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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego (1487695 Views)
akpos funniest joke, and more. / 24/7 Nigeria Jokes Update / Real Funny Nigeria Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:04am On Dec 23, 2013 |
lil.sweet:In Jesus name Amen. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:48am On Dec 23, 2013 |
A woman got on a bus with her baby. The bus driver said; That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh! The woman went inside the bus and sat down, angry. She turned to a man Akpos sitting next to her, and said; The driver just insulted me. Akpos replied; You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by clicknewsnaija: 5:22pm On Dec 23, 2013 |
ADULT:Gospel Singer Turned Ashwo: Maheeda Releases Unclád Pics, Tells Male Fans She Wants Their Tongue http://clicknewznigeria..com/2013/12/adultgospel-singer-turned-ashwo-maheeda.html |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 5:40pm On Dec 23, 2013 |
Sorry to derail Click here and represent your section here |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by rasqie4me(m): 8:51pm On Dec 23, 2013 |
Daughter Of A Former Oyo State Governor Kemi Olunloyo Insults Pastor Adeboye Aga by rasqie4me(m): 8:49pm Controversial activist, Kemi Omolulo-Olunloyo, daughter of a former Oyo state governor, Victor Omololu Olunloyo is in the news again, and this time she talks about Pastor E.A Adeboye. She took hear Facebook page with over 22,000 followers to warn the people about the upcoming visit of Pastor. see full gist here....http://clicknewznigeria..com/2013/12/daughter-of-former-oyo-state-governor.html |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:33pm On Dec 24, 2013 |
Son: Dad, what do I give my girlfriend as a Christmas gift? Akpos: How does she look? Son: She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with, and even tall and also fair in completion. Akpos: Give her my number. 5 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:55am On Dec 25, 2013 |
Akpos and his Girlfriend were taking a romantic walk down the beach one cold night. Akpos grabbed the girl's hands, drew her closer to himself, kissed her and said; Baby, you know I love you so much. There's no one here, Its just the two of us, Let's do WEWEECHU. The girl looked around and said; My love, I don't want to do WEWEECHU please. Let's just hold hands and cuddle. Akpos agreed. After a while, Akpos asked her again; Oh baby, my love, please Let's do WEWEECHU! The girl replied; Baby, don't rush me. I don't want to do it. I just want to be wrapped in your arms. Akpos calmed down. After a long while, Akpos couldn't hold it any longer. He said; My heartbeat, its not fair oh! Let's do WEWEECHU na! We haven't done it since last year oh! Let's do it now na. The girl reluctantly agreed. Akpos immediately grabbed her closer to himself, hugged her tightly, brought out the guitar strapped to his back and they both start singing; WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! See their dirty minds, What were you all thinking WEWEECHU was? Go to church jor and ask God for forgiveness.... HAPPY CHRISTMAS! 14 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:12pm On Dec 26, 2013 |
3 friends Ochuko, Johnny and Akpos went to a native doctor for ritual to be rich. The native doctor gave them a charm that will make them to be rich but with a condition that they will not talk on their way home, if they do, the charm will not work. They agreed and left. On the way home a man who was owing Akpos saw him and was about to pay back. He said; Akpos please talk the exact amount i am owing you. I have forgotten. I have alot of money here with me now, i want to pay you back. How much is your money? Ochuko turned to Akpos and Johnny and said; You guys should remember that the native doctor said that we should not talk o. Johnny said; But Ochuko you have just talked. Akpos said; Ahhhh! Thank God i did not talk with the 2 of you. 3 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:26pm On Dec 26, 2013 |
AMERICAN MUMS SAY: Baby, it's night, I think it's time for you to go to bed, I even prepared some fruits for you. Come on let's go. BUT NIGERIAN MUMS SAY: (Speaking Aloud) You boy you are still watching Mr Ibu. (Calling The Daughter) Onome bring me that belt. I'll flog all the demons out of my son. Have you even urinated. She goes on to pray; FATHER LORD GOD I BEG FOR WISDOM NOT STRENGTH OTHERWISE I WILL BREAK SOMEONE'S NOSE. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:34pm On Dec 26, 2013 |
Akpos was dragged to church for deliverance by Ofego due to his crazy life style. On the way back home, Akpos and Ofego were attacked by armed robbers. The Armed Robbers said; Your money or your life. Akpos was silent. Ofego was afraid. The armed robbers requested again; Give us your money or your life. Akpos said; I don't have any of the two. The armed robbers were surprised and asked why? Akpos replied; On the way to church, beggars asked for my money, and i gave them. At the church, they told me to give my life to Christ, and I have given it to Christ. Armed robbers sorry, beggars and church reach me before you. There's no life and money to give. 3 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Donfamous(m): 11:41pm On Dec 27, 2013 |
njuwo: Akpos was dragged to church for deliverance by Ofego due to his crazy life style.very funny 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Kingtim(m): 7:27pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Lol |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by frenzybest1(m): 11:00pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
njuwo: Three business associates, an Igbo man, ahahaha, igbo man and business. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:34pm On Dec 29, 2013 |
A Man Akpos said; I'm GEJ. His Wife said; You are kidding. Our President is GEJ (Goodluck Ebele Jonathan). Akpos said; I mean i'm GEJ - GOING on EMERGENCY JOURNEY! The Wife smiled; Oh! You are not serious! What kind of journey are you going on? Akpos said; OBJ. The Wife asked; To meet Obasanjo? Akpos said; No. It means ON a BUSINESS JOURNEY. The Wife exclaimed; Oh! Akpos said; IBB. The Wife asked; Babangida? Akpos said; I'LL BE BACK. The Wife smiled. Akpos said; Till then, i'll APC. The Wife asked; You want to join politics? Akpos said; I'll ALWAYS give you a PHONE CALL. The Wife quipped; Hmmm! Akpos said; While i'm away, PDP with our love. The Wife said; What? Akpos said; PLEASE DON'T PLAY with our love. The Wife said; You know i won't. I'll BRF. Akpos said; What has Lagos State Governor got to do with all this? The Wife smiled; I'll BE RIGHTEOUS and FAITHFUL! Akpos said; I trust you. The Wife said; FOOL! Akpos was shocked and exclaimed; Whaaat? The Wife said; FOR OUR OVERWHELMING LOVE! 5 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:21pm On Dec 29, 2013 |
Doctor: Do you do exercises daily for good health? Akpos: Yes, I play Football, Cricket and Tennis daily. Doctor: How long do you play? Akpos: Until the battery in my mobile phone runs down. 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:13pm On Dec 29, 2013 |
A sick Old Woman in a hospital won 50 Million Naira. The Doctor Akpos was afraid to break the news to her thinking that on hearing it she might go into coma. So he went and put it this way to her; If you find out that you've won yourself 50 Million Naira, what will you do? The Old Woman replied; I'll give you 25 Million Naira. Akpos went into coma. 9 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:03pm On Dec 29, 2013 |
A Boy dropped a Girl at home. He puts his hand on the wall by the gate for support and leaned towards her. The Boy asked; Can I kiss you? The Girl replied; No, Not now, I'm at home now. The Boy said; Please na. The Girl said; No. The Boy said; You were too sweet in bed today. The Girl said; Wow! You too, you were full of energy. I couldn't believe we had 4 rounds. The Boy said; Let me kiss you goodnight. The Girl said; Someone might be watching, they still think I'm a virgin at home. This goes on for 10 minutes. Then the Girl's brother Akpos appeared at the gate and said; Daddy said whether you kiss him or not it's your decision, but tell the bastard to remove his hand from the telephone button. Everybody at home is listening to your conversation. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:12pm On Dec 29, 2013 |
Ofego told Akpos that most adults are hiding atleast one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying; I know the whole truth. Akpos decided to go home and try it out. He got home and ran into his mother and said; Mummy, I know the whole truth. His mother quickly handed him 500 Naira Note and said; Please don't tell your father. When his father got home from work, he worked up to him and said; Daddy, I know the whole truth. His father quickly took him aside and gave him 1,000 Naira Note and said; Don't tell your mother please. Wow! Amazed by this, he ran out to meet the Gate Man and said; I know the whole truth. The Gate Man quickly dropped the padlock and embraced him tightly and said; Thank God you have known that i am your father. 4 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Man4LordJesus: 12:57am On Dec 30, 2013 |
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by EvilChapterz(m): 3:09pm On Dec 30, 2013 |
njuwo: A woman got on a bus with her baby. Must you guys recycle jokes from Google and claim akpos 4 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:20pm On Dec 31, 2013 |
A Guy was called for an interview by Chevron based on his performance while working for Shell. The Interviewer Akpos asked; What is your current pay at Shell and what are you looking at with Chevron? The Guy said; 9 Million Naira per annum plus medical and other benefits. Considering the position here in Chevron, I'd be looking at 20-22 Million Naira per annum, a status car, overseas vacation and medicals. Akpos said; Today is your lucky day! The position comes with 35 Million Naira per annum salary, 2014 Range Rover Sport as official car, Mercedes Benz S65 AMG as status car, overseas medical treatment. A fully furnished house in Lekki, health insurance for your wife and children, 2 houses to be built for you in any town of your choice and in your village, annual overseas vacation for you and your family fully-paid first class, 2 Million Naira wardrobe allowance per annum, cook, steward and 2 drivers, country club membership, and you are entitled to keep all that the company gives you if you put in just 3 years of service. The Guy in bewildered excitement exclaimed; Haaaa! Sir, you must be joking. Akpos said; Of course I am joking. Were you not the one that started it? 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:01am On Jan 01, 2014 |
(This Happened Many Years Ago, Enjoy). Late in 1994, an 87 year old man died in a village close to Amai, Kwale, Delta State. The late man's grandson, Ufiaka, who was 26 years old and fairly educated, was given some money and asked to travel to Agbor to buy a fine casket for his grandpa's burial. Ufiaka left base early and arrived Agbor in good time to purchase the casket and make the return journey same day. He was fortunate to get an open back white coloured Peugeot 404 pickup heading for Amai. He, however, had to ride in the back of the pickup with the casket because 2 market women traveling to Amai were already seated in front with the driver. On the journey home, they ran into a heavy rain storm close to Uronigbe and Ufiaka quickly opened the casket, laid himself nicely in the well padded interior, covered the lid and used the folded newspaper he had with him to leave a small opening between the lid and the main body of the white casket to ensure adequate ventilation. The interior of the casket was very comfortable and Ufiaka soon fell into a very deep sleep. The rain had subsided at the time the pickup van arrived at Umutu and during a brief stop there, 2 men traveling to Amai boarded the vehicle at the back and the same happened at Obiaruku where a man and a woman traveling also to Amai entered the vehicle. All this while, Ufiaka was enjoying his beautiful sleep inside the Casket completely unaware of the new passengers who boarded at Umutu and Obiaruku. The pickup van arrived Amai just after 5pm and the driver, who was now very hungry, stopped in front of a busy buka to have a quick bite before proceeding on to the next village. The sudden stoppage and reviving of the pickup's engine woke Ufiaka who then opened the lid of the casket and rose up. Trouble then started! The passengers in the back of the pickup jumped out of the vehicle from various points and took to their heels in various directions. The people eating in the buka including the owner and her service girls who saw the white casket open, and a "ghost" step out, ran off all over the place, some with balls of eba and akpu in their hands. Ufiaka, seeing people running 'helter skelter' was convinced that armed robbers were operating and decided to take-off in the direction 3 of the passengers including the woman were running. When the 3 passengers realised that Ufiaka was running towards them, they increased their speed and shouted "ghost! ghost!"ghost! and, to further worsen the situation, Ufiaka was dressed in white up and down with white shoes to match that day. With the shouting of 'ghost', other people in their homes came out to see what was going on and on seeing people running at high speed all over, they joined in the race for their dear life and the number just swelled. The driver and the 2 market women were the only people who knew what was going on and they had a hell of a time calming the people down and explaining that he merely needed shelter, while it was raining. 4 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:38pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
A 3 years old boy Akpos while waiting with his mother at the doctor's office walked up to a pregnant woman. He inquisitively asked the woman; Why is your stomach so big? The woman replied; I'm having a baby. With big eyes, Akpos asked; Is the baby in your stomach? The woman said; Yes, he is in my stomach. The little Akpos with a puzzled look asked; Is it a good baby? The woman said; Oh yes it's a really good baby. With an even more surprised and shocked look Akpos asked; Then why did you swallow him? 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:08pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
Akpos farts in the classroom and his teacher got really upset and threw him out. He went and sat outside the class. He couldn't stop laughing. The principal was walking by and saw him sitting outside laughing. He asked; What are you doing outside laughing? Akpos replied; I farted in class and the teacher threw me out. The principal said; Well then, why are you laughing? Akpos replied; Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the class room smelling and enjoying my fart while they put me outside in this beautiful, clean air. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Cubeet: 6:53pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
Who can be so dumb to do this
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:14pm On Jan 02, 2014 |
A Man Akpos was having an argument with his Wife. The Wife called Akpos a fool. Akpos got angry and said; I cannot be called a fool by a woman, not even my wife. She must therefore leave my house. Neighbours intervened and the matter was resolved. But the Wife still nursed anger. Later that night, it rained heavily. It was so cold that Akpos wanted to perform his manly duty. Sneaking his hands to touch his Wife’s laps in the dark, the Wife shouted; Who is that fool? Akpos replied; It is me! 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by tobiboss(m): 9:35pm On Jan 02, 2014 |
njuwo: A Young Man Akpos was lost wandering inhahahahahahaha |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:22am On Jan 03, 2014 |
A little boy Akpos came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma; Where's mom and dad? She replied; They are up in bed. Akpos started to giggle, ate his breakfast and went out to play. He came back in for lunch and asked his grandma; Where's mom and dad? She replied; They are still up in bed. Akpos started to giggle, ate his lunch and went out to play. He came in for dinner and asked his grandma; Where's mom and dad? The grandmother replied; They are still up in bed. Akpos started laughing. The grandmother asked; Akpos what is going on? Why is it that every time I tell you they are still up in bed, you will start laughing! Akpos replied; Last night daddy came into my room and asked me for vaseline and I gave him super glue. 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:33am On Jan 03, 2014 |
A little boy Akpos fell from a mango tree. He got up and said to his friends; Thank God I did not die. If i had died my father would have killed me. 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:46am On Jan 03, 2014 |
A man Akpos and his family went to the village to celebrate Christmas. On Christmas day Akpos asked his son to bring one fat chicken and a knife to kill the chicken. The son went and did as Akpos instructed. Akpos had this kind of eyes that is called half past 4 eyes. Akpos took the knife and asked his son to hold the chicken at the other end so that he can cut the chicken but because he had half past 4 eyes he pointed the knife towards the son rather than on the chicken. The son screamed in a loud voice; Daddy I am not the chicken. I am your humble son. Please point the knife to the chicken rather than towards your son. 2 Likes 2 Shares |
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