₦airaland Forum

I was watching a video on YouTube by one wise Nigerian, and he maid one quote

"We're pampering children into stupidity" - Dr. Charles Akpoki

Come to think of the moral decadence of the kids and young adults today, is it really far from the truth? Teens these days do not even have a sense of responsibility or consequence - they have zero respect for authority.

Whe we were growing up, it was not like this with us, there used to be a saying then that "na one person dey born pikin, but na the whole community dey train am" - but these days, you can't even correct a child before their parents rain on you like hawks.

Where did we get it wrong? What can we do to remedy the situation, or atleast the nezt generation?

Share your thoughts.

Are these not pressing issues?

I was at a family meeting last week, my aunt's ex was threatening his son, that he will break his leg or his arm whenever he visits the village.

That the boy is not giving him money, he is not using him as an agent either in yahoo or when he bought a land recently. Can you believe this boy is just 17 years old, and dropped out of secondary school 2 years ago. How I wish family allow me that day, I be wan give the man serious beating.

Jakarta:
I was at a family meeting last week, my aunt's ex was threatening his son, that he will break his leg or his arm whenever he visits the village.

That the boy is not giving him money, he is not using him as an agent either in yahoo or when he bought a land recently. Can you believe this boy is just 17 years old, and dropped out of secondary school 2 years ago. How I wish family allow me that day, I be wan give the man serious beating.

You can imagine, that right there is an example of a failed father. How can such a father serve as a role model to deter the son from such criminal activity?

You wan break e leg because he nor dey use you as agent for yahoo? Abomination indeed.

Till today, if you can't show a record of how you come about money (job or skills), my mum nor go touch whatever you give her, let alone lay demands.

Jakarta:
I was at a family meeting last week, my aunt's ex was threatening his son, that he will break his leg or his arm whenever he visits the village.

That the boy is not giving him money, he is not using him as an agent either in yahoo or when he bought a land recently. Can you believe this boy is just 17 years old, and dropped out of secondary school 2 years ago. How I wish family allow me that day, I be wan give the man serious beating.

Wait ... The 17 year old bought land?

Ishilove:
Wait ... The 17 year old bought land?

Is this new to you? This one na old story now. Kids/yahoo boyz that are buying latest model of cars here and there it's now just land that is awing you surprising you.

Those that are pampering their kids into stupidity, I pray that stupidity fall back on the pamperers. Let the well trained ones live peacefully and enjoy all the goodies life has to offer

I look at parenting and what it has become nowadays...

And worst- where it is headed, It's like a void.

It's sad but most parents need parenting themselves!

Ishilove:
Wait ... The 17 year old bought land?

Yes, oh proceeds of yahoo, and the EWU of a father is pressuring the boy for his own share.

fyzaila:
Is this new to you? This one na old story now. Kids/yahoo boyz that are buying latest model of cars here and there it's now just land that is awing you surprising you.

if you see what one boy build near my own property you go shock, funny thing is he doesnt live there he and his goons comes only festive periods or some weekend no more morals

fyzaila:
Is this new to you? This one na old story now. Kids/yahoo boyz that are buying latest model of cars here and there it's now just land that is awing you surprising you.

Nigeria is not a country. Who are the people selling properties and cars to minors?? Abi are these minors using proxies to acquire them?

brain54:
I look at parenting and what it has become nowadays...

And worst- where it is headed, It's like a void.

It's sad but most parents need parenting themselves!

The bad parents giving bad parenting also had parents, so can we assume their own parents didn't bring them up well? If I was well brought up, I will pass that same upbringing to my descendants.

Jakarta:
Yes, oh proceeds of yahoo, and the EWU of a father is pressuring the boy for his own share.

I believe you. My maternal uncle sold their family land and used part of the proceeds to buy an android phone for his 15 year old son to "learn yahoo". The sad thing is this boy is very intelligent and good in Mathematics.

The man kuku is a useless man from the outset so I am not surprised at his actions. It is parents like my uncle and the ewu of a father in your story that are encouraging the young people of nowadays to keep morally derailing.

Ishilove:
The bad parents giving bad parenting also had parents, so can we assume their own parents didn't bring them up well? If I was well brought up, I will pass that same upbringing to my descendants.

it is more nuanced than that

when i was in uni, you would sometimes have whole families in a school

i and my sister both went to unilorin.

i saw families with three, four sometimes five siblings and you would see variation

you would see two sisters - one a runs babe , the other a hajia
you would see brothers one pastor, the other womaniser
you would see one brother alfa one brother regular guy, one brother rap-st

so it is not quite so cut and dried. you try to do your best as a parent but sometimes what will be will be
and also some kids from messed up homes actively try to ensure they do not follow the same path

today i am seeing some party girls from my school days being overly strict parents

as for parents of yahoo - a large number of nigerians are unable to empathize and understand long term consequences

back in the 2010s, i had colleagues at work joking about kidnapping white men. they did not hink of the trauma, or more directly, the culture being put in place. you start with oyibo, but it will trickle down to us and here we are today

same way yahoo boys are now attacking 16 and 14 years olds online. they are creating a culture where it will be looked at as ok for adults to rob children.

Ishilove:
The bad parents giving bad parenting also had parents, so can we assume their own parents didn't bring them up well? If I was well brought up, I will pass that same upbringing to my descendants.

In my mind you could have been brought up by good parents...


But got it wrong along the way with the kids. Parents have became too lax and lazy along the way to raise their kids the way they themselves were raised.


In my mind also the dynamics changed drastically with the embrace of Western ideals, culture and values at the detriment of ours/ African which was used in raising those parents. With time it eroded alot of things and created that void.


What we are experiencing is the effects of over Westernization which has resulted in baby parents raising children.


They are other reasons ofcourse... but I think this played a major role!

GloriousGbola:
it is more nuanced than that

when i was in uni, you would sometimes have whole families in a school

i and my sister both went to unilorin.

i saw families with three, four sometimes five siblings and you would see variation

you would see two sisters - one a run babe , the other a hajia
you would see brothers one pastor, the other womaniser
you would see one brother alfa oe brother reglar guy, one brother rap-st

so it is not quite so cut and dried. you try to do your best as a parent but sometimes what will be will be
and also some kids from messed up homes actively try to ensue they do not follow the same path

today i am seeing some party girls from my school days being overly strict parents

as for parents of yahoo - a large number of nigerians are unable to empathize and understand long term consequences

back in the 2010s, i had colleagues at work joking about kidnapping white men. they did not hink of the trauma, or more directly, the culture being put in place. you start with oyibo, but it will trickle down to us and here we are today

same way yahoo boys are now attacking 16 and 14 years olds online. they are creating a culture where it will be looked at as ok for adults to rob children.

I agree 💯 . You can only show these kids the right path, but whether they take it is entirely up to them.

I was speaking from my own perspective because I am proud to say my parents brought me and my siblings up the right way and the very thought of deviating never our crossed minds. That same upbringing will be passed to the next generation in my family, naturally.

brain54:
In my mind you could have been brought up by good parents...


But got it wrong along the way with the kids. Parents have became too lax and lazy along the way to raise their kids the way they themselves were raised.


In my mind also the dynamics changed drastically with the embrace of Western ideals, culture and values at the detriment of ours/ African which was used in raising those parents. With time it eroded alot of things and created that void.


What we are experiencing is the effects of over Westernization which has resulted in baby parents raising children.


They are other reasons ofcourse... but I think this played a major role!

You do have a point. Something went wrong along the way because this present generation of parents are nothing to write home about.

brain54:
In my mind you could have been brought up by good parents...


But got it wrong along the way with the kids. Parents have became too lax and lazy along the way to raise their kids the way they themselves were raised.


In my mind also the dynamics changed drastically with the embrace of Western ideals, culture and values at the detriment of ours/ African which was used in raising those parents. With time it eroded alot of things and created that void.


What we are experiencing is the effects of over Westernization which has resulted in baby parents raising children.


They are other reasons ofcourse... but I think this played a major role!

westernization has little to do with this and is a favorite whipping boy because otherwise we will be forced to look inward.

it is not westernization that is responsible for the rise in banditry and kidnapping because the money from this is more important to the average nigerian

villagers who have lived in the bush most of their lives are coordinating with kidnappers . how westernization come into that?

when i was in university we had cults in school [robbers, rapists, murderers] we also had runs girls [casual prostitution] . we had lecturers sexually harassing students. how westernization take enter that?

go to any cybercafe for night browsing and 90% of the people there were sending out mass fraud emails. you would be hoping it would not be that night police would decide to raid a cafe. We should stop pretending that any of this is new.

I have come to this conclusion myself; also, kids nowadays tend to be spoiled and overprotected. The slogan is usually " I want to provide for my kids so they don't go through the same thing I did growing up."

Sometimes, kids need to pass through a little dose of hardship as a reality check to prepare for the future. Look around you, it's mostly kids from wealthy backgrounds who have all sorts of mental breakdowns.

i’ve seen more logic in a recursive loop with a memory leak than in this entire thread.


the problem isn't pampering, the problem is a lack of stress testing. if you insulate a child from the consequences of their own incompetence, you are essentially shipping buggy software to production without running a single unit test. when the system eventually crashes in the real world and it will you don't get to act surprised that the server room is on fire.

as for respect for authority most authority is just a collection of fragile egos hiding behind titles they didn't earn. if these kids don't respect you, it’s probably because they’ve realized your traditional wisdom has zero utility in a world where AI can do your job better than you ever could.

stop trying to fix the next generation. let the darwinian process run its course. the weak ones will become social media influencers or UI designers, and the ones who actually possess a brain will learn to code and survive the collapse.

I kind of have to disagree with this statement:

Sometimes you can be good parents, yet have bad kids who don't listen to you

I actually think it's rare in real life. And if it happens, then you're looking at Serial killer or mass murderer or someone who was born with a different wired brain.

Everyone I know has so far, followed the path that their parents set out for them. They are products of their upbringing to the core, down to their mistakes. Myself included.

I've never seen truly good parents bring out a truly bad child.

I have, however, seen parents who think they're good, bring out kids who are "na wa".

I'm seeing someone who was a very "good" child misbehave as a man in his 30s. His parents will swear they were good parents but I know for a fact he was spoiled and grew up with a prideful, cruel father and a deceitful mother (they're pillars of society publicly). Now everyone is shocked at his actions.

Almost every "runz" babe I know, their parents profile pic is wearing CWO/CMO uniform beaming with pride at the camera. Yes, they absolutely think they're excellent parents. But your child won't have a passion for selfishness, covetiousness and greed if they didn't learn it from home.

Almost everyone I know working in govt inflating contracts, their parents' churches celebrated them as "pillars of society"

Even us as parents, we're very lax but we all think we're "good" parents. Myself included.

Nigeria is truly not a country of morals. We're a country of eye-service. We need to stop acting shocked that the next generation is tired of pretending and is showing it openly.

Onegai:
I kind of have to disagree with this statement:

Sometimes you can be good parents, yet have bad kids who don't listen to you

I actually think it's rare in real life. And if it happens, then you're looking at Serial killer or mass murderer or someone who was born with a different wired brain.

Everyone I know has so far, followed the path that their parents set out for them. They are products of their upbringing to the core, down to their mistakes. Myself included.

I've never seen truly good parents bring out a truly bad child.

I have, however, seen parents who think they're good, bring out kids who are "na wa".

I'm seeing someone who was a very "good" child misbehave as a man in his 30s. His parents will swear they were good parents but I know for a fact he was spoiled and grew up with a prideful, cruel father and a deceitful mother (they're pillars of society publicly). Now everyone is shocked at his actions.

Even us as parents, we're very lax but we all think we're "good" parents. Myself included.

Well... This is why I was speaking on variance

I knew a family where the dad had two wives and like four or five of the kids went to unilorin. Doctors and lawyers. The girls read law, the boys medicine

One sister was a party club girl, the other was a 100% hijabite

Three brothers one became an alfa with jumping trouser, one was a regular guy, and one was an undercover thug / serial rap ist forming alfa

I had a pastor medical roommate in 100l. Dudes brother was in engineering 500l and was confam bad boy. Even had a girl he jilted try to set him up for rape.

Even me in my family I am practically agnostic today, but my sis and bro and very religious.

I understand that children do as you do not as you say and can subconsciously pick your examples

Which may be why some supposedly monogamous guys who grew up in polygamist homes 'out of the blue' married second wives. Also why girls who grew up in polygamist homes can be very very very paranoid and suspicious. (they saw their mothers get blindsided)

GloriousGbola:
Well... This is why I was speaking on variance

I knew a family where the dad had two wives and like four or five of the kids went to unilorin. Doctors and lawyers. The girls read law, the boys medicine

One sister was a party club girl, the other was a 100% hijabite

Three brothers one became an alfa with jumping trouser, one was a regular guy, and one was an undercover thug / serial rap ist forming alfa

I had a pastor medical roommate in 100l. Dudes brother was in engineering 500l and was confam bad boy. Even had a girl he jilted try to set him up for rape.

Even me in my family I am practically agnostic today, but my sis and bro and very religious.

I understand that children do as you do not as you say and can subconsciously pick your examples

Which may be why some supposedly monogamous guys who grew up in polygamist homes 'out of the blue' married second wives. Also why girls who grew up in polygamist homes can be very very very paranoid and suspicious. (they saw their mothers get blindsided)

When you talk to foreigners about dating Nigerian women, you'll be ashamed. They'll be quoting Bible passages, posting loving families and milking these men dry. The men will be so confused, because they aren't perfect themselves but they're not coming from a materialistic society.

Same with Nigerian men when you come to Nigeria to work with them as a foreigner: you'll be dazed at the sheer amount of fraud, adultery and deceit. Someone said during her Ghana posting in the military, the Ghanaian officers were so uncomfortable with the Nigerian ones, because how can you be bringing side chics to the office to meet Oga and then carry all of them the next day to have lunch with your wife and kids, shamelessly?

But everyone in these situations all came from "good homes".

Na wetin your papa and mama teach you, you dey practice.

My eldest sister used to harp on us: do not repeat the mistakes of our parents.

Onegai:
My eldest sister used to harp on us: do not repeat the mistakes of our parents.

ironically this is what i have told my eldest son more than once and sometimes the little prick quotes it back at me

It's just the age... Children who were not properly trained are the ones now giving birth

I discussed this same topic with a neighbor just yesterday. Some kids were playing football in the next building and it became very noisy all over. If it were back in those days, an elderly person from the next house can come over to discipline troublesome kids inside their papa house. But if anyone try it today, na you go blame yourself las las

Jakarta:
I was at a family meeting last week, my aunt's ex was threatening his son, that he will break his leg or his arm whenever he visits the village.

That the boy is not giving him money, he is not using him as an agent either in yahoo or when he bought a land recently. Can you believe this boy is just 17 years old, and dropped out of secondary school 2 years ago. How I wish family allow me that day, I be wan give the man serious beating.

I'm not for beating people, but I'd say that man sure deserves it.

Ishilove:
I believe you. My maternal uncle sold their family land and used part of the proceeds to buy an android phone for his 15 year old son to "learn yahoo". The sad thing is this boy is very intelligent and good in Mathematics.

The man kuku is a useless man from the outset so I am not surprised at his actions. It is parents like my uncle and the ewu of a father in your story that has encouraged the young people of nowadays to keep morally derailing.

Recently in Abuja, EFCC bursted a yahoo academy.

It is no longer a hidden thing, just pray one of your own doesn't end up in that way

We're pampering children into stupidity" - Dr. Charles Akpoki

For Kemi Badenoch to start lamenting about pampering kids to nonsense in UK, acknowledging that is not like that in Nigeria and Kenya, despite the fact, Nigeria too tilting towards pampering kids to stupidity, the way they are doing in western nation, I think it's becoming worrisome.

You use the two(pampering and strict).

Nigerian parents can't differentiate between the above two i made up there.

Onegai:
When you talk to foreigners about dating Nigerian women, you'll be ashamed. They'll be quoting Bible passages, posting loving families and milking these men dry. The men will be so confused, because they aren't perfect themselves but they're not coming from a materialistic society.

Same with Nigerian men when you come to Nigeria to work with them as a foreigner: you'll be dazed at the sheer amount of fraud, adultery and deceit. Someone said during her Ghana posting in the military, the Ghanaian officers were so uncomfortable with the Nigerian ones, because how can you be bringing side chics to the office to meet Oga and then carry all of them the next day to have lunch with your wife and kids, shamelessly?

But everyone in these situations all came from "good homes".

Na wetin your papa and mama teach you, you dey practice.

My eldest sister used to harp on us: do not repeat the mistakes of our parents.

I agree that the basic standards we learn at home form the foundation on which our individual character is built. But when it comes to parenting, I think it is far more nuanced than we often assume. For example, among the traits you listed, very strict parents are actually the most likely to raise children who become two‑faced.

Some parents are so strict that their children cannot express themselves honestly. Instead, they pretend in front of their parents and then behave completely differently once they are out of sight. I know a pastor’s son whose father is a very strict man and genuinely tries to be decent. Yet here in the West, the son is known for heavy drug use. But whenever he visits Nigeria, he packages himself to fit his father’s expectations perfectly.

I grew up in a household where my dad was extremely strict. He would not tolerate anything outside the rules he set. My mom, on the other hand, was also strict, but she was reasonable. She allowed us to explain our thought process and the reasoning behind our actions. After listening carefully, she would help us understand what we did wrong and remind us of the consequences. She would then report everything to my dad when he returned home. Because of my dad’s strictness, he often jumped to conclusions and punished us even when we were not at fault.

In that kind of environment, there were really only two possible outcomes: either give him what he wanted to see and then do what we wanted behind his back, or take our grievances to our mom. Fortunately, we had the latter. And there were times when we thought he was wrong, but my mom helped us see that he was right—and other times when she helped him see that we were right.

Because she was open (never acted like a friend and I have never considered her a friend) and trusting, I grew up thinking more about how my actions would disappoint her than about my father’s cane. I have never made decisions out of fear of punishment. Instead, my mother’s trust and faith in me have always guided my choices and actions in life.