Hi All,

I’m using a second account to post this and i want to ask for advice from people who are more experienced than i am and have families of their own.
I’m in this dilemma that is clouding up my head and i want out of it. I’m a young man in my mid twenties. I met this lady some 4 years back while she was still freshly married via social media but was suffering abuse from her husband back then. All the while, i was her listening ears through the trials and travails.
At some point we lost contact only to hear when we regained touch that she left her husband and one of the major reasons was because she couldn’t give birth.

All the while, i was in school(Uni) putting final touches on my undergraduate studies. The said lady as i type now is in her late 20’s and at least 3years older than i am. Fast forward months ahead, we found this chemistry and talked while the distance was still there, in the midst of it, she was in and out of 2 relationships without any carnal knowledge of her dates she said.

Knowing the dictates of the country, fast forward three years,NYSC finished and i had the intention of moving down to Lagos full time in search of greener pasture. Initially, it was for interview tests and i’d lodge in hotels for them. Some which the said lady would book and have paid for me. Weeks after, i was spending my first week in a hotel while i did confide in her i was seeking an apartment to rent and settle in. To cut it short, she offered me a place to stay in her one bedroom self-con apartment.

For almost 1month i was there but traveled in between. In the 3rd week staying with her, i got an apartment. But the ease that came with it and the fact that i had a 7am-7pm training to always attend daily slowed down my hesitation to move to my place as i was always exhausted by the time i’m back. Weeks back, i came back and what i had waiting for me was the ‘blue-strip” test showing positive for pregnancy.

Shocked as i was, i held my calm and waited for her to also tell me what happened. Prior to this time, she had gone ahead telling her folks and friends without my knowledge. I simply asked, what she would have us do with the pregnancy? Knowing that i am not ready to be a father(at least, financially and psychologically), and she on the other hand, wasn’t earning enough(30k) to cater for the baby if we do decide to have him/her. I logically explained to her that, going by our financial situation, it’ll be unwise of us to raise a kid. She went all silent and she started communication with her sister and so on. Second day came, i asked her the prior question again, her response was, “God Will take care of the baby”. Dumbfounded i asked just to assure that i wasn’t hearing the wrong person. It came again more with a “I’ve got Aunts that will help me”


I felt rage within me and yet still held peace… i continually reminded her for the next 24hours of how we can’t keep the baby as much as i understand her crave to have one and maybe prove her “EX” wrong on her child-bearing capability. 24hours over on a Sunday evening, and she sent me packing around 10pm, just after coming back from her sister’s with the excuse that, she’s scared of sleeping next to me just because i said, it was foolish to have the baby kept. I obliged, moved my things that same night and sought for the nearest hotel to lay my head while i was in another long week of my 7-7training. She sent a text on Wednesday of this same week that she had thought about it and her sister has found some doctor to help her with termination.

I initially thought, we could both visit a hospital ourselves and do it, but to be on a safer side, since her sister was already involved, i let them be. On Thursday, she sent me a quote of 21,500 and credited i her with 22k. Friday afternoon, while i was in the middle of a presentation in my training, i got a call from a man (Young Voice) claiming to be her dad, saying he wants me to stay away from her. and that i was callous to have pressurized her into terminating the pregnancy. Disturbed, i couldn’t finish up my presentation, i sent her a text asking what was happening, she replied “We are busted”.


That was her last line of communication and i have not heard from her since then. She wouldn’t pick calls nor reply text messages, nor whatsapp messages & BBM messages. As much as i’m concerned about the pregnancy, i’m worried about her and what’s happening with her.
Please what should i do? Was my advice wrong? Or am i at mercy of a desperate woman who wants to have a child?

op i wish u were aborted.
a young man like u.. earning thirty thousnd.. skipping fornication to commit adultery, impregnating the lady, wanting abortion


u deserve a ban on NL.. then 2 life sentences.

may u never meet any of my family members o.. weyrey

that may be the only opportunity for her to have a chilld

Congratulations daddy!

StPete:
I think she isn't too young to have a child and believe me, if she keeps it, later on, you'd be thankful that she did.

Her age i agree with you is sure out of the question. But the finances to take care of the baby is to be called to question.
Shame isn't it to see a kid grow up without all he/she may need?
Moreover out of wedlock?

pickabeau1:
that may be the only opportunity for her to have a chilld
Congratulations daddy!

my exact fear ma'am.

kilokeys:
op i wish u were aborted.
a young man like u.. earning thirty thousnd.. skipping fornication to commit adultery, impregnating the lady, wanting abortion


u deserve a ban on NL.. then 2 life sentences.

may u never meet any of my family members o.. weyrey

Read well sir, i didn't say i earn 30k. She does.
I sure do earn more than that. But not criteria enough to have a kid.

I think she isn't too young to have a child and believe me, if she keeps it, later on, you'd be thankful that she did.

Sapiosexual22:

my exact fear

Not maam
So what is your own issue with the whole matter

Why do u want to abort

pickabeau1:

Not maam
So what is your own issue with the whole matter

Why do u want to abort

My bad. My issues are as follows;

1. We are not well financed enough to take care of a baby.
2. I am not psychologically ready to want to have a kid now especially not outside wedlock.
3. I am as good as dead with my family getting to hear about it.
Why bring to life a kid/possibly kids we can't afford to provide with things they want and you have to start going to sister's to get them things.

You said her father called you names for talking her into terminating the pregnancy, which pregnancy are you now worried about? Or are you worried she didn't go through with it?

Anyways, I don't know why you would be having unprotected sex with someone without talking about what may come out of it first, so figure it out.

Sapiosexual22:

My bad. My issues are as follows;

1. We are not well financed enough to take care of a baby.
2. I am not psychologically ready to want to have a kid now especially not outside wedlock.
3. I am as good as dead with my family getting to hear about it.
Why bring to life a kid/possibly kids we can't afford to provide with things they want and you have to start going to sister's to get them things.

You need to discuss with this woman
It will be difficult to convince her to abort.. so maybe you should strike that option out

I believe she will be ready to even take care of that child on her own

Well... i get your fears and concerns,, but you have to man up

pickabeau1:

You need to discuss with this woman
It will be difficult to convince her to abort.. so maybe you should strike that option out
I believe she will be ready to even take care of that child on her own
Well... i get your fears and concerns,, but you have to man up

If i only know how she's faring, at least it will be a head-start. But she's all silent. No words, response or calls.

freecocoa:
You said her father called you names for talking her into terminating the pregnancy, which pregnancy are you now worried about? Or are you worried she didn't go through with it?

Anyways, I don't know why you would be having unprotected sex with someone without talking about what may come out of it first, so figure it out.

I'm human..hence if she's still carrying then it's my blood with hers in one being. Why shouldn't i be worried.
The unprotected sex we had was her choice. Her reason being, "She was barren and never wasn't going to get pregnant". Moreover, she wasn't going to jeopardize or try to hold me back with anything.

I feel for you but the gal is having her triumphant time and you talk of abortion obviously she sees you as the enemy so give her time maybe she'll come around.

stupid story,,u don wan a baby,and u have se,,x without protection,,thas number 1,,,u knew she was married and u kept on with the so called listening ears,,,thas number 2,,,,if u are a problem solver or the shoulder to cry on,,there are so many people on the street looking for someone to talk to,,and u passes them everyday looking for married women to console. if u eventually gets married and finds out that ur wife is talking with someone on line in the name of looking for a shoulder to cry on,will u be happy? Boy stay out of married people no matter what might be their story

Sapiosexual22:


If i only know how she's faring, at least it will be a head-start. But she's all silent. No words, response or calls.

Because she sees u as the devil and the killer of her only potential joy

Sapiosexual22:


I'm human..hence if she's still carrying then it's my blood with hers in one being. Why shouldn't i be worried.
The unprotected sex we had was her choice. Her reason being, "She was barren and never wasn't going to get pregnant". Moreover, she wasn't going to jeopardize or try to hold me back with anything.

LOL , sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, pardon me.

Seriously? The unprotected sex was her choice and you gladly agreed thinking she was barren? Did you see any proof of that? I mean, you shoulda known that woman was trying to get pregnant and even if she were barren, miracles do happen(supposing you both are religious).

Not really trying to judge/blame you cos I don't, just kinda stating the obvious, well she's made her choice and there won't be any need trying to talk her into an abortion cos she will most likely budge not, I do empathize with you, I just believe unprotected sex is a huge deal, therefore one should be on guard always as regards it.

Guess you'll just have to wait this one out till she decides to communicate, who knows? You both may come up with an arrangement that will favor both of you, this could turn out to be a good thing, lest I forget, do you love this woman?

freecocoa:
LOL , sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, pardon me.

Seriously? The unprotected sex was her choice and you gladly agreed thinking she was barren? Did you see any proof of that? I mean, you shoulda known that woman was trying to get pregnant and even if she were barren, miracles do happen(supposing you both are religious).

Not really trying to judge/blame you cos I don't, just kinda stating the obvious, well she's made her choice and there won't be any need trying to talk her into an abortion cos she will most likely budge not, I do empathize with you, I just believe unprotected sex is a huge deal, therefore one should be on guard always as regards it.

Guess you'll just have to wait this one out till she decides to communicate, who knows? You both may come up with an arrangement that will favor both of you, this could turn out to be a good thing, lest I forget, do you love this woman?

Thank you.. sometimes i laugh at myself at the sexual choices i settled for with her.
And her desperation only came to fore, the moment i sensed within myself she got pregnant.
Do i love her? Yes, but do i see myself building a home with her, her age definitely puts that out of the question. Not feasible!
I do know how much a big deal unprotected sex is believe me, but the trust you have in the fact that you're dealing with someone definitely older, understands you and more experienced gives that assurance that no matter what happens, she knows what to be done in the worst case scenario. Alas, i was wrong!

What did you do wrong?

You turned yourself to divine counsellor and failed to know or see where to draw the boundary...

You didn't know when to back out, you were secretly nursing the ambition of taking your counselling to the next level.......

You were sleeping in the same room with a lady who is not a relative free of charge (have you heard the word, flee from every appearance of evil).

You were drilling a borehole without covering the drilling bit and you expect not to reach the water table?

You failed to define the relationship and also failed to think about everything you are thinking now. Putting the cart before the horse.....

You failed in your responsibility as a counsellor to her. She told you reason why her first husband ditched her, yet you are suggesting abortion. You are an enemy of progress in her book.

You couldn't come to terms with holding your vessel in dignity and many more.

What can you do?

Strike out abortion completely from your plans.

When she comes around, apologise for suggesting she have an abortion and both discuss what to do with the pregnancy and how to take care of it.

Decide if you will marry her or not. If you are not, part ways and reach a reasonable conclusion on how to take care of the innocent child.

Sapiosexual22:


Thank you.. sometimes i laugh at myself at the sexual choices i settled for with her.
And her desperation only came to fore, the moment i sensed within myself she got pregnant.
Do i love her? Yes, but do i see myself building a home with her, her age definitely puts that out of the question. Not feasible!
I do know how much a big deal unprotected sex is believe me, but trust you have in the fact that you're dealing with someone definitely older, understands you and more experienced gives that assurance that no matter what happens, she knows what to be done in the worst case scenario. Alas, i was wrong!

I know, right? The realization just hits you harder than you ever imagined.

If you love her, settling down with her shouldn't be so much of problem since you both are working,some people start from scratch to build their lives and it turned out great, I can understand you skepticism though, you prolly have planned your life in a certain manner that deviating from that course might be a problem, thing is, it doesn't have to be a problem as long as you don't lose focus.

How about keeping the child and working hard to make your life into what you want, while still dating the lady and maybe get married when you are more stable? Unless you don't ever see yourself marry someone older than you, is that why her age is a problem or is she the one with a problem about your age?

We now know why Goodluck is still married to Patience!
After "deflowering" her and putting her through countless terminations!
About time you BOYS waited till you are ready to START PHOCKING UNCONTROLLABLY!

After what YOU know the woman went through with her marriage and the pregnancy issue, you TURNED OUT TO BE EVEN WORSE THAN HER EX HUSBAND!

Any man that asks any woman TO KILL HIS OWN UNBORN CHILD IS A SOCIOPATH!

You are a COWARD and need to castrate yourself before you breed MORE FOOLS like yourself!

Grow up to be a man and stop thinking with your "SHYTE-HOLE"!

Glad the lady has a supportive family.
You need to GET LOST. . . . AND STAY LOST!!!!

OP, you are horribly naive for a twenty something year old man. Having said that, it is highly unlikely she will get a termination, I know you said you are not ready and you have told her so. The best you can do now is tell her you will start to contribute when you are able. Her 'aunts' will just have to pick up the slack until you are able to be there for your child.

Next time, don't be such a sissy, no free lunch in Freetown and for heaven's sake use a bloody condom. What if you had contracted a STD, worse still HIV.

Best wishes ...

Sapiosexual22:

My bad. My issues are as follows;

1. We are not well financed enough to take care of a baby.
2. I am not psychologically ready to want to have a kid now especially not outside wedlock.
3. I am as good as dead with my family getting to hear about it.
Why bring to life a kid/possibly kids we can't afford to provide with things they want and you have to start going to sister's to get them things.

It's amazing how konji made you to forget all these.
YOu both are not even in love,but in lust...

@op.....allow her to gave the baby joor, afterall, whats tje worst that can happen....?

act like a man afterall, u enjoyed the all-night-long sexcapades....

Sapiosexual22:


Thank you.. sometimes i laugh at myself at the sexual choices i settled for with her.
And her desperation only came to fore, the moment i sensed within myself she got pregnant.
Do i love her? Yes, but do i see myself building a home with her, her age definitely puts that out of the question. Not feasible!
I do know how much a big deal unprotected sex is believe me, but the trust you have in the fact that you're dealing with someone definitely older, understands you and more experienced gives that assurance that no matter what happens, she knows what to be done in the worst case scenario. Alas, i was wrong!

So what exactly is your problem? she has freed you already if its about your kid you cannot take care of that right now so go live your life, do what you can for your child. Most likely she was having healing se.x with you but motherhood came along and for someone that thought she was barren you suggested abortion yet you still trying to make it look like she has wronged you. You need to grow up fast and get on with your life i am thankful she is a smart woman and requires nothing from you. You are soo free you don't know what to do. Lol

All i read here is selfishness.
Me,me ,me.
Always about me.
If i were d lady, i will cut u off completely.
Selfish man.

She didnt even ask for marriage yet u hv d gut to tell her to terminate d pregnancy cos ur r d spermdonor?

I dont believe u, go to TTC thread and see what women suffer.

Wicked man. And no iota of lv. U see free toto and all reasoning vamoose.
Awufu man.
Better look for her and apologise.
Go ur way, she dont need u. Her family is there for her.

Op,
I'm sorry for your predicament.I understand how it fells to have something you don't want forced down your throat.
But the deed is done,you are going to be a daddy whether you like it or not.
You can't push all the blame on her,when you were busy screaming kalamashaka karoshikasamadora while doing skin to skin,what were you thinking?You have to take some responsibility for your se xual choices.So she told you to hit it raw and you accepted because she said she's barren? What of HIV? Herpes? Genital warts? There are numerous STDs flying around,you have to be more responsible cos you dunno the agenda your partner at the time may have.
Unprotected sex also comes with pregnancy as side effect sometimes,maybe you were thinking if such happens,cos she's older she'll go for an abortion?
You say you can never end up with her because she's 3 years older than you,but you saw it fit to shack up with her,eat her food and live like a couple day in day out?Why enter into something that could land you in trouble,added with your risky behaviour?Some do this and go scot free,in your case you're trapped.

She will NEVER terminate that baby,so best get used to it.She probably doesn't care if you are in the life of the kid of not.You've teamed up with fate to provide a miracle that she's been praying for.
You have to walk around knowing you have a kid somewhere for the rest of your life.What you choose to do is up to you.You sound like you are very young,I hope you start from today to make smarter choices.
Sorry.

The sooner you man up/ prepare yourself to be a baby daaaaaady, the better for you
While getting yourself prepared, get yourself a good job
You know how much cloth/disposable diapers and baby food cost now?

Ikun n je ogede, ikun redi mole
Ikun o mo pe ohun to dun lo n pani

#singing#
If this is the kind of love that your mum used to warn you about
Man, you're in trouble, you're in real big trouble

Someone please call 911.........

So she was married but it ended because there were no kids. For that reason she believed she was infertile and you decided that unprotected sex in 2014 was therefore a good idea. You seem like a nice guy and I truly believe that your intentions are honorable but you should not expect a woman in her late 20s to easily agree to get an abortion. It might be her only child to ever be a mother. I don't think you should go get married because she's carrying u our children but you need to let your family know and take responsibility for your child.

Sapiosexual22:

My bad. My issues are as follows;

1. We are not well financed enough to take care of a baby.
2. I am not psychologically ready to want to have a kid now especially not outside wedlock.
3. I am as good as dead with my family getting to hear about it.
Why bring to life a kid/possibly kids we can't afford to provide with things they want and you have to start going to sister's to get them things.

Calm down oga, you are a man so you need not fear their reactions whatsoever.

Sapiosexual22:

My bad. My issues are as follows;
1. We are not well financed enough to take care of a baby.
2. I am not psychologically ready to want to have a kid now especially not outside wedlock.
3. I am as good as dead with my family getting to hear about it.
Why bring to life a kid/possibly kids we can't afford to provide with things they want and you have to start going to sister's to get them things.

I wish you thought about all these and used a condom before straffing.
Sex outside marriage without protection is one of the highest form of irresponsibility in my view.
To realize that females are more interested in pregnancy avoidance pills than STDs is a failures sex education in the society. Most of the abortion scenarios are completely avoidable and the argument of pro life and choice are often irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

ok

Sapiosexual22:

My bad. My issues are as follows;

1. We are not well financed enough to take care of a baby.
2. I am not psychologically ready to want to have a kid now especially not outside wedlock.
3. I am as good as dead with my family getting to hear about it.
Why bring to life a kid/possibly kids we can't afford to provide with things they want and you have to start going to sister's to get them things.

You must be drunk! You didn't remember that you aren't ready to father a child when you were hitting it without a condom abi? You must really be high on exhaust fumes. This is a lady who left her first marriage because of inability to conceive, and here you are asking her to abort?? You are very very selfish and wicked.




Congrats, you're a daddy!

I hope she gives birth to triplets. Onye ara

Sapiosexual22:


Thank you.. sometimes i laugh at myself at the sexual choices i settled for with her.
And her desperation only came to fore, the moment i sensed within myself she got pregnant.
Do i love her? Yes, but do i see myself building a home with her, her age definitely puts that out of the question. Not feasible!

Wtf? You don't see yourself building a home with her because of her age, yet you were tapping that puccay without helmet? You were thinking with your jabulani, not your head.

*sigh*

These are the times I wish Seun would install a e-slap button.

Kanwulia:
We now know why Goodluck is still married to Patience!
After "deflowering" her and putting her through countless terminations!
About time you BOYS waited till you are ready to START PHOCKING UNCONTROLLABLY!

After what YOU know the woman went through with her marriage and the pregnancy issue, you TURNED OUT TO BE EVEN WORSE THAN HER EX HUSBAND!

Any man that asks any woman TO KILL HIS OWN UNBORN CHILD IS A SOCIOPATH!

You are a COWARD and need to castrate yourself before you breed MORE FOOLS like yourself!

Grow up to be a man and stop thinking with your "SHYTE-HOLE"!

Glad the lady has a supportive family.
You need to GET LOST. . . . AND STAY LOST!!!!

WORD