Marriage is no longer an academic question for me. I'm not too far away from hooking up so I'm real interested in the experience of others. I'd love to hear how you guys realized your spouse was the one for you.

He kept pulling out chairs everytime we went out, He had a strong family relationship, He was respectful to people above and below him, decent,, quiet, we would watch tv for hours, he was patient, did i say he told me from day 1 that we should get married. He kept telling me that this was his aim, I really told my self the marriage chapter was closed for me, wasnt ready to try again but he made me understand that He was a good man, best decision ever.
Keeps it sweet and fresh

We met during nysc as a matter of fact nccf. He was closer to my friend who is an architect cause she was helping with the nccf bulding. We were distant friends till towards the end of nysc. from then he started showing intrest but was doing shakara later gave in sha. Its been wonderful since then

@debrief

Wow. I respect guys like that. How long did you court for?

Also, family seems important. And I totally agree. But in what particular way? Does the condition of the home that produced the person count so much? For instance, my dad is a man who sacrifices emotion for, shall we say, logic. What we most suffered from at his hand was a near-total lack of sympathy. He's the kind of man of whom it can be rightly said that he doesn't know how to play. He takes life so seriously that he, inadvertently maybe, damages everybody close to him.

I'm his clone. Difference is, much of my life has worked out to me growing markedly different from him. So, can I rightly be judged by him? Will my future spouse get the right value of me looking at him and how he ruled his home? How exactly should one factor the prospective spouse's family in?

feminine A: We met during nysc as a matter of fact nccf. He was closer to my friend who is an architect cause she was helping with the nccf bulding. We were distant friends till towards the end of nysc. from then he started showing intrest but was doing shakara later gave in sha. Its been wonderful since then

Great! How did you know he was the one? In what moment did it click?

Lol, My Husband is extra logical too, has little patience with sentimental people, he is not the one to excuse failure, he is the type who will ask people to keep quiet and stop disturbing other patients when we go to hospitals to visit a sick person and people are screaming and praying
, I always beg him with my eyes but he ignores me. However, he learnt how to be a total gentle man from his father. His Dad displayed the same Gentlemanly Character he showed me. He stood up when I go in, pulled out a chair when his wife came to the dinning table. He was quiet and loved the company of his family, so it was easy for me to know that my husband wasn't acting.
Again, you must understand where I was coming from My Ex was my soul mate but his father was bad influence on him so that was important to me because of my experience.

We will go for funerals and when people come in and start screaming and wailing he will ask them "how well do you know the deceased?" The wailing person will look inshock and my husband will add "really, I am asking because it seems you had an extra close relationship was wondering how best to condole you"
So when hubby is around, people minimize the drama. Lol

We dated for about a year and got married

Debbie, is your husband that sweet that you talk about him so much?

Is your husband religious by the way?

He is a logical practical Christain no a dogmatic one.

debrief08: He is a logical practical Christain no a dogmatic one.

I had high hopes that he would be an atheist/agnostic!

Well goodluck to you guyz. I always like to hear happy endings with couples in love.

@db, I find your story very encouraging. I know firsthand that it takes a type of guy and a lot of energy to be what your husband is.

Did life goals feature in your choice of him? Did that type of thing matter? Philosophy of life too?

Ihedinobi: @db, I find your story very encouraging. I know firsthand that it takes a type of guy and a lot of energy to be what your husband is.

Did life goals feature in your choice of him? Did that type of thing matter? Philosophy of life too?

would you marry an atheist woman?

Logicboy03:

would you marry an atheist woman?

Only if she's a staunch worshipper of Jesus Christ

Ihedinobi:

Only if she's a staunch worshipper of Jesus Christ

This is the mistake that many people make.


They forget that people can become atheist. What really stops you wife from becoming an atheist 5 years after marriage? Or do you want to go down in the extremist muslim way of slicing your wife's nose or pouring acid on her face to keep her in line?

Logicboy03:



This is the mistake that many people make.


They forget that people can become atheist. What really stops you wife from becoming an atheist 5 years after marriage? Or do you want to go down in the extremist muslim way of slicing your wife's nose or pouring acid on her face to keep her in line?

Are you married? How did you know she was the one for you? What was it about her told you it was safe to venture your life on her?

I love him that's why.

Ihedinobi:

Are you married? How did you know she was the one for you? What was it about her told you it was safe to venture your life on her?

I have an atheist girlfriend and a christian one.

The christian one has a lot in common with me but she is too religious. She is intersting but crazy

The atheist one has nothing in common with me but she is not religious. She has everything but boring


Dilemma

Yes, life goals mattered, He was the oly man apart from my dad who really took interest in my dreams and aspirations, always encouraging me to say it out, most people especially men from the Orth particularly that I had met thought me to be too ambitious. He loved my ambition, loved to get me to talk about my goals, love to share with me on his too.
Philosophy, hell yea, I was done with Lchurchy" people who will speak "christainese" and yet commit all sorts of wicked acts, he was different, logical, questioned a lot of the things I had come to question, he was smart, never just accepted anything, always scrathed beyond the surface.
When it came time to marry, some people told him he and I would go to hell and he said God is not a wicked and vindictive God like them.
While preparing for the wedding he faced so many things that I would give up on us severally but he never for a day doubted that he made the right choice. Again he was honest, he said the truth sometimes even when it hurt me not to hurt me but because it was true and needed to be said.
All in all he took charge, never made me feel scared or insecure and I knew I would be safe with him and my Dad loved him, he was sceptical but the day they met, according to my dad their own sparks flew.
My Dad asked him questions and he had questions too for my Dad

Ihedinobi: Marriage is no longer an academic question for me. I'm not too far away from hooking up so I'm real interested in the experience of others. I'd love to hear how you guys realized your spouse was the one for you.

Pure animal instinct.

I'm a vain sucker for unbelievably good looks and wild sex.

Everything else is secondary.

Efemena_xy:

Pure animal instinct.

I'm a vain sucker for unbelievably good looks and wild sex.

Everything else is secondary.

i'm your male version.

davidylan:

i'm your male version.

Epic fail.


Next day, you will come to the religion section to claim that atheists are hypocrite.

Old pervert. Erosenin

Their relationship with God.

debrief08: Yes, life goals mattered, He was the oly man apart from my dad who really took interest in my dreams and aspirations, always encouraging me to say it out, most people especially men from the Orth particularly that I had met thought me to be too ambitious. He loved my ambition, loved to get me to talk about my goals, love to share with me on his too.
Philosophy, hell yea, I was done with Lchurchy" people who will speak "christainese" and yet commit all sorts of wicked acts, he was different, logical, questioned a lot of the things I had come to question, he was smart, never just accepted anything, always scrathed beyond the surface.
When it came time to marry, some people told him he and I would go to hell and he said God is not a wicked and vindictive God like them.
While preparing for the wedding he faced so many things that I would give up on us severally but he never for a day doubted that he made the right choice. Again he was honest, he said the truth sometimes even when it hurt me not to hurt me but because it was true and needed to be said.
All in all he took charge, never made me feel scared or insecure and I knew I would be safe with him and my Dad loved him, he was sceptical but the day they met, according to my dad their own sparks flew.
My Dad asked him questions and he had questions too for my Dad

I'm not that weird after all. I would've preferred to make this a private conference because then I'd be able to speak freely but I guess I can only take what I can get.

I totally buy into your story. I would love very much to share my life with a woman who's not afraid to have her own life. But my world has been pretty constricted and lots of the girls I know default to "he takes care of me, I make food and babies". It just tires me. There's a particular girl I'd love to talk about but I can't do that here. It would be a great favor to me if you could accommodate private communication.

Anyhow, what age were you guys at when the big one went down? Twentyish, thirtyish? And how did you guys meet? Please forgive me if I'm prying, I'm trying to find all the parallels I can.

Not married yet. I don't even know if I will be able to commit to one person for ever as the thought scares the shît outta me.

I am a free spirit

Efemena_xy:

Pure animal instinct.

I'm a vain sucker for unbelievably good looks and wild sex.

Everything else is secondary.

Always knew there was something crazy about you, lol. Anyhow, was it in one of those mad, sweaty, possibly noisy sessions with his Adonis looks that you knew he was the one? What was so special about his looks and bed skills?

Edited

If you search, you'll see we recently just discussed this topic.

This is a cloned topic!

stillwater: I love him that's why.

I love her desperately too, but I've got too many questions. It'd help a little bit more if you could tell me why you do.

I would love to talk with you but the email for this I.D was opened by a friend, I asked for the password she gave me and I discovered it had been hacked, have had it in mind to open another (to lazy) will do so soon sha, maybe later. I am not much for social media, just this and BB, even Nairaland I ignore sometimes. Anyway, we will talk.
It was my second marriage and his first, I was in my early thirties and he was 30.
Hmmm, I am a little biased about the "have babies take care of me"mentality, It is really important in my book to have a life, havung that makes it easier on both, beyond babies and what they did you have a lot to talk about, and I feel both parties should be able to step into each others role in case something happens. I saw a friend put up a picture of a young man who died leaving behind a widow just one year into marriage. What if one spouse dies or there is job loss? Everyone should aspire to have a life beyond gender ascribed roles.
Maybe because my faher raised all daughters, I have a sister in the military who is an excellent worker, I have sisters in almost all fields, funny thing is that most of us went into what people usually term male dominated professions and we all seem to be coping and doing well so forgive my bias on this, we were raised not to limit our minds and hands. One driver was fired when we were young for simply saying "una be woman" refering to me and my sisters when he met us learning to change tyres and dismissed it as impossible for us to do

Ujujoan: If you search, you'll see we recently just discussed this topic.

This is a cloned topic!

I would really appreciate a link, thank you.

We met at a work event, I was covering for a collegue who had a family emergency, (even thoughh I can argue it was a set up seeing now that that collegue is actually his friend, they deny it sha) anyway, was a weekend, bored home got a call from my collegue he had family issues, please could I cover for him, nothing better to do so got ready headed down.
It was sort of an informal meeting. With other partners and organisations.
Got there parked was walking down to the hall, this guy slows down asks me to save him a seat, the hall was parked full but got 2 seats, saw him looking round at the entrance, waved him, he came said thank you sat. During Lunch he asked if we could eat together, I told him everyone will eat together so I don't get why you are asking, any way we went on the queue he picked my plate up and got me served asked before his own, anyway grabbed m plate back, we went to sit he pulled out a chair (by then my mind was already saying what kind of man is this one, anyway nothing for you), had lunch got back.
End of the meeting walked me to the car gave me his card told me we really should get married, lol so forward, laughed and drove off hoping to never see him again, so time later I see him and my colleuge walking to my office I almost ran under my table, but my collegue called me out and we had lunch and the rest na story

Lol. "We really should get married"? No kidding!

You've just described what I would call my ideal meeting.

Honestly, I've held onto a small faith that women like you exist, but with the exception of one elusive one, I haven't quite met them, or, at least, I don't think I have. But, that could be because my horizons have only just started expanding.

I find a great deal of resonance with your husband. He's a real man, in my book. A light man, free of crazy psychological and emotional baggage. I hope my current path takes me there. I don't care much for some of the stuff that appears to rule society. For instance, when I cared about being with only women younger than me, it was because my mom and society said that was the way. I threw that off years ago when I couldn't hear why it was meant to be so.