₦airaland Forum

In all my decades on Earth, I’ve met only two people who married their first choice.

With men, the women either ran off due to perceived hardship after the engagement or situations made the likelihood of a future together impossible. The most common reason I keep hearing is her parents either canceled things or demanded too high of a dowry.

With women, the man impregnated someone else, got tired of waiting, or turned out to be already married, wasting her youthful years.

Did you marry your first choice?

Did I?😅😅😅... Well, there were two potential guys before my husband, I was after the first one while the second one was after me, but he too was my spec, I mean he was educated, tall, yellow, and handsome with a beautiful smile, perfect for making babies, the type of a man whereby even if he dumps you, you'd be grateful that he at least gave you beautiful babies.

I never got a chance with the first one, all thanks to his mother and even though I also liked the the second one, he was a junior pastor in my friend's chapel and due to some circumstances I was going through at that time, I didn't want to be linked to any pastor or even become a pastor's wife... My friend and I used to take turns in visiting each other's churches and he always looked forward to my visitations because he'd grab the opportunity to get to know me more after the service, apparently he'd also be just staring at me throughout the service, but I eventually stopped visiting... Then there was my husband, who was in a relationship with someone else while pursuing me.

Samantha125:
Then there was my husband, who was in a relationship with someone else while pursuing me.

So, you snatched the man from her, right?

You are the Judy of Yul Edochie.

I didn't, he left her... I never asked him to leave her... I had even blocked him and ceased all communication with him during the time he broke up with her.

Zonefree:
So, you snatched the man from her, right?

Samantha125:
I didn't, he left her... I never asked him to leave her... I had even blocked him and ceased all communication with him during the time he broke up with her.

Exactly. Yul left May for Judy.

Meaning he wasn't snatched...

Zonefree:
Exactly. Yul left May for Judy.

meobizy:
All my decades on earth, I’ve met only two people who married their first choice.

What is first choice? Years ago I wanted to attend UNN as my first choice. In 2026 I wouldn't choose any public university. So first choice can change over time and can be replicated to even be better. I think the topic here is many didn't marry someone they are genuinely attracted to.

Samantha125:
Did I?😅😅😅... Well, there were two potential guys before my husband, I was after the first one while the second one was after me, but he too was my spec, I mean he was educated, tall, yellow, and handsome with a beautiful smile, perfect for making babies, the type of a man whereby even if he dumps you, you'd be grateful that he at least gave you beautiful babies.

I never got a chance with the first one, all thanks to his mother and even though I also liked the the second one, he was a junior pastor in my friend's chapel and due to some circumstances I was going through at that time, I didn't want to be linked to any pastor or even become a pastor's wife... My friend and I used to take turns in visiting each other's churches and he always looked forward to my visitations because he'd grab the opportunity to get to know me more after the service, apparently he'd also be just staring at me throughout the service, but I eventually stopped visiting... Then there was my husband, who was in a relationship with someone else while pursuing me.

How could a pastor be compatible with a traditionalist who visit sangomas.

I was once a devoted Christian, if I start preaching to you right now, you'll be slaining in the spirit... ... In my residence we had formed a Christian group whereby all Christians from different churches would normally meet up, pray, and share Bible scriptures on a daily basis, so if I wasn't busy with my academics, I'd be studying the Bible... But I have heard of some couples whereby one person is a traditionalist and the other was a Christian, I just didn't know how they make it work.

Nicepoker:
How could a pastor be compatible with a traditionalist who visit sangomas.

pocohantas:
What is first choice? Years ago I wanted to attend UNN as my first choice. In 2026 I wouldn't choose any public university. So first choice can change over time and can be replicated to even be better. I think the topic here is many didn't marry someone they are genuinely attracted to.

:::


Wether or not first choices change is not relevant to the topic.


If in 2026 you want to attend a private university or in future in 3023 it changes to a school of science and technology or you wish not to attend a university anymore. The question here is did you go to unn as at the time it was your first choice?


How does the topic correlate to people not marrying someone they were genuinely attracted to? Even if the choice later changes at the time before marriage weren't they attracted to the person?


:::

But I have a question, why do traditional wedding ceremonies as Christians when you claim not be a traditionalists? Because traditional wedding ceremonies are accompanied by traditional practices and customs.

Nicepoker:
How could a pastor be compatible with a traditionalist who visit sangomas.

Samantha125:
But I have a question, why do traditional wedding ceremonies as Christians when you claim not be a traditionalists? Because traditional wedding ceremonies are accompanied by traditional practices and customs.

Good question.

There is also the part that bride price payment is a prerequisite to other marriages in Nigeria. Not sure of your country, but in Nigeria no sane pastor would wed you knowing bride price hasn't been paid. We see this part as CULTURE and it is only a problem when a "traditional god" is being worshipped.

Samantha125:
I was once a devoted Christian, if I start preaching to you right now, you'll be slaining in the spirit... ... In my residence we had formed a Christian group whereby all Christians from different churches would normally meet up, pray, and share Bible scriptures on a daily basis, so if I wasn't busy with my academics, I'd be studying the Bible... But I have heard of some couples whereby one person is a traditionalist and the other was a Christian, I just didn't know how they make it work.

Once a devoted Christian? What happened to you ? Exhausted?

pocohantas:
Good question.

There is also the part that bride price payment is a prerequisite to other marriages in Nigeria. Not sure of your country, but in Nigeria no sane pastor would wed you knowing bride price hasn't been paid. We see this part as CULTURE and it is only a problem when a "traditional god" is being worshipped.

That's slavery with extra steps. So basically goat will sell its kids for couple of bucks.

Kaczynski:
That's slavery with extra steps. So basically goat will sell its kids for couple of bucks.

Ignorance!!
When Chelsea sells a player to Arsenal, do you call it slavery?

That it is called bride price doesn't mean the person is being sold.

Respect the culture.

Kaczynski:
That's slavery with extra steps. So basically goat will sell its kids for couple of bucks.

Your own dey always different.
I wonder why you like speaking on slavery.

first choice dont always end up being the best

Samantha125:
But I have a question, why do traditional wedding ceremonies as Christians when you claim not be a traditionalists? Because traditional wedding ceremonies are accompanied by traditional practices and customs.

so your own traditional weddings. Who binds the couple together. sangomas?

It's not a prerequisite here, but the family will never accept your as their in-law without a traditional wedding ceremony... They'll just view you as a boyfriend or a girlfriend because there are some traditional customs that the families of both the groom and bride have to perform in order to solidify the union.

pocohantas:
Good question.

There is also the part that bride price payment is a prerequisite to other marriages in Nigeria. Not sure of your country, but in Nigeria no sane pastor would wed you knowing bride price hasn't been paid. We see this part as CULTURE and it is only a problem when a "traditional god" is being worshipped.

Samantha125:
I was once a devoted Christian, if I start preaching to you right now, you'll be slaining in the spirit... ... In my residence we had formed a Christian group whereby all Christians from different churches would normally meet up, pray, and share Bible scriptures on a daily basis, so if I wasn't busy with my academics, I'd be studying the Bible... But I have heard of some couples whereby one person is a traditionalist and the other was a Christian, I just didn't know how they make it work.

you once claim being born and raised as a traditionalist.

You're not answering my question... Why have traditional wedding ceremonies if you don't believe in tradition?

Nicepoker:
so your own traditional weddings. Who binds the couple together. sangomas?

Samantha125:
It's not a prerequisite here, but the family will never accept your as their in-law without a traditional wedding ceremony... They'll just view you as a boyfriend or a girlfriend because there are some traditional customs that the families of both the groom and bride have to perform in order to solidify the union.

Then it is almost the same orientation because here in Nigeria, no matter how woke one can get, if traditional rites haven't been done, they see it as cohabiting. Some of them pay it when their daughter wants to get married, because you cannot receive bride price if you haven't paid that of your "wife". Some men pay when the woman dies, before her family would accept her burial to go.

Samantha125:
You're not answering my question... Why have traditional wedding ceremonies if you don't believe in tradition?

That's culture as long as fetish stuffs aren't involved.

I've already narrated my story a couple of times before... Let's just say, the grass on the other side wasn't as greener as I thought it would be.

WantsandMore:
Once a devoted Christian? What happened to you ? Exhausted?

How is it culture when you don't believe in cultural customs? Do you now see how confused you are with your double standards?😂😂😂

Nicepoker:
That's culture as long as fetish stuffs aren't involved.

So what?

Nicepoker:
you once claim being born and raised as a traditionalist.

It's like the more they criticise other people's faiths, it's the more they expose their level of hypocrisy...

If only they could just keep quiet and mind their business.

pocohantas:
Then it is almost the same orientation because here in Nigeria, no matter how woke one can get, if traditional rites haven't been done, they see it as cohabiting. Some of them pay it when their daughter wants to get married, because you cannot receive bride price if you haven't paid that of your "wife". Some men pay when the woman dies, before her family would accept her burial to go.

Hahaha🤣🤣🤣 you are funny

Zonefree:
So, you snatched the man from her, right?

You are the Judy of Yul Edochie.

Statistics show that approximately 20% to 25% of people marry their first love.

We don't always end up with our first love...and that's not a failure.
Research and therapists alike say many people marry their “second choice,” and in most cases, those relationships are actually more stable, supportive, and enduring.

May we marry the person that love us and the one we love ❤️

pocohantas:
What is first choice? Years ago I wanted to attend UNN as my first choice. In 2026 I wouldn't choose any public university. So first choice can change over time and can be replicated to even be better. I think the topic here is many didn't marry someone they are genuinely attracted to.

Were you finally able to attend the university?

Plagiarism still thrives on Nairaland. SMH.

[quote author= post=140061260]We don't always end up with our first love...and that's not a failure.
Research and therapists alike say many people marry their “second choice,” and in most cases, those relationships are actually more stable, supportive, and enduring.
The idea of The One often sets unrealistic expectations about love.[/quote]