₦airaland Forum

I hope it will be a short read.

So, there is this person I met during my undergrad years who was into youth ministry in the campus. He is a family man. I was introduced to him by a family that I consider my spiritual parents, and being the passionate type about the Christian faith, I trusted him and we started doing Bible study and other campus outreach programs. Our friendship grew well enough that sometimes I visit his house during the weekend (along with other youths he relates with) for Bible studies and what not. With time, I got to trust him enough to allow him into my personal space, which is not something I do easily because I am an introvert (until I trust you, then I sanguinize rapidly).

Fast forward to about two years later, I entered my first relationship with a lady and I hoped to marry her, so I introduced her to him. Gbam! Things started changing between us. Whenever she and I had issues (mainly bordering around her closeness with guys and her dislike of other ladies, even my own relatives) he seemed to take her side, always blaming me for being rigid. Now, he might be right that I am rigid, because we clearly disagreed on certain issues like him claiming to have more authority over me than my own parents because he is my spiritual leader, which I firmly disagreed. Or him saying a good man will forgive a cheating wife, for which I replied "she will go to her father's house and NOBODY can make me take her back". And many other instances.

Now, as time went by I got fed up with her flirting with random guys, and her lack of commitment to the relationship, treating me like an option. So when I graduated and left her on campus, I decided to gradually end the relationship by telling her to simply go ahead and commit to any guy she feels an attraction to, since I will no longer be around. Any reasonable person would have understood what it meant. As God will have it, about two months later, I met the lady that will later become my wife. But I didn't even try to woo her until after about six months when I was on NYSC camp. So everything was done via phone. First, I called my ex and officially ended the relationship, then call the new lady and professed my love.

Despite almost a full year of separation, all hell broke loosed after that call. My ex reported me to that mutual friend, who immediately went ballistic on me. He threatened to take unpleasant measures against me if I don't retract my words and come to the table. Table? To eat what? Tuwo ko Gurasa? I maintained my stance, telling him, "When I return from camp I will come to see you, but don't expect any change in my decision, I will only come to officially tell about it". And that was what I did. And for about two years, we were estranged.

However, when it was time for me to marry, I thought it will be good for me to honour him for the five years we spent together as friends on campus, at least he was kind of a guardian in a way. So I personally travelled interstate to meet him and address any grievance, even offering him the honor of being the guest preacher on my wedding. Now, I had to bypass a host of ordained ministers who were colleagues of my Dad, to choose him. In fact, some of them even told my Dad that they hoped he would have chosen them to minister at his youngest son's wedding, but I made my choice, and my Dad respected it. Of course, he chose his own friend to do solemnization.
Everything went smoothly.

About two years later, my wife and I decided to visit his family for Easter, we went with our daughter who was barely a year old. We spent two days. After about a year we visited again, but this time we returned with a clear decision to end any close relationship with him, choosing to simply treat him as an acquaintance and no longer a family friend. But why the drastic measure?

Here it is:
During the second visit, in the course of our discussion, only the two of us, he admitted jokingly that on their way back from our wedding, where he preached, they were discussing about how I chose not to marry a lady that matches my educational level and age, but instead went to marry a small girl with lesser education because I want to control her. But I will be shocked with what I will get, because that small girl will surprise me (i.e. deal with me).
Literally laying a curse on the very wedding he preached on. That was it!

Ever since we returned, for more than three years now, I give him cold feet. He has tried many times to get us to visit but I always find a way to avoid it. I simply don't feel my family is safe around them. The trust is no longer there.

On more than two occasions, he called my wife telling her to ask me what his offense was, that I am ignoring him. For me, it is a matter of family security.

By the way, the age gap between my wife and I is 5 years only. But she has a small body, so people think she is a small girl. I love that woman too much to risk loosing my guard, not for anyone, much less someone who cursed us while we smiled at each other.

I am open to mature advise.

Did I really go too far by redefining our relationship with him?

You did well.

I wonder why all these so call spiritual father, mother, guardian.... always see themselves as assistant Jesus.

Foodqueen:
You did well.

I wonder why all these so call spiritual father, mother, guardian.... always see themselves as assistant Jesus.

The thing taya me seriously.

You don't need any advice. What you are looking for is validation and I don't need to give you that. If as a man, you feel threatened by this so called friend, end it. That's your job. There's no need to confirm. I think the problem you have is the way you interpret things spiritually so you are confusing theocracy with human nature.

SixSeven:
You don't need any advice. What you are looking for is validation and I don't need to give you that. If as a man, you feel threatened by this so called friend, end it. That's your job. There's no need to confirm. I think the problem you have is the way you interpret things spiritually so you are confusing theocracy with human nature.

I agree.

However, I also stand that theocracy resulting in man controlling man is a product of human nature.

God rules. Yes, I submit to that.

But I refuse to allow man to control me in God's name.

Gagare1:
I agree.

However, I also stand that theocracy resulting in man controlling man is a product of human nature.

God rules. Yes, I submit to that.

But I refuse to allow man to control me in God's name.

That's manipulation and people know what they are doing but they can pretend not to see how it feels until someone does it to them. That's why they say do unto others how you'd like to be done to you.


https://www.tiktok.com/video/7243737203526978843

You are good to go.. pray against any interference

duduade:
You are good to go.. pray against any interference

Pray but take action against any interference. Prayer without action is wishful thinking.

I should also tell him that if your mind is feeling somehow about something, listen to it. That's your inner soul talking to it and we call it intuition.

Short read but you made it almost 10 paragraphs if he come be long read nko.

Lemme wait for summary or just read comments.

You did not oh, my brother. Give him space, distance and time.

Evryone and i say again everubody should be put at bay when it comes to your home. No one hass the right or should denigrate your wife or children to your face, and you should not give them the chance to do so either.

You also do not owe him any explanation. Continue to avoid him, I'm certain he's gotten the memo as well.

Your story feels like an Amerikan Hollywood Romance/Thriller directed by Chico Ejiro.

Did you go too far how? You've not gone far enough if he's still able to contact you and is trying to get you to visit him again. Cut him off totally and stop communicating with him. Recall he was upset and went "ballistic" on you when you broke up with your ex. Idk what was in it for him if you had married her. It seems he's still carrying that animosity for him to have made this comment about who you're now married to. For him to say that means he's not happy about your marriage, it might be some type of envy on his end, he's trying to plant the seed of fear in you, or he secretly doesn't mean well for you and your wife. In any case, this is definitely someone you should distance yourself from. You really should've cut him off when he told you he has more authority over you than your parents. Some of you are the ones giving these [demonic] pastors, spiritual leaders or whatever you call him audacity. Cut him off for good.

Exactly as you should, if he was so concerned about the Ex,he should have married her for himself.

Your family is your first responsibility...please don't put them in harms way.

Maintain the distant friendship (or whatever it was).Once in a while messages ,Birthday posts etc till time does it's thing.

All the best.

Op you did well. Cut him off. Let me know when this hits FP

Gbam!

Thanks a lot.

poshestmina:
Exactly as you should, if he was so concerned about the Ex,he should have married her for himself.

Your family is your first responsibility...please don't put them in harms way.

Maintain the distant friendship (or whatever it was).Once in a while messages ,Birthday posts etc till time does it's thing.

All the best.

Funny 🤣 🤣 🤣 you.

DeltaBachelor:
Op you did well. Cut him off. Let me know when this hits FP

🤔 deep stuff. You dey vex o!

Thanks for the hard Knocks.

NotOfThisWorld:
Did you go too far how? You've not gone far enough if he's still able to contact you and is trying to get you to visit him again. Cut him off totally and stop communicating with him. Recall he was upset and went "ballistic" on you when you broke up with your ex. Idk what was in it for him if you had married her. It seems he's still carrying that animosity for him to have made this comment about who you're now married to. For him to say that means he's not happy about your marriage, it might be some type of envy on his end, he's trying to plant the seed of fear in you, or he secretly doesn't mean well for you and your wife. In any case, this is definitely someone you should distance yourself from. You really should've cut him off when he told you he has more authority over you than your parents. Some of you are the ones giving these [demonic] pastors, spiritual leaders or whatever you call him audacity. Cut him off for good.

Thanks for this. I needed it. He is kind of trying to make my wife feel guilty about my behavior. I need to cut him off seriously.

laivwire:
You did not oh, my brother. Give him space, distance and time.

Evryone and i say again everubody should be put at bay when it comes to your home. No one hass the right or should denigrate your wife or children to your face, and you should not give them the chance to do so either.

You also do not owe him any explanation. Continue to avoid him, I'm certain he's gotten the memo as well.

My brother, me sef surprise as the thing long! Like play, I don turn parrot.🤣🤣 🤣 🤣

Proserpina:
Short read but you made it almost 10 paragraphs if he come be long read nko.

Lemme wait for summary or just read comments.

Sure stuff.

duduade:
You are good to go.. pray against any interference

I’m waiting for the short read version.

You are a great husband with solid foundation and wisdom beyond your years. Kudos to your parents, they did a very good job raising you. If my daughter marry someone like you i will be very proud. You make very very good decisions and protect your family like you should. Some old men struggle with it making decisive decisions like you.

I will however advise you to give him a call and air your grievance in a respectful way. From Uni to present. Then slowly fade the relationship by calling and talking to him less. Dont visit again or take your family around there.

Thank you so much Sir, I appreciate your advice and will follow it.

2mch:
You are a great husband with solid foundation and wisdom beyond your years. Kudos to your parents, they did a very good job raising you. If my daughter marry someone like you i will be very proud. You make very very good decisions and protect your family like you should. Some old men struggle with it making decisive decisions like you.

I will however advise you to give him a call and air your grievance in a respectful way. From Uni to present. Then slowly fade the relationship by calling and talking to him less. Dont visit again or take your family around there.

Gagare1:
Thank you so much Sir, I appreciate your advice and will follow it.

Thank you. Try to be at peace with all men except they pose a threat to the physical safety of your family. It doesnt mean you accomodate them or allow them into your space again. You can keep people at arms length with no beef.

I say this because this world is very small. You dont know where you will meet or need someone tomorrow. I am also very impressed with your parents. You are like this because they seem to respect you and your decisions as a man. Which is very rare for African parents who seek absolute control and submission. Case in point the decisions you made for the preacher in your marriage. Now you have grown to be very decisive and confident in your decisions.

Truth!

Thanks a lot.

2mch:
Thank you. Try to be at peace with all men except they pose a threat to the physical safety of your family. It doesnt mean you accomodate them or allow them into your space again. You can keep people at arms length with no beef.

I say this because this world is very small. You dont know where you will meet or need someone tomorrow. I am also very impressed with your parents. You are like this because they seem to respect you and your decisions as a man. Which is very rare for African parents who seek absolute control and submission. Case in point the decisions you made for the preacher in your marriage. Now you have grown to be very decisive and confident in your decisions.

kpankpangolo:
I’m waiting for the short read version.

he and his school father fought because he did not marry the girl he was screwing in campus, school fellowship people fear them

Pootle:
he and his school father fought because he did not marry the girl he was screwing in campus, school fellowship people fear them

May God have mercy on you.

I was a virgin when I got married, and I was 27 then. Stop projecting yourself on others.

If my ex was screwed, it certainly wasn't me.

But you are free to believe what you wish.

I don't have to prove anything to you.

Gagare1:
May God have mercy on you.

I was a virgin when I got married, and I was 27 then. Stop projecting yourself on others.

If my ex was screwed, it certainly wasn't me.

But you are free to believe what you wish.

I don't have to prove anything to you.

so you mean by chance from puberty to 27years akamu no comot from your dickson, you fellowship people urna b liars my guy that year was a prayer cord screwing another sister cord

Pootle:
so you mean by chance from puberty to 27years akamu no comot from your dickson, you fellowship people urna b liars my guy that year was a prayer cord screwing another sister cord

I didn't say I have never experienced ejaculation. Naturally, the body does its thing.

And yes, I have experienced self-abuse (to my shame) but I thank God for His mercy in Christ. I wasn't perfect and I never needed to be. But I was, and still am trying to follow the footsteps of Christ everyday. When I fall, I mourn it, but I always return to where I belong, not pretending but repenting and growing.

A true follower of Christ doesn't pretend about sin, we confess it. We don't boast about self-righteousness but about the righteousness of Christ our Lord.

So, yes, my wife is my first and she still remains the only one I have been physical with (sex wise).

Your believe or lack of is actually irrelevant to me.

However, I think you need to grow beyond that way of thought.

People dey try o. Una still get time with this spiritual father and mother nonsensse. My brother pls face your family and protect them with all you ve got. Na so one pastor wanted to play God in my life for demanding why I didn't come to church one Sunday like that , all my explanations that my brother's wife was having a difficult labor all through the night fell on deaf ears. He kept insisting that it was no excuse to not come to church. Na so I cancel the church sharp sharp and port back to my Catholic faith . What inconsiderate folks !

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

So you no gree submit to man of God. Don't worry, by the time you hear "If I be a man of gohrah!" your eyes go clear.

Thanks a lot.

The audacity of people in the name of religion needs to be studied.

Adaisback:
People dey try o. Una still get time with this spiritual father and mother nonsensse. My brother pls face your family and protect them with all you ve got. Na so one pastor wanted to play God in my life for demanding why I didn't come to church one Sunday like that , all my explanations that my brother's wife was having a difficult labor all through the night fell on deaf ears. He kept insisting that it was no excuse to not come to church. Na so I cancel the church sharp sharp and port back to my Catholic faith . What inconsiderate folks !