₦airaland Forum

ruuudboy:
my wife had married working class male as friends and brothers before we got married and most of them do runs out of their wedlock which she was aware of all their antics. According to her way back then, some of them dated her friends then. So, that has always been at the back of her mind and she always make reference to it sometimes (karma things).

 

This week has been a very busy one for me at work, i came home late than usual. Yesterday (one of the few craziest day i had at work) was so late that i came home around to 9pm unlike my usual 5-6pm. She close from her own office around 4pm. I only picked her call around afternoon which i told her i was a bit busy and i couldnt talk to her later and i never bothered to call as i was so tired.

i came home and she gave me attitude which i ignored even while i tried to greet her and assumed its normal. I had some report to send to my boss that night cos that was the excuse i gave before he allowed me leave office. I realised i should have explained somethings and why i came home late but i jst concentrated on my fone trying to sort out my report on my ipad. She was just ranting all around saying the one i did outside was not enough, i came home and still continued with my phone chatting with some i.diot girls whereas i was chatting with my boss and colleagues.

i later went outside to buy recharge card after i couldn't recharge with my mobile banking app. I was on the phone with my boss which made me stay a bit more outside but i guess she has been trying my number which was busy..........This got her infuriated as she locked the door and started, i was just looking at her trying to explain things but she wouldnt allow me....saying it was friday and i was definitely  with someone while she was calling me and i claimed i was in the office and ignored her.....wat i did in the office was enough  that i still went outside to make calls, i just kept quiet as shstarted talking. Her ranting  got to me that i felt if i should respond with how boiling i was, it will definitely  be something  else cos of the day stress , i had to keep quiet for her as we cant ve ralking at the same time.......i didnt know my being silent will lead to attack...

Brother, your problems are caused by you. This post of yours has indicted you.

ruuudboy:
We have always heard about husband abusing their wives. How is it always like, the other way round? I have never laid my hand on any lady before not to talk of my wife and i don't think i can do such.

As a husband how do you handle it if your wife lay her hand on you either by slapping,punching,biting or rough handling? As a wife, how did your husband handle the situation?

I have been married to my wife going to 4yrs now and yesterday was the second time we had misunderstanding that led to serious confrontation.....Initially when it all started around 9pm, i kept quiet and didnt respond to her ranting. When she realized i wasn't responding, she moved close to me, started punching me, bit me and somehow slapped me in the process with serious ranting "you'll kill me today."

I tried as much as not to retaliate and removed myself from her, ran to the visitors room and locked myself in there....she continued talking and started hitting the door with a stick, after which i realized that with the way things are going, neighbours on the next flat might want to come and asked what was wrong, which i do much detest.

I started begging her from inside after which she calmed down and i opened the door.....we talked it through till late in d night and settled our differences which she later apologised for raising her hand on me and promised never to do that again no matter what happened.

The issue now is, i put myself in another man's shoe that how do people handle things like this in marriage as a husband?

As a wife, how did your husband handle issues of misunderstanding? The first thing that came to my mind yesterday when she hit me was the word of my boss who always say, AT THE HIGHEST POINT OF PROVOCATION, ALWAYS EXERCISE CAUTION.

Married peeps, how do u handle this?

nice . Though am not yet married ,but I have learnt a lot from your write up.
.
Thanks

Some of the advise here are completely moronic.
And these are the same people that will advise the woman to run at the first sign of abuse ,are the ones asking him to be a gentleman till he dies untimely.
Anyway , the OP must be a child.
I hate indecisive people.

Flying nodding

1 of d reasons y am scared of get'n married

SirShymex:
Lol, I was going to avoid the thread, but since you called me out - I'll drop my 2ps.

Err, my ex used to be like that whenever we get into serious arguments (but she never slapped me). Just the normal pushing, and scratching thing. You know how chics get emotional sometimes, with tears running down their cheeks, especially when they're "in love" with all the talks about, "you're the only guy I've ever loved, how come you're treating me like shiit." The emotional blackmail thing.

I just used to restrain her cos I don't beat chics - too strong for the average chic. Then after a while, I decided to start walking away, whenever things get somewhat tensed, just to defuse everything. Cos I know she'll be back to normal after an hour. But one time that I couldn't walk away cos we were in the car together. It got out of hand, and as soon as she hit me on the chest - reflex action took over, and I two-pieced her shoulders. One punch on each shoulder (I apologised though) lol. And trust me, she stopped after that day.

Afterwards, it became a case of: get angry/emotional, smash something, and go cry in the room. That was how I discovered shoulder punches as the cure to women's madness.

Na wa o!

I honestly don't know what to say. Why didn't you kick her out at the first sign of violence against you? I.e the scratching and pushing stuff?

Yes, walking away is good but in the short term only, because as you can see, it'll only get worse which is exactly what happened in your case. She notched it up to the next level. That aside, even when you walk away, your head would be buzzing with the destructive insults and name-calling she would have thrown your way.

I know you said your response to her striking out at you in the car was reflex, but maybe you should have just pulled up and thrown the shrew out on her ear? Let her walk the long distance back, and when she gets back home, she'll find that you've locked her out.

You were lucky you didn't get involved in an accident that day.

Timbuktou:
Brother, your problems are caused by you. This post of yours has indicted you.

How?

zeb04:
Op don't listen to any of the advice here esp from the women.

Divorce/Seperation because the woman was banging on his door?
Didn't Op say he has settled with his wife and she promised not to repeat that again.
You all giving such advice are sick in the brain.

Since when did marriage become childplay.
Nansense.

You are not serious

I think the tread is more serious but I will reference when a lady's version comes out.

Glad its been sorted!. She did wrong and it is for her own good that she saw her folly and has also promised not to repeat this.
Lets give her the benefit of the doubt.

. . but you both need to go back to the drawing board . . .COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION!!

Things shoudnt excalate to the point where either/both of you loose control.

Violence is a NO-NO from anybody neither from the wife or from the husband. . and as you have both seen, what could have been resolved by communication in the first instance was finally resolved by the same communication. So was all the "wahala" worth it? absolutely not.

Now that tempers are cooler and time passed, talk to her again and make it clear that you wont tolerate a repeat occurence in the future.

ruuudboy:
my wife had married working class male as friends and brothers before we got married and most of them do runs out of their wedlock which she was aware of all their antics. According to her way back then, some of them dated her friends then. So, that has always been at the back of her mind and she always make reference to it sometimes (karma things).

 

This week has been a very busy one for me at work, i came home late than usual. Yesterday (one of the few craziest day i had at work) was so late that i came home around to 9pm unlike my usual 5-6pm. She close from her own office around 4pm. I only picked her call around afternoon which i told her i was a bit busy and i couldnt talk to her later and i never bothered to call as i was so tired.

i came home and she gave me attitude which i ignored even while i tried to greet her and assumed its normal. I had some report to send to my boss that night cos that was the excuse i gave before he allowed me leave office. I realised i should have explained somethings and why i came home late but i jst concentrated on my fone trying to sort out my report on my ipad. She was just ranting all around saying the one i did outside was not enough, i came home and still continued with my phone chatting with some i.diot girls whereas i was chatting with my boss and colleagues.

i later went outside to buy recharge card after i couldn't recharge with my mobile banking app. I was on the phone with my boss which made me stay a bit more outside but i guess she has been trying my number which was busy..........This got her infuriated as she locked the door and started, i was just looking at her trying to explain things but she wouldnt allow me....saying it was friday and i was definitely  with someone while she was calling me and i claimed i was in the office and ignored her.....wat i did in the office was enough  that i still went outside to make calls, i just kept quiet as shstarted talking. Her ranting  got to me that i felt if i should respond with how boiling i was, it will definitely  be something  else cos of the day stress , i had to keep quiet for her as we cant ve ralking at the same time.......i didnt know my being silent will lead to attack...

send this woman back to her father's house. i really don't know why you nigerian husbands are too timid to have a serious discussion with your in-laws. your in-laws are human beings like you, they aren't demi-gods. call them, report her behaviour to them & let them know how disappointed you are with the way your wife was trained.

this is like a transaction - your brideprice in exchange with a virtuous well-trained woman. your brideprice & the things they asked for during the traditional marriage was intact(no damaged good). you kept your own part of the deal as far as you are concerned.

that they gave you a wayward, mannerless bride means they didn't keep to their own end of the deal. send her back to them so she can be retrained with a complete brain reset. a month should be enough for the cobwebs in her brain to be completely removed. she can come back to you after 5 weeks.

coogar:
send this woman back to her father's house. i really don't know why you nigerian husbands are too timid to have a serious discussion with your in-laws. your in-laws are human beings like you, they aren't demi-gods. call them, report her behaviour to them & let them know how disappointed you are with the way your wife was trained.

this is like a transaction - your brideprice in exchange with a virtuous well-trained woman. your brideprice & the things they asked for during the traditional marriage was intact(no damaged good). you kept your own part of the deal as far as you are concerned.

that they gave you a wayward, mannerless bride means they didn't keep to their own end of the deal. send her back to them so she can be retrained with a complete brain reset. a month should be enough for the cobwebs in her brain to be completely removed. she can come back to you after 5 weeks.

Daleru
Ive always meant to ask you this question . .when the hubby misbehaves and he "messes" up one of his vows, where does he get sent to?

chaircover:
Daleru
Ive always meant to ask you this question . . .when the hubby misbehaves and he "messes" up one of his vows, where does he get sent to?

to his father's house!
no form of violence or any sort of abuse should be tolerated. dogs that bite strangers get shot these days, i think any husband or wife who cannot control their emotions deserve the same treatment. it's bad enough that men go through stress at work, traffic, family issues. adding a disrespectful wife to the equation just tips the balance for me.

wife needs to go back to her parents!

coogar:

to his father's house!
no form of violence or any sort of abuse should be tolerated. dogs that bite strangers get shot these days, i think any husband or wife who cannot control their emotions deserve the same treatment. it's bad enough that men go through stress at work, traffic, family issues. adding a disrespectful wife to the equation just tips the balance for me.

wife needs to go back to her parents!

Huh?

chaircover:
Huh?

live & direct!
violence in marriages should be taken seriously. trying to cover for a wife or hubby is the same as not declaring one's HIV status if one is positive - postponing the evil days.

coogar:
live & direct!
violence in marriages should be taken seriously. trying to cover for a wife or hubby is the same as not declaring one's HIV status if one is positive - postponing the evil days.

As if you will go back to baba coogars house when you offend Sister Mary
Who are you kidding?
That is when we will hear a long story about how you used your hard earned in the cold and snow £ sterling to buy Dangote cement to build the house

chaircover:
As if you will go back to baba coogars house when you offend Sister Mary
Who are you kidding?
That is when we will hear a long story about how you used your hard earned in the cold and snow £ sterling to buy Dangote cement to build the house

i have the control of my emotions - women rarely have this quality. sister sarah is a rare creation. she's never spoken out of turn to me & neither have i. mutual respect is key. a woman raised her hand to slap her hubby & you are holding a brief for her?


if it was a one-off incident then she could be pardoned as a first offender. this is the second time - a pattern has emerged that she's the violent type. why should there be another benefit of the doubt? would you have called for another chance if the roles are reversed?

ruuudboy:
We have always heard about husband abusing their wives. How is it always like, the other way round? I have never laid my hand on any lady before not to talk of my wife and i don't think i can do such.

As a husband how do you handle it if your wife lay her hand on you either by slapping,punching,biting or rough handling? As a wife, how did your husband handle the situation?

I have been married to my wife going to 4yrs now and yesterday was the second time we had misunderstanding that led to serious confrontation.....Initially when it all started around 9pm, i kept quiet and didnt respond to her ranting. When she realized i wasn't responding, she moved close to me, started punching me, bit me and somehow slapped me in the process with serious ranting "you'll kill me today."

I tried as much as not to retaliate and removed myself from her, ran to the visitors room and locked myself in there....she continued talking and started hitting the door with a stick, after which i realized that with the way things are going, neighbours on the next flat might want to come and asked what was wrong, which i do much detest.

I started begging her from inside after which she calmed down and i opened the door.....we talked it through till late in d night and settled our differences which she later apologised for raising her hand on me and promised never to do that again no matter what happened.

The issue now is, i put myself in another man's shoe that how do people handle things like this in marriage as a husband?

As a wife, how did your husband handle issues of misunderstanding? The first thing that came to my mind yesterday when she hit me was the word of my boss who always say, AT THE HIGHEST POINT OF PROVOCATION, ALWAYS EXERCISE CAUTION.

Married peeps, how do u handle this?

@OP:

You said 2x in four years and you have explained what caused this. What happened the first time?

That said, your wife is very wrong hitting you.

Next time she does it, pack a small bag and head off somewhere you can be accounted for and report her to her parents telling them to caution their daughter

Return home after they have warned her and she apologizes. Publicly is better so there are witnesses.

All the best.

BABE3:
How?

His body language encourages the disrespect she metes out to him. The tone of his writing sef doesn't sound like a man who's sure of himself. In trying to be gentlemanly and a man of peace, he has ceded too much power to this woman. No amount of talk will help him, unfortunately.

coogar:
i have the control of my emotions - women rarely have this quality. sister sarah is a rare creation. she's never spoken out of turn to me & neither have i. mutual respect is key. a woman raised her hand to slap her hubby & you are holding a brief for her?


if it was a one-off incident then she could be pardoned as a first offender. this is the second time - a pattern has emerged that she's the violent type. why should there be another benefit of the doubt? would you have called for another chance if the roles are reversed?

I am not holding brief for her. I said it loud and cleat that she did wrong.
I Always have and always will be against violence
The OP said that he has resolved it with his wife
Do I then ask him to kick her out?
Ive told him what to do to avoid a further occurence.

chaircover:
I am not holding brief for her. I said it loud and cleat that she did wrong.
I Always have and always will be against violence
The OP said that he has resolved it with his wife
Do I then ask him to kick her out?
Ive told him what to do to avoid a further occurence.

he resolved it the first time too, didn't he? you don't tackle problems on the surface, you get to the roots. he might have forgiven her but her anger management issues need to be tackled to prevent another occurrence.

Timbuktou:
His body language encourages the disrespect she metes out to him. The tone of his writing sef doesn't sound like a man who's sure of himself. In trying to be gentlemanly and a man of peace, he has ceded too much power to this woman. No amount of talk will help him, unfortunately.

I understand you. He sounds unsure.
I wouldn't blame him entirely. He was probably a man the first two years of marriage, and she turned him into a semi-man. Bad wives do have that ability.

coogar:
he resolved it the first time too, didn't he? you don't tackle problems on the surface, you get to the roots. he might have forgiven her but her anger management issues need to be tackled to prevent another occurrence.

Dunno what happened the first time and he has let this one go.

A serious firm last chance warning may shock her and just do the trick.

What I am saying is that there is no point sending her away after they have already sat down and resokved the issue. That in its own makes him look weak and as one who cant make up his own mind by himself and who needs external people to adivse him.

ruuudboy:
the silent treatment was actually what infuriated her......according to her, she was talking,instead of me 2 respond and settle things, i just kept quiet which she was tired of and needed us to settle things asap

If you answered her it would have resulted to more fight

Its gone but give her a very big silent warning that it SHALL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN...

Am not married but my woman chop liver to come meet came at the guest house with plenty mature men and slapped me 5 TIMES there,i did not raise my hand,i took back door and drove off...I told her the next time it happens

God htook control for you cause some people self wan die and just need person to send them away...

Patience is key but give a very good warning...it is height of disrespect and she must v shown you some signs of aggression and later withdrew it cause she wan marry to show her self?next time she does

Send your kids to boarding school and leave the house to her.

BABE3:
I understand you. He sounds unsure.
I wouldn't blame him entirely. He was probably a man the first two years of marriage, and she turned him into a semi-man. Bad wives do have that ability.

They only have as much ability as they are allowed. The events of that evening are not the beginning, they are a sort of culmination. Women will test you in all sorts of ways, and if you're not savvy and busy forming millenium man, may God help you if you have a callous woman for a wife.

Aluta said this man has been seen finish. That is the conclusion of the whole matter.

Gentleman OP, soon she'll b telling you not to go to work. Dey dia dey zuzu, you hear?

It is a pity. Your wife beaten you to the point U begin to beg her

esere826:
@ruuudboy
no one has the right to hit the other
whether na man or woman

sit her down now before the next incident ever occurs and firmly tell her that if this happens again it would be taken seriously
if it does occur again, record the event and show it to her family,... not yours yet.
Calmly tell her family to call her to order

if it progresses further, report her to your pastors wife
If after that it occurs yet again
then learn to lock her up in a room, instead of yourself and start working on a process for separation from her or sleeping out

Sleeping out will get to her seriously

nonsense
I'll beat the living daylights out of her, she dey mad

Ruuudboy, i hope with all these posts trying to make you feel like a 'sissy' you wont end up becoming something other than the good husband you are. Your wife actions were very bad. From what you said, you know silent treatment gets to her hence you use it to a fault even when you were wrong and saw from her attitude, you carried on like normal instead of apologising for not calling only to ignore when she gave attitude. From your post, the way she attacked you says she prefare you beating her to your usual ignore (though thats not what she really wanted). You saw that she calmed down the moment you decided to talk/communicate and not ignore. Since she is has promised not to repeat dont send or report her anymore to parents. Please be open to her in every way, communicate instead of ignore like most men as you can see it brings the worst in her unlike most women, finally always reassure her you wont cheat on her to kill the insecurity and build a trust for you. I want to believe you love her and that she has good qualities too, give her benefit of doubt again and love her once more. Firmly tell her again you wont tolerate a repeat, dont report her again after forgiving her as she may resent you for not being man enough.

Floodgater:
Ruuudboy, i hope with all these posts trying to make you feel like a 'sissy' you wont end up becoming something other than the good husband you are. Your wife actions were very bad. From what you said, you know silent treatment gets to her hence you use it to a fault even when you were wrong and saw from her attitude, you carried on like normal instead of apologising for not calling only to ignore when she gave attitude. From your post, the way she attacked you says she prefare you beating her to your usual ignore (though thats not what she really wanted). You saw that she calmed down the moment you decided to talk/communicate and not ignore. Since she is has promised not to repeat dont send or report her anymore to parents. Please be open to her in every way, communicate instead of ignore like most men as you can see it brings the worst in her unlike most women, finally always reassure her you wont cheat on her to kill the insecurity and build a trust for you. I want to believe you love her and that she has good qualities too, give her benefit of doubt again and love her once more. Firmly tell her again you wont tolerate a repeat, dont report her again after forgiving her as she may resent you for not being man enough.

OP, you can believe this or you can choose to seek out the real reason your wife would even conceive of insulting you, not to talk of dazing you. Good luck.

Ruuudboy this is to you. Now let;s analyze this together taking into consideration the two parties i.e you and your wife. Is it right for a man to physically abuse his wife? What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

I think we belong to the same school of thoughts that sees a man abusing the wife as cowardice. Now why should the woman abuse the husband?

Respect is Reciprocal.

If she fails to reciprocate my respect for her she'll see the jet li side of me.

she dey mad.

Floodgater:
Ruuudboy, i hope with all these posts trying to make you feel like a 'sissy' you wont end up becoming something other than the good husband you are. Your wife actions were very bad. From what you said, you know silent treatment gets to her hence you use it to a fault even when you were wrong and saw from her attitude, you carried on like normal instead of apologising for not calling only to ignore when she gave attitude. From your post, the way she attacked you says she prefare you beating her to your usual ignore (though thats not what she really wanted). You saw that she calmed down the moment you decided to talk/communicate and not ignore. Since she is has promised not to repeat dont send or report her anymore to parents. Please be open to her in every way, communicate instead of ignore like most men as you can see it brings the worst in her unlike most women, finally always reassure her you wont cheat on her to kill the insecurity and build a trust for you. I want to believe you love her and that she has good qualities too, give her benefit of doubt again and love her once more. Firmly tell her again you wont tolerate a repeat, dont report her again after forgiving her as she may resent you for not being man enough.

Thankz so much.....i tried as much as possible to be straightforward cos relationship not built on trust will definitely crumble.
Sincerely, communication has never been an issue but u no sometimes after a rough day u just want to relax your brain before delving into other things at home. My routine has always been from work to house on a daily basis. The latest i come home averagely is between 5-6pm and my weekend is always with my famiky. I dont have friends that i hang around with nor drink to warrant spending tym outside. She's 95% sure of all my movement just that she's always sceptical based on some guys parol she was exposed to before marriage
i was raised in a separate family before my father died and ever since i got married and up till now,the advice i get from my mum is to always learned from their own mistake that if she had known then,she would have done everytyn possible to make her marriage work rather that go the way of divorce with my dad....... That have always been working on cos even if i call her today and she asked abt my wife, she will still give the advice that i should always do everything within my power to make my marriage work and never attempt separation in order not to be like them. More reason why i cant even report her to my mum cos they are very close and it will get her thinking abt their own past mistakes.

ruuudboy:
my wife had married working class male as friends and brothers before we got married and most of them do runs out of their wedlock which she was aware of all their antics. According to her way back then, some of them dated her friends then. So, that has always been at the back of her mind and she always make reference to it sometimes (karma things).

 

This week has been a very busy one for me at work, i came home late than usual. Yesterday (one of the few craziest day i had at work) was so late that i came home around to 9pm unlike my usual 5-6pm. She close from her own office around 4pm. I only picked her call around afternoon which i told her i was a bit busy and i couldnt talk to her later and i never bothered to call as i was so tired.

i came home and she gave me attitude which i ignored even while i tried to greet her and assumed its normal. I had some report to send to my boss that night cos that was the excuse i gave before he allowed me leave office. I realised i should have explained somethings and why i came home late but i jst concentrated on my fone trying to sort out my report on my ipad. She was just ranting all around saying the one i did outside was not enough, i came home and still continued with my phone chatting with some i.diot girls whereas i was chatting with my boss and colleagues.

i later went outside to buy recharge card after i couldn't recharge with my mobile banking app. I was on the phone with my boss which made me stay a bit more outside but i guess she has been trying my number which was busy..........This got her infuriated as she locked the door and started, i was just looking at her trying to explain things but she wouldnt allow me....saying it was friday and i was definitely  with someone while she was calling me and i claimed i was in the office and ignored her.....wat i did in the office was enough  that i still went outside to make calls, i just kept quiet as shstarted talking. Her ranting  got to me that i felt if i should respond with how boiling i was, it will definitely  be something  else cos of the day stress , i had to keep quiet for her as we cant ve ralking at the same time.......i didnt know my being silent will lead to attack...

Mehn, I commend ur Patience. you are a good man.