₦airaland Forum

henrimoto:
...No blame her on this. She is a young mother and wife at that, Her mindset is positive and innocent.

She just believe say ,her man mind go dey like her own.

Even at that, the husband no be am, no be better man.

And you na better man? Saint Henry

Please forgive your husband, it was the work of the devil. The devil pushed him.

I am shocked by the comments of many men on this thread supporting the rapist and blaming his wife.
Then again I am not so shocked because I know how many Nigerian men reason like wild animals. Some of them are even advicing the wife to forgive and cover up his crimes because he is a father and his children need him and because she cannot survive financially on her own if she leaves him. If that's the case then our Nigerian leaders are not wrong to forgive Bokoharam and Bandits because after all they are also fathers and their wives cannot survive without them.
Rubbish reasoning from criminally minded men everywhere. If the wife was the one that forced a boy into sex with her they will be all over this thread screaming and insulting all the women on earth.

henrimoto:
...No blame her on this. She is a young mother and wife at that, Her mindset is positive and innocent.

She just believe say ,her man mind go dey like her own.

Even at that, the husband no be am, no be better man.

I don't understand. It happened to psquare and a whole bunch of people. What made her think hers is special?

How can U employ a girl of 19 as maid? Someone ripped, beautiful and attractive with curves and expect nothing to happen? U dey whine?

Those rich people who usually employ old women in their sixties as house nannies, you thought they don't have sense?

From your choice of words & insult, I can clearly see how you were raised.

ravensckar:
It's like your brain is paining you?

So, a man can't control his sexual urge for just a few months while his wife is recovering from a near-death experience? No use this kind brain cross road o. It's people like you that makes me feel ashamed of being called a man.

The truth is that Polygamy won't solve a man's uncontrolled sexual desire; only self discipline will. Any man that can't control his sexual urge is no different from a wild animal.

In about 10 years of my marriage, I've had countless female relatives (both from my side & my wife's) stay with us. And not even for once have I ever looked at them the wrong way talk less of touching them. Shame for don kill me. We've had grown up ladies as maids, some of my wife's friends have at one point in time stayed with us. Nothing! There are certain lines that a man should never cross. Haba nau! A 19 year old maid in your house?

One of the first things my dad taught us (while growing up) was to have self discipline when it comes to money or women. And I still thank God for that.

We too dey condone nonsense in this country. In a saner clime, that man would be rotting in prison by now. And that will make another animal think twice before committing such atrocity.

The woman shouldn't hesistate to leave the animal. He's a threat to their children. If he could assault a helpless 19 year old maid in his house, then I doubt his daughter will be safe from his perverted mind. Shameless He-goat!

#Spits

Mrslarissa98:
Hello everyone, I need your advice please.
I am half Nigerian. I am married and currently living in another African country with my husband and our two children. Our first child is 4 years old and the youngest is 9 months old.

I was born and raised in Nigeria to a Nigerian father. When I was 13 years old, my parents divorced. My mother took me, my younger brother, and my elder sister from her previous relationship back to her country. Since we left, I have not seen or spoken to my father.

Unfortunately, my mother passed away two years later when I was only 15. Life was very difficult for us because my mother’s family treated us badly, but that is not really what I am looking for advice about, so I will keep the story short.

I got married 5 years ago, and 3 years ago my husband and I relocated to a different African country. We are both involved in business. I run a hair salon while also taking care of my duties as a wife and mother.

When I started my business, my daughter was already 2 years old and attending school, so it was easier to manage both my business and my responsibilities at home. But when I became pregnant with my son, I knew it would not be easy anymore because I would need someone to help take care of him while I worked. I stayed home for about 3 months after he was born, and when I was preparing to return to work, I asked my pastor’s wife to help me find someone to assist me. She had helped other people find help before, and she introduced us to a 19-year-old girl who came to live with us.

At first, everything was going well. She took very good care of my baby. My daughter’s school was close to my shop, so I was the one dropping her off and picking her up. We had planned that the following year we would move her to a school closer to the house so the girl could help with picking her up.

Let me also add that while I was on maternity leave, my husband used to come home around 1 p.m. to eat lunch. But when I returned to work, I asked him not to come home during the day anymore and to start taking food to work instead, which he did.

When my baby was about 5 months old, we left for work as usual. Around 10 a.m., my phone rang. It was my husband saying he was at the hospital with the maid and the baby. I panicked and asked what happened and if my baby was okay. He said the baby was fine, but the maid was the one who was not well.

He told me that he was at work, but he suddenly felt very uneasy, like something was telling him to go home and check on the baby. When he got home, he heard the baby crying inside the room where the maid shared with our daughter. At first, he ignored it, thinking maybe she was changing the baby. But the crying became worse, and he heard a loud bump. He called the maid’s name, but there was no response. When he entered the room, he found her lying on the floor naked, and the baby was next to her crying. He picked up the baby and called the neighbors, who helped cover her and put her in his car. One male neighbor followed them to help with the baby while they went to the hospital.

The girl was unconscious at first, but later she recovered. After she was discharged, I was wondering what could have happened. I asked her if she had any history of seizures or something similar, but she said no. She explained that she could not clearly remember what happened that day. She said that after putting the baby to sleep, she rushed to take a bath, and after coming out of the bathroom she could not remember anything else until she woke up in the hospital.

During the following days, I allowed her to rest as much as possible, and I started taking my baby with me to my shop. It was not easy, but I wanted her to recover.

One day, I came back home and found the house empty. She was nowhere to be found. I panicked and called her number, but it was switched off. I called our pastor’s wife, but she said she had not seen her. She was already aware of what had happened at the hospital. We were all worried and tried to reach her without success. Our pastor’s wife even sent someone to her aunt’s house to check if she was there, but she was not.
After a few days, we found out that she was staying with her elder sister in another town. We felt some relief knowing she was at least with family. We tried to contact her to ask why she left suddenly, but she would not pick up our calls.
Four months later, she came back to the church and informed our pastor that the reason she left my house was because, according to her, ever since she started living with us, my husband had been making advances toward her. She said she always refused him. She claimed that on the day of the incident, my husband came home and met her in the room while she was dressing, forced himself on her, beat her, and she passed out.
The pastor called us, and the girl repeated this in front of everyone. My husband could not deny it and started begging for forgiveness. I was completely shattered. Although the pastor and his wife counseled us and tried to reconcile us, and my husband has been begging for forgiveness, I am still heartbroken. I am no longer interested in this marriage. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him.

Now I feel like taking my children and going back to my home country. I cry every day and feel very depressed. I really need advice, please help me.

If you report him to the authorities (which is the legal thing to do) he'll be jailed and you and your children will suffer greatly because you will cater for them alone.

If you divorce him that will be worse.

If you continue in that marriage you'll feel hurt everyday.

This issue is complex but I have solution. Since he's been begging for forgiveness, he should be willing to make sacrifices to merit the forgiveness. So ask him to leave the house. This will give you the time to heal. It might take up to some months... Call him back after healing.

This should serve as a warning to other women. Don't employ adult female as a maid.

Lastly, try to make peace with that maid on behalf of your husband

I don't support rape, even though all men are promiscuous in nature, but rape is a different level of mental problem. Most men would do the same thing your husband did but would only persuade the house help till she consent to the intimacy but they won't rape her.

My best friend who is a youth pastor in his church has slept with his secretaries till I lost count, he has also slept with his wife's close friend but he his always very careful and ensure that it's out of consent. I don't support what my friend does , but aside from me knowing this secret, everybody in the neighborhood and family members always thinks he is the best version of a man that God has ever created. He doesn't miss Sunday church and vigils, he dresses decently and he's currently doing his third masters. If people didn't tell you about their dirty laundries you wouldn't know what's hidden under their cloth.

I don't support rape and I think it's a different level of mental problem. Has much has I know so many men are bad and would have sex with anything on skirt, yet I wouldn't support rape. Your husband could have left her alone after several persuasion instead of raping her.

My conclusion is, if your husband is a good man , if he takes care of his children, if he's willing to be a better person then I would advise you to forgive him and also leave that community to start a new life somewhere else with your husband. Forgive him, marriage is most needed at old age and it's not easy for you to find a new person to grow old with after two child children. So forgive him.

Mrslarissa98:
Hello everyone, I need your advice please.
I am half Nigerian. I am married and currently living in another African country with my husband and our two children. Our first child is 4 years old and the youngest is 9 months old.

I was born and raised in Nigeria to a Nigerian father. When I was 13 years old, my parents divorced. My mother took me, my younger brother, and my elder sister from her previous relationship back to her country. Since we left, I have not seen or spoken to my father.

Unfortunately, my mother passed away two years later when I was only 15. Life was very difficult for us because my mother’s family treated us badly, but that is not really what I am looking for advice about, so I will keep the story short.

I got married 5 years ago, and 3 years ago my husband and I relocated to a different African country. We are both involved in business. I run a hair salon while also taking care of my duties as a wife and mother.

When I started my business, my daughter was already 2 years old and attending school, so it was easier to manage both my business and my responsibilities at home. But when I became pregnant with my son, I knew it would not be easy anymore because I would need someone to help take care of him while I worked. I stayed home for about 3 months after he was born, and when I was preparing to return to work, I asked my pastor’s wife to help me find someone to assist me. She had helped other people find help before, and she introduced us to a 19-year-old girl who came to live with us.

At first, everything was going well. She took very good care of my baby. My daughter’s school was close to my shop, so I was the one dropping her off and picking her up. We had planned that the following year we would move her to a school closer to the house so the girl could help with picking her up.

Let me also add that while I was on maternity leave, my husband used to come home around 1 p.m. to eat lunch. But when I returned to work, I asked him not to come home during the day anymore and to start taking food to work instead, which he did.

When my baby was about 5 months old, we left for work as usual. Around 10 a.m., my phone rang. It was my husband saying he was at the hospital with the maid and the baby. I panicked and asked what happened and if my baby was okay. He said the baby was fine, but the maid was the one who was not well.

He told me that he was at work, but he suddenly felt very uneasy, like something was telling him to go home and check on the baby. When he got home, he heard the baby crying inside the room where the maid shared with our daughter. At first, he ignored it, thinking maybe she was changing the baby. But the crying became worse, and he heard a loud bump. He called the maid’s name, but there was no response. When he entered the room, he found her lying on the floor naked, and the baby was next to her crying. He picked up the baby and called the neighbors, who helped cover her and put her in his car. One male neighbor followed them to help with the baby while they went to the hospital.

The girl was unconscious at first, but later she recovered. After she was discharged, I was wondering what could have happened. I asked her if she had any history of seizures or something similar, but she said no. She explained that she could not clearly remember what happened that day. She said that after putting the baby to sleep, she rushed to take a bath, and after coming out of the bathroom she could not remember anything else until she woke up in the hospital.

During the following days, I allowed her to rest as much as possible, and I started taking my baby with me to my shop. It was not easy, but I wanted her to recover.

One day, I came back home and found the house empty. She was nowhere to be found. I panicked and called her number, but it was switched off. I called our pastor’s wife, but she said she had not seen her. She was already aware of what had happened at the hospital. We were all worried and tried to reach her without success. Our pastor’s wife even sent someone to her aunt’s house to check if she was there, but she was not.
After a few days, we found out that she was staying with her elder sister in another town. We felt some relief knowing she was at least with family. We tried to contact her to ask why she left suddenly, but she would not pick up our calls.
Four months later, she came back to the church and informed our pastor that the reason she left my house was because, according to her, ever since she started living with us, my husband had been making advances toward her. She said she always refused him. She claimed that on the day of the incident, my husband came home and met her in the room while she was dressing, forced himself on her, beat her, and she passed out.
The pastor called us, and the girl repeated this in front of everyone. My husband could not deny it and started begging for forgiveness. I was completely shattered. Although the pastor and his wife counseled us and tried to reconcile us, and my husband has been begging for forgiveness, I am still heartbroken. I am no longer interested in this marriage. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him.

Now I feel like taking my children and going back to my home country. I cry every day and feel very depressed. I really need advice, please help me.

immortalcrown:
[b]My own advice:[/b]As for him, he should be arraigned ona two-count charges of rape and attempted murder. If at all you should separate from him, let his jail sentence be the cause, do not divorce him.

What kind of yeye advice is this, is it not better you don't advice her at all.

What's the need sending him to jail and still asking her to stay in the marriage, to do what?

My advice: Madam, please slow down, do not leave the marriage. I understand how painful it is but please don't not leave because the consequences outweighs the benefits. He did extremely bad but do not leave.

Time heals wounds and with time you'll forget about it.
Let both of you come together and plan, move out of that area and go far, perhaps another state or region and start up again.

Mrslarissa98:
Now I feel like taking my children and going back to my home country. I cry every day and feel very depressed. I really need advice, please help me.

Merry Go Round.

And you have a daughter too. I hope this cycle ended with your mom.

Mrslarissa98:
Hello everyone, I need your advice please.
I am half Nigerian. I am married and currently living in another African country with my husband and our two children. Our first child is 4 years old and the youngest is 9 months old.

I was born and raised in Nigeria to a Nigerian father. When I was 13 years old, my parents divorced. My mother took me, my younger brother, and my elder sister from her previous relationship back to her country. Since we left, I have not seen or spoken to my father.

Unfortunately, my mother passed away two years later when I was only 15. Life was very difficult for us because my mother’s family treated us badly, but that is not really what I am looking for advice about, so I will keep the story short.

I got married 5 years ago, and 3 years ago my husband and I relocated to a different African country. We are both involved in business. I run a hair salon while also taking care of my duties as a wife and mother.

When I started my business, my daughter was already 2 years old and attending school, so it was easier to manage both my business and my responsibilities at home. But when I became pregnant with my son, I knew it would not be easy anymore because I would need someone to help take care of him while I worked. I stayed home for about 3 months after he was born, and when I was preparing to return to work, I asked my pastor’s wife to help me find someone to assist me. She had helped other people find help before, and she introduced us to a 19-year-old girl who came to live with us.

At first, everything was going well. She took very good care of my baby. My daughter’s school was close to my shop, so I was the one dropping her off and picking her up. We had planned that the following year we would move her to a school closer to the house so the girl could help with picking her up.

Let me also add that while I was on maternity leave, my husband used to come home around 1 p.m. to eat lunch. But when I returned to work, I asked him not to come home during the day anymore and to start taking food to work instead, which he did.

When my baby was about 5 months old, we left for work as usual. Around 10 a.m., my phone rang. It was my husband saying he was at the hospital with the maid and the baby. I panicked and asked what happened and if my baby was okay. He said the baby was fine, but the maid was the one who was not well.

He told me that he was at work, but he suddenly felt very uneasy, like something was telling him to go home and check on the baby. When he got home, he heard the baby crying inside the room where the maid shared with our daughter. At first, he ignored it, thinking maybe she was changing the baby. But the crying became worse, and he heard a loud bump. He called the maid’s name, but there was no response. When he entered the room, he found her lying on the floor naked, and the baby was next to her crying. He picked up the baby and called the neighbors, who helped cover her and put her in his car. One male neighbor followed them to help with the baby while they went to the hospital.

The girl was unconscious at first, but later she recovered. After she was discharged, I was wondering what could have happened. I asked her if she had any history of seizures or something similar, but she said no. She explained that she could not clearly remember what happened that day. She said that after putting the baby to sleep, she rushed to take a bath, and after coming out of the bathroom she could not remember anything else until she woke up in the hospital.

During the following days, I allowed her to rest as much as possible, and I started taking my baby with me to my shop. It was not easy, but I wanted her to recover.

One day, I came back home and found the house empty. She was nowhere to be found. I panicked and called her number, but it was switched off. I called our pastor’s wife, but she said she had not seen her. She was already aware of what had happened at the hospital. We were all worried and tried to reach her without success. Our pastor’s wife even sent someone to her aunt’s house to check if she was there, but she was not.
After a few days, we found out that she was staying with her elder sister in another town. We felt some relief knowing she was at least with family. We tried to contact her to ask why she left suddenly, but she would not pick up our calls.
Four months later, she came back to the church and informed our pastor that the reason she left my house was because, according to her, ever since she started living with us, my husband had been making advances toward her. She said she always refused him. She claimed that on the day of the incident, my husband came home and met her in the room while she was dressing, forced himself on her, beat her, and she passed out.
The pastor called us, and the girl repeated this in front of everyone. My husband could not deny it and started begging for forgiveness. I was completely shattered. Although the pastor and his wife counseled us and tried to reconcile us, and my husband has been begging for forgiveness, I am still heartbroken. I am no longer interested in this marriage. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him.

Now I feel like taking my children and going back to my home country. I cry every day and feel very depressed. I really need advice, please help me.

Sister I have so much to say after meticulously reading your story but let me keep it short and say only two or three things.
1. Pls listen to your pastor's counsel and forgive him (pls note that forgiveness is an action not a feeling). The fact that his act has been made known to the public is very embarrassing for a man and I can assure you he would not do such again.
2. You need to see this as a temptation by the Devil to continue a cycle in your lineage therefore I encourage you to break this cycle for the sake of your children I know it will not be easy but you have to try.
Above all pls limit yourself at this trying moment of your life from those who call themselves your friends but will not give you words of encouragement but urge you to take actions that will inevitably end your marriage.

Eriokanmi:
One day, her husband walked into the room and saw her breastfeeding the baby after he had been taken away from the surrogate mum and handed over to her for care. The husband was only aware of the surrogacy arrangement and accepted to welcome the baby for the sake of love for the inlaws, the breastfeeding part was hidden from him. The husband was shocked. He reported her to every member of her family and they all condemned the act. She apologised and the husband forgave her. Her family also did.

I've heard another story where the wife had an extra marital affair with another man and the man still forgave her and she never did that again. It takes someone with a large heart to forgive sins. Nobody had had the kind of experience Jesus had had, yet He forgave them. My sister, it’s not easy to forgive oo but for the sake of God that forgives us our sons, we should forgive and forget and with time, you'll heal.

Una Dey try oooo…. Nigerians !! you pple dont care about fairness when u want to apply ur religious doctrine …..
. Even the church that should bridge the gap with the govt in cases like this to ensure justice is not trampled upon, also covered up rape and assault case then focused on saving marriage with the rapist and violent man…

Please try and read genesis to revelation.. God is not a perverter of justice… Infact the entire mystery of salvation Christ paid for rest on reconciliation and justice……

koladata:
I don't support rape, even though all men are promiscuous in nature, but rape is a different level of mental problem. Most men would do the same thing your husband did but would only persuade the house help till she consent to the intimacy but they won't rape her.

Baba…Cover your face in shame…. If ur rape ur own wife’s maid… just say so…. Dont try to sugarcoat it by saying most men will do it…. Hian!! This internet seff

…. Please u pple ahould stop justifying evil
Someone was raped and nearly killed and Yall are treating it as if the victim is not important and only the marriage ahould be saved…

Have u pple asked urself if u can marry a rapist and assaulter if your wife was guilty of this offences..??
Una Dey try oooooo

Madam, once a cheater, always a cheater. better zero your mind, buy plenty condom for him and ask him not to ever go raw on any woman. keep your marriage and have peace of mind, more kids and more money.

All I will say is that you need to pray. Your parents separated when you were younger and now the same pattern is about to catch up with you. You need to pray.

Maobichek:
"Even the Bible said, forgive a cheating partner but never accept them back."

Good morning, I'm not in support of what the man did but please state clearly where the Bible reference the above statement of yours which I copied.

The woman can leave if she wants but in her story, she said: "we were treated badly by my mother's family."

My simple advise is that she should consider the merits and demerits of leaving her marriage, a two-year-old and a nine-month-old baby is not a big deal to some women but can she take care of them alone.

Couples celebrating 25 or 50 years together are only celebrating forgiveness, patience, understanding etc. I know a woman doing very well financially but the husband slept with their maid, she out of anger and friends advise divorced the husband; today, amidst all her comfortability, she is regretting her decision.

Read Matthew 19 for yourself clarity.


Even vs 19, Jesus specified that fornication outside marriage "adultery" is the except reason for divorce.

This man is wrong in everything, i know your advice will be different if your sister or daughter was the victim.


It's evil to use God forgiveness to gaslight and manipulate justice and truth.

Integrity is life and it's scarce among most men with performance dignity.

Men, men, men. Una dey mad

Are you for real?

immortalcrown:
My own advice:

Leaving the marriage is risky. What if he becomes unavailable when you later forgive him and wishe to have him? His action was very wrong. But I advise you to continue with the marriage since he doesn't starve or assault you.

As for him, he should be arraigned ona two-count charges of rape and attempted murder. If at all you should separate from him, let his jail sentence be the cause, do not divorce him.

Don’t blame the design, blame the designer. You don’t hand a dog meat and punish it for eating. And YES if I have a sexy house help that I find attractive I may ask her out but will never rape a woman. Your low testosterone doesn’t define other men, and you’re no better than Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, François Hollande, or Jacob Zuma and many great men who made similar mistakes and weren’t killed. You are just a nairaland guy who is full of himself. Thank God the woman involved isn’t pressing charges. If you read properly, I clearly said more than three times that I don’t support rape. So relax and stop stressing over other people’s issues, and don’t act like you know it all.

advanceDNA:
Baba…Cover your face in shame…. If ur rape ur own wife’s maid… just say so…. Dont try to sugarcoat it by saying most men will do it…. Hian!! This internet seff

…. Please u pple ahould stop justifying evil
Someone was raped and nearly killed and Yall are treating it as if the victim is not important and only the marriage ahould be saved…

Have u pple asked urself if u can marry a rapist and assaulter if your wife was guilty of this offences..??
Una Dey try oooooo

koladata:
Don’t blame the design, blame the designer. You don’t hand a dog meat and punish it for eating. And YES if I have a sexy house help that I find attractive I may ask her out but will never rape a woman. Your low testosterone doesn’t define other men, and you’re no better than Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, François Hollande, or Jacob Zuma and many great men who made similar mistakes and weren’t killed. You are just a nairaland guy who is full of himself. Thank God the woman involved isn’t pressing charges. If you read properly, I clearly said more than three times that I don’t support rape. So relax and stop stressing over other people’s issues, and don’t act like you know it all.

lol… trying to turn ur rape apologist comment into a come back insult is just pathetic…

It’s not a consent relationship btw the maid and the man, if it was then I would agree with you that its something a lot of guys can do…
But ….how can u say most guys will rape….A crime was committed here man and all I did was acknowledge it from the angle of the victim who should get justice… but to you.. it’s being full of myself …. lol….No wonder we have leaders that recycle bokoharam…: na pple like Una dey aso rock and senate…. Justifying evil with technicalities

Come back insults ke!!! At least understand the words you use. All this forming intelligent and forcing opinions on others feels so backward. A forum is a place to share ideas, not wear them like armor as if your life depends on it.

The victim went to church, not the police station, and she’s 19. And if the wife wanted a divorce so badly, she wouldn’t come here to seek our opinion. You don’t even know exactly what truly passed between the house help and the man, aside from what the woman knows and wrote here. Yet you rush in, raining insults on everyone like some self made scholar of low budget human psychology..... unless you have a hidden agenda to marry her when she leaves her husband.

Truth is, only empty minds shout this loud. Wise people speak and still leave room to listen.

advanceDNA:
lol… trying to turn ur rape apologist comment into a come back insult is just pathetic…

It’s not a consent relationship btw the maid and the man, if it was then I would agree with you that its something a lot of guys can do…
But ….how can u say most guys will rape….A crime was committed here man and all I did was acknowledge it from the angle of the victim who should get justice… but to you.. it’s being full of myself …. lol….No wonder we have leaders that recycle bokoharam…: na pple like Una dey aso rock and senate…. Justifying evil with technicalities

koladata:
Come back insults ke!!! At least understand the words you use.

lol…. U made a rape apologist comment which I pointed out, you now tried to turn it into an insulting contest by calling me low testosterone… like wtf….?? but its me that dont understand the words i use?? Mayb u should re-read all uve been typing and see if u would say the same if ur daughter was involved

koladata:
All this forming intelligent and forcing opinions on others feels so backward.

Forming intelligent?? Baba ..it’s a simple crime that deserves justice ….there is no forming intelligent here… even illiterates, tgat know nothing understand what justice means….
but all u are doing is justifying wrong calling it all sorts of names… insulting me for looking at the issue from the angle of the victim….. if na ur sister them rape and beat.. u wont be here saying all these??

koladata:
A forum is a place to share ideas, not wear them like armor as if your life depends on it.

so as u share ideas …What were u expecting ?? That we will agree with your rape apologist comment?? Of ourse comments cant all be the same…. So why u Dey cry as I point out your rape apologist comment??

koladata:
You don’t even know exactly what truly passed between the house help and the man, aside from what the woman knows and wrote here.

More justification?? Baba… rest… e don do… i see say the matter pain you as I tackle you for saying all most men will rape their maid..

koladata:
Yet you rush in, raining insults on everyone like some self made scholar of low budget human psychology..... unless you have a hidden agenda to marry her when she leaves her husband.

marry as how?? Ur comments are just weird….first u claim most men will rape their maid, now it’s marriage…
oga there is victim here naaaa… for someone claiming intelligent , u cant even see that my comment is addressing the issue from the victims angle…
U are just pained i called out ur dirty comment claiming that most men will rape their maid…. .. baba rest..

koladata:
Truth is, only empty minds shout this loud. Wise people speak and still leave room to listen.

lol…. Ur insults just show u realised how dirty your comments but too immature to admit .. so u are only only trying to justify it just as u claimed most men will rape their maid…

Stephen0mozzy:
A little detour from your heartbreak;
The true victim here, the maid.

Is she a minor? (Clarified)
Is your husband currently in jail?

It may be that they live in one of those North Africa Arab country where those things are legal, because she didn’t say the man was arrested

advanceDNA:
lol…. U made a rape apologist comment which I pointed out, you now tried to turn it into an insulting contest by calling me low testosterone… like wtf….?? but its me that dont understand the words i use?? Mayb u should re-read all uve been typing and see if u would say the same if ur daughter was involved

Forming intelligent?? Baba ..it’s a simple crime that deserves justice ….there is no forming intelligent here… even illiterates, tgat know nothing understand what justice means….
but all u are doing is justifying wrong calling it all sorts of names… insulting me for looking at the issue from the angle of the victim….. if na ur sister them rape and beat.. u wont be here saying all these??

so as u share ideas …What were u expecting ?? That we will agree with your rape apologist comment?? Of ourse comments cant all be the same…. So why u Dey cry as I point out your rape apologist comment??

More justification?? Baba… rest… e don do… i see say the matter pain you as I tackle you for saying all most men will rape their maid..

marry as how?? Ur comments are just weird….first u claim most men will rape their maid, now it’s marriage…
oga there is victim here naaaa… for someone claiming intelligent , u cant even see that my comment is addressing the issue from the victims angle…
U are just pained i called out ur dirty comment claiming that most men will rape their maid…. .. baba rest..



lol…. Ur insults just show u realised how dirty your comments but too immature to admit .. so u are only only trying to justify it just as u claimed most men will rape their maid…

Thank you for your good work on this thread, sorry about the insults you had to tolerate while educating the rape apologists and mad men that came to type rubbish here.

Mrslarissa98:
She was 19 at the time and is now 20 years old. She and her family refused to press charges. They stated that all they wanted was for the truth to come out. They have neither pressed charges nor requested any money from us.

I see you're actually considering remaining with that animal. SMH. Women like you never cease to amaze me. What will it take for y'all to have some self worth? A man rapes and attempts to kill his vulnerable employee and you're here confused on what to do because he's "begging"? You really do think this is his first and last time doing this, knowing that he made advances towards her for MONTHS? Are you just dumb or marriage crazy?

Ask yourself, if roles were reversed, what would your goat of a husband do? Forgive you? Lol. Y'all will do anything to be tied to a man. It's women like you that have made men believe they can get away with doing anything as long as they "apologize". Biko come back here when he gets your daughter pregnant and attempts to kill her to hide his actions. Maybe then you will know exactly what to do. Dem swear for una for that continent. Mstcheeeww

cococandy:
Do you rape all 19 years olds you come across?

This is 2026 and this forum has not changed one bit

No wonder the country is in shambles. This is the crop from which the leaders are being chosen

Sheat your sword madam, I'm not an advocate of rape of any kind or form.

As a married couple,it's your duty not to set your spouse up for failure.

That guy should be punished under the law and made to pay for his sins.

Addressing your last statement, rape is a universal thing, and both gender are victims of these hydra-headed problem. And I think if single ladies like your very yourself stop sleeping with married men, this country would have been a better place. Cos that lady needs to share in that blame too. Peace

Mrslarissa98:
Hello everyone, I need your advice please.
I am half Nigerian. I am married and currently living in another African country with my husband and our two children. Our first child is 4 years old and the youngest is 9 months old.

I was born and raised in Nigeria to a Nigerian father. When I was 13 years old, my parents divorced. My mother took me, my younger brother, and my elder sister from her previous relationship back to her country. Since we left, I have not seen or spoken to my father.

Unfortunately, my mother passed away two years later when I was only 15. Life was very difficult for us because my mother’s family treated us badly, but that is not really what I am looking for advice about, so I will keep the story short.

I got married 5 years ago, and 3 years ago my husband and I relocated to a different African country. We are both involved in business. I run a hair salon while also taking care of my duties as a wife and mother.

When I started my business, my daughter was already 2 years old and attending school, so it was easier to manage both my business and my responsibilities at home. But when I became pregnant with my son, I knew it would not be easy anymore because I would need someone to help take care of him while I worked. I stayed home for about 3 months after he was born, and when I was preparing to return to work, I asked my pastor’s wife to help me find someone to assist me. She had helped other people find help before, and she introduced us to a 19-year-old girl who came to live with us.

At first, everything was going well. She took very good care of my baby. My daughter’s school was close to my shop, so I was the one dropping her off and picking her up. We had planned that the following year we would move her to a school closer to the house so the girl could help with picking her up.

Let me also add that while I was on maternity leave, my husband used to come home around 1 p.m. to eat lunch. But when I returned to work, I asked him not to come home during the day anymore and to start taking food to work instead, which he did.

When my baby was about 5 months old, we left for work as usual. Around 10 a.m., my phone rang. It was my husband saying he was at the hospital with the maid and the baby. I panicked and asked what happened and if my baby was okay. He said the baby was fine, but the maid was the one who was not well.

He told me that he was at work, but he suddenly felt very uneasy, like something was telling him to go home and check on the baby. When he got home, he heard the baby crying inside the room where the maid shared with our daughter. At first, he ignored it, thinking maybe she was changing the baby. But the crying became worse, and he heard a loud bump. He called the maid’s name, but there was no response. When he entered the room, he found her lying on the floor naked, and the baby was next to her crying. He picked up the baby and called the neighbors, who helped cover her and put her in his car. One male neighbor followed them to help with the baby while they went to the hospital.

The girl was unconscious at first, but later she recovered. After she was discharged, I was wondering what could have happened. I asked her if she had any history of seizures or something similar, but she said no. She explained that she could not clearly remember what happened that day. She said that after putting the baby to sleep, she rushed to take a bath, and after coming out of the bathroom she could not remember anything else until she woke up in the hospital.

During the following days, I allowed her to rest as much as possible, and I started taking my baby with me to my shop. It was not easy, but I wanted her to recover.

One day, I came back home and found the house empty. She was nowhere to be found. I panicked and called her number, but it was switched off. I called our pastor’s wife, but she said she had not seen her. She was already aware of what had happened at the hospital. We were all worried and tried to reach her without success. Our pastor’s wife even sent someone to her aunt’s house to check if she was there, but she was not.
After a few days, we found out that she was staying with her elder sister in another town. We felt some relief knowing she was at least with family. We tried to contact her to ask why she left suddenly, but she would not pick up our calls.
Four months later, she came back to the church and informed our pastor that the reason she left my house was because, according to her, ever since she started living with us, my husband had been making advances toward her. She said she always refused him. She claimed that on the day of the incident, my husband came home and met her in the room while she was dressing, forced himself on her, beat her, and she passed out.
The pastor called us, and the girl repeated this in front of everyone. My husband could not deny it and started begging for forgiveness. I was completely shattered. Although the pastor and his wife counseled us and tried to reconcile us, and my husband has been begging for forgiveness, I am still heartbroken. I am no longer interested in this marriage. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him.

Now I feel like taking my children and going back to my home country. I cry every day and feel very depressed. I really need advice, please help me.

Leave your husband find another one