me how marriage is of more benefit to women?


This lopsided mentality ought to have been jettisoned in 2025.

Oh please, if you don't have anything to say then stay behind the wall of strong silence.

nlfpmod:
Marriage is not by force, marriage is not for everyone. If you want to marry go ahead, if you don't want to marry you can remain single for the rest of your life.

If you marry right, you will enjoy marriage, if you marry the wrong one, you will hate marriage.

We need to say the truth some times. Either right or wrong, marriage will test your resilience

fyneboi79:
I had also been married for 10 years and I saw hell, before I regained my freedom out of sheer luck...if I ever hear marriage again ehh

Nb: For all those saying if you marry right abi you marry wrong.....there is nothing like marry wrong or right because for any marriage to survive then the man must always act the fool.

I was schocked reading their baseless marry right narrations. Definitely, it's the unmarried ones saying that.

No right or wrong In Marriage but test of resilience, patience, and as you put it - the man acting a fool.

Comments done make me laugh tire. Marriage wahala

That one dey

However, not all shocking things can end a marriage or destroy the life of either or both of the partners.

Exceed15:
If you like set ur standard to heaven- u must experience shocking things from those species called women

ollyboy900:
Bro i tried. My estranged woman family is the type that do not want their daughters (children in short including their only son) to live even a mile away from them. The story long

When we were preparing for wedding, they wanted to force me to rent a N1m flat on the Lagos Island (Omo, after all the wedding expenses and their unreasonable traditional wedding list) , my capacity was a N450k 2 bedroom flat at the time (2018), on the Mainland.

This caused friction for more than 2year as her mother said she would never come to our house because it's far. I sensed her hanger was because she couldn't control me perhaps like she's doing two her other two son inlaws

Her mother built on the island so she was obviously trying to make us stay close to her. Her other two daughters; one lives on the same street with her hubby, the other lives in her mother's building with her hubby (Chaii that cannot be me). They are obviously well to do than my family but i no send them, i get good job, i have ambition and i know my strength.

I got the shocker after the wedding, we conceived my first son just 2 weeks after the wedding (Yes, na my son no worries. DNA is done) and sorry i forgot to mention that my estranged madam works on the island, so her office is closer to her mother's home. That how she told me that she would be staying in her mother's house from Monday till Friday, she will come home on friday then leave again on Monday just to avoid traffic stress to and fro daily,

We have agreed before wedding that she would seek job at ikeja, closer to home after wedding but she seems not interested in that anymore.
When i explained my disapproval of her decision to her family, they obviously backed their daughter and that showed me that it was orchestrated by them.

Bro, that's how i lived for 7.5yrs in that marriage ooo, partly married, weekend wife. We were blessed with two handsome boys. But just like a poster said up there, mostly men must act the fool for the marriage to work (what a big fool i was 😀).

When it comes to the home, i pay 99.99% of the expenses, from children schools fees, house rent, kids upkip, food stuff, all kitchen gadgets that mostly reasonable women would get themselves (except all plates, spoons and cups we use in the house despite that madam is working). Compound cleaner was the least monthly expense i paid, just N1500. Madam didn't pay a single one for all the period of marriage, even when i sat her down to reason, she wouldn't change.
Even if expenses is choking me (You know those time when house rent expires children resumes a new section, family car broke down all at once?), when i get them sorted out, she will never bother to ask me how i did.

But what broke the camels's back happened last year 2025. September 2024, i paid for her professional exam, i encouraged her to start so that when she becomes chattered, she would be able to get good job closer to home (ikeja been the target), she did her her first diet in November, result should be out in max a month time, but she never tell me her results, i kept asking but she said she hasn't check. I noticed she may be having cold feet about the result, but i told her not to worry. It is unlikely you pass all your papers at once, i am the one paying, just read.

I later heard from an outsider that she passed one out of four papers, she never told me. Towards the end of December 2024, i bought a lithium battery to ensure we have steady light at home so she can read in the midnight. Unfortunately, that battery exploded on Wednesday 8th January while charging it, alot of properties were destroyed, it was around 8pm, thank God she was away with my kids and thank God it wasn't when i was sleeping. Neighbors rose to my help and we quench the fire but the damage was much.

I informed madam the second morning and told her not to worry that I'm safe, know fully that she will be home on friday. When she return she never said anything, never bothered how i survived, never greeted me. I had electrician working (because all the 6 prepaid meter in our compound were burnt) painters working, aluminum man changing all the broken windows etc. But nothing like "How is it going" from madam or her family members (i overheard her telling telling her that about the situation over the phone later that day)

That day i knew i married my enemy and i was the only one in that marriage, she doesn't care.
I felt pained, rejected and lonely but i left it behind for my kids' sake. I tried to find out from her if i offended her in anyway or why she couldn't be stone hearted towards me like that, but she said "nothing". For the first time in 7yrs, i reported her to her father but i see no changes or even feedback from her father.

But the decision to leave happened in june last year to October, i was sick to the point of no return. Millions of Naira gone finding my health, but madam was never there, she didn't even take a one day leave to stay by me. Her parent was informed on my condition but never bother to call or even pay a visit.
Then my siblings started coming to my house to take care of me, each of them stays a month before next one comes (i always inform her of their coming so she doesn't feel off). Even when she comes home in the weekend and i insist that she should be the one to make my food, she won't, she will say my family members is around and should make my food afterall they do it when she's not around.
I had to leave home early in September because my siblings also left their lives to take care of my out of love (thank God i am good to all of the; so the love was massive), one of them, kid sister lives in ibadan and not married yet, so i moved to stay with her and continue my search for healing. I decided not inform her to see if she would be worried of my wereabout. For 3 months sept-Nov, she didn't bother to call any of my family member to find out about me or where i could be, her parent? the same. She still comes home every weekend without the kids, (perhaps because of her studies), i do see her from the CCTV.

Then, i knew i had to leave. Then i packed my load outa the house towards November ending (still had 5 months rent when i packed), got an apartment in another state and living my life. Thank God for the investments here and there cause i couldn't work (I run my own business) throughout the period and medical bills was much, i still took care of all the home and kids financial needs. Madam's contribution was on N10k throughout the ordeal, and that's on the day i was run rushed to General hospital cos i hadn't been sleeping for 14days straight. My car was out of fuel and i was out of cash.

Now she is fully back to her parents' house, are other 2 sisters are back too (their husbands don carry the children and left). Her only brother is 34, unmarried, still staying with the mother. Father and mother are no divorced but haven't been living together for like 15yrs. Now their family pastors are the one calling me and my siblings up and down preaching "what God has join together" bulls**hit.

She was a good girl before marriage, but trust me, this gender sabi hide their true color. I never cheated on her (infact I've never had intimacy with 2 woman in my life), not that i can't but it doesn't just align with my moral value, i provide, i made her my best friend but it wasn't enough. No one should tell me about "marry right" because no relationship feels wrong before you say i do. There is a reason why apostles paul admonished men in the bible not to marry if not to fall into adultry, marriage is trouble. If yours hasn't come, congrats. Enjoy it while it last, early or later, you must regret something about it. And if your marriage is below 5yrs, abeg don't think you have a good home yet, time will test your marriage

So now my brother, i must thank you for allowing me to vent this off, can't believe i wrote this epistle. My focus now is to build my empire so my boys can be proud of me cos i plan to give them the world. I will go see them in school tomorrow to celebrate their birthday ( Cake, biscuit, sweet parcel, everything is ready 🤫🤫).

I still thank God all these challenges surfaced while I'm still young. At 37, i still have greater things ahead of me, women may not be one of them though.

odiegwu

Your story reminds me of my uncle that is currently divorced and refused to remarry. He has four kids, and the wife disappeared with them, for over five years.

But due to the love he has for his children, he keeps sending money and paying their school fee, even if he doesnt know where they study.

Until one day, his first son about 15 years old, who understands what is happening, got his father's number through his mums phone and called him secretly, giving him intel about their location.

Then he arranged and travelled all the way to Anambra from lagos to pick them all up, sadly, he could retrieve only three out of his four kids. The fourth child was with the mum when he came.

The first son now acts like a woman. Having a sissy character, and so petty. Woman character don enter him body. The lack of masculine figure in the boys life really messed them up.

I am saying this because you have two boys, and boys must grow with men. A woman cannot raise a man. masculinity is forged, and being male doesnt make one masculine.

If your sons grow up in such a feminized home, chances are, they will grow to be individuals that are the opposite of what you want your son to be.

For your boys to be listening to women conversations, under their sole control, which carries the risk of being indoctrinated to hate you is a bad recipe. It doesnt always ends well.

Please take this serious, I do not know how you will do it, but you must have influence over the upbringing of your sons.

JoeEeL:
Sorry for not being compassionate in my earlier writeup, not that I didnt want to be but didnt want the submission to be too long. From ur writeup, u look like someone who really got his financial life together. What is even more annoying is that you should have really turned out even much better -- and much earlier.

And its more painful cos d signs were there but u just deh postpone doomsday. Im sure u thought u struck goldmine when dis ur erstwhile wife is working-class or comes from a well-to-do background. Maybe u followed some of the online advice of guys that dating a working-class woman will be more beneficial in d long run. I know say u don realise its more than that. Woman na woman, working class or not. They are naturally extremely selfish.
Go go bro!

Unrelated to your post, but the bold reminds me of the hypothesis regarding the japa frenzy: children from middle-class/upper middle-class keyed into japa because children from lower-middle class/low-earning class bemoaned the situation in Nigeria. Only for those children from middle class families to venture abroad and realise their standard of living was much better in Nigeria. Hence, many seek to return.

If only they knew the economic conditions of those who castigated Nigeria online.

pansophist:
odiegwu

Your story reminds me of my uncle that is currently divorced and refused to remarry. He has four kids, and the wife disappeared with them, for over five years.

But due to the love he has for his children, he keeps sending money and paying their school fee, even if he doesnt know where they study.

Until one day, his first son about 15 years old, who understands what is happening, got his father's number through his mums phone and called him secretly, giving him intel about their location.

Then he arranged and travelled all the way to Anambra from lagos to pick them all up, sadly, he could retrieve only three out of his four kids. The fourth child was with the mum when he came.

The first son now acts like a woman. Having a sissy character, and so petty. Woman character don enter him body. The lack of masculine figure in the boys life really messed them up.

I am saying this because you have two boys, and boys must grow with men. A woman cannot raise a man. masculinity is forged, and being male doesnt make one masculine.

If your sons grow up in such a feminized home, chances are, they will grow to be individuals that are the opposite of what you want your son to be.

For your boys to be listening to women conversations, under their sole control, which carries the risk of being indoctrinated to hate you is a bad recipe. It doesnt always ends well.

Please take this serious, I do not know how you will do it, but you must have influence over the upbringing of your sons.

Thank you for your good observations bro, my children would not be left to her care for long bro. I will pick them up in 2yrs time. Then, my last son would have been 6yrs old and i can legally claim their custody.

Meanwhile, i am using this 2yrs window to plan things that will make their lives comfortable. Court will always be after the welfare of the children, and the partner who has the best to give the children always wins custody (No sentiment). I also have an advantage that they are boys so it will be a plus to my argument for their custody along side better welfare.

However, that is if they have not voluntarily dropped the kids for me before the 2yrs. They voluntarily returned the kids of their last born to her husband after taken care of them for a year plus, they were tired of their expenses so i can only hope they will do the same for me.

Last time i was at my children school for their birthday, my first born was reporting that his mummy was suggesting whether the kids would like to be going to school where their father lives. That tells me something.

Gerrard59:
Unrelated to your post, but the bold reminds me of the hypothesis regarding the japa frenzy: children from middle-class/upper middle-class keyed into japa because children from lower-middle class/low-earning class bemoaned the situation in Nigeria. Only for those children from middle class families to venture abroad and realise their standard of living was much better in Nigeria. Hence, many seek to return.

If only they knew the economic conditions of those who castigated Nigeria online.

Its related, ure right. Dont know if u have listened to journalist Hundenyin's recent podcast. His case is similar to what uve described.

JoeEeL:
Its related, ure right. Dont know if u have listened to journalist Hundenyin's recent podcast. His case is similar to what uve described.

Is it the one he had with an Oladapo and another female guest? If it is that one, we are saying the same thing although it is japa related. Mine is folks from middle class families, especially those who japa'd to the UK because of what they read online. But upon getting there and comparing living standards they had back home, no be wetin dem expect. Especially the men!

Babatunjo:
So I was at dinner with a friend this week. Guy has been married for about 8 years now... married almost immediately after uni. Tall guy, always had fine girlfriends back in school. You’d think na him go dey hype marriage pass.

Out of nowhere, he just sighed and said he regrets marrying… apart from the kids.
His advice shocked me.

He said if he were single again in 2026 Nigeria, he would never marry. That I should just find a woman, have between 1 to 3 kids if I want, make her comfortable, take care of my responsibilities... but avoid marriage completely.

I laughed it off, but then it hit me:
My boss had told me something very similar some time ago.
Then I remembered a former neighbour... fine wife, two kids, lovely family pictures on social media... he also warned me not to rush into marriage.

These are not bitter, broke men o. These are men society would call “successful”.

So now I’m asking myself (and una): Wetin really dey happen?
Is marriage quietly becoming something different from what we were sold?

When you Marry the right partner and you are a right person yourself, Marriage is heavenly, a great achievement. But if it's the other way round, it's one kind life mistake, it ll be hellish.
Those who have a happy Married life don't come outside to announce it. Only those who are suffering in their marriage ll come out to complain.

As a Man, you owe your kids that obligation to give them the best Mum in the world, and as a Woman you owe them same obligation to give them the best Dad in the world.

Gerrard59:
Is it the one he had with an Oladapo and another female guest? If it is that one, we are saying the same thing although it is japa related. Mine is folks from middle class families, especially those who japa'd to the UK because of what they read online. But upon getting there and comparing living standards they had back home, no be wetin dem expect. Especially the men!

An interview with a Kenyan journalist. Its a fresh one. Like 1 week ago

Let him divorce first , before we you can start taking him serious.

Babatunjo:
So I was at dinner with a friend this week. Guy has been married for about 8 years now... married almost immediately after uni. Tall guy, always had fine girlfriends back in school. You’d think na him go dey hype marriage pass.

Out of nowhere, he just sighed and said he regrets marrying… apart from the kids.
His advice shocked me.

He said if he were single again in 2026 Nigeria, he would never marry. That I should just find a woman, have between 1 to 3 kids if I want, make her comfortable, take care of my responsibilities... but avoid marriage completely.

I laughed it off, but then it hit me:
My boss had told me something very similar some time ago.
Then I remembered a former neighbour... fine wife, two kids, lovely family pictures on social media... he also warned me not to rush into marriage.

These are not bitter, broke men o. These are men society would call “successful”.

So now I’m asking myself (and una): Wetin really dey happen?
Is marriage quietly becoming something different from what we were sold?

@ollyboy900

https://www.nairaland.com/7166252/wahala-chaos-female-nature#113575657

https://www.nairaland.com/7753241/wahala-chaos-female-nature-volume#124237781

Inyaky:
What exactly are women benefiting, your mom dropped her father's name, took your father's name, by that she chose a new family. She cooks, clean and nurture you, what do you guys want from women, aren't men supposed to be the head of the table and provider? Being Married is far better than baby mama.

This things you talked about are joyful things to do, things that makes one life feels useful, meaningful, and the best part; they cost no monetary value.

This are things one will do everyday whether married or not. Now getting monetary rewards to do and live this things is just one sweet deal. The sweetest deal in the world!!

I envied women!

kushme:
My elder bro changed after he got married, I dey mostly sense contempt when we talk. He just dey try hide am just for humanity, and probably blood sake. I think the wife did a good job on the divide. She basically sabi many things about we his siblings. Afterall, I just be math teacher wey no get level to them...

Hahahaha….Please, don’t give up on him.

Some fully grown adults are not really good with women. It takes time for them to learn, learning from self experience.