Have you been battered and abused in whatever way by your spouse, relatives, spouse's family (for widows) etc Then come here let's talk! Tell your story and read about other people's experiences too. You never know,help might come from the advice we get here. And we could save lives.

Btw,counsellors are also invited to counsel us.

Thanks for sharing.....

*following*

@swaggaqueen

Why don't you share your story first

@cooly cooly .. How bodi

Where you don dey

Hope work bam

kulyie

Wow, someone opens a thread so people can share their pain and experiences and learn from each other, How to survive, what to do, where to go and you come with this?

Have fun, hope it will be worth it

The family section is meant to be a safe heaven, there is even a suicide watch thread here, nothing wrong with an experience sharing thread for abused men and women, how does that become a pity party club?
Do you know how many people you have silenced?
If you are looking for fun and play, am sure you know the sections to go to.

This is a nice thread and I hope people speak out without being judged. I used to be a more hands on Psychotherapist and gosh what I have heard and seen makes me shiver at times. "Nkan be" in this world.

Good.. In the multitude of counsel, there is safety and wisdom for life. Things are seriously happening and people dying in silence with no help foreseen.

I hope this thread will help heal wounded hearts and broken homes with good counsels that will come from here.

pickabeau1: @swaggaqueen

Why don't you share your story first

I sure will....

@debrief,vanitty and bellong,thanks for your support.

@kulyie,my prayer is that nobody experiences the kind of pain most of us go through in the name of marriage.

kulyie

These days you fail to fulfill the expectations of others on this forum.the other day you made a joke about TTC women.kuylie is everything ok with you?just asking

OP,I think maybe you should widen this for all form's of abuse, because in your writeup you specified spousal abuse, there by excluding others like widows abused by spouse's family, or even young ladies who have been victims of sexual abuse by relatives., doesn't have to be violence only.... just a thought

Once a man starts abusing the wife physically,he won't stop.it goes on and on.thats how mine started and I thought it would be the last.i know some people on NL feel am not real or I caused my problem myself but you are free to feel or think however you want
As am typing this now,I have some wounds on my back and hands.thats the recent beating I got from someone who claims to luv me very much.for every time I question his fidelity,I get beaten up seriously like a thief who stole in the market square.he sleeps with girls anywhere.ranging from his car to our matrimonial home to motels,
Now ask me how I knew all this

p.s it's really annoying when I type s*e-x.u* a l abuse only to see intimate abuse, they do not denote the same thing, neither does molestation adequately represent r*a*p"e, for f^ck's sake!!!

peggykorol: Once a man starts abusing the wife physically,he won't stop.it goes on and on.thats how mine started and I thought it would be the last.i know some people on NL feel am not real or I caused my problem myself but you are free to feel or think however you want
As am typing this now,I have some wounds on my back and hands.thats the recent beating I got from someone who claims to luv me very much.for every time I question his fidelity,I get beaten up seriously like a thief who stole in the market square.he sleeps with girls anywhere.ranging from his car to our matrimonial home to motels,
Now ask me how I knew all this

No, the question I'm asking is "why are you still with him? " and not in a judgemental way, just in an introspective way.

I wish you find the happiness you have been looking for. See if you can talk to any body he respects.

peggykorol: Once a man starts abusing the wife physically,he won't stop.it goes on and on.thats how mine started and I thought it would be the last.i know some people on NL feel am not real or I caused my problem myself but you are free to feel or think however you want
As am typing this now,I have some wounds on my back and hands.thats the recent beating I got from someone who claims to luv me very much.for every time I question his fidelity,I get beaten up seriously like a thief who stole in the market square.he sleeps with girls anywhere.ranging from his car to our matrimonial home to motels,
Now ask me how I knew all this

I can't imagine what you go through.
First things first, please don't bother what people will say, the only time they can manage to be nice for a few minutes is when you die, that is when the same people abusing you will crown you a saint so please they don't count.

About the abuse, is there anyone you can report to?
Is there somewhere you can go for a while a safe place to stay while some of the issues are worked out (if possible)?

I prefer you are out of the dangerous situation first before solutions can be sort

My husband is 13 years older than i am. He's short tempered and is way too self-opinionated. What he says is law and if i don't "carry out" his instructions, I'm insubordinate and disloyal. Which of course fetches me the beating of my life. He says i don't have to work (I'm a lawyer) that he has the capacity of providing for me and our two kids. Consequently,when there is any disagreement,he leaves the house for weeks and won't give me money. I'll have to start begging even when he's at fault! The last straw was when he beat me up with my nine months pregnancy! (Four days to the birth of my son). We were visiting my folks and were lodged in a hotel.he suggested i spend some hours with the kids in my parents house since he wanted to rest.i consented of course. On getting back,i saw hair littered every where on the sheets. I asked him if he had company and he flew into a rage,calling me names and then the beatings started. How long can i put up with this?

Btw,every one around thinks I'm enjoying marriage because i hardly tell anyone what I'm going thru.

peggykorol: Once a man starts abusing the wife physically,he won't stop.it goes on and on.thats how mine started and I thought it would be the last.i know some people on NL feel am not real or I caused my problem myself but you are free to feel or think however you want
As am typing this now,I have some wounds on my back and hands.thats the recent beating I got from someone who claims to luv me very much.for every time I question his fidelity,I get beaten up seriously like a thief who stole in the market square.he sleeps with girls anywhere.ranging from his car to our matrimonial home to motels,
Now ask me how I knew all this

The easiest way to be free from a physical abusive person is to stay far away from him. You need to keep distance from the man to resolve his personal issues before he turns you to story that touch.

Never be bothered about the irrelevant opinions of others, it won't do you any good but more problems.

My husband's folks are loyal to him because ofnthe things he does for them and therefore,no one talks to him.he's a lord on his own. And of course the issue of infidelity comes to play too. He monitors my every move and is free to do whatever he likes,go wherever he likes and the last time,i saw a particular number of a female that he saved with a man's name,when i talked, he went ahead to call me names again. Came to beat me up as usual but for once in my life.my i stood up to him and told him never to try it! I guess that scared him a bit cos he dropped the weapon he wanted to use in hitting me..... i got advice from well-meaning friends to leave his place and go to my parent's house to heal but knowing him,he would never come for us.

It means i have to start life afresh. 30 years with no money in the bank,with two children and no job! God!

His sister keeps saying that if i leave,I'll be the one to lose.(which is true in a sense) but cuming from a divorcee whose husband battered until she ran for her life,i wonder what this world's turning into. She says many women want to be married to him and that as I'm the "lucky one",i should stay and still show him love. Till the day i die?

I'm pained,I'm crying,my heart is heavy but no one understands my pain. He's gone for a week now and my daughter keeps asking when daddy is coming back. I'm at my lowest ebb emotionally and all people can say is stay for the sake of the children.

I have no more self-esteem. He has abused,battered and violated me. He tells me things that make me feel I'm worth nothing. I'm tired!

peggykorol: Once a man starts abusing the wife physically,he won't stop.it goes on and on.thats how mine started and I thought it would be the last.i know some people on NL feel am not real or I caused my problem myself but you are free to feel or think however you want
As am typing this now,I have some wounds on my back and hands.thats the recent beating I got from someone who claims to luv me very much.for every time I question his fidelity,I get beaten up seriously like a thief who stole in the market square.he sleeps with girls anywhere.ranging from his car to our matrimonial home to motels,
Now ask me how I knew all this

Your story is so touching and i feel for you. But you do not have to suffer in silence. If your man raises his hands against you, then he doesn't deserve you at all. Do you have kids? If yes, how old?

swag queen: My husband is 13 years older than i am. He's short tempered and is way too self-opinionated. What he says is law and if i don't "carry out" his instructions, I'm insubordinate and disloyal. Which of course fetches me the beating of my life. He says i don't have to work (I'm a lawyer) that he has the capacity of providing for me and our two kids. Consequently,when there is any disagreement,he leaves the house for weeks and won't give me money. I'll have to start begging even when he's at fault! The last straw was when he beat me up with my nine months pregnancy! (Four days to the birth of my son). We were visiting my folks and were lodged in a hotel.he suggested i spend some hours with the kids in my parents house since he wanted to rest.i consented of course. On getting back,i saw hair littered every where on the sheets. I asked him if he had company and he flew into a rage,calling me names and then the beatings started. How long can i put up with this?

Btw,every one around thinks I'm enjoying marriage because i hardly tell anyone what I'm going thru.

Have you told his parents what you are passing through at home? Are your parents also aware? Why do you still insists on living under the same roof with him? You have rights as a human and such should be respected at all times (you are a Lawyer, so you should know better). Learn to beat the fear you have of your husband. If you become unafraid of him, other things will fall in shape. Trust me...

Deleted

@swag queen... your story is really touching. Standing up to him is the way to go after such a really long time of abuse.

However, be ready to be deprived of everything, since his the sole provider for the family.

I strongly think its high time for you to go job-hunting... you never can tell, you may get really lucky.

And to start considering your independence and safety of you and your kids, financial independence is the first step.

If you have supportive parents/siblings... you could sort for their assistance at this very tryin period.

Above all, you need continuous prayer and good supportive system to weather this storm.

It may be hard... really hard to start afresh... but, consider the safety and well being of your kids... they deserve to see you truly happy and they also deserve to have their mom alive.

wish you all the very best.

swag queen: My husband's folks are loyal to him because ofnthe things he does for them and therefore,no one talks to him.he's a lord on his own. And of course the issue of infidelity comes to play too. He monitors my every move and is free to do whatever he likes,go wherever he likes and the last time,i saw a particular number of a female that he saved with a man's name,when i talked, he went ahead to call me names again. Came to beat me up as usual but for once in my life.my i stood up to him and told him never to try it! I guess that scared him a bit cos he dropped the weapon he wanted to use in hitting me..... i got advice from well-meaning friends to leave his place and go to my parent's house to heal but knowing him,he would never come for us.

It means i have to start life afresh. 30 years with no money in the bank,with two children and no job! God!

That's why i said earlier that removing the fear of your husband is the first step towards checking the abuse. My dear, you may not have a dime now but who told you that you will not eventually make it in life? Leave his damn house, go to your parents. Learn a skill or something and trust me, you will eventually be empowered economically.

!

uboma:

Have you told his parents what you are passing through at home? Are your parents also aware? Why do you still insists on living under the same roof with him? You have rights as a human and such should be respected at all times (you are a Lawyer, so you should know better). Learn to beat the fear you have of your husband. If you become unafraid of him, other things will fall in shape. Trust me...

His mum presently lives with us and takes everything he says.tells initially,my mum was supportive but relapsed after a while urging me to forgive and forget! I told her that if i forgive and forget,he'll come back home and the cycle begins. Lovey dovey for one month,two,three and then a flimsy reason to be beaten up! When he talks,no one talks! If u walk away,u're walking out on him! I'm just scared he might take my daughter away from me.

swag queen: !

His mum presently lives with us and takes everything he says.tells initially,my mum was supportive but relapsed after a while urging me to forgive and forget! I told her that if i forgive and forget,he'll come back home and the cycle begins. Lovey dovey for one month,two,three and then a flimsy reason to be beaten up! When he talks,no one talks! If u walk away,u're walking out on him! I'm just scared he might take my daughter away from me.

Maybe you could plan your exit for some time.

Now, if you say he gets all lovey dovey for some months, you can channel you urgent request to start a business or a job in d most lovey dovey way! You could even start applying and possibly get a job offer and tell him in d best of moods...

Sort out the best way to move on with your life with your child within a certain period...

And just move out when all is set.

justthinking...

@ swag queen, you are a lawyer...I bet you never had the chance to practice. You should start now. Go to law firms and apply for even for internship. They might not pay you money but you will gain the experience that would boost your chance of gainfully employed.

Forget what anyone will say, you have to be there to take care of your kids. God forbid anything happens to you in the future, your kids will suffer in another woman's hand.

Make your choice today

swag queen: His sister keeps saying that if i leave,I'll be the one to lose.(which is true in a sense) but cuming from a divorcee whose husband battered until she ran for her life,i wonder what this world's turning into. She says many women want to be married to him and that as I'm the "lucky one",i should stay and still show him love. Till the day i die?

I'm pained,I'm crying,my heart is heavy but no one understands my pain. He's gone for a week now and my daughter keeps asking when daddy is coming back. I'm at my lowest ebb emotionally and all people can say is stay for the sake of the children.

I have no more self-esteem. He has abused,battered and violated me. He tells me things that make me feel I'm worth nothing. I'm tired!

His sister is telling lies. You may lose in terms of material things but you will be free from both emotional and physical abuse. And with time, I can assure you that he will come back to see his children. Please do not continue to suffer in silence. You deserve to be treated like a Queen...

I feel so pained for what you have and are going through

Please send debrief08 a pm she is an informal counsellor of sorts based on her experiences

It is well with you

swag queen:

I sure will....

@debrief,vanitty and bellong,thanks for your support.

@kulyie,my prayer is that nobody experiences the kind of pain most of us go through in the name of marriage.

Chillisauce: @ swag queen, you are a lawyer...I bet you never had the chance to practice. You should start now. Go to law firms and apply for even for internship. They might not pay you money but you will gain the experience that would boost your chance of gainfully employed.

Forget what anyone will say, you have to be there to take care of your kids. God forbid anything happens to you in the future, your kids will suffer in another woman's hand.

Make your choice today

Practised a bit but only corporate practise.but after our marriage,i moved from my place. I've started reconnecting with my contacts though.

The greatest tool In the hands of most abusers is financial power.
They use sweet words to get you totally depending oon them and when they know you are dependent on them they proceed to cut you off from family and friends who can speak sense to you.
The major issue with my ex was that I refused to resign, that was perharps my sanest decision in that marriage.

You need to get up, stop crying, start from the scratch, you are already loosing leaving the situation makes you gain some control over your life. Stop depending on what people say, deep down you know what is right to do, when you die from abuse or heart ache I doubt you will prove any point to anyone.
I have been there, restarting is hell but it is living, we both know what both of you are going through is not living it is waiting on edge for thene xt slap and hoping it won't be your last day on earth.

You are a woman, you are strong, you can start your life, You can earn a living.
Stop hiding what is happening shout it, tell your parents, tell his people, let everyone know, there is no shame in being abused or dying in silence, there is no pride in that. Remove pride and ego and what people will say, it is the truth that sets us free

swag queen:

Practised a bit but only corporate practise.but after our marriage,i moved from my place. I've started reconnecting with my contacts though.

Please do that

Being empowered is crucial to cast off the net of oppression

What is the decision of your parents?