₦airaland Forum

Hello, good day.

I'm a 31-year-old woman, a graduate of one of the federal universities in Nigeria with a first degree in one of the science courses. I'm currently studying nursing in my final year. I have one child, and I'm currently considering walking out of my marriage.

Here is why.

I've been married for five years. Throughout the marriage, there have been cases of physical violence. Even though I wouldn't describe it as over the top, if it has happened before, it could surely happen again. Some of these incidents occurred while I was pregnant. We fought physically, with punching and all that, while I was pregnant.

I walked out of the marriage the first time but came back after there were promises of change, doing better, and all that. I have tried my best to put what I believe is my best into this marriage, but I've made so many discoveries during the course of it that have broken me. I eventually grew through some of them, including discovering that the person I married had done a lot of things that were wrong. I don't want to go into details. I also discovered cheating, which was what actually prompted me to walk out the first time.

After many talks and promises of change, I stayed back. But here I am again, currently considering walking away because this person contributes almost nothing towards the care of the family. Well, not absolutely nothing, but the contributions are very inconsistent because this person has nothing doing. When I say I've lived for years with someone who doesn't have anything doing, I'm very serious about it.

There are always talks about how things will change and get better each time I want to leave. But I think I've come to a point where I need to prioritize my sanity and myself. You know, when you're with someone who talks big but just cannot put in the work and dedication needed to make those dreams a reality.

You'd be surprised that I'm the one taking care of most of the family responsibilities because I happened to go into content creation. Right now, I'm struggling because I'm in my final year. I have a lot of financial responsibilities. Even though I earn some money from content creation, I still have to put most of it into the family because I'm the one carrying most of the bills, even though I have exams to prepare for.

Now, I'm not saying all my decisions are based on money because when I entered this marriage, I already knew there wasn't much money. Even the wedding itself was a very small affair. I knew there wasn't money, but I saw someone who talked big. I thought there was potential. But when I got in, I discovered some terrible secrets. There has just been a lot.

I don't know... there's so much that I can't completely break down here.

I've been talking mostly to AI, ChatGPT, about these things, and I've come to realize that this is not enough. I need human beings to interact with me.

My family is not really in support of this. You know how African families can be. They don't like separation or divorce. But I'm 31. I'm still very young, in my own opinion. I believe I still have a lot ahead of me.

I keep asking myself, "Would I want to still be in this situation with this same person in the next five years?" And I keep coming back to the answer: no.

But sometimes you wonder if you're making a mistake, if maybe you should give it one more try. But I've tried. It's been five years, and things are only getting worse.

This is something that even people from his own family have realized. It's not just me saying there's a problem. Other people can see it too.

So I want to know: would I be making the right decision if I leave?

I'll be writing my final exams in September and my council exams in November. I'm wondering if taking that step after my exams would be a mistake, or if I really need to walk away.

The reason I only have one child is because I've hesitated so much about having more children with this person. The thought of having another child with him fills me with dread. I'm so scared of being tied to this person even more. I already have one child who is four years old.

I don't think that's how a person should feel in a marriage.

I've been accused of lacking commitment, but I know it's not a commitment problem. I'm just not seeing what is worth committing to anymore.

Please, no insults or comments saying this story isn't real. It is. There's a whole lot more that I can't go into here. This situation is much deeper than what I've shared.

I just want to know what you all think. I know that, at the end of the day, I'm the one who will make the final decision. But one or two human opinions, especially from people with experience, could help me navigate this situation.

We've actually been separated for about a year—not by my own choice, anyway. But I've never been happier. I genuinely love the fact that we've been separated, for reasons I don't want to go into here.

I just want to know what you all think.

All is well! From my point of view, you are about to make a good and positive decision. Toxic marriage can lead to death of either party and this will definitely have a mark on the child. I would suggest you meet elderly people and spiritual father in the two families for proper guidance. I pray Almighty God help you in this journey.

Mwhite:
➜ So I want to know: would I be making the right decision if I leave? I'll be writing my final exams in September and my council exams in November. I'm wondering if taking that step after my exams would be a mistake, or if I really need to walk away.
➜ The reason I only have one child is because I've hesitated so much about having more children with this person. The thought of having another child with him fills me with dread. I'm so scared of being tied to this person even more. I already have one child who is four years old.
➜ I don't think that's how a person should feel in a marriage.
➜ I've been accused of lacking commitment, but I know it's not a commitment problem. I'm just not seeing what is worth committing to anymore....
➜ ...We've actually been separated for about a year—not by my own choice, anyway. But I've never been happier. I genuinely love the fact that we've been separated, for reasons I don't want to go into here. I just want to know what you all think.

1. Can you name even one uber-perfect reason why you think you should remain married to this individual that you described? At least one reason that is beyond emotions and irrationalities?

2. WOW... you are severely mentally impacted by the marriage. Are you waiting for your hair to start falling out, or for you to start looking like the walking dead or something, to make the right decision?

3. WOW... you think? You should probably consider getting some mental health counseling for what you described.

4. That is OK! Not everything is of worth. Admitting this truth to ourselves is a good thing to do, not a bad thing.

5. You already have your answer there...please do not trade freedom for shackles. That the current man is not the right man does not mean there will never be a better one for you out there if you choose to find yourself another. Please, love yourself more so you never end up back where you were a year ago.

Move on with your life... You do not need any validations from strangers here

Unfortunately, I had a court wedding. I was wondering if they were practical ways that I could process a divorce without much cost to myself. I think after then, my family would be forced to return the bride price. Anyone with experience, please let me know.

sahab2325:
All is well! From my point of view, you are about to make a good and positive decision. Toxic marriage can lead to death of either party and this will definitely have a mark on the child. I would suggest you meet elderly people and spiritual father in the two families for proper guidance. I pray Almighty God help you in this journey.

Without having much details, I'd say your decision to move out will depend on where you're moving to. Are you leaving to remain on your own with your child, or you're leaving to remarry later? Both are tough decisions.

Chai. It is well. I wish you the very best. Although, I consider separation first before outright divorce. Like a one or two years separation to make all parties come back to their senses . It may just be that both of you need some alone time to really ascertain if this is what you really want.

My guess is that there was no COURTSHIP before marriage. This is one of the major problems/challenges affecting young/recent marriages.

I am also guessing you are either Delta/Igbo…. it is well. The Lord is your strength

lol….
Thank God say u get money…
U go Dey alright las las..

I have been living with my child alone for going to a year now and I love it. I don't plan on moving. I intend contuinig my stay where I am because he is currently not here.

thesicilian:
Without having much details, I'd say your decision to move out will depend on where you're moving to. Are you leaving to remain on your own with your child, or you're leaving to remarry later? Both are tough decisions.

Mwhite:
Unfortunately, I had a court wedding. I was wondering if they were practical ways that I could process a divorce without much cost to myself. I think after then, my family would be forced to return the bride price. Anyone with experience, please let me know.

You have exactly one marriage with this man. Based on what you said there, once your divorce is approved through the courts, you are officially divorced from the man and can move on with your life then. The return of the bride price becomes something that your parents can take their own time to work out on their own. Or, you can simply pay the man back out of your own pocket and be done with that, too.

I am igbo. It was a long distance relationship. I would say I was very naive because I considered visitation not proper. That would have saved. Me a lot, but I have gone past regrets. I just want what's best for me. We have been apart for about a year now. He doesn't want divorce, my family doesn't, his family doesn't, but I think contuinig this marriage is draining me.

DeltaBachelor:
Chai. It is well. I wish you the very best. Although, I consider separation first before outright divorce. Like a one or two years separation to make all parties come back to their senses . It may just be that both of you need some alone time to really ascertain if this is what you really want.

My guess is that there was no COURTSHIP before marriage. This is one of the major problems/challenges affecting young/recent marriages.

I am also guessing you are either Delta/Igbo…. it is well. The Lord is your strength

Mwhite:
I have been living with my child alone for going to a year now and I love it. I don't plan on moving. I intend contuinig my stay where I am because he is currently not here.

Is he away because he left voluntarily, or because of work, or because you made him to? What's his disposition towards continuing the marriage? Does he also want a divorce? Nonchalant? Or wants to come back?
Because a divorce is not as glamorous as the public makes it out to be. Life is difficult enough as it is, not to talk of living it alone with all the stress and challenges of single motherhood, especially in Nigeria. Nigerian men are especially not kind on single mothers. Sometimes all they do is profess love just to get to the promised land, and sometimes just when you think you've found love again, you get to see that your "ex-husband " is even a million times better.
Asides that, there's the toll on the kid, that may not physically manifest till much later.
All I'm trying to say is, if you're not in any life-threatening situation, and he's willing to make things work, you should consider staying, no matter how many times he falters. There's nothing outside.

@OP How did you end up with such a person in the first instance?.. didn't you see all these signs before you agreed to marry him?

Well, it's not too late to right your wrongs.. if you feel separation will make you feel better, then go for it. If you want to consider what people will say or rumors that'll fly around, then you will never be truly free and happy.

Marriage is not do or die.. if it's not working, use the exit and take back you sanity, dignity and inner peace.

Mwhite:
Hello, good day.

I'm a 31-year-old woman, a graduate of one of the federal universities in Nigeria with a first degree in one of the science courses. I'm currently studying nursing in my final year. I have one child, and I'm currently considering walking out of my marriage.

Here is why.

I've been married for five years. Throughout the marriage, there have been cases of physical violence. Even though I wouldn't describe it as over the top, if it has happened before, it could surely happen again. Some of these incidents occurred while I was pregnant. We fought physically, with punching and all that, while I was pregnant.

I walked out of the marriage the first time but came back after there were promises of change, doing better, and all that. I have tried my best to put what I believe is my best into this marriage, but I've made so many discoveries during the course of it that have broken me. I eventually grew through some of them, including discovering that the person I married had done a lot of things that were wrong. I don't want to go into details. I also discovered cheating, which was what actually prompted me to walk out the first time.

After many talks and promises of change, I stayed back. But here I am again, currently considering walking away because this person contributes almost nothing towards the care of the family. Well, not absolutely nothing, but the contributions are very inconsistent because this person has nothing doing. When I say I've lived for years with someone who doesn't have anything doing, I'm very serious about it.

There are always talks about how things will change and get better each time I want to leave. But I think I've come to a point where I need to prioritize my sanity and myself. You know, when you're with someone who talks big but just cannot put in the work and dedication needed to make those dreams a reality.

You'd be surprised that I'm the one taking care of most of the family responsibilities because I happened to go into content creation. Right now, I'm struggling because I'm in my final year. I have a lot of financial responsibilities. Even though I earn some money from content creation, I still have to put most of it into the family because I'm the one carrying most of the bills, even though I have exams to prepare for.

Now, I'm not saying all my decisions are based on money because when I entered this marriage, I already knew there wasn't much money. Even the wedding itself was a very small affair. I knew there wasn't money, but I saw someone who talked big. I thought there was potential. But when I got in, I discovered some terrible secrets. There has just been a lot.

I don't know... there's so much that I can't completely break down here.

I've been talking mostly to AI, ChatGPT, about these things, and I've come to realize that this is not enough. I need human beings to interact with me.

My family is not really in support of this. You know how African families can be. They don't like separation or divorce. But I'm 31. I'm still very young, in my own opinion. I believe I still have a lot ahead of me.

I keep asking myself, "Would I want to still be in this situation with this same person in the next five years?" And I keep coming back to the answer: no.

But sometimes you wonder if you're making a mistake, if maybe you should give it one more try. But I've tried. It's been five years, and things are only getting worse.

This is something that even people from his own family have realized. It's not just me saying there's a problem. Other people can see it too.

So I want to know: would I be making the right decision if I leave?

I'll be writing my final exams in September and my council exams in November. I'm wondering if taking that step after my exams would be a mistake, or if I really need to walk away.

The reason I only have one child is because I've hesitated so much about having more children with this person. The thought of having another child with him fills me with dread. I'm so scared of being tied to this person even more. I already have one child who is four years old.

I don't think that's how a person should feel in a marriage.

I've been accused of lacking commitment, but I know it's not a commitment problem. I'm just not seeing what is worth committing to anymore.

Please, no insults or comments saying this story isn't real. It is. There's a whole lot more that I can't go into here. This situation is much deeper than what I've shared.

I just want to know what you all think. I know that, at the end of the day, I'm the one who will make the final decision. But one or two human opinions, especially from people with experience, could help me navigate this situation.

We've actually been separated for about a year—not by my own choice, anyway. But I've never been happier. I genuinely love the fact that we've been separated, for reasons I don't want to go into here.

I just want to know what you all think.

Mistakes has been made, focus on your career. Don't add kids incase you go back. Best wishes in your exams.

Mwhite:
Hello, good day.

I'm a 31-year-old woman, a graduate of one of the federal universities in Nigeria with a first degree in one of the science courses. I'm currently studying nursing in my final year. I have one child, and I'm currently considering walking out of my marriage.

Here is why.

I've been married for five years. Throughout the marriage, there have been cases of physical violence. Even though I wouldn't describe it as over the top, if it has happened before, it could surely happen again. Some of these incidents occurred while I was pregnant. We fought physically, with punching and all that, while I was pregnant.

I walked out of the marriage the first time but came back after there were promises of change, doing better, and all that. I have tried my best to put what I believe is my best into this marriage, but I've made so many discoveries during the course of it that have broken me. I eventually grew through some of them, including discovering that the person I married had done a lot of things that were wrong. I don't want to go into details. I also discovered cheating, which was what actually prompted me to walk out the first time.

After many talks and promises of change, I stayed back. But here I am again, currently considering walking away because this person contributes almost nothing towards the care of the family. Well, not absolutely nothing, but the contributions are very inconsistent because this person has nothing doing. When I say I've lived for years with someone who doesn't have anything doing, I'm very serious about it.

There are always talks about how things will change and get better each time I want to leave. But I think I've come to a point where I need to prioritize my sanity and myself. You know, when you're with someone who talks big but just cannot put in the work and dedication needed to make those dreams a reality.

You'd be surprised that I'm the one taking care of most of the family responsibilities because I happened to go into content creation. Right now, I'm struggling because I'm in my final year. I have a lot of financial responsibilities. Even though I earn some money from content creation, I still have to put most of it into the family because I'm the one carrying most of the bills, even though I have exams to prepare for.

Now, I'm not saying all my decisions are based on money because when I entered this marriage, I already knew there wasn't much money. Even the wedding itself was a very small affair. I knew there wasn't money, but I saw someone who talked big. I thought there was potential. But when I got in, I discovered some terrible secrets. There has just been a lot.

I don't know... there's so much that I can't completely break down here.

I've been talking mostly to AI, ChatGPT, about these things, and I've come to realize that this is not enough. I need human beings to interact with me.

My family is not really in support of this. You know how African families can be. They don't like separation or divorce. But I'm 31. I'm still very young, in my own opinion. I believe I still have a lot ahead of me.

I keep asking myself, "Would I want to still be in this situation with this same person in the next five years?" And I keep coming back to the answer: no.

But sometimes you wonder if you're making a mistake, if maybe you should give it one more try. But I've tried. It's been five years, and things are only getting worse.

This is something that even people from his own family have realized. It's not just me saying there's a problem. Other people can see it too.

So I want to know: would I be making the right decision if I leave?

I'll be writing my final exams in September and my council exams in November. I'm wondering if taking that step after my exams would be a mistake, or if I really need to walk away.

The reason I only have one child is because I've hesitated so much about having more children with this person. The thought of having another child with him fills me with dread. I'm so scared of being tied to this person even more. I already have one child who is four years old.

I don't think that's how a person should feel in a marriage.

I've been accused of lacking commitment, but I know it's not a commitment problem. I'm just not seeing what is worth committing to anymore.

Please, no insults or comments saying this story isn't real. It is. There's a whole lot more that I can't go into here. This situation is much deeper than what I've shared.

I just want to know what you all think. I know that, at the end of the day, I'm the one who will make the final decision. But one or two human opinions, especially from people with experience, could help me navigate this situation.

We've actually been separated for about a year—not by my own choice, anyway. But I've never been happier. I genuinely love the fact that we've been separated, for reasons I don't want to go into here.

I just want to know what you all think.

You dont want to go into detail the crux of the matter but you want our advice. Hmmmn you said there has been case of physical violence and you both fought. You didnt state if he attacked you or it was you that attacked him first. Also all these secrets that you claim to discover after marriage, what stopped you from discovering before the marriage? Why wasnt a thorough investigation carried out on him or his family before you tied the knots? Cos even if you walk out now, if you couldnt see all these before you got hitched, how do you know you wouldnt repeat same mistake with someone else in future. My Recommendation: Have one last heart to heart conversation with him. Involve family, elders and counsellors. If you people cant work it out, then you can do whatever is on your mind.

Mwhite:
Hello, good day.

I'm a 31-year-old woman, a graduate of one of the federal universities in Nigeria with a first degree in one of the science courses. I'm currently studying nursing in my final year. I have one child, and I'm currently considering walking out of my marriage.

Here is why.

I've been married for five years. Throughout the marriage, there have been cases of physical violence. Even though I wouldn't describe it as over the top, if it has happened before, it could surely happen again. Some of these incidents occurred while I was pregnant. We fought physically, with punching and all that, while I was pregnant.

I walked out of the marriage the first time but came back after there were promises of change, doing better, and all that. I have tried my best to put what I believe is my best into this marriage, but I've made so many discoveries during the course of it that have broken me. I eventually grew through some of them, including discovering that the person I married had done a lot of things that were wrong. I don't want to go into details. I also discovered cheating, which was what actually prompted me to walk out the first time.

After many talks and promises of change, I stayed back. But here I am again, currently considering walking away because this person contributes almost nothing towards the care of the family. Well, not absolutely nothing, but the contributions are very inconsistent because this person has nothing doing. When I say I've lived for years with someone who doesn't have anything doing, I'm very serious about it.

There are always talks about how things will change and get better each time I want to leave. But I think I've come to a point where I need to prioritize my sanity and myself. You know, when you're with someone who talks big but just cannot put in the work and dedication needed to make those dreams a reality.

You'd be surprised that I'm the one taking care of most of the family responsibilities because I happened to go into content creation. Right now, I'm struggling because I'm in my final year. I have a lot of financial responsibilities. Even though I earn some money from content creation, I still have to put most of it into the family because I'm the one carrying most of the bills, even though I have exams to prepare for.

Now, I'm not saying all my decisions are based on money because when I entered this marriage, I already knew there wasn't much money. Even the wedding itself was a very small affair. I knew there wasn't money, but I saw someone who talked big. I thought there was potential. But when I got in, I discovered some terrible secrets. There has just been a lot.

I don't know... there's so much that I can't completely break down here.

I've been talking mostly to AI, ChatGPT, about these things, and I've come to realize that this is not enough. I need human beings to interact with me.

My family is not really in support of this. You know how African families can be. They don't like separation or divorce. But I'm 31. I'm still very young, in my own opinion. I believe I still have a lot ahead of me.

I keep asking myself, "Would I want to still be in this situation with this same person in the next five years?" And I keep coming back to the answer: no.

But sometimes you wonder if you're making a mistake, if maybe you should give it one more try. But I've tried. It's been five years, and things are only getting worse.

This is something that even people from his own family have realized. It's not just me saying there's a problem. Other people can see it too.

So I want to know: would I be making the right decision if I leave?

I'll be writing my final exams in September and my council exams in November. I'm wondering if taking that step after my exams would be a mistake, or if I really need to walk away.

The reason I only have one child is because I've hesitated so much about having more children with this person. The thought of having another child with him fills me with dread. I'm so scared of being tied to this person even more. I already have one child who is four years old.

I don't think that's how a person should feel in a marriage.

I've been accused of lacking commitment, but I know it's not a commitment problem. I'm just not seeing what is worth committing to anymore.

Please, no insults or comments saying this story isn't real. It is. There's a whole lot more that I can't go into here. This situation is much deeper than what I've shared.

I just want to know what you all think. I know that, at the end of the day, I'm the one who will make the final decision. But one or two human opinions, especially from people with experience, could help me navigate this situation.

We've actually been separated for about a year—not by my own choice, anyway. But I've never been happier. I genuinely love the fact that we've been separated, for reasons I don't want to go into here.

I just want to know what you all think.

With this your write-up alone, if you're not comfortable then I think you're making the right decision. Hope you don't have more than two kids yet?

Mwhite:
Unfortunately, I had a court wedding. I was wondering if they were practical ways that I could process a divorce without much cost to myself. I think after then, my family would be forced to return the bride price. Anyone with experience, please let me know.

As much as divorce is not always the last option, your life matter and I am very sure your parents will never wish to loose you. Go to registry with picture evidence of how you were beaten "if available" but if not, still visit for professional guidance. Bride price do not worth your life.

I have just one child

Fekumzi123:
With this your write-up alone, if you're not comfortable then I think you're making the right decision. Hope you don't have more than two kids yet?

I was very naive when we met. I know a lot better now. I have talked and talked. I have involved his family, mine, and I am tired of that. Changing an adult is what I cannot do.

HarunaWest:
You dont want to go into detail the crux of the matter but you want our advice. Hmmmn you said there has been case of physical violence and you both fought. You didnt state if he attacked you or it was you that attacked him first. Also all these secrets that you claim to discover after marriage, what stopped you from discovering before the marriage? Why wasnt a thorough investigation carried out on him or his family before you tied the knots? Cos even if you walk out now, if you couldnt see all these before you got hitched, how do you know you wouldnt repeat same mistake with someone else in future. My Recommendation: Have one last heart to heart conversation with him. Involve family, elders and counsellors. If you people cant work it out, then you can do whatever is on your mind.

Thanks

Gotocourt:
Mistakes has been made, focus on your career. Don't add kids incase you go back. Best wishes in your exams.

It was a long distance relationship. The entire marriage was built on lies and deceit. I was just too naive I guess

flokii:
@OP How did you end up with such a person in the first instance?.. didn't you see all these signs before you agreed to marry him?

Well, it's not too late to right your wrongs.. if you feel separation will make you feel better, then go for it. If you want to consider what people will say or rumors that'll fly around, then you will never be truly free and happy.

Marriage is not do or die.. if it's not working, use the exit and take back you sanity, dignity and inner peace.

He doesn't want a divorce. He left in the name of searching for greener pastures and hasn't achieved anything because he lacks commitment, will or discipline. I am not leaving because I think I can find someone else, it's not a priority. I am just so tired of the whole situation.

thesicilian:
Is he away because he left voluntarily, or because of work, or because you made him to? What's his disposition towards continuing the marriage? Does he also want a divorce? Nonchalant? Or wants to come back?
Because a divorce is not as glamorous as the public makes it out to be. Life is difficult enough as it is, not to talk of living it alone with all the stress and challenges of single motherhood, especially in Nigeria. Nigerian men are especially not kind on single mothers. Sometimes all they do is profess love just to get to the promised land, and sometimes just when you think you've found love again, you get to see that your "ex-husband " is even a million times better.
Asides that, there's the toll on the kid, that may not physically manifest till much later.
All I'm trying to say is, if you're not in any life-threatening situation, and he's willing to make things work, you should consider staying, no matter how many times he falters. There's nothing outside.

Believe woman story at ur own peril. Dangerous that knows how to manipulate tings in their favour. She won't tell us d good times, she only presented d bad time

You wear the shoes. You know where it pinches.
We’re all strangers in this matter.

Mwhite:
He doesn't want a divorce. He left in the name of searching for greener pastures and hasn't achieved anything because he lacks commitment, will or discipline. I am not leaving because I think I can find someone else, it's not a priority. I am just so tired of the whole situation.

I feel your pain. My sincere advice is, don't leave. I think he needs you more than you need him, but try everything possible to make it work.

Mwhite:
He doesn't want a divorce. He left in the name of searching for greener pastures and hasn't achieved anything because he lacks commitment, will or discipline. I am not leaving because I think I can find someone else, it's not a priority. I am just so tired of the whole situation.

Lol, I think I perfectly understand this situation.
Long distance relationship, man talks big and makes you believe he's doing well where he is. When y'all have gone far with the relationship he suddenly loses his "so called job or business", then please with you to be patient with him while he bounces back soonest.. the comeback never happens and then your eyes begin to open to his true character and habits that engenders failure.

My dear it's hard to change a mature person, only a paradigm shift in that person or God can.
If you keep being inequally yoked with him, you'll share in his misfortunes and suffer with him.
Unless you're determined to work hard to support him and fight to rescue him, to make him believe in himself and to begin to succeed...

If you can't do this, just go.

Go create the good life you dream of alone, with laser focus.. until you meet someone else who shares your hunger and passion and is doing well too.

Why will a grownup family man be jobless? Who will take care of your wife, kids and your aged mother for you ?

I have some questions. Is he outright broke or he has money but does not send to the family? Is he working for a low pay or he's just lazy to get a job?

Just so you know, a number of married young men cheat in the early years of their marriage especially when the wife gets pregnant for the first time but that doesn't define who they are long term.

If you can proceed with divorce with no guilt in your heart based on what you know and the fact that you've been living apart for over a year, I feel you can start the process...but just as someone mentioned, divorce is not all you see at the surface. Children raised without a father go through tough times. If you intend to remarry, it can be complicated to find another eligible single young man willing to start a family with you. I'm not saying it's impossible but it would be difficult as his family may kick against it. What you have left are either married men or other divorcees. Be ready to raise another man's kids as your own. Staying single also comes with loneliness. This is why a lot of people take their time before making that final decision to divorce.

It's better you write your exams before your start the divorce proceedings because from your story, he will definitely push back at you and that would strain you mentally. Divorce also takes around 2 years to be completed so go figure.

Wishing you the best in your next decisions.

Mwhite:
He doesn't want a divorce. He left in the name of searching for greener pastures and hasn't achieved anything because he lacks commitment, will or discipline. I am not leaving because I think I can find someone else, it's not a priority. I am just so tired of the whole situation.

But if he becomes a billionaire tomorrow, you will be willing to forgive his sins and make your marriage work, right? You women tend to haunt men when they face difficulties providing for the family and achieving their goals in life. Only you know what you are going through, but if that man ever makes it out of the trenches, he should finalize that divorce and seek custody of his child. Lest I forget, he should find a younger and more deserving partner.

There must be at least one good thing about the man.

Kindly tell us, so we can make an informed judgement…

Starboytwo:
There must be at least one good thing about the man. Kindly tell us, so we can make an informed judgement…

Informed judgement about what exactly? She literally explained to you why she does not want to be with the man. Yet, here you are demanding she tell you something nice about the man so that you can do what? Marry the man for yourself?