₦airaland Forum

I will advise my children not to marry into certain families, even if the person they love seems perfect.

Some battles are too exhausting, too deeply rooted and too costly to make love alone a sufficient reason to fight them.

People often say, “I'm marrying you, not your family.” It sounds romantic, but it is not always realistic. Marriage may bring two people together, but it can also connect two family systems, with their values, expectations, conflicts and unresolved problems.

Some families are so accustomed to dysfunction that they consider it normal. There are years of sibling rivalry, inheritance disputes, manipulation, alcoholism, financial dependency and controlling behaviour. Sometimes, the moment someone becomes successful or gets married, their family begins treating their spouse as a threat to their influence or access to that person.

Suddenly, you are no longer simply a husband or wife. You are the outsider who supposedly took their child away.

The problem is not that these families are imperfect. Every family has its struggles. The problem is when destructive patterns become a way of life, and nobody is willing to challenge them.

Sometimes, the biggest red flag is not the person you are marrying, but the family system they are unwilling to separate themselves from.

Pay attention to what your partner has demonstrated.

Can they disagree with their parents without feeling guilty or punishing you afterward?

Can they make independent decisions when their family disapproves?

Will they defend reasonable boundaries, even when doing so causes tension?

If the men in the family control every decision and your partner sees nothing wrong with it, do not assume marriage will suddenly make them independent.

If the women are expected to surrender their ambitions and remain silent, and your partner supports that arrangement, do not assume you will be treated differently.

Do not marry someone based on the person you hope they will become. Pay attention to the person they have already shown you they are.

This does not mean rejecting someone simply because they come from a dysfunctional home. Some of the most intentional spouses are people who grew up in difficult environments and made a conscious decision to build something different.

Their family history does not have to become their future. What matters is their awareness, their choices, their boundaries and their willingness to protect the home they are building with you.

Be equally careful with someone who acknowledges that their family is toxic but refuses to do anything about it. Worse still is someone who insists that you are the problem whenever you raise legitimate concerns.

You cannot establish healthy boundaries on behalf of another adult who refuses to recognise the need for them.

Love is important, but love does not automatically resolve generational conflict, dismantle controlling family systems or teach someone to stand up to their relatives.

Choose a partner who understands that building a marriage sometimes requires disappointing the people who raised them.

There is no perfect family, and nobody should be condemned for circumstances beyond their control. However, you are allowed to consider the environment into which you are marrying and the consequences it may have for your future.

You are not just choosing someone to love. You are choosing someone with whom to build a home. Make sure you are not signing up for a lifetime of battles that your partner has no intention of fighting alongside you.

Then your children should not think of marrying as there is no perfect family. Every family is like that even yours.

This is just one of the reasons why you need to teach your children wisdom.

But Truth is that if the parents don't have it, hopefully the child better get it for himself

Na to ask God. Life is full of challenges.

Just like you want to marry someone and they told you that his or her father is a DRUG LORD.



Waooooo!



In Reno Omokiri voice.




🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

There are some family rooted inherited issues you just have to avoid them or join dealing with the issue

Only a f0Ol will ignore this advise

These days people follow their heart while leaving their brain behind….

Good discussion but please let's place equal focus on productivity, investments, creating something out of nothing etc.

We are too focused on marriage yet we are not improving as a nation. Maybe we are not even addressing the key glue.

Very important information, it's importancy can never be overemphasized

No perfect family exists.... every family has their own unique issues and battles.

But if two people genuinely love each other, they should marry regardless of their families.

Just be watchful and prayerful.

Dtruthspeaker:
Then your children should not think of marrying as there any perfect family. Every family is like that even yours.

This is just one of the reasons why you need to teach your children wisdom.

But Truth is that if the parents don't have it, hopefully the child better get it for himself

Why are you angry with this simple advice? Is the writer the cause of your family problems?

This is why in igbo land, our forefathers usually ask about the family their sons and daughters are getting married to.

And because the woman usually leave her own family and become a member of her husband's family, before marriage she is usually sent to leave with her in laws for a period of two weeks, this is to enable her fully understand and bond with the family she's trying to join.

But these days, everyone is forming woke and no longer follows the basics of our cultural married.

Love is blind, that's why you come equipped with brain. Use it.

Also pay attention to how they relate to others.

If everyone has offended them, be sure that you your go join list.

Image123:
Na to ask God. Life is full of challenges.

Look who's talking!?

You should be #1..... people should be wary of marrying people who support evil

MEGAWATCH:
Just like you want to marry someone and they told you that his or her father is a DRUG LORD.



Waooooo!



In Reno Omokiri voice.




🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I tell you
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Your own family is perfect?

OP is speaking from both sides of the mouth.
Just tell folks to flee once they see the redflag kapish!

Don't get into it and start expecting your spouse to challenge their family narcissistic status quo o. It will be too late!

In particular, if they have long generations of critically advanced form of poverty, violent death in their prime plague and they are evil people with blood of innocent people on their hands, run oooooo!

Kalatium:
I will advise my children not to marry into certain families, even if the person they love seems perfect.

Some battles are too exhausting, too deeply rooted and too costly to make love alone a sufficient reason to fight them.

People often say, “I'm marrying you, not your family.” It sounds romantic, but it is not always realistic. Marriage may bring two people together, but it can also connect two family systems, with their values, expectations, conflicts and unresolved problems.

Some families are so accustomed to dysfunction that they consider it normal. There are years of sibling rivalry, inheritance disputes, manipulation, alcoholism, financial dependency and controlling behaviour. Sometimes, the moment someone becomes successful or gets married, their family begins treating their spouse as a threat to their influence or access to that person.

Suddenly, you are no longer simply a husband or wife. You are the outsider who supposedly took their child away.

The problem is not that these families are imperfect. Every family has its struggles. The problem is when destructive patterns become a way of life, and nobody is willing to challenge them.

Sometimes, the biggest red flag is not the person you are marrying, but the family system they are unwilling to separate themselves from.

Pay attention to what your partner has demonstrated.

Can they disagree with their parents without feeling guilty or punishing you afterward?

Can they make independent decisions when their family disapproves?

Will they defend reasonable boundaries, even when doing so causes tension?

If the men in the family control every decision and your partner sees nothing wrong with it, do not assume marriage will suddenly make them independent.

If the women are expected to surrender their ambitions and remain silent, and your partner supports that arrangement, do not assume you will be treated differently.

Do not marry someone based on the person you hope they will become. Pay attention to the person they have already shown you they are.

This does not mean rejecting someone simply because they come from a dysfunctional home. Some of the most intentional spouses are people who grew up in difficult environments and made a conscious decision to build something different.

Their family history does not have to become their future. What matters is their awareness, their choices, their boundaries and their willingness to protect the home they are building with you.

Be equally careful with someone who acknowledges that their family is toxic but refuses to do anything about it. Worse still is someone who insists that you are the problem whenever you raise legitimate concerns.

You cannot establish healthy boundaries on behalf of another adult who refuses to recognise the need for them.

Love is important, but love does not automatically resolve generational conflict, dismantle controlling family systems or teach someone to stand up to their relatives.

Choose a partner who understands that building a marriage sometimes requires disappointing the people who raised them.

There is no perfect family, and nobody should be condemned for circumstances beyond their control. However, you are allowed to consider the environment into which you are marrying and the consequences it may have for your future.

You are not just choosing someone to love. You are choosing someone with whom to build a home. Make sure you are not signing up for a lifetime of battles that your partner has no intention of fighting alongside you.

My father made that blunder that cost his life.

Kalatium:
I will advise my children not to marry into certain families, even if the person they love seems perfect.
intention of fighting alongside you.

Seems everyone wants to marry into Dangote and Otedola families

This actually makes alot of sense. Some families also have generational curses and mental health issues.

Absolutely. A little proactive.

Technical Writer

Very very important and you captured it all well. Run for your life if someone is incapable of independent decision making and their family lack boundaries. Otherwise people who lack experience, exposure and sound mental health will make the decisions in your marriage. The family that person comes from is very important. If they are controlling, run for your life.

Dtruthspeaker:
Then your children should not think of marrying as there any perfect family. Every family is like that even yours.

This is just one of the reasons why you need to teach your children wisdom.

But Truth is that if the parents don't have it, hopefully the child better get it for himself

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, nawao

atiku4President:
Why are you angry with this simple advice? Is the writer the cause of your family problems?

Me? Angry? For something that does not affect me? You are just overly sensitive dude

AngelicBeing:
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, nawao

19 more characters not needed

Very very very important!

Lojical1:
This actually makes alot of sense. Some families also have generational curses and mental health issues.

mental health issues, Very important thing to check cos it's hereditary and can pass down to your child

I don't knw how many of u come up with rubbish

Very important but digging into family, you will also see dirt..... But I think there are fundermental red flags though, so notcall dirt may be relevant

Gotocourt:
My father made that blunder that cost his life.

How cone you are here? Or was it after you were born?1