₦airaland Forum

marriage is not for women who grew up in a home where the father is absent

Rapmoney:
I vividly remember what Mr Akin, my Maths teacher in secondary school told us many years ago. It was a beautiful Monday morning in the month of March, 1999. I should be in SS 2 then. After our Maths class, Mr Akin was admonishing us, and he said something that we were not expecting to hear. In his words, anyone who cannot take care of a child, should not give birth. At first, I assumed he was too harsh and brutal on folks with such remarks, but when I starting growing from a boy to an adult, I realised that his words were paradoxical. They might be absurd or funny, but they could also be true.

Many Nigerians have this unexplainable mindset that children are already blessings to their parents, and as such, they can gabbage anything into these kids, and get their desired results. No, you won't get your desired result, but instead, your deserved result. Yes, because that is what you deserve.

Our society today is as complex as complexity can be. Gone are the days when communities raise children. Today, the burden of raising a child from just after birth to adulthood lies on the shoulders of the parents. You have to be intentional in every aspect of your child. You have to be intentional about their education, skills, vocations, association, relationships, etc. God will never raise your child for you. You will. It is what you sow in them that you will reap from them. If you are a nonchalant father or mother who doesn't care about the academic growth of your child, who he/she associates with, their passions, skills and vocations that can propel them into enviable paths, you will reap the rewards in time to come.

I had a neighbour back in Enugu who had 3 daughters. This man has a routine. He wakes up in the morning, goes to a nearby shop, sits there, drink all sort of mixed alcoholic drinks, smoke Indian hemp, argue loudly about useless issues like football or who is the richest man in Enugu, and all that. His kids would be looking at him through their sitting room window. His daughters were not attending school. In fact, they stayed at home for a whole year. Imagine kids that were in their formative stage. And such man would be expecting the kids to turn out successful and functional adults!

Many years ago, when communities were still raising children in Nigeria, we saw children of drunks, miserable fellows, helpless folks, nonchalant parents, etc get scholarships to obtain academic excellence and become successful adults. Today, communities do not do that. The society is now complex. If you are a misfit parent, you will bear the consequences.

I saw a video of a woman from one of the East African countries stating on a podcast that she is from a home where the father was absent. She stated that marriage is not for women who grew up in a home where the father is absent . This has a deep meaning even if many people would want to criticise her for her opinion. Again, it is a paradox, because there is truth in it. The number of women who have successfully built a home raised in single-mother homes are far fewer than those from homes where the two parents were present and supportive.

We should understand that giving kids quality life is more important than just bringing them into the world to become a menace to society. Be part of their growth. Be concerned about their education. Make it to school Open Days and discuss their problems and growth with their teachers. See which skills or vocations that can help them in life. Be concerned about the type of friends they keep and who they associate with. Check their results and school works, and see if they are progressing or not. Everything does not lie in running after one business venture or the other.

One last take. If today's Nigerian community helps you raise your kids, I bet you, you won't like the results in the coming years.

I am WarriParrot

Cc: Seun, Mynd44, Lalasticlala, Nlfpmod, OAM4J, Dominique, RoyalRoy

ogelekpomgam:
Parents must learn to be practical example to their children,that way,they can easily raise them properly.

Emdi1914:
True!
Nowadays, husbands are working 12 hours, wives are working 12 hours..,the children are more "family" with their nannies.
Men say their wife must bring something to the table...I wonder if being around and grooming your children is not part of bringing something to the table.

Women on the other hand want to pursue their dreams...and we aren't going to stop them.
Life has evolved.

Lanretoye:
I tought I read international patent like having 2or more children abroad😂😂😂

SmartPolician:
That phrase doesn't exist in English

It's called shining example

Godfullsam:
We are not in English class bro. Moreover, people tend to understand 'practical example' more than 'shinning examples'.

SmartPolician:
That phrase doesn't exist in English

It's called shining example

pocohantas:
I hope Nigerians would listen.



Maybe men should be more present, because last time I checked, single mothers have both sons and daughters. So I wonder why it is only the daughters that are unmarriageable.

flexyrule:
If you check am now... OP and his host of commentators aren't married and probably don't have any children.

People who have never worn the shoe are the ones who are good at using AI to generate topics and set expectations.

ogelekpomgam:
Parents must learn to be practical example to their children,that way,they can easily raise them properly.

Rapmoney:
You must be deluded to sit in your house, wherever it is located, to jump into threads that are too difficult for you to comprehend. If you find out that a topic is too complex for you to comprehend, move to other topics that discuss the simple things you can comprehend. I think this one is too high for your level.

I have been a member of Nairaland since 2008. I am not one of your Gen Z/ChatGPT group member.

ogelekpomgam:
Okay,I have heard you.
Onye nkuzi udeakpu...

Goddyrichie:
leave d English make e dey claim professional make e apply for English teacher in those western countries maybe he no go learn d real English