₦airaland Forum

stormborn28:
Forget. Nothing like jazz here. Na kpekus wey she dey give OP steady finish am . OP has low self esteem. Too many red flag about the woman.

manitobor:
I had quite a healthy bank account last year and was willing to invest a reasonable amount in her. She said she didn't want to go back to school and update her education, and that it's only business that she wanted to do. Okay, later on we agreed on baking business and I gave her money to start it. It didn't reach a complete two months before she ran the business aground, giving flimsy excuses.

Meanwhile I was still spending profusely on her cos one thing about me which some guys might misconstrue as simping is that when I truly love a lady I spend a lot on her.

To cut the very long story short, we started talking marriage, we did the introduction and was about to perform other marriage rites before she took in and we had to suspend everything pertaining to marriage till after the delivery of the baby in accordance with the custom of their people.

Mind you, all along I was the one fully taking care of her, and later on when she took in and after the introduction, she moved in fully with me in my apartment. That was around December last year. That was when expenses became huge on me. I noticed how wasteful she was with food items and how she pressured me into spending extravagantly on exquisite food and takeouts and other stuff. My finances started bleeding profusely once she moved in with me and my business started floundering, contracts that I used to get many of them started dwindling and ebbing off completely. It was a most terrible period for me.

ceejay80s:
The first guy nko?
Dem no go look for that one to look after him pikin?
Una expect this young man to start spending on someone else's child?
The girl and her mother are ungrateful

Kobojunkie:
1. You have yet to learn the real lesson here... so what makes you think anyone should attempt to learn anything from you or your experience? 😒😒

2. Again, you continue to hyperfocus on the mundane, completely ignoring the major... How does anyone learn anything tangible from you here? 😒

3. E be like say accountability no too dey your dictionary, as you stopped short of accepting full responsibility here. 😒

4. I knew it! This is another captain-save-a-hoe tale on Nairaland come to tell us that it is all the fault of the woman whom he chose to date and eventually tried to force into business, knowing full well she had no business education or background, to begin with. How do you make that make sense? 😒😒

5. E be like say na the same place dem dey train all of you Nigerian men wey dey think say una fit save a woman who no even make effort on her own. Na wa oo! 😒😒

ceejay80s:
Is he from abia state?

flokii:
Wow.. can't believe I read the whole story. This is really touching and painful at the same time.

I watched a clip once where a man made bold the claim that most women only act nice to guys because they want marriage, that the moment the guy falls into their trap, he'll see their true nature. They will disrespect, disregard, insult and frustrate his life till the guy will start questioning how and why he fell into the lady's trap.

If not for procreation (having kids), most guys today won't have any business with women, because relationships drain guys emotionally and financially. Just imagine the ingrate the OP laboured to take care of for 2 years insulting him for leaving home to clear his head.
Any woman that is not educated and has no job is a big red flag, they are just leeches looking for the next guy to jump on and drain.
Forget se.x.. any woman can fvck you but not every woman can build with you.

manitobor:
I am so pissed off right, knowing that I wasted close to two years with a useless lady with no skill, who has a terrible and sordid past that I cannot mention here and who has turned out to be an ingrate, disrespectful and vile. Her baby papa abandoned her for years. When she gave birth to the first son, the baby daddy didn't even pay the 50k hospital bill they were charged 4 years ago. He said he had no money and ran away. They didn't go to his house to harass him to come and pay. They stayed in the hospital for up to a month until the family rallied around within themselves to sort out the bill and bail them out of the hospital. Yet, my ungrateful fiance and her jezebel of a mother have ganged up against me and are calling me all sorts of name just cos I left for a few days.

I have decided that I am no longer proceeding with the marriage. I feel sorry for my daughter who would grow up without her real mother cos I've decided I am taking custody of her. I can never allow them bring up my daughter in a public yard where they live. They would ruin my daughter there.

I made a most costly and terrible error of my life putting up with a single mother with no tangible skill, who is extremely lazy, who is possessed by a dark force. I sincerely feel so bad right now and wish I could turn back the hands of time to go back to when I first met her and tell the dumbo that I have no interest in marrying her. I remember all the money I've wasted to please her and impress her and I bite my fingers in deep regret.

Men, learn from my terrible mistake, never marry a jobless woman, especially a single mother who is jobless. Cos, that's the major bone of contention. If this lady had sustained the business I started for her, she wouldn't be short of cash to support the family in this trying times.

I deliberately left out some details from the write up, cos if I attempt to write down all the terrible experiences I've had in the hands of this terrible, marine spirit possessed single mother, you would weep for me.

Let me stop for now.

duro4chang:
Just as you are married,I am married too. In all honesty, can you tell me that men too so not hide their self just as women do? Your wife get her, don't you get your own too? Be honest with yourself.
When I listen to both the husband and wife, I can then give my judgment.
There's a saying among my people that 'He who only listen to one side of the story in a dispute is a great evil'. I am very sure if the wife of the Op comes here to tell her own side of the story, you will be perplexed.

stormborn28:
You know that woman was a single mother before OP engaged her. That history alone give a glimpse of that woman. OP can't just say the woman is uneducated, lack skills if it isn't true. If that woman is productive and resourceful,her ex would find it difficult to leave her. These are my submission

duro4chang:
You may be right but at the same time I can tell you that some women did not choose or even deserve to be single mothers but some wicked men made them to be. Being uneducated also may not be her making but I can only blame her for refusing to go back to school even when the man told her to.

stormborn28:
You see your last statement. It is the reason why I don't advice girls/women. They never learn and never want to learn.

duro4chang:
I will not support a situation where a lady or man refuses to be educated. If you don't go to school learn a trade. Even if you go to school,if there's a chance of learning a trade please do.
But then, what about olodo uprising?

stormborn28:
At this stage of my life , I am very open to learning no matter the age of that individual.

That is the privilege I keep appreciating the education line I found myself. If you want to go far, you must be open minded

thesicilian:
The good thing is that you have learnt from your mistakes. Though it would have been better to take the lesson from the experiences of others before you.

If I were to be honest with so I'd say you have some of the blame also, if not most of it. You probably spent too much on her that it's difficult for her to understand you can go broke. And maybe also over pampered her in order to get her to like you.
Unfortunately there's a child in the picture now and you're forever tied together, whether you marry her or not. My [unsolicited] advice would be don't go ahead with the marriage, but you can't the child away from her mother completely. Either she stays with her, or you do shared custody.
Ensure you apply the valuable lessons you've learnt here to your next relationship.

duro4chang:
Hmmmmmm. That's good. I am still learning right now. A month ago, I went to a friend's house at sango Otta, ogun state from Lagos to learn AI. The friend is even far younger than I am.

Kobojunkie:
1. You complain about paying for the cost of delivering your own child, too? 😒😒

2. Again, I see a lack of accountability here. All she could do was make demands, and you could have easily said, "No!" But it seems like you are here to blame your wife for your inability to approach your finances honestly. 😒😒

eteebanky1:
Nothing can make me marry a single mother, never

In fact, I wish to marry a Virgin...... Tho, I know that will be very hard to come by.

LilMissFavvy:
You said you want to keep custody of your daughter? Who will handover the child to you? Unless the mother willingly gives you custody of that child, you can't have it.

She is now a single mother of 2 children from different fathers, look what you have done to her, yet you think you have caused her no pain, you complain about bills, you think pregnancy and childbirth is a joke?. You should be grateful for successful birth, I do not pity you because you are the educated one, the signs were there yet you continued with a lady who's a c0mplete opp0site of you. After the business you opened for her collapsed and her refusal to go write ordinary WAEC, you should have ended the relationship knowing that this lady is not serious with her future.

Since you do not want the relationship anymore, then be ready to foot the bills from afar, don't expect that she will let you go like her first baby daddy, she now has two mouths to feed. You have ruined her life becau$e 0f her carele$$ness, How many men will still take a single mother of two children from different fathers serious? Be careful because if this lady and her mother places a cur$e on you, you will live to regret it. Your financial situation can always be fixed in future but can we say the same about her life?

zoghys:
Boy, I have read some of your comment here on NL as regards some topics and I can conveniently say you are a disturbed soul. You need help help and that must come really fast.

Samuels90:
nobody is asking him look after the other kid, he is only responsible for his kid.

Sheffdon:
I can never marry a single non virgin woman above 24 talkless of a single woman . Never!

Kobojunkie:
1. You have yet to learn the real lesson here... so what makes you think anyone should attempt to learn anything from you or your experience? 😒😒

2. Again, you continue to hyperfocus on the mundane, completely ignoring the major... How does anyone learn anything tangible from you here? 😒

3. E be like say accountability no too dey your dictionary, as you stopped short of accepting full responsibility here. 😒

4. I knew it! This is another captain-save-a-hoe tale on Nairaland come to tell us that it is all the fault of the woman whom he chose to date and eventually tried to force into business, knowing full well she had no business education or background, to begin with. How do you make that make sense? 😒😒

5. E be like say na the same place dem dey train all of you Nigerian men wey dey think say una fit save a woman who no even make effort on her own. Na wa oo! 😒😒

Kobojunkie:
1. You complain about paying for the cost of delivering your own child, too? 😒😒

2. Again, I see a lack of accountability here. All she could do was make demands, and you could have easily said, "No!" But it seems like you are here to blame your wife for your inability to approach your finances honestly. 😒😒

zoghys:
Boy, I have read some of your comment here on NL as regards some topics and I can conveniently say you are a disturbed soul. You need help help and that must come really fast.

Ogbon420:
My advice to you is for you to go back to your wife. She already have a baby for you and she is now your wife. Just treat her well and make her to understand the level of things. Do not abandon your family. The Bible make us to understand that he that fineth a wife we obtain favour from God. Just stick with your wife and do the right thing God will surely bless you. Try to make her to get a job even if it is menial so that she can be supporting you.

Karleb:
The initial response I gave here got me banned for some hours because I was so angry.

The OP sounds educated and hardworking, Imagine marrying a low-skilled, non-ambitious, single mother with how sound you sound.

Man, you just wasted your potentials.

I am very sure it was the seks that hooked this guy.

BigBashiru:
When I read comments like this i just laugh because it clearly shows you do not understand women.

No woman wants to get married early out of their own free will including in the North. Voluntarily (without religion or society pressure), women only want marriage when they are older and unattractive - ideally from 28+. Those that get married before then feel they settled too early.