₦airaland Forum

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

Except it's God telling her to marry the guy (not pastor telling her oo), she must not make that mistake of marrying the guy.

31 years old is young. Very young.

Na poor unprogressive men dey think say that is old.

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

Exactly what hes saying...very clear .... ur sister don de reach menopause...na married men go get am soon

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

Abeg bros abi na sis nor kill me with laugh I just wake up from bed
Abeg bros
Which one be menopause is already smiling at
Funny comment

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's ong run.

Why has your sister not met anybody other than her current boyfriend? What are her reasons?

There are many things to consider but i think the most important is character and integrity, beliefs and ideology. 1st then other things like job, vision, ambition, status, education and future prospects or potential can be considered.

Other suitors should also be considered same way.

Namaster:
Your sister is 31-year old and DESPERATE.
She's been WAITING for a man to call her OWN for nearly a DECADE.

Plus, she's clearly one of those people born with a built-in NGO software—ALWAYS on the lookout for a project to FIX.

Add that to being CHURCHY and you have a HORRIBLE decision maker like your sister.

The "brother" is banking on the CHURCHINESS of your sister to perpetrate his SCHEME.

His declarations of becoming a "Pastor" is also a RUSE.
With that frame perfectly established from the get-go, he can use BIBLICAL platitudes like being the "head of the family" and "wives submitting to their husbands" to SCAM your sister.

She will make the money.
And be FORCED to let the SCAMMER decide how it's spent.

Your sister is about to learn a very HARSH lesson.
By the time she's done with her education, she'd have become a Single Mother of THREE at 40.

Unfortunately, there is NOTHING you can do.
Women love FORBIDDEN love.

Telling her she's making a TERRIBLE mistake will just HARDEN her resolve.
Plus, it's going to make it more DIFFICULT for her to approach you for HELP when the man INEVITABLY starts showing her PEPPER.

Also, logic will NOT work with her.
Let her LEARN.

It's only MADNESS (and DESPERATION) that'd drive a Master's Degree Holder to be UNEQUALLY YOKED with a 35+ person with ONLY Primary 6 certificate and a VAGUE forward-looking statement of becoming a Pastor.

MADNESS!

This is one of the best and realistic response I've seen so far... Let me share a bit if my experience

I'm a civil engineer in which I own my own construction firm and equally has a farm that I own too. On one of the projects I undertook two years ago. I met this beautiful Igbo lady in owerri. She's a BSC holder and very hardworking. She owns a thriving restaurant. Long story short we started a love affair. She's 31 at the time. Two months after our relationship she wanted us to start wedding preparation. I told her we should chill a little so we can get to know each other and culture better aa I'm yoruba and she's igbo. One month later when I traveled back to Lagos to ṣee my other projects. With in one month that I went to Lago she said she's with another person now that I don't seems serious.
I laughed and when I assess the person she wanted to get married to. The person is a jobless and skilless 33years old man. They got married two months later and she set up a shop for her beside her restaurant. Lo and behold the marriage didn't last five months.

The lady undertook 99% responsibility in the marriage rite. Infact she indirectly paid her own bride price.

I told my workers then that the marriage can't last because the guy is a gigolo.
Someone that can't take responsibility of their life up until 30+. What magic do u want to perform at that age

To the poster. Trust ne your sister will learn in the hard way and she'd wish she had waited a little longer

I am seeing too much red flags in this marriage oo. Don’t let desperation take your sister into something she will spend the rest of her life regretting.

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

May be your sister should go and become a 2nd wife somewhere else if she is contemplating but if she loves the man let them marry and move on

So many professors have married hawking/pepper seller women and no stories

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

Bitter truth

You said you want genuine opinions right?


Honestly, I wouldn't advise anyone to marry an illiterate because I would never do it myself ---not even in my wildest dreams. People like that often have a way of reasoning that doesn't align with mine, so I believe it could also be a problem for others.


That pastor issue you mentioned is another red flag. I expect your sister could easily be manipulated through religion.
I don't care about her age. She should prioritize her peace of mind instead of trapping herself with that marriage.

This life no balance at all. Life is like the Yoruba two faced drum called "Gangan".

All your concerns on this matter is valid points which should not be ignored. However, she may be seeing it from the opposite angle. She may not be seeing what you seeing because she is in rush to settle down.

Sit her down one to one, face to face and talk to her. But Remember, this is her life and not yours. You can only show her the red flags you noticed. You cannot force her to give up the guy.

No matter how much you love your sister, you can neither marry her nor force a husband on her. You can only approve or disapprove, which doesn’t really matter anyways to someone blindly in love.

After pointing out your concerns to her personally don't neglect to Support your sister for her good or bad decisions, because nobody actually knows tomorrow. The guy you are undervaluing today may turn out to be the best thing for her in the future. Example: Nwifuru of Ebonyi was a bricklayer but today a Governor.

Sonnobax15:

Is your mother aware your sister has already clocked 31? .

You see this life . Funny life indeed.

A well educated man will marry a stark illiterate woman and upgrade her . But once reverse is the case, it'll look as if the whole world want to crash

Your family should be grateful to that man for at least agreeing to even settle down with someone whom menopause is already smiling at

Brother yi 👆n Jo soapy

Una need to carry award give that man when want marry your sister...This one na operation save a hoe...Real men no dey marry again so appreciate any man that comes to marry your sister.

SHE SHOULD RUN OOOO......

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

SoliBayNG:
So many children on nairaland these days. Back in the days, you will see mature and constructive inputs.

Brah, women are focused on achievements these days. Fulls making someone that's 31 seem like she's 60. Only boys talk like that. New studies even show that men should be as wary, as quality of sperm reduce as they get older.

Brah, the signs are there. In her circles, there are many guys that are more suitable. Just cos someone wants to get married doesn't mean they should settle for someone that lacks focus or doesnt wanna upgrade himself. As a man, I get irritated with directionless women, talkless of being a woman and carrying the weight of the home.

She should not start what she can finish. A man with vision and dreams that isnt well off isnt a problem. But how will a man leave what's giving him money to go run errands? He cant think? Cant tell his mom he will do it later?

What happens when they get married? He would still tell her she's trying to change him, and she saw him the way he was. Motivating him to greatness will be termed nagging.

If I was a woman, I rather get a sperm donor, focus on my career and be happy, than be married to many men these days, that aren't worthy of being called men.

Being a man isnt a title, it's about the ability to lead, command the respect of your wife, not by coercion, but by actions.
No one can follow who isn't more knowledge than them, or they struggle to respect.

This is Africa, men are still providers and supposed to lead. If he cant do that, he's still a boy.

Age is irrelevant. Better to be married to a 45 year old lady that suits your vision and gives you peace, than a 25 year old that still has her eyes outside and leaves you restless, all in the name of marrying young.

Guys on nairaland are super embarrassing. Lots of learning to do. 15 years or so ago, you wouldn't see these comments calling a 31 year old, old. Funny enough, many of these dudes at 35, haven't achieved what this lady has achieved when she was 27.

Girls, dont be afraid to have standards. Stick to it and focus on your personal growth.

There are still fantastic guys out there that age means nothing to.

you insulted guys on Nairaland only for you to begin to sound like a kid. Wow

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

If reverse was the case, and your sister was the uneducated one, will you advise that man to marry her?

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

Bros! Your just funny

You should be thankful to God sef.

My brother, I know how your feeling. First, what you and your family should have done is to ask God if the union coming from him (I don't know if una believe in God sha o)

[quote author=Gentlesoul2021 post=139918879][/quote]Advice your sister to end that useless relationship ASAP.

Any so called man doing brother and pastor up and down is a very unserious man. End that useless thing

SoliBayNG:
So many children on nairaland these days. Back in the days, you will see mature and constructive inputs.

Brah, women are focused on achievements these days. Fulls making someone that's 31 seem like she's 60. Only boys talk like that. New studies even show that men should be as wary, as quality of sperm reduce as they get older.

Brah, the signs are there. In her circles, there are many guys that are more suitable. Just cos someone wants to get married doesn't mean they should settle for someone that lacks focus or doesnt wanna upgrade himself. As a man, I get irritated with directionless women, talkless of being a woman and carrying the weight of the home.

She should not start what she can finish. A man with vision and dreams that isnt well off isnt a problem. But how will a man leave what's giving him money to go run errands? He cant think? Cant tell his mom he will do it later?

What happens when they get married? He would still tell her she's trying to change him, and she saw him the way he was. Motivating him to greatness will be termed nagging.

If I was a woman, I rather get a sperm donor, focus on my career and be happy, than be married to many men these days, that aren't worthy of being called men.

Being a man isnt a title, it's about the ability to lead, command the respect of your wife, not by coercion, but by actions.
No one can follow who isn't more knowledge than them, or they struggle to respect.

This is Africa, men are still providers and supposed to lead. If he cant do that, he's still a boy.

Age is irrelevant. Better to be married to a 45 year old lady that suits your vision and gives you peace, than a 25 year old that still has her eyes outside and leaves you restless, all in the name of marrying young.

Guys on nairaland are super embarrassing. Lots of learning to do. 15 years or so ago, you wouldn't see these comments calling a 31 year old, old. Funny enough, many of these dudes at 35, haven't achieved what this lady has achieved when she was 27.

Girls, dont be afraid to have standards. Stick to it and focus on your personal growth.

There are still fantastic guys out there that age means nothing to.

Fantastic comment.

If that lady is my sister, I won’t allow her settle for such directionless man. A man that is non-ambitious, laid back and very comfortable in his comfort zone cannot be a leader let alone a father/husband in a home. It is not by growing hairs in your balls, build muscle or possess baritone voice qualifies you as a man. Imagine being a grown up man running errands, buying biscuits, lollipop… when will he ever grow up! Very shameful and disgraceful.

I now see why some ladies won’t mind chasing married men because the attributes they are looking for lies with them.

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

The man lack visions and he is indiscipline. Any man doing brother and pastor up and down must be avoided like plague.

Advice your sister to end that rubbish relationship ASAP

Your sister will have a hard time finding a husband off her level... and maintaining a marriage. Is a man really interested in marrying a "career driven" woman? ... or a woman who can raise a family and be his moral support? Marriage is not business .. matching careers .. incomes ... ambition. At 31 she's not married ... while wayyy less educated women her age are happily married ... chew on that. Putting aside your sister's qallifications etc ... and the guy's lack of "ambition" ... I would advise she not marry him because of one reason .... he's not man enough ... he's still and will remain under his mother's control. Whatever the mother says... goes ... she will run and ruin his marriage. For this one reason.... your sister should be out.

RUN

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

This is likely click bait

I will still say No.

Angelfrost:
Your concerns are valid, but an adult over 30 should be in the best position to decide her life or the direction of her life.

In all you mentioned, they might both be able to make it work once there is true love and mutual respect.

Besides, who said being well educated (formally educated) is a sure guarantee for success in anything including marriage?!!

is your wife a graduate

Time is no longer on your sister’s side. Never forget that for one second. A woman’s prime is on her 20s. Specifically early to mid 20s.

tiswell:
At 31,she don dey tey for house o..

If the prospective husband is financially stable and mentally stable, what's the fuss?

Your sister should tone down the level of her ego and pride as it's with most ladies that age category.

31 years ladies no send again. Some na hookupa. You never see anything

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

What does your sister think ? I don’t want to judge anyone but with your sisters experience, she should have a minimum expectation of the kind of man she wants to settle down with.

Is the young man in question that minimum? If yes good for her, if not it shouldn’t even be a conservation.

TheStoriesOfMan:
Hope say all your sisters are PhD holders?

Cos my cousins are PhD holders. One of them has 3 PhDs from reputable schools in china, America and UK.

If your sisters na good girls, PM me on a dead thread.

so you are one of the people that marry graduates as wife. Ok

ravensckar:
Your sister is about to get PHISHED!

A 30+ man with limited education, ancient artisanship and pastorial "calling" is nothing but a domineering, lazy and entitled gold digger. She will learn the hard way!

If you love her deeply, you should do everything in your power to sabotage that union because you'll also bear the brunt of it.

I have no problem with a man not being rich at the moment, but one thing that drives a man is ambition & focus. Any man that lacks that is a living dead and will wreck his partner.

Ambition & focus are what drive men! And clearly, your sister's suitor lacks both. A word is enough....

#Picks_tooth

in other words, somebody working in a company is not ambitious

Namaster:
Your sister is 31-year old and DESPERATE.
She's been WAITING for a man to call her OWN for nearly a DECADE.

Plus, she's clearly one of those people born with a built-in NGO software—ALWAYS on the lookout for a project to FIX.

Add that to being CHURCHY and you have a HORRIBLE decision maker like your sister.

The "brother" is banking on the CHURCHINESS of your sister to perpetrate his SCHEME.

His declarations of becoming a "Pastor" is also a RUSE.
With that frame perfectly established from the get-go, he can use BIBLICAL platitudes like being the "head of the family" and "wives submitting to their husbands" to SCAM your sister.

She will make the money.
And be FORCED to let the SCAMMER decide how it's spent.

Your sister is about to learn a very HARSH lesson.
By the time she's done with her education, she'd have become a Single Mother of THREE at 40.

Unfortunately, there is NOTHING you can do.
Women love FORBIDDEN love.

Telling her she's making a TERRIBLE mistake will just HARDEN her resolve.
Plus, it's going to make it more DIFFICULT for her to approach you for HELP when the man INEVITABLY starts showing her PEPPER.

Also, logic will NOT work with her.
Let her LEARN.

It's only MADNESS (and DESPERATION) that'd drive a Master's Degree Holder to be UNEQUALLY YOKED with a 35+ person with ONLY Primary 6 certificate and a VAGUE forward-looking statement of becoming a Pastor.

MADNESS!

I'm quoting this to to inform everyone reading that this is no joke. Everything described here happened to a relative. The man died recently and the his family is giving my relative serious troubles while she's struggling to cater for two growing kids all alone now.

The man never had a good job and was always at home or trying to open his own church and failing.

It's this same desperation that made my well-educated relative settle with this man.

The woman should rather die alone than set herself up for such misery.

Gentlesoul2021:
Are u saying just because time is not on her side and with the aforementioned, my sister should goto where she will be footing the bill 100%...

But you won't have seen anything wrong with it if the man were the educated one who works with an NGO while your sister were in the man's position.All of us really know what we are doing.