₦airaland Forum

It’s going to be a long thread, kindly bear with me.
I am in a professional role here. I have a course mate that we went to school together who reached out to me to help them get a job where I am working. I spoke to my manager and they were hired. Things were going great and I did everything I could to make their transition seem less as it was thier first job right out of university.

A few months later, I got a job to a different unit within the same facility and I informed this colleague of mine of my plan to move. Suddenly, they started complaining about the unit we were both in together and went ahead to also apply to the new unit I was moving to. They offered them a job in the new place. During a call, this colleague casually told me they are also moving to this unit as they have accepted an offer with them. This person also mentioned during the call that this unit had offered them a job before and she regretted not to have taken the offer.
So I asked was there any point in time that I ever told you to stay and work where I am working. It was you that reached that you needed a referral that you are not getting called back from all the jobs you are applying to. Why is it when I decided to go to this new place was when you also realized the place existed and they offered you a job before.
Also saying you regretted not taking their offer made me feel this person discredited all my efforts in helping them. I also feel like I have helped them once and I shouldn’t have to continue to carry them around. I also feel bad for the manager of the other unit. I might not be in her good book, as she might be thinking I took the person I brought in with me when I was leaving. It was just 2 weeks after I left this person also decided to leave. What do you guys think about this situation. I would appreciate all opinions.

Learn to keep your plans to yourself.
It'll keep you ahead in life.

You are beating yourself over the behavior of another person that you cannot control.

You cannot control her decision to also apply to the new unit you moved to, you cannot control the reaction of the old manager... You cannot control the coursemate's gratitude for your efforts in getting her a job.

But, you can control how you take steps going forward. As said above, not everyone needs to know your plans.

Stephen0mozzy:
You are beating yourself over the behavior of another person that you cannot control.

You cannot control her decision to also apply to the new unit you moved to, you cannot control the reaction of the old manager... You cannot control the coursemate's gratitude for your efforts in getting her a job.

But, you can control how you take steps going forward. As said above, not everyone needs to know your plans.

I know right! But in this instance, I only told this colleague after I have been offered a job on the other unit. The whole thing just revealed the kind of person she is, and I have decided to stop being her friend nor relate with her anymore. I also think this person is competing with me and I am beginning to feel irritated about it. The experience thought me a big lesson. Well, we learn everyday. Thanks for your input.

Mariangeles:
Learn to keep your plans to yourself.
It'll keep you ahead in life.

My love this is exactly the reason why I don't want to tell people about my plans for you

The situation is understandable from both perspectives, but there are a few things worth separating.

Your feelings are valid because:

You went out of your way to help someone get their first opportunity.

You invested your reputation by referring them.

Soon after, they followed you to another unit without discussing it openly beforehand.

Their comment about regretting not taking the other offer could easily sound like they were implying your unit was only a second choice, making your help feel unappreciated.


At the same time, your colleague also has the right to pursue whatever opportunity they believe is best for their career. Once they became an employee, their career decisions became their own. They don't owe it to you to remain in a unit simply because you helped them get in.

Where I think your colleague could have handled things better is in communication. Since you were the one who referred and supported them, a conversation like, "I've decided to apply to the new unit because it aligns better with my goals. I hope you don't feel I'm stepping on your toes," would have shown respect and appreciation. Their "I regretted not taking the offer" comment was also insensitive, even if they didn't intend it that way.

Regarding your former manager, unless you actively encouraged or recruited your colleague to leave, you shouldn't carry that guilt. Managers know employees move internally for many reasons. If anyone asked, you could simply state that their decision was entirely independent of yours.

Going forward, it may also help to set a personal boundary. Referring someone is a generous professional favor, but it doesn't make you responsible for managing their career afterward. You opened the door; it's up to them to decide where they walk.

Overall, I don't think either of you is entirely wrong. Your colleague was entitled to pursue a better opportunity, but they lacked tact in how they communicated it. Your disappointment comes less from the move itself and more from feeling that your efforts weren't acknowledged and that they appeared to be following your path without considering how it affected you professionally. That's a very human reaction.

Your feelings are valid because appreciation matters. Most people would feel a little hurt if someone they invested time in appeared to minimize that support.

However, I don't think your colleague did anything inherently unethical by accepting another internal opportunity. Where they fell short was in emotional intelligence—they didn't seem to appreciate how their words and timing might affect someone who had gone out of their way to help them.

Continue to be generous, but don't expect everyone you help to navigate their careers the way you would. Some people will always prioritize what they believe is best for their future, and that's part of professional life. The best mentors celebrate people's growth—even when that growth takes them in unexpected directions.

Desdes:
It’s going to be a long thread, kindly bear with me.
I am in a professional role here. I have a course mate that we went to school together who reached out to me to help them get a job where I am working. I spoke to my manager and they were hired. Things were going great and I did everything I could to make their transition seem less as it was thier first job right out of university.

A few months later, I got a job to a different unit within the same facility and I informed this colleague of mine of my plan to move. Suddenly, they started complaining about the unit we were both in together and went ahead to also apply to the new unit I was moving to. They offered them a job in the new place. During a call, this colleague casually told me they are also moving to this unit as they have accepted an offer with them. This person also mentioned during the call that this unit had offered them a job before and she regretted not to have taken the offer.
So I asked was there any point in time that I ever told you to stay and work where I am working. It was you that reached that you needed a referral that you are not getting called back from all the jobs you are applying to. Why is it when I decided to go to this new place was when you also realized the place existed and they offered you a job before.
Also saying you regretted not taking their offer made me feel this person discredited all my efforts in helping them. I also feel like I have helped them once and I shouldn’t have to continue to carry them around. I also feel bad for the manager of the other unit. I might not be in her good book, as she might be thinking I took the person I brought in with me when I was leaving. It was just 2 weeks after I left this person also decided to leave. What do you guys think about this situation. I would appreciate all opinions.