₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
wait let me find my safiticate first.
I'm not yet kwalified

CFCfan:
Don't worry, the certificate is with the military board.

cococandy:

CFCfan:
Sorry, it's with Obama

alutacontinua:
Or you might actually be at fault, but think you're not
It's called conflict resolution, not 'proving-how-right-you-are' resolution
if you go there tomorrow with this your mindset, there's a high probability that nothing good will come out of it.
listen to him, put yourself in his shoes sincerely and be humble enough to admit your mistakes. You don't have to be the right one.

Goodluck!

cococandy:
Robert Greens first law of power comes to mind.

NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTER.

If you want to continue working with him, just stoop to conquer with him.
If you can possibly stroke his ego,by all means do so. Until he relaxes his fear of you.

Try to make friends with him seeing as he's the bridge between you and the bigger superiors.
Also make friends with his superiors if possible.
But don't make it seem like you're going above him to get favors as that will even worsen the relationship.

#mytwocents

If you can possibly stroke his ego,by all means do so. Until he relaxes his fear of you.

But don't make it seem like you're going above him to get favors as that will even worsen the relationship.

Babyblues:
Thank God for you.Just keep on doing your job fastidiously and even if there's an error make sure you have enough reasons to justify the decision.
I'm sure he's waiting for one slip up to say eheeee.
Let the devil be shamed abeg.
I hope at least from tomorrow he will say his mind so there will be peace..
Chief wahala can be hell,especially being accused of not being a team player.Na that one de pain pass.
May God grant you grace and eloquence tomorrow

chineloSA:
In my experience, such conflicts are impossible to resolve, ehn. Once its start on a bad footing, its over. It equates to bad foundation.

Prayer can help, and playing cool, rather than having an overbearing or dominating personality.
I do agree with cococandy, that outshining him may be his biggest problem with him.

The fact that you recommended someone else for his position, for him it amounts to "his enemy"

When I was in your position twice, I decided to eventually quit and look for something else. And those were my best career decision because they opened doors for much better opportunities for me, opportunities that I would have never gotten had I stayed. Since then, I never looked back.

I was single, so I had a too much flexibility to even move to another city. But your circumstances may be different,

I see that u have made up your mind with regards to staying. Good luck

babyosisi:
[size=18pt]I did not recommend someone for his position[/size]
Where are you reading this from?

chineloSA:
Then a second incidence that sealed his dislike of me after I arrived to take up the job stemmed mainly from a rumor that I encouraged a fellow nigerian to apply and interview for his position when it was an interim position for him.
To cut a long story short,the Nigerian guy though clearly better qualified and accomplished didn't get the position and this boss and those supporting him are using subtle ways to express their wrath towards me and so far I have maintained my cool.



The fact that it was a rumour, to him its the truth. Recommending does not necessarilly mean only sitting on the interview panel, but also me, you encouraged someone to take up his position. Were you not the one who said the copied above

babyosisi:
Be at fault for asking for a higher pay and getting it? Which infuriated him
Be at fault for him thinking a Nigerian that applied for his job and was clearly more qualified was sent by me when I had never met the guy till the day he showed up for the interview?
Be at fault for having a boss downplay my achievements and refuse to announce them like he does others
Sorry I have lived in this country a long time
I know unfairness and bad belle when I see it
remember he is my boss
If I was at fault,what I could have received would have been a clear warning from his superior after hearing his side
That didn't happen instead they want to resolve this which I am all for
This is not a he said,she said
I ain't no spring chicken
I have documented evidence for months and went with copies of email printed out which he can't deny
The evidence is right there in black and white of his actions and inactions and I know the expressions of surprise from the person that listened to the complaints.

babyosisi:
I ask again,where are you reading this from
Can you take time to read my posts before commenting instead of adding pepper to it

chineloSA:
See your overpowering mannerism and rude attitude If your go inside that meeting with this your Nairaland attitude you will still come back a looser.

I read your story and I quoted what you said.

Good luck though.

babyosisi:
I was expecting this even after you saw the clear error in your post,I would have been shocked if you responded otherwise
I didn't expect you to acknowledge it
Keep your good luck nne,I don't believe in luck
I got here by Grace and merit not good luck

babyosisi:
Last December can you imagine I was out on the schedule to cover 70% of the emergencies
I spoke up and asked why my schedule was overloaded and I believe the scheduler spoke with him and it was immediately changed
Things like that
Geared towards making me look like a whiny complainy person

kinisoo1:
Hi Op

I have been following this conversation all along. Before I comment, please in which sector do you work? Banking? Oil and gas? Academics?

And which country are you?

Thanks

babyosisi:
Amen o
I need to call my mother to pick up her MFM prayer books

uboma:
This is an interesting thread because i can relate to some of your experiences here. However, never complain about your work load. It puts you in a bad light. You may have had the workload reduced because of the strings you pulled but what happens when you move on to another organization and you have no one to do your favours? Do the best you can and when queried on why 100% of your workload was not completed, then you can politely express your reservations and stating how far (say 40-50%) has been achieved.

During the planned meeting with your Boss, you have to exercise restraint at all cost because he will waiting for you to fall in his trap so he can nail you. I advise that you secretly record the conversation with your phone or any portable gadget. He will be waiting for you to flare up during the discussion, please don't oblige him. Be diplomatic all through...

babyosisi:
I will not leave this job because of him
That one is settled
I ain't going nowhere

babyosisi:
Someone told me he feels threatened by me
I don't know if that's true
He is certainly more experienced and way older and has been at the place much longer
How could I be threatening to him

babyosisi:
Someone told me he feels threatened by me
I don't know if that's true
He is certainly more experienced and way older and has been at the place much longer
How could I be threatening to him

cococandy:
Robert Greens first law of power comes to mind.

NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTER.

If you want to continue working with him, just stoop to conquer with him.
If you can possibly stroke his ego,by all means do so. Until he relaxes his fear of you.

Try to make friends with him seeing as he's the bridge between you and the bigger superiors.
Also make friends with his superiors if possible.
But don't make it seem like you're going above him to get favors as that will even worsen the relationship.

#mytwocents

uboma:
I am sure that's his own way of saying 'hey you, i admire you' .

The both of you will be best pals if you manage him well

babyosisi:
I will brief you guys how it went

uboma:
You are so on point. The words in bold is what annoys him...

babyosisi:
To make a long story short
My boss and I are going to be at a meeting tomorrow to resolve a deep seated conflict.
It is a difficult place to be in
He has only been my boss for a year plus and from day one we didn't get along
Right from when I got offered my position and salary
He retorted angrily over the phone when I asked that the salary be adjusted upwards because I wouldn't accept a much lower salary than where I was coming from.He refused to listen and I had to contact someone else and eventually had some money added to that salary.
I guess he hated my guts after that and that was before he even met me.
Then a second incidence that sealed his dislike of me after I arrived to take up the job stemmed mainly from a rumor that I encouraged a fellow nigerian to apply and interview for his position when it was an interim position for him.
To cut a long story short,the Nigerian guy though clearly better qualified and accomplished didn't get the position and this boss and those supporting him are using subtle ways to express their wrath towards me and so far I have maintained my cool.
My impression is that he is not comfortable having a black woman and an intelligent one as a colleague
It had gotten to an extent where I needed to speak up and I did.
My evidence is well documented with dates and email and there is no denying it.

Here comes my dilemma

We will be together to resolve this but can you imagine being at a conflict resolution with your own boss?the man that is supposed to evaluate you and have your back?
We haven't even said hello to each other since this year,he avoids eye contacts and scampers off
That's how bad it is

I need words of wisdom how to approach this without being confrontational.i cannot afford to be confrontational.

I had a wonderful relationship with my former boss for almost a decade and I still have the notes and email he sent me for being a team player.we still collaborate on studies till this day.

I have gotten words of wisdom from hubby and friends
Now tell me yours or share your experience if you've been in a similar situation

babyosisi:
So if I ask for a raise and he refuses,I should accept it even when I merited it?