If you stay and beg him today it means you have endorsed his cheating forever. Leave granda talk abeg, marriage is about respect for one another he is not ready for marriage

aisha2:
If you stay and beg him today it means you have endorsed his cheating forever. Leave granda talk abeg, marriage is about respect for one another he is not ready for marriage

It's sometimes easier said than done.

cionon:


I am not making mouth. You guys aren't understanding me. If after his wrong doing, I called him to order and he feels it's normal, I told him if he z nt ready to change then I will leave
His reply was what am I still doing.
So I said fine I will leave.
I was actually thinking that he would beg since he was wrong especially after telling me his whores are better than me in all aspect.

This morning I woke up early and was packing then he just dropped the tfare and left. If he had begged and apologised, I wud have stayed.

I respect my neighbour cause she is a granny and spoke to me like a mother.

If he begs and appologises, are you willing to stay despite his womanising lifestyle?

Op, how long is the marriage? do you have kids?

cionon:

He womanises. I have seen condoms a lot in his office trousers. Called his attention but he never even had the courtesy to say his sorry instead he says he carries them for a reason and it should stop questioning him. My cuxn as seen him with a girl b4, bt he denied it even wen it was obvious he lied about his whereabt cause the frnd he said he was going to see came to the house. and he is very pompous. Never apologies for his wrong doings.
Very disrespectful

Hmmn. . . This is sad. Its one thing to womanise, its another to be unapologetic, disrespectful and pompous. Very bad combination. Not healthy for a happy marriage. I'm sure he's one of those men that think it's their sole right to "spread their tentacles". It must really hurt. I do understand why you snapped and threatened him.

-What do you intend to do about his philandering ways, other than moving to your parent's house?
-Do you have a job or business?
-How old is your marriage? Any kids yet?

cionon:


Yes I did. Never knew he was dis disrespectful.

You are ignoring the main issue and focusing on the flimsy one. The arrogance and disrespect is not your major problem, the alleged infidelity is what you should be focusing on

carefreewannabe:


How did you get yourself into such a marriage? I feel for you, I honestly do.

You have three options now.

1. You accept him the way he his since he is not willing to change.

2. You try to work on your marriage, which won't be easy since you are ready to work on yourself but he is not ready to work on himself.

3. You leave.

Have you got kids?

Have you got a job?

No kids yet but expecting which was recently confirmed

cionon:


No kids yet but expecting which was recently confirmed

That makes the situation more difficult.

Have your doctors tested you for AIDS and other STDs? It's important they do.

Please, don't have unprotected s*ex with your hubby, at least for the time of the pregnancy. You have to protect your child.

Nonso23:


another doctored tale.
What did you say to make him retort with the emboldened?
Talk true abeg don't come here and attempt to feed us one sided story.
No man will ever say such a thing without you saying something to push him to the extreme.
You are not ready to seek a solution you want a pity party.

She is not feeding anyone with anything. She is narrating the story from her perspective and it is her right to do so.
She wants help and not pity even though she deserves sympathy since her husband is a cheat, who is not even hiding it.

She is also pregnant so take it easy.

cionon:


I am not making mouth. You guys aren't understanding me. If after his wrong doing, I called him to order and he feels it's normal, I told him if he z nt ready to change then I will leave
His reply was what am I still doing.
So I said fine I will leave.
I was actually thinking that he would beg since he was wrong especially after telling me his whores are better than me in all aspect.

This morning I woke up early and was packing then he just dropped the tfare and left. If he had begged and apologised, I wud have stayed.

I respect my neighbour cause she is a granny and spoke to me like a mother.

We are all saying the same thing. You threatened to leave if he didn't change; he didn't change, you haven't left. Instead you're asking for advice on how to beg him to calm down. In spite of the fact that he brazenly cheats and said his LovePeddler is better than you.

carefreewannabe:


That makes the situation more difficult.

Have your doctors tested you for AIDS and other STDs? It's important they do.

Please, don't have unprotected s*ex with your hubby, at least for the time of the pregnancy. You have to protect your child.

Exactly. She has to get tested. Her husband will not necessarily use those condoms frequentlyy and condoms do not give 100% protection. Herpes and hepatitis are also included.

Sophyrocks:


Exactly. She has to get tested. Her husband will not necessarily use those condoms frequentlyy and condoms do not give 100% protection. Herpes and hepatitis are also included.

We are adults, aren't we?

People use condoms at the beginning but at the end want it all so sooner or later ...

ileobatojo:


We are all saying the same thing. You threatened to leave if he didn't change; he didn't change, you haven't left. Instead you're asking for advice on how to beg him to calm down. In spite of the fact that he brazenly cheats and said his LovePeddler is better than you.

I can't imagine a man i call my husband telling me that wh0res are better than me. So what is he doing with me? What is the use of the marriage in the 1st place? Thats just the deal breaker for me. There are things you dnt say to your spouse even when provoked!! He is the one who is wrong because he is cheating!! Op, dnt bother apologising for anything o!

Nonso23:


When the bushmeat catch the hunter

What are you saying?

Nonso23:


As usual you have arrived at your conclusions without substantial proof.
Cheat how?
He carries condoms about?
He boasts about his 'whores' in the heat of the moment?
How?

This is an online forum. I don't have to prove scientifically that someone else's husband is cheating.

And if my husband was carrying condoms, then that would be evidence enough. Why else would he have condoms in his pocket? To use them as gloves? For his friends? To give it to the poor?

If you doubt that he is cheating, ask her if she is sure and don't try to make her feel guilty because she already does.

Nonso23:


As usual you have arrived at your conclusions without substantial proof.
Cheat how?
He carries condoms about?
He boasts about his 'whores' in the heat of the moment?
How?

Pregnant or not she is not allowed to give half baked tales to us.

So what you are saying is her husband isnt wrong for patronising wh0res as a married man? what are the condoms for? I have not seen you criticise that act all.

Sophyrocks:


I can't imagine a man i call my husband telling me that wh0res are better than me. So what is he doing with me? What is the use of the marriage in the 1st place? Thats just the deal breaker for me. There are things you dnt say to your spouse even when provoked!! He is the one who is wrong because he is cheating!! Op, dnt bother apologising for anything o!

Ladies, we don't know her and her situation. We don't know the husband either.

It is easy for us all to give her advice but her situation could be very sticky.
We don't know how independent she is, both emotionally and financially and this is Nigeria.

Even if it runs counter our sense of justice, based on what we know about the marriage, an apology could be the short-term solution in her case. We don't know.

Will you people accept her into your homes if he throws her out? She is pregnant.
How will her family react? Are they able to take care of her and her unborn child?

carefreewannabe:


This is an online forum. I don't have to prove scientifically that someone else's husband is cheating.

And if my husband was carrying condoms, then that would be evidence enough. Why else would he have condoms in his pocket? To use them as gloves? For his friends? To give it to the poor?

If you doubt that he is cheating, ask her if she is sure and don't try to make her feel guilty because she already does.

I wonder o. Oh is Nonso trying to tell us he is that dumb not to understand a single thing the Op has said? You find condoms, what does your mind tell you? The husband even went ahead to prove he is cheating by giving excuses, telling her to stop asking questions and comparing her with wh0res. Is Nonso blind? I know he wants to turn this thread to something else. I guess Nonse will feel so good if his wife compares him with her exes. kmt.

Nonso23:


As usual you have arrived at your conclusions without substantial proof.
Cheat how?
He carries condoms about?
He boasts about his 'whores' in the heat of the moment?
How?

Pregnant or not she is not allowed to give half baked tales to us.

I don't have to go into details. Cos I know he his cheating. Seen a chat et him a a prostitute which I emailed to my fone and showed him yday. I expected him to apologise yet nothing. So don't come and say Wat u don't know. What wrong did I do when I said his parents and mine would know about the whores he keeps and he said to my face that they were better.
I pity but wife maybe u and my husband have Sam character

Nonso23:


another doctored tale.
What did you say to make him retort with the emboldened?
Talk true abeg don't come here and attempt to feed us one sided story.
No man will ever say such a thing without you saying something to push him to the extreme.
You are not ready to seek a solution you want a pity party.

Exactly what he said to make her retort to divorce threat.. It's easier to dismiss her claims but not the man?

Sophyrocks:


I wonder o. Oh is Nonso trying to tell us he is that dumb not to understand a single thing the Op has said? You find condoms, what does your mind tell you? The husband even went ahead to prove he is cheating by giving excuses, telling her to stop asking questions and comparing her with wh0res. Is Nonso blind? I know he wants to turn this thread to something else. I guess Nonse will feel so good if his wife compares him with her exes. kmt.

Nonso is not dumb at all, as far as I can tell, but he sometimes is biased and unfair.

carefreewannabe:


Ladies, we don't know her and her situation. We don't know the husband either.

It is easy for us all to give her advice but her situation could be very sticky.
We don't know how independent she is, both emotionally and financially and this is Nigeria.

Even if it runs counter our sense of justice, based on what we know about the marriage, an apology could be the short-term solution in her case. We don't know.

Will you people accept her into your homes if he throws her out? She is pregnant.
How will her family react? Are they able to take care of her and her unborn child?

True though. The op has not told us if she has a job. well, the ball is in her court o.

cionon:


I don't have to go into details. Cos I know he his cheating. Seen a chat et him a a prostitute which I emailed to my fone and showed him yday. I expected him to apologise yet nothing. So don't come and say Wat u don't know. What wrong did I do when I said his parents and mine would know about the whores he keeps and he said to my face that they were better.
I pity but wife maybe u and my husband have Sam character

I wasn't gonna proffer any solution but can't take this any longer..

Listen well, it's written all over your post that you have no job neither occupied with tangible thing, which makes you way too idle for useless back and forth with him. Do something for starters

Don't go anywhere and stay put in your matrimonial space and call up his families and report him to them. For now

Rubbish

Sophyrocks:


True though. The op has not told us if she has a job. well, the ball is in her court o.

Sophy, it is not only about financial independence. Even in well-developed countries where women can rely on a well-functioning welfare system and a great support system for women in need, MANY women stay in dysfunctional and toxic marriages / relationships.

It has psychological reasons. I have learned not to judge them even though I still struggle to understand it. Maybe it's better I don't understand it.

carefreewannabe:


Nonso is not dumb at all, as far as I can tell, but he sometimes is biased and unfair.

The op doesnt need that here. Its not everytime you must press further to prove a point.

cionon:


He womanises. I have seen condoms a lot in his office trousers. Called his attention but he never even had the courtesy to say his sorry instead he says he carries them for a reason and it should stop questioning him. My cuxn as seen him with a girl b4, bt he denied it even wen it was obvious he lied about his whereabt cause the frnd he said he was going to see came to the house. and he is very pompous. Never apologies for his wrong doings.
Very disrespectful

So basically he cheats and demands that you take it without questions.
Even jumps at the a chance of you leaving him,so that he can have more freedom to roam about.

Hmm.

Only you can decide when you've had enough. When even your gateman and parents can't convince you to bear it any second longer.

I'm glad you don't have a weak mind. You will be fine in the end if you keep up your personality
Because eventually it will lead you away from anything that troubles your soul.

Like the disrespectful unrepentant cheat you married.

Nonso23:

Oh so you knew that she was here and you didn't think it worthy enough to bring up the question but acceptable to conclude very brilliant
OP oya answer: have you seen him with your koro koro eyes with any babe doing the do?

Thank God you said your husband. With your premise: if a man is carrying a gun he is a killer. rounds of applause

I don't doubt that he is cheating because she found condoms in his pocket. It's only you who does.

Why does he carry condoms? Again, why does he carry condoms? To use them as gloves? For his friends? To give it to the poor? Because he has taken them away from his younger sister? Oya, tell us!

Maybe a naive woman will believe you.

And your "until you catch him in the act, you don't know" is a line, you can tell your wife. I don'T fall for such crap.

carefreewannabe:


Sophy, it is not only about financial independence. Even in well-developed countries where women can rely on a well-functioning welfare system and a great support system for women in need, MANY women stay in dysfunctional and toxic marriages / relationships.

It has psychological reasons. I have learned not to judge them even though I still struggle to understand it. Maybe it's better I don't understand it.

We dnt need to understand it. All women can never be alike in reasoning.