₦airaland Forum

We all as human beings Are Entitled to HELP no matter the form from one another.
If you think otherwise please answer this question. Imagine you are in a plane or car crash(Remember Anthony Joshua) or your house or car is on fire and there are passersby,what will you do ?
And assume you seek their HELP and they refuse how will you feel?

Originalsly:
The people who complain.do so based on where the person travelled to. Their paddi would leave for Benin .... and for two years not a word from Benin ....no enquiry ...no complaint. Their paddi left for US ... two weeks ...no word .... they start to complain quietly... privately...then loudly...publicly ... of being ghosted by their childhood paddi. We all know why.

My Broda I laff as this thing make headlines.

Understand that na "u" dey no dey talk to.. no be say dey no dey talk to other pple forr naija.
Come to think of it... How many pple in secondary school or university we consider "friends" do we still keep the closely InTouch with if not for old school group.
Unless u want to create a japa group for all your friends abroad, there is nothing u really can do about the ghosting.
If you both are not contributing to each others life from afar... Seriously abroad is not for chit chat..
Worst case 3 months ... Wetin una wan dey talk.?.. hows is the weather, ..? Una don chop? It doesn't cut it.
Believe me your abroad friends didn't diss you... They just got preoccupied with a new way of life... Explaining it to you may just be a way of dissing to much proudness like "they have made it" meanwhile the hustle is real.
Let's not forget those who drop 3 consecutive "Good Morning Bro" and the an "account number" to follow it... Hmmm every penny is planned for. Including the one they wanna give u.

You wouldnt see it..it sounds very stupid. But trust me e dey.

To make matters worse some pple abroad are doing worse off than their fellow back home, how can dey come and tell you that they paid that expensive shit to go suffer... Dey rather bury their head into the hustle and grind it out.

Give your abroad friends a break... Try wish them well once once .. cos the grass is not always green on the other side

Sirmee:
I have a friend turned brother before he left Naija for UK in 2020. Till date he has never ghosted me for once, we speak minimum 5 hours a week. I can reach out to him anytime, Truth be told He calls me more. Before he left, he told me, bro I'll tell you the truth about abroad and he lived up to his word.
SO when I read about people ghosting their friends when they get abroad, I'm always like wetin dey worry these ones.

Maybe the person wants to marry u?

/
Water will always find its level.
Yeah! Like someone who japa will retire with his old friends. Everyone moves on and makes new friends with similar interests. The ones who tend to stoke this retirement fear are the obligate beggars.

/

ChizzyBuna:
You know I will speak for myself..

First off I didn't plan of travelling outside
IT happened so unexpected and threw me off a bit cuz I never planned to travel outside.

The Nigerian factor of not telling people you are traveling before ur traveling played a huge role.
My class mates had no single Idea.

I moved abroad. Once I got accomodation
I began to call home and inform people that in finally abroad
Many people found out via Facebook

Secondly, the life abroad compared to Nigeria is like Plaustion 1 vs Playstation 5
So you really don't have much to talk about because your life in Europe is far different from Naija life of people back home.

So naturally your brain is 98% invested in this new Society, the new environment, the law, it's tradition, the women , challenge or phase in life abroad comes in different forms.


There are challenges that every one meets when they travel abroad.
They are so invested in the system that they really have no time for themselves talkless of the people back home in Nigeria.

I had a best friend who I lost contact with because I was too invested in my challenges and new experience abroad.
He would try to reach out to me via my younger bro but we still didn't talk for years.

When I relocated back to Naija after couple months I tried to find him on Twitter I now saw that he is now in Germany.

I reached out to him, many times guess what?.
He did not respond till now
So I was like ahhhhaa he don do me back
G/G and over 2.5 settled.

I say no wahala, such is life

My conclusion is that those in Nigeria complaining that the abroad people are neglecting them.
Once these same Nigerians are Put in the same shoes as those abroad. They will even do far worse and neglect more than those they complained about. Peace out✌🏿

Bro it's not true. You are just Making excuses. We make time for people or things we feel it's important. You coming back and trying to reach out to him is exactly what the op is talking about. No matter how you ghost people, you will come back one day and still need the same people.

Lexusgs430:
Don't worry, when they return, they would make new friends...... 😂 😉

I.was actually on a reddit post on this matter, and most of the older men there (60 and above) said they regret cutting friends off when they were younger. There is nothing as sweet as sitt8ng back with old friends and catching up on fond memories. You can't do that with new friends. Don't worry, you might not understand this now.

You're only finding a way to make yourself feel good about your decision to ghost a friend that cared. Surely, things can't be worse abroad than here where you left or you wouldn't have. Justifying your actions by saying others will do the same if put in the same situation is a lame excuse because two wrongs don't make a right.

ChizzyBuna:
You know I will speak for myself..

First off I didn't plan of travelling outside
IT happened so unexpected and threw me off a bit cuz I never planned to travel outside.

The Nigerian factor of not telling people you are traveling before ur traveling played a huge role.
My class mates had no single Idea.

I moved abroad. Once I got accomodation
I began to call home and inform people that in finally abroad
Many people found out via Facebook

Secondly, the life abroad compared to Nigeria is like Plaustion 1 vs Playstation 5
So you really don't have much to talk about because your life in Europe is far different from Naija life of people back home.

So naturally your brain is 98% invested in this new Society, the new environment, the law, it's tradition, the women , challenge or phase in life abroad comes in different forms.


There are challenges that every one meets when they travel abroad.
They are so invested in the system that they really have no time for themselves talkless of the people back home in Nigeria.

I had a best friend who I lost contact with because I was too invested in my challenges and new experience abroad.
He would try to reach out to me via my younger bro but we still didn't talk for years.

When I relocated back to Naija after couple months I tried to find him on Twitter I now saw that he is now in Germany.

I reached out to him, many times guess what?.
He did not respond till now
So I was like ahhhhaa he don do me back
G/G and over 2.5 settled.

I say no wahala, such is life

My conclusion is that those in Nigeria complaining that the abroad people are neglecting them.
Once these same Nigerians are Put in the same shoes as those abroad. They will even do far worse and neglect more than those they complained about. Peace out✌🏿

ChizzyBuna:
trust me you will do the same when you relocate abroad.
Family will always be in contact
But friends and pals nahhhh. That will be tough

I remember when I tried doing video call with one of my homie
Omo na darkness I just dey see
Only his teeth was showing plus network was cracking..
So I started feeling bad because my backdrop was a beautiful chandelier light and a well clean room. It felt like I was oppressing him

And he will make comments like chaii you are enjoying ooo. Help your guy naa.
Omo I decided to back off a bit because I can't keep doing that to him mentally because we are in 2 different realities so there is nothing much that keep us together apart from old memories of our days in Naija.

It's a complicated something

you just said my mind especially the video call thing difference btw your end and his..

ChizzyBuna:
You know I will speak for myself..

First off I didn't plan of travelling outside
IT happened so unexpected and threw me off a bit cuz I never planned to travel outside.

The Nigerian factor of not telling people you are traveling before ur traveling played a huge role.
My class mates had no single Idea.

I moved abroad. Once I got accomodation
I began to call home and inform people that in finally abroad
Many people found out via Facebook

Secondly, the life abroad compared to Nigeria is like Plaustion 1 vs Playstation 5
So you really don't have much to talk about because your life in Europe is far different from Naija life of people back home.

So naturally your brain is 98% invested in this new Society, the new environment, the law, it's tradition, the women , challenge or phase in life abroad comes in different forms.


There are challenges that every one meets when they travel abroad.
They are so invested in the system that they really have no time for themselves talkless of the people back home in Nigeria.

I had a best friend who I lost contact with because I was too invested in my challenges and new experience abroad.
He would try to reach out to me via my younger bro but we still didn't talk for years.

When I relocated back to Naija after couple months I tried to find him on Twitter I now saw that he is now in Germany.

I reached out to him, many times guess what?.
He did not respond till now
So I was like ahhhhaa he don do me back
G/G and over 2.5 settled.

I say no wahala, such is life

My conclusion is that those in Nigeria complaining that the abroad people are neglecting them.
Once these same Nigerians are Put in the same shoes as those abroad. They will even do far worse and neglect more than those they complained about. Peace out✌🏿

Baba you are caping and trying to make yourself feel good about what you did.

That your friend might still in contact with alot of people back home but it’s you he doesn’t want to be in contact with because you are a bad person. You shun am when he de naija but because you hear say him Germany na why you wan Contact am again?

Shey you busy pass all those yankee guys that come on Nairaland to vibe with everyone abi? We even have doctors that still come here to catchup with everyone.

God pass you

@ ChizzyBuna

From your comments, one can sense the type of person you are. I have a friend in the UK, and from time to time we still have long calls and catch up with each other.

I also have a mentor abroad, and whenever I ask him questions about the "hustle," he still makes time to reply. Yes, they can be busy, but they make time sometimes.

You cut off someone who wanted to reach out to you, even through your brother, but you didn't care and now you are saying he treated you badly too as if he is a bad person? Lol.

Though I plan to stack up and japa too, I want to pass a message to a lot of Nigerians: you guys should build some serious pride. Aside from someone teaching you how to "catch fish," (which is who you should give your ultimatum respect) stop ass-licking random people or old friends just because they are in Yankee or make more money than you. That way, they will respect you too.

Many of you are also doing well for yourselves; you aren't small either. You aren't eating grass, after all.

ChizzyBuna:
help wetin?
You think abroad is a bed of roses??
I was paying $300 a month for accomodations
That is 400k plus every bloody month
Not to talk of electricity bill, water bill
The only cheapest bill was internet bill.

Una need to japa make reality humble una

Omo, me and madam japa ohh 2 weeks ago for valentine, good time and to get some equipment and parts, I de japa back now now.

ChizzyBuna:
You know I will speak for myself..

First off I didn't plan of travelling outside
IT happened so unexpected and threw me off a bit cuz I never planned to travel outside.

The Nigerian factor of not telling people you are traveling before ur traveling played a huge role.
My class mates had no single Idea.

I moved abroad. Once I got accomodation
I began to call home and inform people that in finally abroad
Many people found out via Facebook

Secondly, the life abroad compared to Nigeria is like Plaustion 1 vs Playstation 5
So you really don't have much to talk about because your life in Europe is far different from Naija life of people back home.

So naturally your brain is 98% invested in this new Society, the new environment, the law, it's tradition, the women , challenge or phase in life abroad comes in different forms.


There are challenges that every one meets when they travel abroad.
They are so invested in the system that they really have no time for themselves talkless of the people back home in Nigeria.

I had a best friend who I lost contact with because I was too invested in my challenges and new experience abroad.
He would try to reach out to me via my younger bro but we still didn't talk for years.

When I relocated back to Naija after couple months I tried to find him on Twitter I now saw that he is now in Germany.

I reached out to him, many times guess what?.
He did not respond till now
So I was like ahhhhaa he don do me back
G/G and over 2.5 settled.

I say no wahala, such is life

My conclusion is that those in Nigeria complaining that the abroad people are neglecting them.
Once these same Nigerians are Put in the same shoes as those abroad. They will even do far worse and neglect more than those they complained about. Peace out✌🏿

Las las all of una na thesame breed. If not, why would you try to reach out to someone you neglected, only to try reaching out to him upon your return to the country after you found out he too had relocated abroad.
You no get shame?

lilvicky68:
Apart from ghosting APC supporters, I dont think you need to ghost your friends when you relocate

Those APC home-based fans go too suffer ehn. Their peers here are the only ones covered.

Biodun1929:
I.was actually on a reddit post on this matter, and most of the older men there (60 and above) said they regret cutting friends off when they were younger. There is nothing as sweet as sitt8ng back with old friends and catching up on fond memories. You can't do that with new friends. Don't worry, you might not understand this now.

You're very funny........ Did I hear you say I would not understand....... In under 6 years, I would be 60.... So I very much understand....

Older friends that have achieved financial independence, as you are less stressful...... But the one's seeking attachments, are mainly leeches.......

Says who?

You African immigrants are always complaining and you are the ones doing the lowest jobs, having the lowest job in UK and have the highest divorce rates

Now yet you people keep complaining of black tax and you you don't even send half of what Asians send from UK alone yet complaining

While the Asians are doing the best jobs still remitting at home


Here’s a short summary of UK remittance statistics with a focus on Asian destinations:



Asian People in the UK sent about £9.3 billion in remittances abroad in 2023 (money sent home by migrants and other residents).


India is the top Asian recipient from the UK (about £3.3 billion from 2020–2024).

Pakistan received around £2.18 billion.

China got about £918 million, and Bangladesh about £605 million.

Over half of UK remittances arrive quickly (often <1 hour) thanks to digital transfers.

Most remitters send money to support family and friends, not just for investment.


Only in UK Asians are sending back home real money, cos they have better job,no be careful giving jobs wey Una dey do and janitorial and security jobs ! Send peanuts dey shout black tax up and down

ProfGday:
Asians and other races don't depend on their kinsmen for financial assistance. The best they can do for their relations is to help in bringing them over abroad. Do your findings and see for yourself

Which kid financial independence...running from one shift to another even at age of 60s when your mates in Asia and Africa are retired enjoying their grand children

Doing 50 hours a week... And you call that financial independence! There is nothing financially independent for a man of 60s to be earning hourly wages with no wife and kids at sight and might probably end up in old people's home

Many of you who don't travel would never understand. Even those of you that grew up in villages and move to just cities near by, how many of your village friends do you keep in touch with on a steady basis.

Traveling gives you a new experience entirely so imagine going overseas where you meet new people and a new life entirely, do you think it will be so easy to start thinking of people that are so many hours flight away from you when you are trying to build new friendships that will help you at that present environment you find yourself.

Go and fact check, it's only people who don't have travel experience that keep complaining about a friend that traveled and forgot them. But if you give them that opportunity to travel, they will do the same.

That kind guy seff never visit Naija for the past 5yrs ...you think say it's easy! No worry he would get to 70s and will come back to stay the question ne say...na who go send am ?

dreamxhaser:
Baba you are caping and trying to make yourself feel good about what you did.

That your friend might still in contact with alot of people back home but it’s you he doesn’t want to be in contact with because you are a bad person. You shun am when he de naija but because you hear say him Germany na why you wan Contact am again?

Shey you busy pass all those yankee guys that come on Nairaland to vibe with everyone abi? We even have doctors that still come here to catchup with everyone.

God pass you

Aha

Just live and let live.

If you like cut from those in Nigeria if you like dont cut.

Everyone has their reasons, what is more important is peace of mind and accepting the choices you make.


There is nothing special about Abroad, and i will recommend not cutting off from your friends.

Exactly...if they have made it they will want to show up ! How can someone that have stayed in Europe for 10 years that is your mate he doesn't have serious jobs, no papers, no family no kiss while you that is in Nigeria have a job or your own business your kids in universities and you are building your own house etc

He would like to avoid you

Empresa:
One of the reasons you haven't heard from people abroad or you think they don't care is because most haven't made it and the main reason is because they didn't plan well or what they met is not what they expected.

Living in Europe or the West is cool and beautiful because of the quality of life available. But what most people won't tell you is that they're been trapped in a system that makes you work to feed yourself and nothing more (especially those without skills)

It's easy, before you travel abroad get multiple skills and a soft landing. This is the only way you send money quick and somehow escape the system abroad.

In all, no matter the situation, don't forget home.

I think that is a good reason at least the one struggling abroad can have some peace if they are struggling and trying to hide it, to prevent gossips.

ariesbull:
Exactly...if they have made it they will want to show up ! How can someone that have stayed in Europe for 10 years that is your mate he doesn't have serious jobs, no papers, no family no kiss while you that is in Nigeria have a job or your own business your kids in universities and you are building your own house etc

He would like to avoid you

It same thing even those that in Nigeria that are struggling still give and they don't make noise about it. Do you know how many WhatsApp group that they add men into ..do you see men complaining

SeriouslySense:
I think that is a good reason at least the one struggling abroad can have some peace if they are struggling and trying to hide it, to prevent gossips.

ariesbull:
I don't know why you guys call it black tax
.
That's why Asians are doing more better than you guys in Europe....Asians are family oriented no divorce and they earn higher and they still send monies to family and you don't hear Asian saying Asian tax or yellow tax

It's only you Africans that are even doing lower or lowest jobs amongst all the races in Europe and Africa ....unlike Asians that are into ICT, tech, medicals etc

Una too complain

https://www.tiktok.com/video/7302719850844097798

SeriouslySense:
Aha

Just live and let live.

If you like cut from those in Nigeria if you like dont cut.

Everyone has their reasons, what is more important is peace of mind and accepting the choices you make.


There is nothing special about Abroad, and i will recommend not cutting off from your friends.

Exactly!! Well said... Abroad abroad abroad like say na heaven.

How do ppl cut off solid friends because they japa'd. I'm not talking about folks who aren't someone's correct friends and are trying to bill. Like your solid friends o. My friends will even be gisting me the issues they're facing over there.... We'll talk and encourage each other. These things are good for one's mental health.

You can never be too busy if you really care about someone. One of my brothers is a doc and I know he's always busy BUT anytime you buzz him, he'll reply asap. if he isn't awake, he'll call immediately he wakes up. Same with my former boss in the bank who's also my mentor and is a director in his organisation in London.

Imagine someone commenting that when he calls his friend everywhere will be dark and the network cracking, and so what. Ain't that the reality of the average Nigerian? Anyway, ppl see life differently sha last last.

I'm not the type to ask ndi lonfoners or Americanas for money or complain that they ghosted me. It will never happen. But they should know and have it on record that I never bother them. Life is back and forth and I will never pray for their downfall but if shit happens and you ghosted me back then, don't expect me to welcome you with open arms like a distant cousin. I no go bother you, so don't even make attempt to bother me. As you feel say you are facing challenges over there, Naso we dey face am for here too. Simple hello, hi, how are you doing no go kill you. It's very simple.

I don't get it...you are here sending me South Africans that you know don't send anyone ....

If you don't send money to your parents let it be you ! Even the whites send money for their parents and they don't call it Whyte tax even Asians

It's not As if the blavos in Europe are doing fantastic they are still doing the lowest jobs from care giving to janitorial and they send less ....Asians that send more don't make noise

In my view, sending money back home is a very real part of life for many Asians living in the UK. Around 27% of UK residents born abroad send money to family overseas each year, and among that group, roughly half (about 45–50%) send some of that support to their parents. For a lot of people from Asian cultures, helping parents financially isn’t just optional — it’s something they choose to do out of love and duty whenever they can.

SixSeven:

https://www.tiktok.com/video/7302719850844097798

ChizzyBuna:
trust me you will do the same when you relocate abroad.
Family will always be in contact
But friends and pals nahhhh. That will be tough

I remember when I tried doing video call with one of my homie
Omo na darkness I just dey see
Only his teeth was showing plus network was cracking..
So I started feeling bad because my backdrop was a beautiful chandelier light and a well clean room. It felt like I was oppressing him

And he will make comments like chaii you are enjoying ooo. Help your guy naa.
Omo I decided to back off a bit because I can't keep doing that to him mentally because we are in 2 different realities so there is nothing much that keep us together apart from old memories of our days in Naija.

It's a complicated something

Despicable human

.... We are both male and both married to our partners for over 10 years. Many of you don't understand what brotherhood means.

eRex:
Maybe the person wants to marry u?

The thing be say once person move abroad, to us at in Nigeria here automatically the person don rich be that either he see work do there or he day beg to survive he no concern us, number two be say once some people move abroad anybody who messages them from home either friends family and relations automatically they want to beg money one their message pop up and to them abroad we at home are lazy can't work just want to be beging abroad people and for them there no they work hard for their money so he just get as the thing be sha

OverCalculating:
Hello Niralanders, as you chase your dreams abroad, don't forget the people and place that made you. Home is where the heart is, and it's the friends and family that make it truly special. Don't let comfort and distance make you forget where you came from. One day, you'll be old and ready to come back home, but if you've lost touch with loved ones, you'll be left with empty memories. Hold on to home, and the people who truly care about you 🌍.

ariesbull:
I don't get it...you are here sending me South Africans that you know don't send anyone ....

If you don't send money to your parents let it be you ! Even the whites send money for their parents and they don't call it Whyte tax even Asians

It's not As if the blavos in Europe are doing fantastic they are still doing the lowest jobs from care giving to janitorial and they send less ....Asians that send more don't make noise

In my view, sending money back home is a very real part of life for many Asians living in the UK. Around 27% of UK residents born abroad send money to family overseas each year, and among that group, roughly half (about 45–50%) send some of that support to their parents. For a lot of people from Asian cultures, helping parents financially isn’t just optional — it’s something they choose to do out of love and duty whenever they can.

Did you watch the video sir

I ghosted my childood friend because he had nothing meaningful to discuss aside from begging for money. I hate adults who are not responsible as they are draining. You are not the only one with problems.

SixSeven:
Let retirement come na. You should learn to move on with the next level. Even in Nigeria, people are cutting ties, lest talk of japa. As you move on in life, your environment will start to shape you and if there's nothing that can keep that relationship, it's best to cut it but association is not by force. One thing about Nigerians is that they like to behave like sheeps, they want to do what everyone else is doing, they can't be themselves. That's why they are always looking for a shepherd to save them when they can use their head. The person who has japa is facing a new reality of life, don't add your own to theirs except you have anything useful to give back. Relationships must not be forced.

You people just find a way to guilt trip people for your insecurities. Grow up.

I agree 💯.

That is why you need a sellable skill that some people would always demand. Trust me, it can make them keep in touch because they know they can always get it cheaper from their own friends back home. So, when there's nothing to give back, it looks very difficult.