I am writing in pains, I stay in a family house with my inlaws. I got married the same day with my husband's younger brother who also leave with us. The problem here is that they find fault in everything i do and get jealous. I am the only one that does things in the kitchen while the rest cook with firewood. I stopped giving my fiL(father in-law) food (by my husband's order)since the day he asked some1 to throw the food away or give it to dog in my presence . The same food I served my husband and his friends which they ate. Ever since then he spoilt my image by telling people I can't cook with the help of my Bil. I have lost confident in myself Although my husband never complains. He credit my Bil wife simply because both my Bil
and his wife are jobless and they feed with the help of my Mil and the wife has been the one cooking with them. I do my things privately,I am an introvert, I teach in a school, my husband is into little business. But I am above him in all ramifications. but it didn't get into head. We can't leave the house cos we can't afford to rent a place. Now what will i do to gain back my reputation. I see people running away for my food just because of Fil. With the wide Gossip that I can only make snacks and noodles. I can stand anything as a woman but not someone telling me I can't cook. Please I need your advice?

Nne, you guys should pls move out! How can your husband, his brother's family plus his parents stay in one house? Of course, you won't expect things to work out smoothly.

You guys should rent an apartment even if it's a single room, you have a job and he has something doing. You guys can start with 'face to face' pending when there will be money to rent a flat. There's nothing like having your own freedom as a married woman.

As for the gossip, just turn deaf ears to them. What matters is your conscience tho it won't be easy, but you don't have a choice.


Lastly, pls don't say "you're above your husband" next time. You got married to him and he paid your pride price so your superiority doesn't count anymore.

What sort of man is that your husband? Does he have a small dick? He can't confront his own people? Let me see the man born of a woman that will talk nonsense about my wife, not even my parent would dare that...
But on a more serious note8), you and your hubby should move out of his family house na. Even if it is to move into one room apartment, which is quite cheap, it is better than living with some "low lives"... Babe don't worry, jungle go soon mature... Life is in phases and men are in sizes. Lalastclala no be so?

You and your husband should work towards renting an apartment even if it's a room and parlour.It's the only choice you have.
Where you stay now can only breed all kinds of insults,gossips and jealousy.

Omg! Baby girl! Chai!

To God be the glory, if anyone should throw this at me it's gonna be my excuse not to bother with cooking at all! Why would you be bothered because people run away from your food? Biko there is recession o. Pls don't be bothered, continue to feed the people that want to eat while you work on moving out. Pls work on moving out.

Marrying a woman into your father's house is an ominous sign of an irresponsible man.

Nic3:
I am writing in pains, I stay in a family house with my inlaws. I got married the same day with my husband's younger brother who also leave with us. The problem here is that they find fault in everything i do and get jealous. I am the only one that does things in the kitchen while the rest cook with firewood. I stopped giving my fiL(father in-law) food (by my husband's order)since the day he asked some1 to throw the food away or give it to dog in my presence . The same food I served my husband and his friends which they ate. Ever since then he spoilt my image by telling people I can't cook with the help of my Bil. I have lost confident in myself Although my husband never complains. He credit my Bil wife simply because both my Bil
and his wife are jobless and they feed with the help of my Mil and the wife has been the one cooking with them. I do my things privately,I am an introvert, I teach in a school, my husband is into little business. But I am above him in all ramifications. but it didn't get into head. We can't leave the house cos we can't afford to rent a place. Now what will i do to gain back my reputation. I see people running away for my food just because of Fil. With the wide Gossip that I can only make snacks and noodles. I can stand anything as a woman but not someone telling me I can't cook. Please I need your advice?

@bold above who?

i can perceive an undertone of arrogance & disregard for your father-in-law in your write up....

hmm! Eiya the story sounds familiar. I know how you feel. You just have to move out! lalasticlala what's your say

johnson232:

@bold above who?

i can perceive an undertone of arrogance & disregard for your father-in-law in your write up....

She's referring to the BIL

johnson232:

@bold above who?

i can perceive an undertone of arrogance & disregard for your father-in-law in your write up....

I am not the arrogant type. I just wanted to give reasons why they might be jealous. With all this I give my Husband and Father inlaw respect, Go to his room every morning to greet then mind my own business. Sadly maybe I shouldnt have stated that. I just need an advice. Besides I wasn't saying I was above my father inlaw

You and your husband should get a room apartment to avoid jealousy and gossip,when you are staying with your in-law this always happen, a room is very cheap to get.

ammyluv2002:
Nne, you guys should pls move out! How can your husband, his brothee's family plus his parents stay in one house? Of course, you won't expect things to work out smoothly.

You guys should rent an apartment even if it's a single room, you have a job and he has something doing. You guys can start with 'face to face' pending when there will be money to rent a flat. There's nothing like having your own freedom as a married woman.

As for the gossip, just turn deaf ears to them. What matters is your conscience tho it won't be easy, but you don't have a choice.


Lastly, pls don't say "you're above your husband" next time. You got married to him and he paid your pride price so your superiority doesn't count anymore.

We stay in the same compound but different apartment

U are above ur hubby in all ramification..... I see no reason y u shouldn't be able to rent a room and move out with your hubby.
That is d only thing u need right now.

Nic3:
We stay in the same compound but different apartment

Okay,but you guys can move out right? Is the house owned by your father in law?

lomaxx:

She's referring to the BIL

She is referring to her husband.

Catalin:
She is referring to her husband.

Lmao. Thanks for correcting me.
These women always become arrogant and disrespectful when they have a slight advantage

Firstly, its imperative you move out with your husband cos the more you live there, the more they will affront you and jealous anything and everything you do in the house.

ammyluv2002:
Okay,but you guys can move out right? Is the house owned by your father in law?

Yes it is

lomaxx:


Lmao. Thanks for correcting me.
These women always become arrogant and disrespectful when they have a slight advantage

How do you mean?

Madam, cool down.

Your FIL is doing you guys a HUGE favor by housing your husband and you.

You have equally admitted you can't afford a place of your own. Why should a father be jealous of his son?

Don't make enemies unnecessarily.

Baba doesn't like your food, doesn't stop the earth from rotating round its axis or the sun. That also saves you guys money from feeding excess mouths, so be thankful for that.

Continue to go and greet the old man every morning, respect your MIL, and all the other people there, just the way any decent person should accord others respect.

Face your work, and you guys should start planning how to get financially empowered. You can even build your own house while staying at your FILs.
Stop taking people's comments to heart, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Your husband knows you can cook, and your future children will not eat poison, so that's all that matters.

A man who couldn't afford a shelter but choose to engage in marriage.....misplaced priority and unacceptable


understandably only if he is the only son

That's what happens when you live with too many in-laws.overfamiliarity will surely breed contempt and That's why the yorubas say atokere lore tiniyin meaning you're only respected if you're seen once IN a while.

Obviously THE law of see finish aka overfamiliarity has set in in your case

Solution; move out asap.whether it's a rat hole it's better. Nothing is to much for your peace and respect .move out because the drama will not stop instead it'll get worse

They're seeing you everyday that is why there's so much disrespect.if they see YOU once in 6 years there's no how you won't be respected.infact na them go ask what you will eat and not demand thrash from you

carmag:
A man who couldn't afford a shelter but choose to engage in marriage.....misplaced priority and unacceptable


understandably only if he is the only son

even if he's the only son it doesn't mean he should live die marry fok born and die in his fathers house.that's arrant nonsense

The day HE has disagreement with someone they'll remind him that he's lazy HE cannot build his house he's depending on his fathers wealth

Even yorubas say agboju logun ofirae foshi ta

Translation any man that depends on his fathers properties has only rented himself to poverty. It's only a matter of time before poverty catches up with him


For example let the house burn.you'll see he will be a dead man while still alive
Even if his father has many houses it should only be a means to an end or a stepping stone to achieve more not staying in your fathers house and be attracting unnecessary insults and disrespect to your and family

lomaxx:


Lmao. Thanks for correcting me.
These women always become arrogant and disrespectful when they have a slight advantage

what does that mean?

enoqueen:
U are above ur hubby in all ramification..... I see no reason y u shouldn't be able to rent a room and move out with your hubby.
That is d only thing u need right now.

exactly my point

If she's more financially stable than him which she implied she should be able to get another place to stay

eyinjuege:
Madam, cool down.

Your FIL is doing you guys a HUGE favor by housing your husband and you.

You have equally admitted you can't afford a place of your own. Why should a father be jealous of his son?

Don't make enemies unnecessarily.

Baba doesn't like your food, doesn't stop the earth from rotating round its axis or the sun. That also saves you guys money from feeding excess mouths, so be thankful for that.

Continue to go and greet the old man every morning, respect your MIL, and all the other people there, just the way any decent person should accord others respect.

Face your work, and you guys should start planning how to get financially empowered. You can even build your own house while staying at your FILs.
Stop taking people's comments to heart, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Your husband knows you can cook, and your future children will not eat poison, so that's all that matters.

ok I see

So because baba is doing them a "favour " that's why he should attach the favour with disrespect and humiliation because he's the almighty baba Oko

Please sir let me ask you something. Assuming I dashed you a house free of charge but I'm always insulting embarassing bullying or emotionally abusing your wife and she's not always happy. You will see the favour as a favour?

Ok I forgot. The wife has no feelings and she had no right to feel hurt because she's less of a human being because she's a wife.iyen na nice

Op iwo ni mobaloro.if your self esteem is still important to you and you want to thrive in whatever you do you won't continue to live in a toxic environment even if it's a mansion IN banana island and it's all made of steel

Moreover a house is different from a home.you're living in a HOUSE not a HOME

continue staying there your father inlaw will soon give you his clothes to wash

Nic3:
We stay in the same compound but different apartment

and so what

My dear I passed by an area.icant even remember the area because I was too tired to read the details but my eyes just gazed into the board advertising a self contained apartment of 50k without agent fees but OF course you'll pay for agent fees

If you really need a house you'll get it.they didn't chain your legs to the house

In addition op

A word is enough for the wise madam teacher

Nic3:
I am writing in pains, I stay in a family house with my inlaws. I got married the same day with my husband's younger brother who also leave with us. The problem here is that they find fault in everything i do and get jealous. I am the only one that does things in the kitchen while the rest cook with firewood. I stopped giving my fiL(father in-law) food (by my husband's order)since the day he asked some1 to throw the food away or give it to dog in my presence . The same food I served my husband and his friends which they ate. Ever since then he spoilt my image by telling people I can't cook with the help of my Bil. I have lost confident in myself Although my husband never complains. He credit my Bil wife simply because both my Bil
and his wife are jobless and they feed with the help of my Mil and the wife has been the one cooking with them. I do my things privately,I am an introvert, I teach in a school, my husband is into little business. But I am above him in all ramifications. but it didn't get into head. We can't leave the house cos we can't afford to rent a place. Now what will i do to gain back my reputation. I see people running away for my food just because of Fil. With the wide Gossip that I can only make snacks and noodles. I can stand anything as a woman but not someone telling me I can't cook. Please I need your advice?

Did you just say you can't afford to rent a place? Which state are you residing ma?

Either swallow your humiliation with a cup of cold water and continue to face your front (because it is going to get worse) or find money and rent a one bedroom and keep your dignity.
They are cooking with firewood, you entered kitchen. In their minds, you are "carrying yourself like a peacock" because of that, that is why they are saying these stuff and throwing the food away. Some people's families are like that: you get a maid and a washing machine, they begin to feel like you want to show off that you are modern or that you are implying they are bush or poor villagers and the insults start flowing.

Ladies, marry within your social class and marry your levels of understanding. Because this scenario plays out a lot in Nigerian families. Because walai, you will "enjoy" an insult one day over this matter. Petty, yes. Common, even more so. Nigerians were not brought up to be tolerant and understanding of other people's choices.

wadetaw202:


Did you just say you can't afford to rent a place? Which state are you residing ma?

kaduna