thank you - Family (6)

thank you - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: thank you by soonest(f): 4:58am On Jan 18, 2015

pickabeau1:
soonest

Hahaha...
Classic ...

Resort to insults when all reason departs

Numbskull

Who started the name calling. Bloody pansy like you. Go read your posts and know if you made any minute sense. Empty vessel!

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: thank you by pickabeau1: 7:38am On Jan 18, 2015*

soonest:
[s]
Who started the name calling. Bloody pansy like you. Go read your posts and know if you made any minute sense. Empty vessel![/s]

You did...ãsswipe

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Re: thank you by Nobody: 7:43am On Jan 18, 2015

Chaii.. Una don turn this thread to wrestlemania..

Muhehehehe grin

Re: thank you by laplace12(m): 8:02am On Jan 18, 2015

Sophyrocks:
So a woman is meant to be happy thatt she is physically abused? where does the resentment come from?

I don't mean she should be happy while being physically abused. I mean some women get angry and resentful for no just cause. It is more like their default setting and that could bring a lot of negative influence to marriage including battery.

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Re: thank you by Nobody: 8:07am On Jan 18, 2015

soonest:
Who started the name calling. Bloody pansy like you. Go read your posts and know if you made any minute sense. Empty vessel!

Chineke meh. grin

You don't mean it ! grin

Re: thank you by Nobody: 8:08am On Jan 18, 2015

soulglo:
https://www.nairaland.com/2096643/wife-user-advice-please

Interesting that dinachi had nothing nice to say about this man's wife who verbally abuses him. In fact he calls for him to divorce her. Dinachi you are a spineless, no ball having, insecure man. You are likely not married and if you are your wife likely stops herself from vomiting at the sight of you. Go and apologize to your parents. You're a disgrace.

Awuo la mu o.
How dem dey spell am sef.

I don die oh grin

Re: thank you by torchwave: 8:29am On Jan 18, 2015

thinkingbee:
Hi everyone

Sometimes instead of bottling emotions up, some people just want a forum to talk. Please dnt try to discourage because u don't know...rather if u see a different view express ur self without trying to create drama, or unnecessary bias. In fact u should feel blessed to ve an opportunity to heal a fellow human.

Since their hearts have become irreversibly numb you can't really blame them for lacking empathy, for lacking feeling, for attacking you rather than the problem.

I'm glad you've let go of the thoughts of revenge. It is a step in the right direction. What is left is solely your decision - to keep staying with him or seek separation from him (not divorce). The longer you stay with him, the greater the possibility of not making it out alive.

May God keep you safe and sound, and give you the grace to overcome. Stay blessed and do not forget to pray.

2 Likes

Re: thank you by Nobody: 8:29am On Jan 18, 2015

laplace12:
I don't mean she should be happy while being physically abused. I mean some women get angry and resentful for no just cause. It is more like their default setting and that could bring a lot of negative influence to marriage including battery.

So how did you know she gets angry for just no cause? where is your proof? are you the husband to the Op?

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Re: thank you by laplace12(m): 8:39am On Jan 18, 2015

Sophyrocks:
So how did you know she gets angry for just no cause? where is your proof? are you the husband to the Op?

Saying she wants her husband to feel the pain of oppression didn't sound well to me. I don't know about others but that expression to me is from a wicked heart.

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Re: thank you by Nobody: 8:45am On Jan 18, 2015

laplace12:
Saying she wants her husband to feel the pain of oppression didn't sound well to me. I don't know about others but that expression to me is from a wicked heart.

That was why i asked you earlier. what sort of emotion were you expecting a woman who has been battered in her marriage to show? If you have been beaten repeatedly by someone, how would you feel towards the person? Isnt resentment the normal emotion to feel? or are you not a human to understand these things? were you expecting feelings of helplessness? you think every woman is the same with how they react to situations? why do you think some women in the u.s who have been battered end up killing their husbands? This is why we tell women to leave when they are battered to avoid death occuring for them or their husbands. Try to put yourself in peoples' shoes to understand where they are coming from.

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Re: thank you by laplace12(m): 8:55am On Jan 18, 2015

Sophyrocks:
That was why i asked you earlier. what sort of emotion were you expecting a woman who has been battered in her marriage to show? If you have been beaten repeatedly by someone, how would you feel towards the person? Isnt resentment the normal emotion to feel? or are you not a human to understand these things? were you expecting feelings of helplessness? you think every woman is the same with how they react to situations? why do you think some women in the u.s who have been battered end up killing their husbands? This is why we tell women to leave when they are battered to avoid death occuring for them or their husbands. Try to put yourself in peoples' shoes to understand where they are coming from.

Well, you may be right.

But I didn't witness the battering, so I can't say much about it. I don't just accept peoples testimony like that. All I read was the not so good words tha came from her mouth.

1 Like

Re: thank you by smartigo: 9:06am On Jan 18, 2015

Romance section irritates me due to the level of childish talks n love love n love matter(smh); family section is full of squabbles because we have very emotional n egocentric posters. It is disheartening when a thread is turned south.

To be fair, it is not easy loving someone who had been bad to you;the spousal abuse had affected the op who didn't care about her husband staying late. That event is a culmination of series of events which the op didn't divulge.

It is difficult for me to judge in this issue other than for the woman to help herself. If the kitchen is too hot, get out. But avoid calling your husband names on public forum. Shikena!

3 Likes

Re: thank you by Nobody: 9:07am On Jan 18, 2015

laplace12:
Well, you may be right.

But I didn't witness the battering, so I can't say much about it. I don't just accept peoples testimony like that. All I read was the not so good words tha came from her mouth.

Good. I knew your comment was based on what you only perceive. Now you can see that you would be a better judge of situations if only you put yourself in peoples' shoes. Many women in the u.s who were battered went as far as killing their husbands after condoning years of abuse. That is even worse. who asked them to stay? This is why we need to be enlightened about things that occur around the world to fully understand issues. Some women would react as helpless humans while others will have feelings of revenge. Murder would have been prevented in their case if they simply walked out of their marriages when things got out of hand at least a life would not be lost.

1 Like

Re: thank you by smartigo: 9:13am On Jan 18, 2015

laplace12:
Saying she wants her husband to feel the pain of oppression didn't sound well to me. I don't know about others but that expression to me is from a[b] wicked heart[/b].

Thank you. In another thread where I said the woman should either divorce or sue or find a way around it, majority of the ladies were thinking I am Esther. Like seriously? Two wrongs don't make a right. You can't be calling someone a monster when your thought is monstrous

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Re: thank you by dinachi(m): 9:17am On Jan 18, 2015

The woman comot her leg for road when she abused her husband in a public forum referring to him as a monster, admitted she was engaged in child labor and abuse by using a mere 12 year old baby girl as a beast of burden/househelp and finally displayed her venomous self by insisting she wants to destroy her once beloved husband in a revenge mission. That was the height of it and I had to let her have it. Marriage is a very respectable institution that we cannot allow to be discredited by a few misguided, disgruntled ladies. Anyways, she appeared to have seen the error of her ways and I have to give it to her, she quickly asked for our understanding and lets be honest here. Who wouldn't agree?

4 Likes

Re: thank you by Kimoni: 9:22am On Jan 18, 2015

Thinkingbee, I can see you are viewing. Deleting your initial post won't stop this thread from thriving. If you have had enough like you said, pls ask the moderators to close the thread.

Ndo! to open thread no be small thing.

Re: thank you by Nobody: 9:27am On Jan 18, 2015

This is why we tell women to stay away from abusive men. Even the bible says we should stay away from violent people. if you are married and your spouse is violent, preserve your life and stay away. Dnt stay there and swallow all manners of abuse hoping for a miracle to change a beast to jesus. Feelings of revenge are normal for women who have endured series and series of abuse. Its a good thing she came here to bare her mind at least she has been reminded that the most important thing is to preserve one's life and move on.

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Re: thank you by dinachi(m): 9:50am On Jan 18, 2015

Sophyrocks:
. Feelings of revenge are normal for women

You see yaa life? Vengeful feeling is not NORMAL. Stop supporting evil. It is an abnormal situation.

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Re: thank you by Nobody: 10:10am On Jan 18, 2015

dinachi:
You see yaa life? Vengeful feeling is not NORMAL. Stop supporting evil. It is an abnormal situation.

Why did you selectively quote what you liked in my comment? I said feelings of revenge are bound to be there for women who have endured years of abuse. That tells you women are never to endure abuse. You just choose to select in order to score cheap points to suit your disturbed self. SMH. Stop being bitter.

3 Likes

Re: thank you by thinkingbee(op): 10:46am On Jan 18, 2015

Hi everyone, thanks for all your concern and advice. I feel at this point things should be made clear and spoken with truth.
I love my wife always have always will, I was really surprised she has taken our domestic difference to Naira land fully aware we some time use the same account here and I guess it's best I use same handle to clarify things. No man should hit a lady for any reason or his wife, but some women provoke men to insanity. My wife is a beautiful and intelligent lady and blessed me with two lovely kids I adore. She is still and always be the love of my life.
Synopsis: before we married I was head over hills in love with that even when I found out she had been married before (while snooping through her phone) I followed her to the court house to get an annulment and went ahead to marry her. Our issues started after we married, she kept in touch with previous boyfriends, I would wake up by 1am to see her chatting and giggling at her phone,i knew she had a lot of toasters as we call it but after 1 week I thought it would reduce then was dismayed to find out after one week no change of status on all social her social networks when I asked her reason was she didn't want her ex boyfriend mum to feel bad she married me not her son! I was shocked but over looked it I even agreed to give her time as she requested to lay them off, at this point I was asking myself if I made the right choice! Then she got pregnant and when I suggested we name our first daughter after my mum she said my mum's name Adaeze was a mammy water name and didn't want my child named after my mum.
Life continued with every challenge young couples face trying to build a home. Then I began to notice a pattern that the only time things where cool in the home was only when I did things to please her,without question. I tried to teach her things like neatness and eating healthy and being calm with me cos I knew I had temper issues which I discussed with her before we married. She was such a prayer warrior before we married and was my cold water on a hot day. All these ended after our first daughters birth under the guise of work and child bearing.
I started seeing text messages from different men she had mentioned in the past and reported the case to her family by this time things where getting bad,unfortunately this was not helpful.
Recent events:
I am a business development consultant,unlike my wife who has a regular nine to five I come home later than her. I told my wife that she should allow any nanny at home to sleep in the parlour when I'm not home so they can hear me knock severally,on this day I came home around 9.30pm knocked my knuckles for 1hr before the door was opened! This was seen as intentional cos just the previous day I had complained about always knocking for hours before getting in,the worst part is she would instruct. The house help not to open the door for me after 9pm. I got in got a cane to discipline the child and she charged at me knowing fully well I was angry and we got physical, prior to this event I kept insisting we send the Lil girl away cos I noticed truancy and a stubborn lying nature in the girl but she refused. On that very day simply because I told her the new nanny who looked 34years old but my wife said she was 19 needed time for me observe before making a decision about keeping her didn't go down well with her started raining curses on me that I will never succeed when ahead and said our children my generation would die but not her kids and I'm not the father of my children,that she will bury me and before I die I would crawl on my belly till I run mad, said a lot of things, she insults me at will threatens me to go and be with other men

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: thank you by Nobody: 10:50am On Jan 18, 2015

thinkingbee:
Hi everyone, thanks for all your concern and advice. I feel at this point things should be made clear and spoken with truth.
I love my wife always have always will, I was really surprised she has taken our domestic difference to Naira land fully aware we some time use the same account here and I guess it's best I use same handle to clarify things. No man should hit a lady for any reason or his wife, but some women provoke men to insanity. My wife is a beautiful and intelligent lady and blessed me with two lovely kids I adore. She is still and always be the love of my life.
Synopsis: before we married I was head over hills in love with that even when I found out she had been married before (while snooping through her phone) I followed her to the court house to get an annulment and went ahead to marry her. Our issues started after we married, she kept in touch with previous boyfriends, I would wake up by 1am to see her chatting and giggling at her phone,i knew she had a lot of toasters as we call it but after 1 week I thought it would reduce then was dismayed to find out after one week no change of status on all social her social networks when I asked her reason was she didn't want her ex boyfriend mum to feel bad she married me not her son! I was shocked but over looked it I even agreed to give her time as she requested to lay them off, at this point I was asking myself if I made the right choice! Then she got pregnant and when I suggested we name our first daughter after my mum she said my mum's name Adaeze was a mammy water name and didn't want my child named after my mum.
Life continued with every challenge young couples face trying to build a home. Then I began to notice a pattern that the only time things where cool in the home was only when I did things to please her,without question. I tried to teach her things like neatness and eating healthy and being calm with me cos I knew I had temper issues which I discussed with her before we married. She was such a prayer warrior before we married and was my cold water on a hot day. All these ended after our first daughters birth under the guise of work and child bearing.
I started seeing text messages from different men she had mentioned in the past and reported the case to her family by this time things where getting bad,unfortunately this was not helpful.
Recent events:
I am a business development consultant,unlike my wife who has a regular nine to five I come home later than her. I told my wife that she should allow any nanny at home to sleep in the parlour when I'm not home so they can hear me knock severally,on this day I came home around 9.30pm knocked my knuckles for 1hr before the door was opened! This was seen as intentional cos just the previous day I had complained about always knocking for hours before getting in,the worst part is she would instruct. The house help not to open the door for me after 9pm. I got in got a cane to discipline the child and she charged at me knowing fully well I was angry and we got physical, prior to this event I kept insisting we send the Lil girl away cos I noticed truancy and a stubborn lying nature in the girl but she refused. On that very day simply because I told her the new nanny who looked 34years old but my wife said she was 19 needed time for me observe before making a decision about keeping her didn't go down well with her started raining curses on me that I will never succeed when ahead and said our children my generation would die but not her kids and I'm not the father of my children,that she will bury me and before I die I would crawl on my belly till I run mad, said a lot of things, she insults me at will threatens me to go and be with other men

1 Like 1 Share

Re: thank you by thinkingbee(op): 11:01am On Jan 18, 2015

I love her and decided to give her space so that she knows what marriage is all about and to know being 21st century woman does not translate to waywardness or keeping old boyfriends that when we fight she starts calling them for attention or insulting her husband and cursing her children, and playing the victim,im not a violent person she knows this but the mental and physical agony I have been passing through pushed me to this point without justification. Advice marry not because of physical beauty or riches but because you have found a partner who loves u won't try to change or control you and appreciates the value of family, God and peace, she calls me a monster but I call her blessed and I know we will work out our differences and by God's grace things will be better.

2 Likes

Re: thank you by thinkingbee(op): 11:08am On Jan 18, 2015

I know she will try and play the victim and take a shot at discrediting me and the family but I forgive her and love her and I choose peace,i was never a product of a broken home and won't leave that legacy to my kids I just feel we both need some time to re-evaluate our relationship and ourselves and hopefully God will give us the grace to deal with our short comings,im not a perfect man but only strive towards it,by God's grace it is well....

1 Like

Re: thank you by Nobody: 11:11am On Jan 18, 2015

thinkingbee:
I love her and decided to give her space so that she knows what marriage is all about and to know being 21st century woman does not translate to waywardness or keeping old boyfriends that when we fight she starts calling them for attention or insulting her husband and cursing her children, and playing the victim,im not a violent person she knows this but the mental and physical agony I have been passing through pushed me to this point without justification. Advice marry not because of physical beauty or riches but because you have found a partner who loves u won't try to change or control you and appreciates the value of family, God and peace, she calls me a monster but I call her blessed and I know we will work out our differences and by God's grace things will be better.

Na wa oh. You both should see a counsellor too many issues going on. The day you get angry to the point of wanting to hit your spouse is the day you realise you need time away from each other and help if you want to continue.
I am not an advocate of suffering and smiling by either spouse, you both need help. And please, the 12 year old is innocent, don't take your anger out on her next time in Gods name. Flogging a child at 9pm when you are actually angry with your spouse is not a great idea, you could have inflicted serious physical and emotional damage on that child.

Re: thank you by pickabeau1: 11:12am On Jan 18, 2015

If this is true

Thinkingbee

There is no justification for spousal abuse
You may need to have a copy of the key for yourself
It was clear the the op was one sided as she has no faults
It is commendable you want to work at your marriage and she has said as much

Also ur wifr needs to stop creeping
Your sanity is more important than trying to preserve peace
Chatting with lives in your presence is a No No
Ultimate disrespect

All the best in your marriage

Get a mature woman to act as nanny

Re: thank you by Nobody: 11:16am On Jan 18, 2015

Hmmmm...

dinachi

Re: thank you by smartigo: 11:19am On Jan 18, 2015

hmmm.

. This is why is wrong to judge on one account of an event.
No smoke with fire; it is well o

3 Likes

Re: thank you by Nobody: 11:39am On Jan 18, 2015

mutter:
Please explain.
Did I say something wrong
I was trying to be logical!

Hmm mutter my husband said he is sure ur a man posting as female, and he is a typical naija man. grin

Your comments always weigh heavily on the side of men, anything that happens you always make it the woman's fault

3 Likes

Re: thank you by Nobody: 11:41am On Jan 18, 2015

pickabeau1:
If this is true

Thinkingbee

There is no justification for spousal abuse
You may need to have a copy of the key for yourself
It was clear the the op was one sided as she has no faults
It is commendable you want to work at your marriage and she has said as much

Also ur wifr needs to stop creeping
Your sanity is more important than trying to preserve peace
Chatting with lives in your presence is a No No
Ultimate disrespect

All the best in your marriage

Get a mature woman to act as nanny