₦airaland Forum

I’m currently dealing with post-separation anxiety because I no longer live with my family, and my child is quite far away from me. I still cover her bills and take care of her needs.
The main issues that led to our separation were our fundamental differences, which are still present, along with accommodation problems that I’m trying to resolve. My goal is to bring my child closer so I can visit her easily and be more involved in her life.
The reason I’m venting is that marriage or a long-term union isn’t the flex I thought it would be. Having another person constantly in your face—questioning your choices, your thoughts, and your processes, putting you on the spot and demanding instant answers like you’re some magician, acting like they know you better than you know yourself, doubting you, showing no patience, yet constantly seeking gratification to feel good while you walk on eggshells—is that what they call the sacrifices men are expected to make?
I’m stepping back for a while. I feel deeply for my child. I fought hard to keep her under my care, but her mother fought against it and took her away. Now I have to live with the reality of watching her move from one place to another—places I know nothing about. It’s an unbalanced situation that I hate. I never envisioned raising a child this way, and if I had the chance, I would definitely reconsider my choices—especially who I chose to have a child with.Time will tell 💲🚶🏾‍♂️‍➡️

capetownboyz:
➜ I’m currently dealing with post-separation anxiety because I no longer live with my family, and my child is quite far away from me. I still cover her bills and take care of her needs.
The main issues that led to our separation were our fundamental differences, which are still present, along with accommodation problems that I’m trying to resolve. My goal is to bring my child closer so I can visit her easily and be more involved in her life.
➜ The reason I’m venting is that marriage or a long-term union isn’t the flex I thought it would be. Having another person constantly in your face—questioning your choices, your thoughts, and your processes, putting you on the spot and demanding instant answers like you’re some magician, acting like they know you better than you know yourself, doubting you, showing no patience, yet constantly seeking gratification to feel good while you walk on eggshells—is that what they call the sacrifices men are expected to make?
➜ I’m stepping back for a while. I feel deeply for my child. I fought hard to keep her under my care, but her mother fought against it and took her away. Now I have to live with the reality of watching her move from one place to another—places I know nothing about. It’s an unbalanced situation that I hate. I never envisioned raising a child this way, and if I had the chance, I would definitely reconsider my choices—especially who I chose to have a child with.Time will tell 💲🚶🏾‍♂️‍➡️

1. OK!🤔

2. Do not judge all marriages by your marriage! 🤔

3. Why didn't you opt for shared custody of your child, a situation where the child spends some days or weeks out of each month with either parent? 🤔

In Igbo proverb we used to say best marriage is when a man or woman closes one of his or her eye,

By opening your 2 eyes no marriage will be successful. So you came to your marriage with wrong concept. One of your eye and another one eye from you wife will form normal 2-eye use for sighting. Your wife shall have say in whatever decision you re taking.


You should reconsider her participation in decision-making process and let her and your kid come back for better understanding and living closer to your kid

capetownboyz:
I’m currently dealing with post-separation anxiety because I no longer live with my family, and my child is quite far away from me. I still cover her bills and take care of her needs.
The main issues that led to our separation were our fundamental differences, which are still present, along with accommodation problems that I’m trying to resolve. My goal is to bring my child closer so I can visit her easily and be more involved in her life.
The reason I’m venting is that marriage or a long-term union isn’t the flex I thought it would be. Having another person constantly in your face—questioning your choices, your thoughts, and your processes, putting you on the spot and demanding instant answers like you’re some magician, acting like they know you better than you know yourself, doubting you, showing no patience, yet constantly seeking gratification to feel good while you walk on eggshells—is that what they call the sacrifices men are expected to make?
I’m stepping back for a while. I feel deeply for my child. I fought hard to keep her under my care, but her mother fought against it and took her away. Now I have to live with the reality of watching her move from one place to another—places I know nothing about. It’s an unbalanced situation that I hate. I never envisioned raising a child this way, and if I had the chance, I would definitely reconsider my choices—especially who I chose to have a child with.Time will tell 💲🚶🏾‍♂️‍➡️

Sorry for what you are passing through, i could deduced from your narratives that your marriage would've be a good one but poverty strike, which made some little normal marriage issues became unresolved occurrences between you and your wife.

Focus on your development for now and seek for reconciliation with your wife and daughter as soon as you can.

yemmit90:
Sorry for what you are passing through, i could deduced from your narratives that your marriage would've be a good one but poverty strike, which made some little normal marriage issues became unresolved occurrences between you and your wife.

Focus on your development for now and seek for reconciliation with your wife and daughter as soon as you can.

not poverty , I’m okay but I just need to make a proper balance of our lives .. a good financial foundation..

capetownboyz:
not poverty , I’m okay but I just need to make a proper balance of our lives .. a good financial foundation..

If you were to share custody of the child, you would free up time for the woman to build herself up financially, too. That would work to your benefit and that of your child. Even if you two were to get back together again, having a double-income family framework works much better than a single-income framework in the current economy and that to come.

Kobojunkie:
If you were to share custody of the child, you would free up time for the woman to build herself up financially, too. That would work to your benefit and that of your child. Even if you two were to get back together again, having a double-income family framework works much better than a single-income framework in the current economy and that to come.

sure you are right , hopefully she engages herself as well ..

capetownboyz:
not poverty , I’m okay but I just need to make a proper balance of our lives .. a good financial foundation..

You don't need to denied this, you should've used my comment as motivation. I am not trying to make jest of you as I can't call myself a rich person too. You are not alone in this situation, just that some couples know how to handle it better. Someone with accomodations problem or who is still seeking for a good financial foundation is not financially ok, and that might have contributed to the issue you are facing in your marriage.

yemmit90:
You don't need to denied this, you should've used my comment as motivation. I am not trying to make jest of you as I can't call myself a rich person too. You are not alone in this situation, just that some couples know how to handle it better. Someone with accomodations problem or who is still seeking for a good financial foundation is not financially ok, and that might have contributed to the issue you are facing in your marriage.

nothing feels motivating about poverty and poverty in my own sense is a strong word which I strongly rejects ,I’m not one to brag with things I own but I’m way above that.