₦airaland Forum

insightful posts

TV01:
Ihe, hi, hope all's well. Saw you shout-out, thanks very much. Just beeen chillin' and chasing down other things. Wishing you a merry x-mas and a most fruitful new year.

@Bolded, a worthy sentiment, but very few are capable of living up to that. Be it a social construct or due to our wiring, men are designated providers, priests and protectors. Any imbalance there is liable to cause issues in their relationship.

Take the priestly role for instance, in instances where men fail here or are simply weak/uninterested, many wives look to pastors or other spiritual icons - and lots of marital convo's are typically initiated with "pastor says".

Even yet to marry girls sef - after a few knocks, I studiously ignored those ones - I suggest single brothers do the same or at least make it very clear who is pastor in their home, and if the MOG oversteps the marital mark he may be met with a head-butt !

It's a mans pride to be able to provide wholesale for his family, and typically both parties feel absolutely comfortable with it. And society rarely questions that - a woman thrust into that position will feel resentful - and more so if it's a struggle to make ends meet.

On the whole women want men who can lead them, and that can be difficult without a solid financial footing, as provision is somehow implied. Even women that want to be able to control their men, don't necessarily want to have to feed them to do that.

Women typically marry up, and that is not something that I have a problem with as there are clear biological and social drivers for that. Ask any of the female high-earners here if they would seriously consider marrying a man who earned 50% or so less than them? Not unless a desperate situation warrants it.

The number of homes where men provide the bulk of the income still far outnumber the relatively few instances where women provide more, let alone all. The economic landscape nowadays typically means both parties are required to make a monetary contribution.

@second bolded, again that is actually best IMHO,but it demands you shoulder that burden to provide for your household, not something that would easily swing in the reverse .

@Post, why are financial troubles in marriage now reduced to "men not being able to provide/secure an income"? It's worth touching on, but that can only ever be a relatively small number of homes. Even if the wife contributes more, it's relatively rare for a man to bring in absolutely nothing on a long-term basis, or even less over the course of the whole union.

There can still be monetary issues/dilemmas regardless of the split or source of income, especially where resources are limited - as is the case in most homes. Perhaps the discussion could touch on communication and creativity around agreement and utilisation of resources. Deadbeat husbands have taken a beating already on this thread .

Absolutely agree with Bukatyne re headship - or at least I think I do? Headship is the mans by default and not predicated on his financial capabilities, however, a facet of his husbandly role is provision.


Off to season my turkey.

Merry crimbo everyone


TV

Big bro, thanks. For coming back and for this.

I think it will always be the man's role to lead in every way.

Here's what I think might be possible without being problematic at the same time. The man is resourceful and brings in enough to cater for the home. Out of this enough, there can be resources saved for reinvestment. The man grants his wife power of attorney to reinvest these saved resources while he goes out to get more. The more he gets the more she has to invest. It may thus happen that sometimes the returns on her investments exceed what the husband brings in, even substantially.

I think that even then the man is still head and leader even financially. Especially if he still has the last word on how the wealth of the home is administered. Analogous to this is how Jesus gives us His power to go and do "greater things than these". Even though we may do greater things than He did we still lean on Him for ability, for wisdom, for everything, in fact. He is still our Source and our Master. Because once He withdraws we lose everything ( "without me you can do nothing" ). He is our Anchor.

The man should provide for the family. And empower his wife to add even more value. I don't think that letting her bring in all she can using what he has given to her will take away his place as provider etc. I think that a prudent, creative wife is a blessing to a hardworking man.

trekkie:
insightful posts learned a lot. bukatyne is absolutely right. men and women abuse "power" whether financial, political ...anything .

Thanks

Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2015

TV01:
Ihe, hi, hope all's well. Saw you shout-out, thanks very much. Just beeen chillin' and chasing down other things. Wishing you a merry x-mas and a most fruitful new year.

@Bolded, a worthy sentiment, but very few are capable of living up to that. Be it a social construct or due to our wiring, men are designated providers, priests and protectors. Any imbalance there is liable to cause issues in their relationship.

Take the priestly role for instance, in instances where men fail here or are simply weak/uninterested, many wives look to pastors or other spiritual icons - and lots of marital convo's are typically initiated with "pastor says".

Even yet to marry girls sef - after a few knocks, I studiously ignored those ones - I suggest single brothers do the same or at least make it very clear who is pastor in their home, and if the MOG oversteps the marital mark he may be met with a head-butt !

It's a mans pride to be able to provide wholesale for his family, and typically both parties feel absolutely comfortable with it. And society rarely questions that - a woman thrust into that position will feel resentful - and more so if it's a struggle to make ends meet.

On the whole women want men who can lead them, and that can be difficult without a solid financial footing, as provision is somehow implied. Even women that want to be able to control their men, don't necessarily want to have to feed them to do that.

Women typically marry up, and that is not something that I have a problem with as there are clear biological and social drivers for that. Ask any of the female high-earners here if they would seriously consider marrying a man who earned 50% or so less than them? Not unless a desperate situation warrants it.

The number of homes where men provide the bulk of the income still far outnumber the relatively few instances where women provide more, let alone all. The economic landscape nowadays typically means both parties are required to make a monetary contribution.

@second bolded, again that is actually best IMHO,but it demands you shoulder that burden to provide for your household, not something that would easily swing in the reverse .

@Post, why are financial troubles in marriage now reduced to "men not being able to provide/secure an income"? It's worth touching on, but that can only ever be a relatively small number of homes. Even if the wife contributes more, it's relatively rare for a man to bring in absolutely nothing on a long-term basis, or even less over the course of the whole union.

There can still be monetary issues/dilemmas regardless of the split or source of income, especially where resources are limited - as is the case in most homes. Perhaps the discussion could touch on communication and creativity around agreement and utilisation of resources. Deadbeat husbands have taken a beating already on this thread .

Absolutely agree with Bukatyne re headship - or at least I think I do? Headship is the mans by default and not predicated on his financial capabilities, however, a facet of his husbandly role is provision.


Off to season my turkey.

Merry crimbo everyone


TV

Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2015

aisha2:
I was judging a woman whose husband told all who cared to listen that after training his wife he lost his job and she became a devil.
One day I met her crying at an older friend's place, I wanted to leave but our mutual friend called me back and explained why she called me to come.
The woman needed a loan, rent and fees were due at the same time and Oga had once again convinced her through blackmail and bullying to release money she had been saving for both purposes, now they were due and he told her to apply for an office loan.
She said she was drained and tired, she can't complain or talk with him because it always turns into " have you forgotten that I am the one who trained you". She comes home late each day to meet dishes undone, has to go and pick the kids from her sisters place because they go there after school if she asks him to baby sit it will be that she is turning him to her house boy. She cant keep a maid because he sleeps with them or harasses them till they leave, she now has to pick the kids, make dinner and check their homework while he does nothing only nag her.
She said she takes on extra trips even when she was heavily pregnant just so she could use the DSA to add to her salary .
I was shocked because this man will always paint her like a wicked unsupportive wife and she never says anything so it wont be that she is kicking him when he is down. Normally she shuts up manages and pays the bills denys herself so many things and the only reason why she came to speak to our friend was because she was desperate and didn't know where to turn to. Our NGO work there is no allowance for loans as they can fire you any day anytime.
We were both able to raise the money for her but not as a loan

Since that day I am slow to judge till I see for myself that the women are mean.

If a woman stays at home mostly she at least tries to make the home habitable, some men will expect their wives to go through all the stress and come home to start from sqaure 1 off cause she will be irritated and upset.

If one spouse is staying home for the while try to make life easier for the working one so paying the bills doesn't become so frustrating

Magnificent post.

bukatyne:
Thanks

Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2015

here's raising my glass and wishing you the best that 2015 has to offer.

trekkie:
here's raising my glass and wishing you the best that 2015 has to offer.

Thanks a lot

If my husband loses his job/business i will be very supportive if he actually puts in efforts to pick himself up again. I would definitely trust him with our money if he plans on making wise investments with it.

If he however decides to just sit home and wait for the second coming, i will gladly show him the direction back to his father's house so he can go back and learn more about being a good father and husband, then come back when he has grown the hell up.

Mondisweets:
If my husband loses his job/business i will be very supportive if he actually puts in efforts to pick himself up again. I would definitely trust him with our money if he plans on making wise investments with it.

If he however decides to just sit home and wait for the second coming, i will gladly show him the direction back to his father's house so he can go back and learn more about being a good father and husband, then come back when he has grown the hell up.

for he own house or your own? .

lilmax:
for he own house or your own? .

Who ever is acting like the adult owns the house, common sense.

Mondisweets:
Who ever is acting like the adult owns the house, common sense.

you have a long way to go.... Sometimes I wonder how you reason....

lilmax:
you have a long way to go.... Sometimes I wonder how you reason....

You are the one who has a long way to go, a reasonable men would not think its normal to just sit around at home and not contribute to the wellbeing of his family.

Mondisweets:
You are the one who has a long way to go, a reasonable men would not think its normal to just sit around at home and not contribute to the wellbeing of his family.

i don't have any business with what you are saying here and besides I always advice guys to be financially stable before marriage so that girls like you won't come out to say what he built with his own money automatically becomes yours

lilmax:
i don't have any business with what you are saying here and besides I always advice guys to be financially stable before marriage so that girls like you won't come out to say what he built with his own money automatically becomes yours

If you weren't too focused on just disagreeing with me because its "mondisweets' post " and actually read the first paragraph i wrote, you would realise i said

Mondisweets:
If my husband loses his job/business i will be very supportive if he actually puts in efforts to pick himself up again. I would definitely trust him with our money if he plans on making wise investments with it.

Even the money im earning remains our money so long he intends on investing it wisely instead of squandering it senselessly.

My husband has the right to take my name off our account if i decide to go crazy with the money in our account at the end of the day its for the benefit of the family not my guilty pleasure.
If he does the same i will not wait until im declared insolvent to act, i will do whatever is best for my family not his ego as the "head of the household"

Like i said you are the one who needs to do the "growing up" Girls like me have been taught by their fathers to work and survive on their own so they don't end up with guys like you who think are God's only gift to women, when in reality you really have nothing to offer


Now lets go back to the topic.

Hmm touching story and quite unfortunate .But that's life and financial uncertainties. You just have to get back up , be positive and don't give up.

@Tony's predicament ; I partially blame his wife for her disgraceful act. on the other hand, what do we know? Tony could've been headstrong to other open opportunities just cause( his ego). Or not.

@Topic; in as much as I respect oneness' in marriage and also understand the diverse marriage structures...I strongly believe in financial independence and will NEVER understand and wrap my mind around why and how a full fledged human being with a functioning brain(not disabled/laid off) whom will choose to sit his/her butt 24/7 at home and expect someone else to bring them daily mana all in name of oneness.

In other words; Tony should change location if he has to and secure a job.

There're only so much pieces( responsibilities) a single unit(1spouse) can pick up and for how long?

IMO, " Genuine Oneness" begets being considerate and fair and v-versa.

Ewuro4:
Hmm touching story and quite unfortunate .But that's life and financial uncertainties. You just have to get back up , be positive and don't give up.

@Tony's predicament ; I partially blame his wife for her disgraceful act. on the other hand, what do we know? Tony could've been headstrong to other open opportunities just cause( his ego). Or not.

@Topic; in as much as I respect oneness' in marriage and also understand the diverse marriage structures...I strongly believe in financial independence and will NEVER understand and wrap my mind around why and how a full fledged human being with a functioning brain(not disabled/laid off) whom will choose to sit his/her butt 24/7 at home and expect someone else to bring them daily mana all in name of oneness.

In other words; Tony should change location if he has to and secure a job.

There're only so much pieces( responsibilities) a single unit(1spouse) can pick up and for how long?

IMO, " Genuine Oneness" begets being considerate and fair and v-versa.

Wasup jidegirl, where have you been? How are you and yours? Hope fine?
Seasons greetings and prosperous new year 2015,in advance.
Eku odun ooo.

TheMadame:
Wasup jidegirl, where have you been? How are you and yours? Hope fine?
Seasons greetings and prosperous new year 2015,in advance.
Eku odun ooo.

Hello Madame de Madame we are doing great and enjoying the holidays. Thank you and I wish you a happy and fulfilling new year in advance as well. My regards to everyone. Odun a bawa layo o. Amen.

This is the summary

bukatyne:
@OP:

It is simply as a result of husbands eating their cake and wanting to have it

The husband is the head of his family yes; however this headship IS NOT based on his financial strength or status (that is for another day). What we have is most husbands and wives tying the headship to finance which seems to work as along as the man is the head financially. Once he loses the financial edge, please what is his use?

We have several threads on NL where male posters have said they will not do house chores because they are the 'head' & finance the home or bring a larger ticket; some are quick to 'chase' their wives from their house (how I detest the word "husband's house" when I am not marrying a married man) obviously because they pay for the rent.

Oga flex muscle finish and suddenly he loses his job/accident/whatever and he expects madam to be the perfect supportive wife? He must be dreaming.

If he acknowledged they were one when the going was good, chances are wifey will be supportive

We now have the issue of ego? Oga doesnot work, stays at home all day and he wants madam to come back from work and start jumping from kitchen to bathroom because? Oga earns less and suddenly madam suggesting (not deciding o) they buy A instead of B is seen as control; Madam getting angry over an issue she got angry about means she wants to become the pilot abi na captain

I agree there are some hare brained and demonic wives like Tony's wife but most of them had it coming.

Dear moderators, I posted a thread online, "20 reasons why we shld not vote for the general". I tink it shld be at d front page, for the sake of equity and fairness. Pls ma esteemed moderator see to it