₦airaland Forum

humilitypays:
I pity most women shaa.

But all these ladies advising her and other ladies to have a career, have a PhD, have money, bla bla bla before u marry as a lady, does that solve the problem

If u like be richer than Mrs Alakija or Serena Williams, if u have bad behaviour and character, no man in his right thinking sense would marry you and remain with you forever!

The way u guys are talking as if having money as a woman solves the problem...there are millions of wealthy career women being butted out of their marriage by their husband, so its not about money or career or education but character and behaviour!

The lady did not complain of money or not having money, she's just insecure that because she didn't go to higher institution that her hubby will be chasing educated/working class women, which made her to start sniffing around her husband's phone, etc and hence killed her marriage with her bare hands.

Ladies stop thinking that having the best career or being so educated and rich will save you from heartbreak or will secure you the happiest marriage, its pure lie!!!

Many rich, working class ladies are single crying for hubby...many rich ladies have been divorced and being divorced why? Bad character, lack of humility and infidelity!

HUMILITY is a character every man desires in a woman! Not money, not career, not education.

Unfortunately, many ladies become horrible in marriage which scare guys now from getting marriage, and like I hear people say: bad wives come back to their good senses when their husband marries a second wife, and this is what's happening to you.

One of my senior colleague, 50something now said his first wife was so horrible and made his life miserable to the extent he nearly ran mental and ppl advised him to marry a second wife that the wife would change and that once he married a second wife, his first wife became an angel till date....three of them are living happily under one big compound, diff buildings shaa...

So to single ladies reading, be good, don't push your future husband to the wall.

Have good looks and be humble and watch men worship and exalt you!

@poster, sorry, all you can do now is pray and go back to his family that brought you to please help.

Your husband must have endured your bad character for so long before taking this bold step. He didn't do this because he met u via match-making, he did it because you were too insecure, and maybe arrogant, not humble and in fact stubborn! Change, cry to your God in your privacy, confess your sins and mistake and ask God to come to your aid asap!

Don't listen to all these people telling you its because you didn't have a career or education because I know a lady who happened to be a HR staff in one of the top multinational firms here in Nigeria who got butted out of her marriage last year and she almost committed suicide, almost left her job to run away if not for family/friends intervention, in fact, she nearly ran mad....so its not just about career....or money.

I wish you the best but pls renounce those curses you pronounced against your hubby and mistress.

And without marriage for these single ladies, the world will cease to exist?
Many of you guy overrate yourselves because naturally, you're nothing but sperm donors.
I don't dispute that some men aspire to be more than sperm donor but that doesn't change the natural view of it. The fact that some women cope with your bullshits doesn't change that fact.
I can bet a comfortable workingclass woman doesn't need any man to feed her, wipe her bum or conceive for her before she has a life. The only thing she would need a man for is his sperm.
So, stop the overrating already.

eiyahh

hatelove:
Thanks @ all for your advice

When my husband came for reconcilation, he informed my brother and my father that he would be getting married again and the new wife has accepted to stay with me, he also wanted to know if i will be willing to stay with her if not we can get a divorce.

My brother said he told him not to inform me then that when he is ready to get married he should inform me afterward i make my decision myself.

My brother said polygamy is not a sin, its better than divorce but im free to make my decision because my husband had confirded in them that he is not comfortable with me, if he remains with only me he might die of hypertention has he had already develop high blood presssure, he said if he wants to die the death should at least be natural not for something he can aviod.

HE said he is not letting go off his responsibility that he wants to be happy since i decided not to be happy
He deserve to be happy and the new wife will teach me how to love.

Unfortunately since i called the new wife and warned her on phone she changed her mind of staying in the same apartment with me and gave my husband condition of providing a seperate accomodation for her before she can go ahead with the marriage which my husband accepted saying afterall he has two houses.
My husband said nothing has changed between the two of us apart form him not being comfortable with only me since he dont want to divorce me and i should be thankful to the new wife because its her family that told him to reconcile with me before they can give him thier daughter so that they can be sure that no matter what happens in their marriage they can be assured of reconcilation since their dauhter has choosen him even with his married status.

HE said i shouldnt go about gossiping him because there is two side to every story.

I shouldnt even try bringing the bibble n western culture to him because he wouldnt buy them
I should be happy that africa provides altternative for divorce.

If i want divorce he will settle awesomely so that i can go live my life and get the happiness i truly deserve if that is my wish

MY husbands heart is made up
He didnt come home yesterday because some of the girls family is threatening fire and brimestone over her decision
They said they will scatter their marriage that their daughter cannot be in a polygamous marriage so the girl left home because of the stress and he went to be with her and got her an hotel for them to relax.
He told his family that they should be ready for any form of embarrasment in the marriage just in case but he is not backing down on the girl because the girl taught him how to love.
I saw my husband being very emotional and behaves as if his life depends on the marriage.
HE is about 15 years older than her but my husband age is only but a number. well it goes on n on but i dont want to so spying on his life anymore

Since he already had hbp i dont want him dying on me, his obvious his family is in support of the marriage because they dont want thier son /brother to die over uneccessary stresss.

I ACCEPT ALL MY WRONG DOINGS AND I CANT HELP BUT REGRET, maybe i took advantage of my husband being such a quite man but his brother who seems like a father to him told me today that whenever he is angry he always go mute.

TO MY HUBBY IM SORRY FOR CURSING i was only being emotional

I TAKE BACK ALL THE CURSE AND CANT SAY MUCH THAN MAY IT BE WELL WITH YOU and may you find all the love you are looking for.

Lest i forgot the new wife really appeared to be a good person with all the warnings and curses i rained on her there was a time when myself and huby was together and it appeared she was having issue with hubby, she called him all day without him answering d call continued d next day same thing, then she called me and ask if my husband was with him, i shouted at her then huby was there, the next thing i saw was him sending her an sms. the next day he went out probaly to reconcile with her when he came back that same day, i heard him asking her on phone
WITH this words exactly, honey so you love me that much after that they continue their conversation which i went to bed because it was in the night and sometimes my hubby makes call with her all through the night. he even set alarm not to over sleep so he can talk to her.

I CAN GO ALL N ALL BUT THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE hubby has even given me a clear warning to stay off his marriage if not he will divorce with nothing and there is nothing anybody can do
thanks @ ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE. Thanks @ all for your advice

When my husband came for reconcilation, he informed my brother and my father that he would be getting married again and the new wife has accepted to stay with me, he also wanted to know if i will be willing to stay with her if not we can get a divorce.

My brother said he told him not to inform me then that when he is ready to get married he should inform me afterward i make my decision myself.

My brother said polygamy is not a sin, its better than divorce but im free to make my decision because my husband had confirded in them that he is not comfortable with me, if he remains with only me he might die of hypertention has he had already develop high blood presssure, he said if he wants to die the death should at least be natural not for something he can aviod.

HE said he is not letting go off his responsibility that he wants to be happy since i decided not to be happy
He deserve to be happy and the new wife will teach me how to love.

Unfortunately since i called the new wife and warned her on phone she changed her mind of staying in the same apartment with me and gave my husband condition of providing a seperate accomodation for her before she can go ahead with the marriage which my husband accepted saying afterall he has two houses.
My husband said nothing has changed between the two of us apart form him not being comfortable with only me since he dont want to divorce me and i should be thankful to the new wife because its her family that told him to reconcile with me before they can give him thier daughter so that they can be sure that no matter what happens in their marriage they can be assured of reconcilation since their dauhter has choosen him even with his married status.

HE said i shouldnt go about gossiping him because there is two side to every story.

I shouldnt even try bringing the bibble n western culture to him because he wouldnt buy them
I should be happy that africa provides altternative for divorce.

If i want divorce he will settle awesomely so that i can go live my life and get the happiness i truly deserve if that is my wish

MY husbands heart is made up
He didnt come home yesterday because some of the girls family is threatening fire and brimestone over her decision
They said they will scatter their marriage that their daughter cannot be in a polygamous marriage so the girl left home because of the stress and he went to be with her and got her an hotel for them to relax.
He told his family that they should be ready for any form of embarrasment in the marriage just in case but he is not backing down on the girl because the girl taught him how to love.
I saw my husband being very emotional and behaves as if his life depends on the marriage.
HE is about 15 years older than her but my husband age is only but a number. well it goes on n on but i dont want to so spying on his life anymore

Since he already had hbp i dont want him dying on me, his obvious his family is in support of the marriage because they dont want thier son /brother to die over uneccessary stresss.

I ACCEPT ALL MY WRONG DOINGS AND I CANT HELP BUT REGRET, maybe i took advantage of my husband being such a quite man but his brother who seems like a father to him told me today that whenever he is angry he always go mute.

TO MY HUBBY IM SORRY FOR CURSING i was only being emotional

I TAKE BACK ALL THE CURSE AND CANT SAY MUCH THAN MAY IT BE WELL WITH YOU and may you find all the love you are looking for.

Lest i forgot the new wife really appeared to be a good person with all the warnings and curses i rained on her there was a time when myself and huby was together and it appeared she was having issue with hubby, she called him all day without him answering d call continued d next day same thing, then she called me and ask if my husband was with him, i shouted at her then huby was there, the next thing i saw was him sending her an sms. the next day he went out probaly to reconcile with her when he came back that same day, i heard him asking her on phone
WITH this words exactly, honey so you love me that much after that they continue their conversation which i went to bed because it was in the night and sometimes my hubby makes call with her all through the night. he even set alarm not to over sleep so he can talk to her.

I CAN GO ALL N ALL BUT THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE hubby has even given me a clear warning to stay off his marriage if not he will divorce with nothing and there is nothing anybody can do

thanks @ ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE. i have both male n female children n didnt cheat n never cheated infact i got married as a virgin same with hubby, the both of us had no ex, hubby said he better walk the aisle again with someone he love than to cheat for those that asked.

Trust me, you have lost his respect. There is no way you will be happy with this arrangement. Leave now before it is too late. Make up your mind to let go and plan to have a happy, fulfilled life. Make sure to take your Children with you.

I assure you, the moment he realises you don't care about him, he will start to respect you. Eat well, live well and maybe you will also find love. Love is sweet. You deserve it too.

Men... men.

lafflaff123:
You will be here on some fictitious moniker soon seeking for advice, loser.

don't mind her. After reading the lady's last post, she still had to put up that deceptive post of her's.

From the post she replied to, the op was able to give details she didn't give before. Now that she has given the details and it is clear she bullied her husband out and she is taking responsibility for that, this lady, babyosisi, thinks she is apologizing because her hubby may be feeding her extended family.

From the op's last post, we could see that the man was taken advantage of by his wife, he was nagged to the point he got high blood pressure. The marriage literally became abusive! Now that he has take a step even feminists would advice a woman to take when in a similar situation, they (feminists) are all up in arms crucifying the man.

If the feminist claim that "patriarchy hurts men by not allowing men to voice out and show emotions and therefore should be dismantled" is genuine, why then are they not showing sympathy for a man whose wife has said is now being emotional?

craziebone:
don't mind her. After reading the lady's last post, she still had to put up that deceptive post of her's.

From the post she replied to, the op was able to give details she didn't give before. Now that she has given the details and it is clear she bullied her husband out and she is taking responsibility for that, this lady, babyosisi, thinks she is apologizing because her hubby may be feeding her extended family.

From the op's last post, we could see that the man was taken advantage of by his wife, he was nagged to the point he got high blood pressure. The marriage literally became abusive! Now that he has take a step even feminists would advice a woman to take when in a similar situation, they (feminists) are all up in arms crucifying the man.

If the feminist claim that "patriarchy hurts men by not allowing men to voice out and show emotions and therefore should be dismantled" is genuine, why then are they not showing sympathy for a man whose wife has said is now being emotional?

By gettimg wed to another woman and risking the life of his children? I swear some people has their feet as their brain.

Shirley07:
And without marriage for these single ladies, the world will cease to exist?
Many of you guy overrate yourselves because naturally, you're nothing but sperm donors.
I don't dispute that some men aspire to be more than sperm donor but that doesn't change the natural view of it. The fact that some women cope with your bullshits doesn't change that fact.
I can bet a comfortable workingclass woman doesn't need any man to feed her, wipe her bum or conceive for her before she has a life. The only thing she would need a man for is his sperm.
So, stop the overrating already.

men and women need each other and the likes of you who like telling men all what you've just written here are just decieving yourselves, to put it nicely.

You post reeks a misandry which doesn't hurt us men but yourself. I am not one person who feels everyone, man or woman must be married. There are those who choose not to be married for different reasons. But i bet you that the likes of you, majority of whom are feminists, who say this kind of misandry, which is hurtless to us men but hurtful to you and make your nerves restless, are already defeated. But the good news is that you can save yourself and become free once again. IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE FREE lIKE YOU ONCE WERE WHEN YOU WERE INNOCENT. This happens to us men always but we just find a way to deal with it. Towing the feminist line is not the solution to your problem. Feminism is good but when it is done in the way you are doing it, then it becomes a toxic culture, first to you before it is to everyone else!

Catholic nuns choose not to be married but you will NEVER find them to be so arrogant about men and tell you that they do not need men in their lives like you are saying it. Now, that's true celebacy not the type some of you feminists try to display here so as to hid your real issue.

Don't feel the weight of the world is on your shoulder. Men have it as bad as you have it too is just that we embrace our suffering with hope and that's why you don't see us complaining every now and then.

Sweetlemon:
Gbam!

Don't mind all these wannabe feminists.

My aunt no sabi book but that woman can ask her hubby for N1m this minute and he will her N2m instead.

It's all about finding the right one for you. making sure you don't accept just any Tom, D.ic.k, or Harry's ring just because you want to marry.

Babyosisi and co should be preaching more of choosing the right partner than having education, jobs, etc. Those things are important for the woman yes. But that does not mean that a university girl cannot marry while still in school if she meets a nice guys that is financially comfortable enough. Finishing her education and getting a job before marriage to have "something to fall back on" does not automatically guarantee anything.

My issue most times with their advice is how it usually borders on strategies n tactics as if marriage is a game or competition or something not realizing the dynamics in marriage is totally different.


well, advice most times is usually sold for far more than its worth.

oh @Shirley dear, my last post wasn't so on point. I didn't really get the first part of it otherwise, i wouldn't have said many things i said.

To propperly answer you, i think it is disingenous of you to not understand in context, the part you bolded in his post. He was merely setting right the records before those who feel the man was maltreating her because she wasn't educated or 'empowered'. And i think his post is fair enough. He is not trying to say women are nothing if they are not married or that women need men to be something meaningful. If he had said that, i would have gone up in arms against him.

Sorry about what you are going through. Honestly i don't know what to say. .... Hang in there...forgive yourself ,.... With time you forgive your husband...and move on with life.

Too fictional for my liking. Someone just created the account today with this thread as the first post. To top it all, the post, words, descriptions and reply are too calculated in order to extract certain predictable views. They are not words you would expect from a woman who is truly troubled.

Dnt believe the story.

OP, it such a pity. U are not d cause, but both of u are. Please stop cursing ur husband, remember he is d fada of ur kids. He obviously married u out of pity and desperatn. He's not proud of u. Just pray 4 him, try to get sumthing 2 do dat will bring money&just make him respect u. If u keep cursing nothing will change, u're d one who will prove him wrong. It is well.

Shirley07:
And without marriage for these single ladies, the world will cease to exist?
Many of you guy overrate yourselves because naturally, you're nothing but sperm donors.
I don't dispute that some men aspire to be more than sperm donor but that doesn't change the natural view of it. The fact that some women cope with your bullshits doesn't change that fact.
I can bet a comfortable workingclass woman doesn't need any man to feed her, wipe her bum or conceive for her before she has a life. The only thing she would need a man for is his sperm.
So, stop the overrating already.

Please, this isn't right. That he completely missed the point, and went on a biased self-righteous rant doesn't justify calling men "nothing but sperm donors"

Shirley07:
By gettimg wed to another woman and risking the life of his children? I swear some people has their feet as their brain.

his getting married to another woman is a sign that he is taking a bold step and solving his own issues. The op mentioned that they've been married for about a decade. The man literally put up with the woman's abuse for about a decade! No wonder he caught BP. No wonder when he met another lady, who offered him LOVE, he responded authomatically and naturally. And when he was explaining his actions to his estranged wife, the wife, who is a woman like you and had the option of keeping this info to herself in order to win sympathy, said it with her own mouth/fingers that he was so emotional and said he wouldn't want to die of preventable causes. I am struggling to understand why her hubby is not getting any sort of sympathy from you resident feminists on NL even though he had put up with her for a decade!

If a woman was being emotionally abused for 10 years by her husband, would you have said what you just said?

And no, she is not endangering the lives of her children. Didn't you read it in her last post when she said that the new wife is a good woman? Or do you think i wrote it for her? Didn't you read it that the woman accepted to live together with her in the same house!

There is this idea feminists have about, not polygamy pe se but polygyny in particular. You all think a man having more than one spouse while the other ladies having just him as their spouse means oppression. If that's what you think, why not have the same militant behaviour against polyandry too?

Polygyny can, has and will continue to breed strong, well balanced and well adjusted children in this world. I am from one so i know what exactly i am saying. My younger sister from the same mother is currently in my older sister's house (from different mother but the same father) she is helping her with her kids and she is well taken care of. In fact, she looks better than those of us back home with our father. Polygamy is that beautiful!

LaRoyalHighness:
Sorry about what you are going through. Honestly i don't know what to say. .... Hang in there...forgive yourself ,.... With time you forgive your husband...and move on with life.

her husband has not commited any crime here. He put up with her for about a decade to the point he got high blood pressure! Why do you expect him to do to save himself?

My innitial beef with the hubby is that why didn't he let her know about his decision to take a second wife. I had that position before i read her last comment.

Aunty, sincerely you contributed abt 70% to d destruction. Ur insecurity cos ur nt working, jealousy n d fact dt u did nt do ur own part to keep d mrrge. In a mrrge, getting married is d simplest of d task therein kAunty, sincerely you contributed abt 70% to d destruction. Ur insecurity cos ur nt working, jealousy n d fact dt u did nt do ur own part to keep d mrrge. In a mrrge, getting married is d simplest of d task therein kAunty, sincerely you contributed abt 70% to d destruction. Ur insecurity cos ur nt working, jealousy n d fact dt u did nt do ur own part to keep d mrrge. In a mrrge, getting married is d simplest of d task therein keeping it is d hardest part. please dont curse ur husband rather be prayerful n reform yourself. wish you a brite lite at d end of d tunnel

Sophyrocks:
Too fictional for my liking. Someone just created the account today with this thread as the first post. To top it all, the post, words, descriptions and reply are too calculated in order to extract certain predictable views. They are not words you would expect from a woman who is truly troubled.

Dnt believe the story.

its up to her if its a lie but in reality it doea happen

Wen a man has been pushed to d wall my dear there is nothing anyone will do than support him esp his family so u better be strong for ur kids n stop cursing d father of ur children.U need counselling madam

EnlightenedSoul:
Please, this isn't right. That he completely missed the point, and went on a biased self-righteous rant doesn't justify calling men "nothing but sperm donors"

like you really care about men being called "sperm donors". If you are truely a fair minded person, you would have been able to agree that he did not miss the point. Anyone who isn't being disingenous will agree that that guy's post was about the most op-point post on this thread.

I think you should be bold enough to come up clean about your anti-men stance. It will set you on the path to recovering from your type of feminism which is toxic to you, first before it is to the world. There are types of feminism that are completely free of self-destructive venom.

craziebone:
her husband has not commited any crime here. He put up with her for about a decade to the point he got high blood pressure! Why do you expect him to do to save himself?

My innitial beef with the hubby is that why didn't he let her know about his decision to take a second wife. I had that position before i read her last comment.

Evina:
Hahaha Veave, your aproko satellite dish signal strong pass startimes.

E pass dstv own sef

ladej:
if you don't learn we will be waiting for your post in the near future. na u know....#PHONECHECKER

I will surely change.

hatelove:
Thanks @ all for your advice

When my husband came for reconcilation, he informed my brother and my father that he would be getting married again and the new wife has accepted to stay with me, he also wanted to know if i will be willing to stay with her if not we can get a divorce.

My brother said he told him not to inform me then that when he is ready to get married he should inform me afterward i make my decision myself.

My brother said polygamy is not a sin, its better than divorce but im free to make my decision because my husband had confirded in them that he is not comfortable with me, if he remains with only me he might die of hypertention has he had already develop high blood presssure, he said if he wants to die the death should at least be natural not for something he can aviod.

HE said he is not letting go off his responsibility that he wants to be happy since i decided not to be happy
He deserve to be happy and the new wife will teach me how to love.

Unfortunately since i called the new wife and warned her on phone she changed her mind of staying in the same apartment with me and gave my husband condition of providing a seperate accomodation for her before she can go ahead with the marriage which my husband accepted saying afterall he has two houses.
My husband said nothing has changed between the two of us apart form him not being comfortable with only me since he dont want to divorce me and i should be thankful to the new wife because its her family that told him to reconcile with me before they can give him thier daughter so that they can be sure that no matter what happens in their marriage they can be assured of reconcilation since their dauhter has choosen him even with his married status.

HE said i shouldnt go about gossiping him because there is two side to every story.

I shouldnt even try bringing the bibble n western culture to him because he wouldnt buy them
I should be happy that africa provides altternative for divorce.

If i want divorce he will settle awesomely so that i can go live my life and get the happiness i truly deserve if that is my wish

MY husbands heart is made up
He didnt come home yesterday because some of the girls family is threatening fire and brimestone over her decision
They said they will scatter their marriage that their daughter cannot be in a polygamous marriage so the girl left home because of the stress and he went to be with her and got her an hotel for them to relax.
He told his family that they should be ready for any form of embarrasment in the marriage just in case but he is not backing down on the girl because the girl taught him how to love.
I saw my husband being very emotional and behaves as if his life depends on the marriage.
HE is about 15 years older than her but my husband age is only but a number. well it goes on n on but i dont want to so spying on his life anymore

Since he already had hbp i dont want him dying on me, his obvious his family is in support of the marriage because they dont want thier son /brother to die over uneccessary stresss.

I ACCEPT ALL MY WRONG DOINGS AND I CANT HELP BUT REGRET, maybe i took advantage of my husband being such a quite man but his brother who seems like a father to him told me today that whenever he is angry he always go mute.

TO MY HUBBY IM SORRY FOR CURSING i was only being emotional

I TAKE BACK ALL THE CURSE AND CANT SAY MUCH THAN MAY IT BE WELL WITH YOU and may you find all the love you are looking for.

Lest i forgot the new wife really appeared to be a good person with all the warnings and curses i rained on her there was a time when myself and huby was together and it appeared she was having issue with hubby, she called him all day without him answering d call continued d next day same thing, then she called me and ask if my husband was with him, i shouted at her then huby was there, the next thing i saw was him sending her an sms. the next day he went out probaly to reconcile with her when he came back that same day, i heard him asking her on phone
WITH this words exactly, honey so you love me that much after that they continue their conversation which i went to bed because it was in the night and sometimes my hubby makes call with her all through the night. he even set alarm not to over sleep so he can talk to her.

I CAN GO ALL N ALL BUT THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE hubby has even given me a clear warning to stay off his marriage if not he will divorce with nothing and there is nothing anybody can do
thanks @ ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE. Thanks @ all for your advice


WITH this words exactly, honey so you love me that much after that they continue their conversation which i went to bed because it was in the night and sometimes my hubby makes call with her all through the night. he even set alarm not to over sleep so he can talk to her.

I CAN GO ALL N ALL BUT THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE hubby has even given me a clear warning to stay off his marriage if not he will divorce with nothing and there is nothing anybody can do

thanks @ ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE. i have both male n female children n didnt cheat n never cheated infact i got married as a virgin same with hubby, the both of us had no ex, hubby said he better walk the aisle again with someone he love than to cheat for those that asked.

My dear. Please allow me to tell you a few facts:

1. Your insecurities messed you up

2. Two wrongs do NOT make a right

3. You are dating a classic Passive-Aggresive man. He is quiet, therefore your madness is "Apparently" your fault. He will always blame you.

4. He is the financial breadwinner of his family. Your husband is most likely supporting your family and will most likely support this new wife's family. So he is being welcomed with opened arms.

5. No decent woman and man will EVER let their child be a 2nd wife. Everyone wants their daughter to be the first. I can testify on a bible to that truth, even in the old days, my 100+ year old grandmother said First Wife was all-powerful. I went on 2 dates (nothing happened oh!) with a man who was separated from his wife. Every single female in my life I told was quick to advise me to end anything. Miraculously, this new wife's family is seeing things differently. You mentioned 2 houses your husband owned. In this poverty-stricken Nigeria, I have seen a man comfortably send his 25 year old daughter to be a man's 4th wife (so she would train the rest of her siblings that way). Na today??


6. That new wife is the biggest pretender. She fought with the man, she called you up all sweetly to check on him. Are you not a woman, are you that docile? Is any? My stepmother was like this too at first, quiet and docile. Whatever he saw in my stepmother when she was turning his head and my mum was losing hers, 20 years later, he regretted it. She had used him to get a better job and a nicer lifestyle. When she could get no more, she quietly and "docilely" relocated to the US, conveniently in his old age when he needed care. I found out as an adult that her calm nature covered up a very cold heart, when I discovered SHE WAS MARRIED BEFORE AND LEFT HER 2 KIDS WITH HER EX-HUBBY TO MOVE ONTO A MARRIED MAN WITH CHILDREN AND START A NEW FAMILY WITH HIM, LIKE THOSE OTHER KIDS DIDN'T EXIST!!

But men will never listen...

7. Your family sold you to this man. That is why your brother is willing to let him disgrace you like this (the financial benefits of your hubby outweighs his behaviour). I have 5 brothers, the way they insulted me because my family friend started to make me compete for his affections with another girl, makes me laugh when I see all these male posters telling you "it's your fault, you better accept it". I assure you, they will slap sense into their sister if she were in your shoes. Unless of course, her hubby was the source of their income and livelihood...

Decide what you want to do. I'm so sure this story will end one day, with a remorseful husband. No good girl of decent family will allow their child to do this (unless the man is Razak Okoya, then so-called Christian moral scruples will conveniently be swept aside for "African" Values).

You must be Edo. Are you?

craziebone:
like you really care about men being called "sperm donors". If you are truely a fair minded person, you would have been able to agree that he did not miss the point. Anyone who isn't being disingenous will agree that that guy's post was about the most op-point post on this thread.

I think you should be bold enough to come up clean about your anti-men stance. It will set you on the path to recovering from your type of feminism which is toxic to you, first before it is to the world. There are types of feminism that are completely free of self-destructive venom.

Pure conjecture, but you're free to it.

Shirley07:
And without marriage for these single ladies, the world will cease to exist?
Many of you guy overrate yourselves because naturally, you're nothing but sperm donors.
I don't dispute that some men aspire to be more than sperm donor but that doesn't change the natural view of it. The fact that some women cope with your bullshits doesn't change that fact.
I can bet a comfortable workingclass woman doesn't need any man to feed her, wipe her bum or conceive for her before she has a life. The only thing she would need a man for is his sperm.
So, stop the overrating already.

Okay, u r right

craziebone:
his getting married to another woman is a sign that he is taking a bold step and solving his own issues. The op mentioned that they've been married for about a decade. The man literally put up with the woman's abuse for about a decade! No wonder he caught BP. No wonder when he met another lady, who offered him LOVE, he responded authomatically and naturally. And when he was explaining his actions to his estranged wife, the wife, who is a woman like you and had the option of keeping this info to herself in order to win sympathy, said it with her own mouth/fingers that he was so emotional and said he wouldn't want to die of preventable causes. I am struggling to understand why her hubby is not getting any sort of sympathy from you resident feminists on NL even though he had put up with her for a decade!

If a woman was being emotionally abused for 10 years by her husband, would you have said what you just said?

And no, she is not endangering the lives of her children. Didn't you read it in her last post when she said that the new wife is a good woman? Or do you think i wrote it for her? Didn't you read it that the woman accepted to live together with her in the same house!

There is this idea feminists have about, not polygamy pe se but polygyny in particular. You all think a man having more than one spouse while the other ladies having just him as their spouse means oppression. If that's what you think, why not have the same militant behaviour against polyandry too?

Polygyny can, has and will continue to breed strong, well balanced and well adjusted children in this world. I am from one so i know what exactly i am saying. My younger sister from the same mother is currently in my older sister's house (from different mother but the same father) she is helping her with her kids and she is well taken care of. In fact, she looks better than those of us back home with our father. Polygamy is that beautiful!

Huh? Solving his issues?
Thank God you know he's a selfish man. If he's not, he'll see to the happiness of his home, not looking for only his own, at the detriment of his children and wife.

And all those your long epistle of yours are story for the gods and stupidity on its own. Let me ask you, what would have be your opinion, if the table was turned? An insecure husband who keeps nagging at his wife's calls and chats, would you have advised the wife to seek for a 2nd husband?

Men and their hypocrisy.
By the way, I don't blame the man. It was the woman who gave a common sperm donor the power to treat her with no respect. If only she hadn't revolve her life around the pathetic man, she would have avoided story that touch the bum.

Poster so sorry about it.


What you have to do now is get yourself involved in the marriage plans and attend the wedding.
Then make sure you correct that bad behaviour you have been exhibiting for so long.
If you are lucky the woman would change when she gets in and your husband will see the good in you. She might not stay.
But if you do not behave yourself he will replace her with someone else.
But you knew your husband is very traditional and conservative so why did you not sit up and adjust, why did you disobey him in such a manner as to get him so pissed.

EnlightenedSoul:
Pure conjecture, but you're free to it.

there is no conjecture anywhere.

Truer words have never been spoken

Onegai:
My dear. Please allow me to tell you a few facts:

1. Your insecurities messed you up

2. Two wrongs do NOT make a right

3. You are dating a classic Passive-Aggresive man. He is quiet, therefore your madness is "Apparently" your fault. He will always blame you.

4. He is the financial breadwinner of his family. Your husband is most likely supporting your family and will most likely support this new wife's family. So he is being welcomed with opened arms.

5. No decent woman and man will EVER let their child be a 2nd wife. Everyone wants their daughter to be the first. I can testify on a bible to that truth, even in the old days, my 100+ year old grandmother said First Wife was all-powerful. I went on 2 dates (nothing happened oh!) with a man who was separated from his wife. Every single female in my life I told was quick to advise me to end anything. Miraculously, this new wife's family is seeing things differently. You mentioned 2 houses your husband owned. In this poverty-stricken Nigeria, I have seen a man comfortably send his 25 year old daughter to be a man's 4th wife (so she would train the rest of her siblings that way). Na today??


6. That new wife is the biggest pretender. She fought with the man, she called you up all sweetly to check on him. Are you not a woman, are you that docile? Is anybody? My stepmother was like this too at first, quiet and docile. I'm glad my father saw her quietness and docility to the last before he passed away. Whatever he saw in my stepmother when she was turning his head and my mum was losing hers, 20 years later, he regretted it. She had used him to get a better job and a nicer lifestyle. When she could get no more, she quietly and "docilely" relocated to the US, conveniently in his old age when he needed care. I found out as an adult that her calm nature covered up a very cold heart, when I discovered SHE WAS MARRIED BEFORE AND LEFT HER 2 KIDS WITH HER EX-HUBBY TO MOVE ONTO A MARRIED MAN WITH CHILDREN AND START A NEW FAMILY WITH HIM, LIKE THOSE OTHER KIDS DIDN'T EXIST!!

But men will never listen...

7. Your family sold you to this man. That is why your brother is willing to let him disgrace you like this (the financial benefits of your hubby outweighs his behaviour). I have 5 brothers, the way they insulted me because my family friend started to make me compete for his affections with another girl, makes me laugh when I see all these male posters telling you "it's your fault, you better accept it". I assure you, they will slap sense into their sister if she were in your shoes. Unless of course, her hubby was the source of their income and livelihood...

Decide what you want to do. I'm so sure this story will end one day, with a remorseful husband. No good girl of decent family will allow their child to do this (unless the man is Razak Okoya, then so-called Christian moral scruples will conveniently be swept aside for "African" Values).

You must be Edo. Are you?

mutter:
Poster so sorry about it.


What you have to do now is get yourself involved in the marriage plans and attend the wedding.
Then make sure you correct that bad behaviour you have been exhibiting for so long.
If you are lucky the woman would change when she gets in and your husband will see the good in you. She might not stay.
But if you do not behave yourself he will replace her with someone else.
But you knew your husband is very traditional and conservative so why did you not sit up and adjust, why did you disobey him in such a manner as to get him so pissed.

The husband did every thing wrong to me. Is it possible that he had done something in the past to make his wife insecure?


And he thinks that marrying a second wife with cure his high bp. Ok Na!


@op, i know this is difficult... One again ... I repeat... Hang in there.... For this will come to pass.

craziebone:
her husband has not commited any crime here. He put up with her for about a decade to the point he got high blood pressure! Why do you expect him to do to save himself?

My innitial beef with the hubby is that why didn't he let her know about his decision to take a second wife. I had that position before i read her last comment.

This is the time for the high BP to turn to proper stroke.
Mr man is compounding his problems with polygamy in the name of looking for a solution

LaRoyalHighness:
And he thinks that marrying a second wife with cure his high bp. Ok Na!