My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. - Family (2)

My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Risingblue008(m): 12:38pm On Jun 01

When u dey marry,
U no let us know,
When una dey kpansh,
Una no gree give us time table,
When both of una dey go joint to joint,bar to bar,
Una remember us?,NO
Now u dey report dey give us,

See,carry ur cross,
We get security issues to work on

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by concho(m): 12:44pm On Jun 01

youdontknoe:
Getting back to writing again. But hopefully I can stay anonymous while I pour out my heart.

Life is hard. And I am going through a situation that I don’t know if I can share with anyone in my physical world yet. But I need to share till the heaviness is gone.

Who am I? Someone who wished she could undo many things, especially the decision to get married.

I have googled divorce reasons more than 10 times today alone. I don’t even know if I am ok.
No, I am not been physically or emotionally abused. I am not been cheated on. At least not that I know. I am just disconnected, tired and no one would really understand why I want to walk away from a 2 year marriage. Or maybe someone here will.

Let’s just say that there is no reason to rush marriage. But once you hit age 30, somehow the bells keep ringing everywhere around you and the pressure heightens. I wanted it. I wanted to marry for love, companionship and I wanted to choose. But, time was flying and someone came that felt right at the time and I genuinely was a good person. The person was overly in love with me. Or maybe it was the idea of me. A successful independent woman living life on her own terms. Somehow we started dating and in 9 months, we were married. And we were happy at the time. Or I was. Until we started living together.

We had counseling. So it wasn’t a matter of ignorance. But the foolish butterflies didn’t make me see road.

I guess from the very beginning I just settled. Settled for a quiet hush hush wedding. For someone who had always wanted a glam wedding, I didn’t have one. The other person just couldn’t be bothered and concluded that paying bride price was the only thing that signified marriage. We were not in the Nigeria so that happened in our absence. He wasn’t buoyant but I was understanding. I gathered money together. We had only 3 other people at the civil wedding. The plan was that we were going to go back home to throw the big party later. Never did and I’ve heard many times that it won’t be happening.

I thought marriage will complete me. No. It just drained me so much.

No one complains like Nigerian women abroad . Always nagging and very difficult to satisfy

We are Africans to remain one , you have to remain a wife

If you insists on being the man of the house , then marry a fellow lady , there is provisions for that abroad .

2 Likes

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by henrycloud: 12:50pm On Jun 01

NotOfThisWorld:
His Bad breath
You noticed the bad breath before the marriage. Perhaps you could've brought it to his attention to see his response and decide if you wanted to continue seeing him. A man with breath before marriage who doesn't care about fixing it will be a man with bad breath after marriage who doesn't care about fixing it. If you've taken him for dental checkup and he was treated but there's still no difference, then perhaps he's not keeping up with or doesn't have a good oral hygiene routine at home. He should be flossing, brushing and using mouthwash twice daily (in that order). Until he no longer has bad breath, he should also brush his teeth/mouth before kissing or intimacy. Complaining that he has to brush and expecting you to kiss him with his stank breath is absurd and inconsiderate on his end.

If it's that bad, he needs to see a Gastroenterologist for his gut and digestive issues, if he's willing to.

His BO
Na wa ooo. He come get BO on top bad breath. I no know wetin to talk again. Does he not shower? Wipe his b.u.m properly and/or use water? Use antiperspirant? Wash his clothes and regularly? Covering BO with perfumes is futile because it doesn't address the problem and where it stems from and people can still smell him.

Him not providing for you
You're married to a man who couldn't pay for your flight tickets to see him, smh. You were paying for yours and at times paid for his. It doesn't matter that you make more than him. It's the man's duty to provide and take care of the woman. I can understand if he couldn't pay for your flight tickets once in a while but he should've been doing so most of the time, not you paying for yours all the time and paying for his. This isn't how men treat women they love. This is a selfish somebody and a taker. One might as well be single and booking those flights to vacation destinations, not to see an entitled man like this.

His lack of financial accountability
He needs to be accountable and transparent to you with his finances. If he's spending on his family and other things without informing you, then that's wrong. Since he has moved in with you, I hope he'll be contributing to the household financially as well, not you paying for everything and taking care of him while he doesn't provide and just continues to take.

~This is why women have to take their time getting to know men before marriage. Getting married after 9-months requires caution, and if you see any red flags then, address them and see if he'll change then and of not, walk away. It's not after marriage that you'll be trying to fix and change a man.

~This is why women have to be careful before doing papers for a man and bringing them to another country. They're always stories that touch.

The BO was likely acquired during his young adult years, maybe the first time he started living alone. Is he fat?

I have seen many young, good-looking guys give off a very bad smell. It doesn't even smell like BO. More like bad food, or dirty, wet clothes, or something.

Their deodorant can't even cover it. I belive its a product of bag hygiene, irregular baths, bad choice of sponge and soap, poor grooming, excessive sweating, wearing dirty clothes, unkempt home, etc.

Of course, the mouth issue would come as a bonus.

Please tell us more.

Relationships are not easy. I just wish there were a way to preview 10 years of marriage before making it legal. However challenging a bad marriage can be, getting a divorce is often more damaging.

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by lailo: 12:52pm On Jun 01

This one doesn't have any problem in her marriage. She is the one looking for problem by herself. Many men are trapped in this contraption called marriage with these set of women who are not cut out for such, yet they come into marriage and mess it up.

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Karleb(m): 12:52pm On Jun 01*

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by kiddaz: 12:56pm On Jun 01

A grown man with BO and SM? I couldn't read past your 2nd epistle Op but you should have noticed all these before saying yes to his proposal. How can you even be having butterflies for all that huh

Well it's what it is. You got yourself in, you can get yourself out too

3 Likes

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Osariemen12: 12:57pm On Jun 01

Abeg pack your load and leave the the innocent man in peace. You don't deserve the wise man as a husband.

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Haphor(m): 12:57pm On Jun 01

Here’s a thoughtful critique of your write-up, focusing on your perspective as the woman in the marriage, and some mindset shifts that could help you approach things differently:

Critical Analysis of Your Perception

1. Marriage as a “completion” tool
- You wrote: “I thought marriage will complete me. No. It just drained me so much.”
- Flaw: Expecting marriage to “complete” you sets up disappointment. Marriage is not meant to fix loneliness or fill personal gaps; it’s a partnership, not a cure.
- Correction: Shift your mindset to see marriage as two whole individuals choosing to build together, not one person completing the other.

2. Settling and rushing due to societal pressure
- You admitted: “Once you hit age 30…the pressure heightens. I wanted it. Time was flying and someone came that felt right at the time.”
- Flaw: You allowed external pressure (age, society, expectations) to dictate your timeline, rather than your readiness or compatibility.
- Correction: Recognize that marriage is not a race. A slower, more deliberate choice could have avoided the current disconnection. Going forward, resist external timelines when making life decisions.

3. Focus on the wedding, not the marriage
- You wrote: “For someone who had always wanted a glam wedding, I didn’t have one…The plan was to throw a big party later. Never did.”
- Flaw: You placed emotional weight on the ceremony rather than the relationship. The lack of a “dream wedding” seems to have left lingering resentment.
- Correction: Separate the event from the union. A wedding is one day; marriage is the daily commitment. Reframe your focus toward building intimacy, communication, and shared goals.

4. Financial imbalance and silent resentment
- You mentioned: “He wasn’t buoyant but I was understanding. I gathered money together.”
- Flaw: You took on financial responsibility but may now feel unappreciated or burdened. Silent sacrifices often breed resentment if not openly discussed.
- Correction: Address financial expectations openly. Marriage thrives on transparency, both partners should agree on how money is managed, even if one earns more.

5. Butterflies vs. reality
- You admitted: “The foolish butterflies didn’t make me see road.”
- Flaw: You equated strong feelings with long-term compatibility. Emotional highs blinded you to practical realities of living together.
- Correction: Understand that love is more than feelings, it’s sustained by communication, compromise, and shared values. Butterflies fade; commitment must remain.

Advice for a Change of Mindset

1. Redefine marriage in your mind
See it as a partnership where both grow, not a burden or a drain. Ask yourself: What can I give to this union, not just what I can get?

2. Communicate openly with your spouse
Share your feelings of disconnection without blame. Use “I feel” statements rather than “You don’t.” For example: “I feel drained because I expected more companionship.”

3. Revisit your shared vision
Did you both ever define what marriage means to you? If not, create a joint vision, financial goals, emotional needs, family plans. This can reignite purpose.

4. Seek counseling again, but differently
Counseling isn’t just for fixing problems, it can help you both rediscover each other. Go in with honesty about your dissatisfaction, not just surface issues.

5. Release societal expectations
Forget the glam wedding or the age pressure. Focus on whether the relationship itself can be nurtured. External markers don’t define success.

6. Practice gratitude and perspective
Instead of focusing on what’s missing, notice what’s present. Is he loyal? Caring? Supportive in some ways? Gratitude can soften resentment and open space for growth.

Final Thought
Your biggest shortcoming is not abuse or betrayal, it’s unrealistic expectations and unresolved resentment. If you shift your mindset from “marriage should complete me” to “marriage is a daily choice to build with someone”, you may find new strength to salvage it.

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Kobojunkie: 1:02pm On Jun 01*

henrycloud:
✓ The BO was likely acquired during his young adult years, maybe the first time he started living alone. Is he fat?
I have seen many young, good-looking guys give off a very bad smell. It doesn't even smell like BO. More like bad food, or dirty, wet clothes, or something.
Their deodorant can't even cover it. I belive its a product of bag hygiene, irregular baths, bad choice of sponge and soap, poor grooming, excessive sweating, wearing dirty clothes, unkempt home, etc.
Of course, the mouth issue would come as a bonus.
Please tell us more.
Relationships are not easy. I just wish there were a way to preview 10 years of marriage before making it legal. However challenging a bad marriage can be, getting a divorce is often more damaging.

Damaging in what sense? 🥱

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by henrycloud: 1:10pm On Jun 01

I think I can understand what you are going through, even though not completely, because the emotional torture must be out of this world. But you must accept a few truths, I'm sure you have already realized.

1. You married the perfectly wrong man.
2. Staying will not make things better.
3. You can not change or improve someone who cannot be reasoned with.
4. It would be a terrible mistake to let him impregnate you. See the fertility issue as God saving from worse entanglements.
5. You need to see a brilliant divorce lawyer.
6. You have to tell your family the truth. Not all of them at once. You can start with the person you are closest to, then your mother, and so on.
7. You may have to get intimacy gadgets to keep your mind happy during these times.

But while you are at it, harden your mind to refuse any counsel to stay in that marriage. It will be nothing but increasing the torture.

Of course, based on your age, you might want to panic that no man will come, but na lie. Men mount!

Just as your gender loves a man of value, so also our gender loves to associate with a woman of value. A man who will love you and make you so happy you'd be thankful to God will come, but this mistake must end.

YOU SEEM LIKE A PRIVATE PERSON, BUT JUST IN CASE, DON'T TELL YOUR FRIENDS ANYTHING. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO NEED.

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by judewrites: 1:18pm On Jun 01

No perfect marriage exist out there....

What makes marriage really sweet is when a couple love themselves despite all their weakness and failures.

Only 'fools' love like that, because they forgive themselves like no man's business.

But if you can't tolerate the person, it's better to separate.

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by henrycloud: 1:18pm On Jun 01

Kobojunkie:
Damaging in what sense? 🥱

Damaging, in terms of the associated emotional trauma. But please note that by the statement, I wasn't trying to advocate staying in a bad marriage! No way!

I just meant marital life would have been more beautiful if we could see what it would be like before tying the knot. Because at the end of the day, even as the divorce gives the much-needed peace, the heart will be hurt.

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Karleb(m): 1:19pm On Jun 01

youdontknoe

Madam, how old is your husband?

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by henrycloud: 1:28pm On Jun 01

judewrites:
No perfect marriage exist out there....

What makes marriage really sweet is when a couple love themselves despite all their weakness and failures.

Only 'fools' love like that, because they forgive themselves like no man's business.

No perfect marriage, but there are some really bad unions out there that should end. While there are always two sides to a story, it would be very wrong to place this marriage in the same category as other 'normal' ones.

You must understand the pain and constant regret the OP must be facing at the moment. These issues are not those that can be fixed with an apology. She has reached her stress limit. She can no longer compromise further without the risk of destroying herself.

The man's personality and psychology need to be recreated. Only Jesus can do that.

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Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by judewrites: 1:31pm On Jun 01

henrycloud:
No perfect marriage, but there are some really bad unions out there that should end. While there are always two sides to a story, it would be very wrong to place this marriage in the same category as other 'normal' ones.

You must understand the pain and constant regret the OP must be facing at the moment. These issues are not those that can be fixed with an apology. She has reached her stress limit. She can no longer compromise further without the risk of destroying herself.

The man's personality and psychology need to be recreated. Only Jesus can do that.

Marriage isn't by force, it's by love.

That's why I previously hinted if you can't tolerate your partner anymore, it's better to separate.

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Gotocourt: 1:32pm On Jun 01

youdontknoe:
Getting back to writing again. But hopefully I can stay anonymous while I pour out my heart.

Life is hard. And I am going through a situation that I don’t know if I can share with anyone in my physical world yet. But I need to share till the heaviness is gone.

Who am I? Someone who wished she could undo many things, especially the decision to get married.

I have googled divorce reasons more than 10 times today alone. I don’t even know if I am ok.
No, I am not been physically or emotionally abused. I am not been cheated on. At least not that I know. I am just disconnected, tired and no one would really understand why I want to walk away from a 2 year marriage. Or maybe someone here will.

Let’s just say that there is no reason to rush marriage. But once you hit age 30, somehow the bells keep ringing everywhere around you and the pressure heightens. I wanted it. I wanted to marry for love, companionship and I wanted to choose. But, time was flying and someone came that felt right at the time and I genuinely was a good person. The person was overly in love with me. Or maybe it was the idea of me. A successful independent woman living life on her own terms. Somehow we started dating and in 9 months, we were married. And we were happy at the time. Or I was. Until we started living together.

We had counseling. So it wasn’t a matter of ignorance. But the foolish butterflies didn’t make me see road.

I guess from the very beginning I just settled. Settled for a quiet hush hush wedding. For someone who had always wanted a glam wedding, I didn’t have one. The other person just couldn’t be bothered and concluded that paying bride price was the only thing that signified marriage. We were not in the Nigeria so that happened in our absence. He wasn’t buoyant but I was understanding. I gathered money together. We had only 3 other people at the civil wedding. The plan was that we were going to go back home to throw the big party later. Never did and I’ve heard many times that it won’t be happening.

I thought marriage will complete me. No. It just drained me so much.

Just be more logical in your dealings. I drink alcohol and my girlfriend thinks she can make me stop. I've told her I can't 🤷🏿.
I'm ending the relationship because we ain't compatible.

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by aswani(m): 1:36pm On Jun 01

Before everyone accepts this woman's version of the story, please remember it is just that and push to hear the other side.

I believe they would have reported themselves to people and she would have heard what he said about her. It would be nice if she tells us what he thinks about her.

Remember, no man is perfect and neither is a woman, every single marraige is dealing with an imperfection or two by both parties that are tolerated.

To avoid depression, I suggest she finds happiness in other places, she clearly cannot change the person she is with.

One final thing, bad breath and BO will not dissappear because of a lavish wedding.

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by InvertedHammer: 1:47pm On Jun 01

youdontknoe:
Getting back to writing again. But hopefully I can stay anonymous while I pour out my heart.

Life is hard. And I am going through a situation that I don’t know if I can share with anyone in my physical world yet. But I need to share till the heaviness is gone.

Who am I? Someone who wished she could undo many things, especially the decision to get married.

I have googled divorce reasons more than 10 times today alone. I don’t even know if I am ok.
No, I am not been physically or emotionally abused. I am not been cheated on. At least not that I know. I am just disconnected, tired and no one would really understand why I want to walk away from a 2 year marriage. Or maybe someone here will.

Let’s just say that there is no reason to rush marriage. But once you hit age 30, somehow the bells keep ringing everywhere around you and the pressure heightens. I wanted it. I wanted to marry for love, companionship and I wanted to choose. But, time was flying and someone came that felt right at the time and I genuinely was a good person. The person was overly in love with me. Or maybe it was the idea of me. A successful independent woman living life on her own terms. Somehow we started dating and in 9 months, we were married. And we were happy at the time. Or I was. Until we started living together.

We had counseling. So it wasn’t a matter of ignorance. But the foolish butterflies didn’t make me see road.

I guess from the very beginning I just settled. Settled for a quiet hush hush wedding. For someone who had always wanted a glam wedding, I didn’t have one. The other person just couldn’t be bothered and concluded that paying bride price was the only thing that signified marriage. We were not in the Nigeria so that happened in our absence. He wasn’t buoyant but I was understanding. I gathered money together. We had only 3 other people at the civil wedding. The plan was that we were going to go back home to throw the big party later. Never did and I’ve heard many times that it won’t be happening.

I thought marriage will complete me. No. It just drained me so much.

/
You will never be happy in your marriage as long as you remain glued to Instagram. It is evident that you are living your life through others and that's destroying your ego. There is life after glam wedding. Every other reasons you mentioned are secondary and you know it.

NB: I can translate women into simple English.

/

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Blessedarethepe(m): 1:59pm On Jun 01

Robertgreene1:
So Aunty you didn't notice all the mouth and body odour and every other thing during the 9 months of courtship, it is two years after wedding that you noticed it abi Its alright. The person that said that 90% of married women in this part of the world have another guy outside that they love more than their husbands didn't lie at all. Marrying out of desperation by the majority of our ladies and not for feelings/commitment is the number one cause of marital instability in this part of the world. Argue with your village people.

You are learning something

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by AutoC: 2:02pm On Jun 01

ravensckar:
Am I the only one who didn't see any issue here?

You are not being physically or emotionally abused, yet, you feel drained. Am I missing something here?

Or is the guy's declaration of not having a "glam wedding" for you the cause of your depression?

When some people say women are confused, I think I'm beginning to understand why. This one is just looking for issue where none exist.

Perhaps, it's the fact that you're doing better than your husband that depresses you. Having hit 30, you settled for someone who is below you. Now, you're feeling like you deserve better.

Hanty, get ahold of your feelings and stop confusing our confusion. You need to see a psychologist asap!

#Picks_tooth

The guy is not giving her enough problems...thats what women want

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Tendd: 2:16pm On Jun 01*

Most men generally don't like all these big weddings or pomp and pegeantry celebrations just for a marriage.All these white wedding things here and there are just off chart and l hope men begin to tell their women in the beginning that they dislike the idea.People keep wasting time and resources on something that adds no real value to their marriage itself.All in the name of impressing others.

1 Like

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Ishilove: 2:23pm On Jun 01*

Only him mouth odour, only him body odour, only him low sperm count.

Hian. Some mothers really do have them.

6 Likes

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Ralphlauren(m): 2:23pm On Jun 01

Kobojunkie:
1. Good that you quit the job. I could sense, from your writing that it really stressed you out. You are just 33 and carrying the weight of what are unfounded fears and anxiety on your head, like say the world don end... Stop doing that to yourself and learn to live and let live. Learn not to want to control and figure it all out at once. Relax and learn to live and enjoy each day as it comes! 🤔

2. You broke no laws and committed no criminal offenses, so what makes you think you deserve for things to go bad for you? Yes, you were desperate for companionship, and it also seems you were love-bombed into marriage. It can happen even to the best people out there. You realize now that the man may not be as connected to you in the way you had initially thought. So what? We all make mistakes! 🤔

If you choose to quit the marriage at this point, no one has the right to hold it against you. If you decide to continue enduring, no one has a right to hold that against you either. It is your life, and you alone know what is best for you; you decide what you deserve in this life. No human being can love or care for you better than you can. Learn to stop beating yourself up over the useless things.🤔

3. Again, you are just 33! Stop making your life difficult for yourself. There are women out there having babies at age 48-50. You are still young, so stop beating yourself up. And stop trying to control the outcome of things. You have told him what you want, and that is all that is necessary. If he does not want to have a child by IVF with you at this point, nagging him into it will not work for you or for him. If he is not in a rush to have kids, then what is your worry? You are healthy, and you are young. What exactly is it that you are terrified of? 🤔

4. Newsflash! Marriage is sort of like that for the majority out there. Many such people simply choose to enter endurance mode, while others quietly leave for their mental health's sake.🤔

5. Those are likely to push you towards endurance mode, something I never recommend for anyone who is not getting love reciprocated in a relationship. I have seen way too many women and men end up miserable with nothing to show for it all, except maybe the fact that they popped out kids at some point before they were eventually abandoned. Yes, a lot of endurance folks are later on abandoned for the next opportunity. 🤔

6. Why be desperate to have a kid, knowing you are no longer as invested in the marriage itself? Why not focus on resolving the issues you have in marriage, and then enjoying that success first before proceeding to have kids? You are clearly miserable in the marriage as it is. Why in the world would hyperfocusing on having kids on top of that help with? 🤔

Exactly. Having kids with him will only exacerbate the whole situation.

2 Likes

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Ralphlauren(m): 2:32pm On Jun 01

youdontknoe

Please move on from the fact that you didn't have a glam wedding. There will be other milestones in life where you can have a glam occasion of your choice, at your own terms paid for by yourself. For example, 35th, 40th, 50th Birthday Celebrations, baby showers, house warming, vow renewal ceremony, etc.

If you keep dwelling over this glam wedding issue, you will remain forever extremely resentful. Do you know how much these glam weddings cost these days?? Except families where parents are very boyant and you also have couples taking loan into thousands (£,$) just to fund a one day event.

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by kaludestiny10(m): 2:48pm On Jun 01

Well spoken, I have learnt one to two things from your write up. Thanks for the advice even though it's meant for someone else.

rickpat:
From your story..I feel you had very high expectations going into the union,dont get me wrong every "next level" in life should come with expectations but not very high expectations,one step at a time should be better...

Secondly,your husband shouldn't have said you guys will have a big wedding party later on when he knows its not going to happen or under probability, knowing fully well how you love to have a glamour wedding...a man that can't keep his word,would be seen in a certain way...

Thirdly,for you to make.sacrifices means you love the man and you should focus on that,reduce expectations and let the sacrifices you made to be with him,forever be a sacrifice(let go of the things he promised and can't/ not giving at the moment.

Finally,this is your part,what about your husband's part of the story,how he feels,what he wants,how he sees you,the sacrifices he has made as well?
In marriage no matter how beautiful, you must make sacrifices, even if it's as little as "switching off" the light to sleep when all your life you sleep with the light switched on....
Compromise is the key...no perfect person,no perfect marriage...

Wish you the best

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by kcbaba007: 2:57pm On Jun 01

Well said

rickpat:
From your story..I feel you had very high expectations going into the union,dont get me wrong every "next level" in life should come with expectations but not very high expectations,one step at a time should be better...

Secondly,your husband shouldn't have said you guys will have a big wedding party later on when he knows its not going to happen or under probability, knowing fully well how you love to have a glamour wedding...a man that can't keep his word,would be seen in a certain way...

Thirdly,for you to make.sacrifices means you love the man and you should focus on that,reduce expectations and let the sacrifices you made to be with him,forever be a sacrifice(let go of the things he promised and can't/ not giving at the moment.

Finally,this is your part,what about your husband's part of the story,how he feels,what he wants,how he sees you,the sacrifices he has made as well?
In marriage no matter how beautiful, you must make sacrifices, even if it's as little as "switching off" the light to sleep when all your life you sleep with the light switched on....
Compromise is the key...no perfect person,no perfect marriage...

Wish you the best

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Winnin009: 3:12pm On Jun 01

Samantha125:
There's no such a thing as a true Christian, some of the most vile people in this world are those same so called "true Christians"... You can never fully know a person because you'll only see what they choose to show you.

For example, my husband thinks I'm just his sweet innocent wife who's clueless in electrical installations and repairs, only if he knew that I can change wall sockets, light bulbs, and repair some electrical appliances like a pro, my father and uncle taught me well... ... Hopefully he doesn't visit this forum and see my comment, my weaponized incompetence will be exposed...😅😅😅

Some of most vile people in the world are true Christians...

Funny assertion to make yourself feel good.

Not everyone that calls the name of Jesus is a Christian. Lots are church goers but only few are indeed Christians.

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by NaijaNaWaa: 3:15pm On Jun 01

Until I hear from HIM, I'm not going to judge. As a man, I've seen too much of women to believe them just like that.

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by NaijaNaWaa: 3:17pm On Jun 01

AutoC:
The guy is not giving her enough problems...thats what women want

WOE-men!!!

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by mobi5592: 3:21pm On Jun 01

You just haven't pointed to any reason for divorce from this epistle which suggests that maybe you are the problem.

Probably admiring someone else or taking counsel from friends or comparing your man with other people.

Do him a favour. The soon you let him go the better. Because people like you who are half involved will only continue to break the other person mentally over time. I can imagine his frustration of doing the best he can but just never understanding why you seem distant.

They sold most of you a wrong notion of marriage. It's not a union where all your problems are solved, but rather a union where members try to find solution to life's many problems together.

A married woman trying to leave her marriage because she no longer gets butterflies is irresponsible

Re: My Vulnerable Space Of Marital Depression. by Jamie248: 3:36pm On Jun 01

youdontknoe:
Getting back to writing again. But hopefully I can stay anonymous while I pour out my heart.

Life is hard. And I am going through a situation that I don’t know if I can share with anyone in my physical world yet. But I need to share till the heaviness is gone.

Who am I? Someone who wished she could undo many things, especially the decision to get married.

I have googled divorce reasons more than 10 times today alone. I don’t even know if I am ok.
No, I am not been physically or emotionally abused. I am not been cheated on. At least not that I know. I am just disconnected, tired and no one would really understand why I want to walk away from a 2 year marriage. Or maybe someone here will.

Let’s just say that there is no reason to rush marriage. But once you hit age 30, somehow the bells keep ringing everywhere around you and the pressure heightens. I wanted it. I wanted to marry for love, companionship and I wanted to choose. But, time was flying and someone came that felt right at the time and I genuinely was a good person. The person was overly in love with me. Or maybe it was the idea of me. A successful independent woman living life on her own terms. Somehow we started dating and in 9 months, we were married. And we were happy at the time. Or I was. Until we started living together.

We had counseling. So it wasn’t a matter of ignorance. But the foolish butterflies didn’t make me see road.

I guess from the very beginning I just settled. Settled for a quiet hush hush wedding. For someone who had always wanted a glam wedding, I didn’t have one. The other person just couldn’t be bothered and concluded that paying bride price was the only thing that signified marriage. We were not in the Nigeria so that happened in our absence. He wasn’t buoyant but I was understanding. I gathered money together. We had only 3 other people at the civil wedding. The plan was that we were going to go back home to throw the big party later. Never did and I’ve heard many times that it won’t be happening.

I thought marriage will complete me. No. It just drained me so much.

The man is so set in his ways and he lacks empathy. If he checks your phone but you can't check his, he knows about all your finances but you know nothing about his, sex is all about him, to note a few incongruities... having to cope with that kind of relationship would depress anybody

The fertility issue is maybe the universe trying to tell you something because even if you had kids with this kind of person you might eventually end up raising them alone

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