₦airaland Forum

pappilo:
Be thankful that you are like this. I know you may think you are weak but this attitude will take you far and save you stress. You are just like my late dad and it used to irritate me that nothing would ever make the man lose his cool but now that I am grown and I have seen life I always long to be like him

Anger will only bring destruction once said lagbaja. I have lost a job before due to anger. I have been charged with 6 counts in the crown court before due to anger. I have lost money due to anger and vindictiveness.

Since I got diagnosed and treated for cancer I see life differently and now strive to avoid confrontation and anger. I fail sometimes due to a trait in me that I believe I inherited from my mom but I am 95% a better person than I was 3 years ago.

Keep being you. Use the legal resources available to you to resolve any issues or let them go if they are of no great significance.

Tump up sir!

iyke484real:
Good evening fellow Nairalanders.

Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.

Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.

Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.

When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.

Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.

The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.

Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.

Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.

Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.

Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:

- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful?
- How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary?
- How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating?
- Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it?
- What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?

I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.

Thank God for your life.Your personality will make you live long.There is nothing good in being confrontational. You can however express yourself on matters without violence .Keep enjoying your life!

I don't usually reply or make comments but let me tell you. Op you dint know what God has done for you. I wish I were like you. My confrontational attitude has taken me no were in life. I wish I could be like you. After I confront or fight someone am later filled with regrets. Please remain like that

iyke484real:
Good evening fellow Nairalanders.

Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.

Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.

Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.

When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.

Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.

The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.

Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.

Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.

Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.

Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:

- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful?
- How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary?
- How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating?
- Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it?
- What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?

I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.

Keep listening to all these dialogue this and that don't man up. One day someone will harm your child or wife and you'll go and dialogue right? A man should have a touch of violence. Have something that someone else would fear and think about before harming anyone close to you. There is no man that has ever survived being a dummy.

Someone harmed your bro and all you could do is going to ask questions. What if your bro died?

You're normal and ok. Anger is the weapon of destruction in the hands of the devil. People who don't think well and consider the results of action took in anger before taking it always end up in regret.

RealityKings1:
What I want is not listed here
I want to be able to become president of the federal republic of Nigeria one day

See as you mess up. You dey say one day.

Tell am say if e no fit happen next week, then na scam he be. 🤣😅

Thank God for your life, anger have sent many people to jail

Winnin009:
See as you mess up. You dey say one day.

Tell am say if e no fit happen next week, then na scam he be. 🤣😅

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

iyke484real:
Good evening fellow Nairalanders.

Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.

Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.

Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.

When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.

Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.

The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.

Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.

Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.

Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.

Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:

- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful?
- How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary?
- How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating?
- Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it?
- What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?

I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.

Good morning bro I understand how you feel, Ive been in your shoes and it ruined my self esteem and made me a target for bullies, The street is cruel to the timid, You must stand your ground or be taken for granted, If you continue this way even your family will resent you, Your girl will be worried cause you won’t be able to protect her, You have to stand up and fight for yourself, Most of the people you see are cowards they just use whatever they have to intimidate their fellow human especially their voices, When they yell at you they expect you to be quiet and fearful but my bro you gotten yell back or else you’ll end up having HBP from constant backing off, Don’t let anyone lie to you if you’re not capable of violence people will take advantage of you, I’m sorry to say this but you failed your brother, You were supposed to create a scene cause you have the upper hand already, Anyone would do anything to protect their family and that would have earned you respect from the spot, Courage doesn’t mean going to the gym, You can be a gym freak and yet not courageous you’ll only have the body. Learn to be vocal, If you can’t be a confrontational person you’ll have a hard time talking to the girl you love cause you’ll be too ashamed and timid to do that, You’ll have to settle for whatever you see. The street is dog eat dog but don’t let anyone eat you. Learn to stand up for yourself but make sure you’re right. Start by approaching women you see on the street, Yes that beautiful girl you see go to her and talk to her, Once she passes without you saying a word your level of fear increases. You have to face your demons to be a man being timid will get you nowhere, Don’t be surprised when they tell you girls love bad boy and that’s because bad boys stand for what they believe in they don’t take shit. I was bullied in secondary school cause I attended a boarding school Government college Ikere Ekiti where seniors will ask you to go fetch water at the tap using a spoon and not the normal bucket, It was hell but it made me stronger and tougher, If you continue this way you’ll never be respected, Learn to stand up for yourself, Face your demons, The more you face them the more they run from you, Fight if you have to but make sure you’re on your right. Grow some balls Brody.

iyke484real:
Good evening fellow Nairalanders.

Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.

Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.

Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.

When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.

Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.

The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.

Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.

Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.

Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.

Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:

- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful?
- How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary?
- How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating?
- Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it?
- What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?

I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.

. You should be proud of yourself and being grateful what you have are what many go to counseling, therapist etc and pay to have, that's a value don't loose it

There are some people who will channel their anger into physical confrontation and fights, while others will smile to your face, and go away. But then when you least expect and are at your weakest, they'll give you the biggest blow. Those kind of people are more dangerous. Even if you don't have a loud voice or do not like physical confrontation, You can be strategic in dealing with people without going physical.

Don't worry brother. Just make enough money, people will shout and fight on your behalf, even police.

maaji:
I don't usually reply or make comments but let me tell you. Op you dint know what God has done for you. I wish I were like you. My confrontational attitude has taken me no were in life. I wish I could be like you. After I confront or fight someone am later filled with regrets. Please remain like that

. If I told my experience's with anger that man would go for Thanksgiving,I paid heavily just to learned anger management

He won't marry for beauty or yansh ni ooooooooo... 😂

OniyideAmplify:
Bro to Bro, I agree with you to an extent but I guess he needs to buckle up and try to be be bold cos you and I know that no matter how cool you are, woman go press your balls o and I'm talking about marriage.
How do you expect someone like this confront his wife when he's avoiding consequences of his own actions

iyke484real:
Thank you very much for this comment. Honestly, this is one of the perspectives I needed to hear because I have been judging myself harshly since the incident happened.

You acted very mature by avoiding fights. You do not have to throw punches or get stabbed to prove you are a man. Either of you could die fighting . I have seen someone trying to defend his friend and was stabbed to death on the scene. Anybody caught physically fighting is a fool. I avoid physical fights a lot. Now get more in touch with the law (police, lawyers and other paramilitary). Make more friends out of these people inorder to help you handle whoever wants to take advantage of you. Getting that bully arrested was the next line of action you failed to take. Moreso, avoid trouble and let God fight for you.

NB: my elder brother would have still been serving life sentence now if God was not lenient to my family. No thanks to his poor anger management and wanting to be "confrontational "

How was conflict tackled in the home you grew up as a child?
How did your elder siblings or relatives face confrontation?

What was your first fight in school like, the kind you don't report at home and you nurse your first injury till they later found out.


Lastly, the environment you grew up in, did you run from fights like on playground with peer groups?


While Talking has it's own purposes, realize that bullies will invest focus on your son and you have to avoid that repeat for his own benefit. Else he's honna crawl into a shell. If possible train him for defense and run. That injury is enough to start this process

RealityKings1:
You seem normal to me but if you want to learn how to be confrontational, that's another department entirely that should have been learnt since Primary school or about that age.

First, learn how to shout ontop of your voice, make sure the voice is coming from your tummy ... That will pump enough blood into your heart.
Omo all of them go first compose and step back.
You might need to add some muscles and and facial hair too. You will need it

I'm like this guy, but when pushed to the extreme I become like incredible hulk. And I haven't had to fight much because going from how I usually am to incredible hulk always shock people enough for them to mellow down and try to reason with me...some even start apologizing sef.

Bahamas95:
Those people applauding him are only making things worse for him. It's normal to react when provoked; you just need to apply wisdom and know when to stop.

People who messed with me in the past now avoid me because of how I reacted the first time. If I had acted like a gentleman and let it slide, they probably would have looked for another opportunity to strike again.

A few days ago, my wife complained that our baby, who is almost two years old, is too hot-tempered and that she doesn't like it. I told her not to worry, that we would guide and control it as she grows older.

Deep down, though, I felt satisfied because a lion doesn't give birth to a sheep. Even before my wife mentioned it, I had already noticed it myself.

I don't support violence, but at least I'm convinced my daughter will be able to protect herself. I won't always be there to protect her.....Nigeria is not for the weak.

Very correct...

iyke484real:
Good evening fellow Nairalanders.

Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.

Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.

Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.

When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.

Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.

The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.

Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.

Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.

Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.

Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:

- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful?
- How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary?
- How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating?
- Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it?
- What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?

I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.

Open a savings account for problem, even if it's to grease the hand of the police to ensure they do your bidding when the need arises.

Give people a reason not to mess around with you.

Guy this is a call for you to work on yourself. There's a huge difference between a coward and a peace maker. Try working on yourself via mentally, physically and even spiritually or else you are in for a bigger problem in the future cause predators will sight you instinctively. I'm not just recommending gym and fighting sessions for u cause those are for just physical altercations, you need a mental override so you can start seeing yourself as a true dangerous man.
I'll just and finally recommend a book 4 u which u can download,read and meditate on your own and hopefully it can help to bring a change to ur life; Book of five rings by miyamoto musashi cause to me ds is the bible for anyone that truly needs your kind of change. Just read up and thank me much later

There's nothing wrong with you. You are just a reasonable and peaceful soul who prioritize logic over emotions. You'd rather dialogue than violence.

There is actually no problem trying the dialogue approach first and made that way..... It actually shows mental intelligence and self control.... Most people who overreact or have bad tempers aren't always happy about it most times

Bahamas95:
Those people applauding him are only making things worse for him. It's normal to react when provoked; you just need to apply wisdom and know when to stop.

People who messed with me in the past now avoid me because of how I reacted the first time. If I had acted like a gentleman and let it slide, they probably would have looked for another opportunity to strike again.

A few days ago, my wife complained that our baby, who is almost two years old, is too hot-tempered and that she doesn't like it. I told her not to worry, that we would guide and control it as she grows older.

Deep down, though, I felt satisfied because a lion doesn't give birth to a sheep. Even before my wife mentioned it, I had already noticed it myself.

I don't support violence, but at least I'm convinced my daughter will be able to protect herself. I won't always be there to protect her.....Nigeria is not for the weak.

There is difference between being dumb and being logical/disciplined.... You don't have to murder someone or send someone to the hospital to make it clear you aren't happy with what they did..... Being a gentleman doesn't mean you tolerate nonesense..... There are ways to avoid unnecessary fights and cut off toxic people without raising a hand

iyke484real:
Thank you very much for this comment. Honestly, this is one of the perspectives I needed to hear because I have been judging myself harshly since the incident happened.

A man must learn to fight to defend himself but not this type of fight.

You're a strong man. Weak men allow their emotions controls them. But the strong man? He controls his emotions knowing what the outcome would be.

Highest form of maturity is staying calm and still in conflict and confusion. You did well I must say.

That's me exactly, each time I want to fight I would remember prison quickly, immediately I go comport myself. But if u attack me first i will defend myself.

Satazaa:
The best teacher ever in controlling aggressiveness is to take a trip to the prison and talk to inmates that are there for sundry offences, half of those inmates are there because of offences induced by instant and uncontrolled anger, and conditions in Nigerian prison is worse than hell, infact the highest form of provocation is catching a man banging your wife on your matrimonial bed and some people who had control of thier emotions in that heat of the moment to kill the man but chose to walk away and probably divorce and went ahead to rebuild their lives often end up being happy for not killing the cheating wife or the man

It's good to always think about consequences oooo. No be gra gra dey win matter ooo

Your behavior is not weakness rather it is strength, it shows that you are a deep thinker and very rational in all your dealings.

zeuss:
You fell short of doing the right thing even as your restraint is the very right way to handle this. Now you need to immediately go and make a report in the nearest police station they will arrest him and force him to pay some compensation and he will be wary of you and your brother going forward. He is the wicked type don't fail to go to the police or this will repeat itself

This is a good step. It may cost you like 5k but the guy will pay you more than that as wound and blood don show.

You will be seen not as violent but as enlightened, wise and dreaded.

ALHAJIJUJU:
You are not discerning. The powers listed can easily get you there.

Verily! Alhaji has the Mat and the Slippers!

So how much do you want me to pay or is it free?

Jman06:
You need to get 'bammed'! What you displayed there is one of the characteristic of a jewman. No guy when them don carry enter bush go do that kind thing wey you do.

Your younger brother must be highly disappointed in you.

You do know that someone could die if he had been confrontational or reacted violently, right? A woman just died last month in my city because of an incident which was similar to this. Choose peace over violence.
The guy could have passed a strong message without resorting to violence. Something like, if you ever injure my brother again, I will have you arrested. Then, walk away.

Copy: iyke484real(op)

Sonofgod1990:
You All dis scammers. I will ban you

We are not a scammer. Be warned. Should ye utter such again, we shall seize thy tongue in the third quarter of the night and hide it under the foot of a frog.

RealityKings1:
Then why aren't you a president yourself?
You can't give what you don't have na

We do not practice that way.
Verily, we are an envoy of the Great Bat.