₦airaland Forum

Hi Nairalander,

I sincerely require your mature view on this.

I am 28 years old handsome looking and employed young man. But i have this contention about relationship for a while now and i need your comment. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 18months. She is a virgin and she loved to remain like that until she gets married, i agreed with her decision even though i am not one. All along she has been a friend, sister and mother to me. She loves me so much and sometimes i get scared and wonder why i have deserved such love from her. She works too (a banker). Our relationship is so deep that both parent likes us and appreciate us. She is homely and a description of what men calls complete 6yards (good girl). I intend to propose to her when am ready. But something happened, she just came to me someday she think its time she get married. She want us to get married within the next 6months unless i am gonna loss her. Ofcuz, she has other men that likes her and ready just to marry her almost immediately. She is 27yrs old and the plan i have for her is still not yet time. I planned about a year and a half time we gonna get married. It has been on for a while and has been affecting the attachment gradually knowing am not ready. Now my question is Do men just decide to get married because a girl is in love with you and you just don't want to loose her? Most people she talks to feels am not serious but i explained to her am trying to fix things that will make the marriage convenient for her and also till am ready to handle the responsibility of marriage. Do i let her go because she cannot wait or just rush into it?

Please i only need matured views. Not your sympathy or abuse.

How long do you plan on keeping her to get things ready? she's 27, if she's the one you want and you have enough to sustain a young family, why the delay? All that talk about getting ready is just a way of making the poor lady to approach menopause seriously, I see no tangible reason in your post
and how do you know you're handsome?

@OP, why are you not ready since you have gotten What you wanted?

@Her marrying other suitors, do people just decide to marry any one because she show interest? I thought since she claims to love you, her goal should be understanding why you are not ready and either speeding up the process or giving you space till you are ready?

Reminds me of the foolish virgins...

So you want a 27 years old virgin to keep waiting for you till you're ready?



Please what does it take for you to be ready?

Op,why are you not ready and what is this 'fix things that will make marriage convenient'?U wan build house first?

You work and she works and obviously both of you can handle financial responsibilities for a new family.She's a lady and at her age she is ready.You are not too young for marriage either.

You are right to say you do not get married as a man just because the lady wants marriage but in your situation,I don't see why you shouldn't want it now.Let her go if you really don't want marriage now but.......
i think you might regret it.

Keep fixing things and you might lose her

Please put yourself in her shoes. Still a Virgin at this age! Do you know that it is possible to arouse a woman sexually even when she is in her early teens.
So imagine how many years she has waited! Why prolong the torture.

BTW, you are not a virgin and quite honestly I do not believe you have been practicing abstinence in this relationship otherwise you would want to marry her yesterday.

If she was my daughter I would "use broom and drive you". In a year and half her market value would have gone down by almost half.

Op everybody seems to be asking the same question.


Why do you say you are not ready?

I am not sure why you are not ready yet but going into a union you aren't prepared for is definitely not ideal for either of you. If you believe you are not ready then don't get married just yet.

However, it would be highly inappropriate for you to ask her to wait for you because of what seems to be your internal struggles. Dude, if you aren't ready now, it is highly probable that you won't be ready in the next 5 years.

Marriage, like love, is all about commitment. You need not be 100 percent ready to make a decision and commit to it. If you believe she is right for you, then by all means marry her and be committed to her; otherwise let her go.

Seconded

5minsmadness:
Op everybody seems to be asking the same question.


Why do you say you are not ready?

@ OP


You settle to marry , you don't marry to settle . So , don't allow anyone to cajole you into life " rat race " the multitude leads , which end results are always frustration and violence . Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches . And the worst thing that can ever happen to any sane person is living on other peoples opinion .

I advice you follow your intuition and logical dictates . Never allow emotion to becloud your sense of reasoning at any point in time , especially when it concerns life and sacrosanct venture like marriage . If the lover lady is truly yours , she will understand your points and concerns , and exercise patience until when you are ready to settle down with her , so long as you are sincere to yourself and to her of course . Citing your age , it's obvious it has not been too long a time you started working and earning money , this by extension means you have not suffered your first life/financial setback as a man - I may be wrong thou . And I don't pray you do either now or in the future , after all not all men/family do experience this ugly stage in life journey . However , I as somebody that live on reason and not faith , I always advice people to plan for an eventuality like this . Never say never .

Love toward one another is summation of all the good qualities we found in the person plus tolerance toward the bad qualities the person possesses , too . And of course what constitutes these good qualities differs from one individual to another . Now , if you want to know whether the assumed love that exist between the two of you presently is a sustainable one that can wither the storms of inevitable conflicts that do and will arise when you get married to her or any other lady , try find out those different characteristics each of you possesses as individuals that makes you to assumed you love each other . When you pick out her own characteristics , place her good qualities under permanent and temporary columns , if the permanent exceeds the temporary in numbers, then know that you have found a true love , one that can withstand many future storms with you ... I pray and hope you have the third eye to know whether the good qualities she possesses and exhibits now is permanent or temporary part of her and I hope she will be able to carryout same examination on you , too . Holistic approaches to life causes always leads to happy and fulfilled living existence . Good luck .

You're 28, just started making cool money, plus you're handsome to boot. I understand now. Lols. I don't blame you. Seeing as your Heart's not in there (getting married) I practically and honestly advice you let her go, sow your wild oats and grow your finances. In a year or two you can then take solid steps towards marriage.

The pressure on her is getting too much and she can no longer hold it in.

Are you sure she is still a virgin?

The lady must be very beautiful.

*double

OP, If you're not ready, you're not ready. You put that in bold twice.

Don't be pressured into something you don't want to get into. Now, if that translates to her leaving you, then there's not much you can do about it. You're not on the same page.

johnsammy16:
Hi Nairalander,

I sincerely require your mature view on this.

I am 28 years old handsome looking and employed young man. But i have this contention about relationship for a while now and i need your comment. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 18months. She is a virgin and she loved to remain like that until she gets married, i agreed with her decision even though i am not one. All along she has been a friend, sister and mother to me. She loves me so much and sometimes i get scared and wonder why i have deserved such love from her. She works too (a banker). Our relationship is so deep that both parent likes us and appreciate us. She is homely and a description of what men calls complete 6yards (good girl). I intend to propose to her when am ready. But something happened, she just came to me someday she think its time she get married. She want us to get married within the next 6months unless i am gonna loss her. Ofcuz, she has other men that likes her and ready just to marry her almost immediately. She is 27yrs old and the plan i have for her is still not yet time. I planned about a year and a half time we gonna get married. It has been on for a while and has been affecting the attachment gradually knowing am not ready. Now my question is Do men just decide to get married because a girl is in love with you and you just don't want to loose her? Most people she talks to feels am not serious but i explained to her am trying to fix things that will make the marriage convenient for her and also till am ready to handle the responsibility of marriage. Do i let her go because she cannot wait or just rush into it?

Please i only need matured views. Not your sympathy or abuse.

It's one thing for you not to be ready, it's an entirely different ballgame for her to threaten you with 6 months ultimatum because she has other men chasing her, tschewww.

My two cents - delete her number OR let her know you have other admirers willing to wait 18 months till you are ready too

It's all up to you. If you think you aren't ready YET please don't jump into a lifelong situation you won't be able to manage. Don't let anybody blackmail/threaten you because of their 'ticking clock'.

As for her, is she dating other guys ( open relationship) or men just fell head over heels in love and propose to her right away on the go , because she's a virgin

reminds me of KSA & onyeka owenu's duo( if you love me, you go wait for me)

Is it finance?

Pls let her go. You are not ready simple.

If u are not ready free her and tell her about one tmosco on nairaland that will like to meet her.

Well an ultimatum is not the ideal reason to marry. If you were already going to get wedded to her anyway, then the ultimatum is not the reason you married her. It's only the reason you got married when you did. Assuming that money is the reason you are not ready now, you can meet her halfway by reducing the budget for your wedding and maybe holding off on having children until a year or two after the wedding.

OP, if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. Let her wait, and if she can't she can move on to those who are ready. Don't be henpecked into rushing such a major decision. It's not something you walk into at the whims of a woman who might not even find you attractive in six months.


PS: If conji is her problem, knack the damn akpako and she should be yours for life. Be wise