₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
ok I get you. It is the women's fault because they change. The men don't. As usual.

Afrobasic:
To me, I think it is because of the gradual distortion of gender roles.

I mean back then, males complemented females and vice versa. like two electrons, one with a spin up and the other with a spin down. Sharing the same space is always going to be easy because for one, they complement each other and also they need each other.

If you left your wife, you know what you were going to miss (in terms of the roles she was playing in the/your family). Same for the woman.

But these days people just get married for marriage sake. Women don't complement men no more and vice versa. We base our marriages on the every fleeting feeling we termed as love or on the beautiful/handsome idea which comes always with an expiration date.

I mean, these days, what do you need a woman for?(other than sex)
What does a woman need a man for?

Y'all go to work 9 - 6. When you both come back it's straight to bed, no bonding via the wife's cooking. No sense of excitement in coming back to meet your wife, because there's nothing tangible to be excited about.

she comes back from work and transfers aggression gotten from her place of work to an already tired you. And you begin to ponder on smacking her across the room or just walking out. Using the electron analogy, it's almost like two electrons both spin up sharing the same space (because you both are playing the same role), they are always bound to obey Pauli's exclusion principle (divorce in the case of real human).

My point is, these days, our all wise and all knowing generation has managed to smash out so many 'moral' codes that has held humanity for ages *in a sense* Without thinking of the consequences what so ever. Men don't need women and women do not need men in this era we live. You might as well marry you fellow (same sex) friend if you need a wife cause you both would be playing the same roles.

carefreewannabe:
From your write up it seems that it takes only one person to make a marriage work.

dre11:
By Peculiar Okafor



I hope you are convinced.

ArewaSweetheart:
Yea, in the past, women were raised and trained to endure/tolerate whatever suffering they encounter in their marital homes (and which includes suffering inflicted on them by their spouses in such marriage). However, with the advent of civilization, more women are now enlightened enough to know their rights & the various ways of protecting/defending these rights of theirs.

Theoritically, the write-up makes alot of sense. But putting it into practice is actually where the problem lies.

carefreewannabe:
That's it? No more? Very vague.

And the high rate of unhappy marriages in Africa tells you what?

Islie:
You make a lot of sense there...... Its those moral and cultural codes that makes it work and the beliefs also had a hand in it
Whether you are a Christian, Muslim or traditionalist..... The roles of each person are clearly defined and explicitly said..... So, when there is an overlap of these roles and one wanting to take over the other roles, their would be a clash of interest and may brew up some disagreement within the institution of marriage

Afrobasic:
Yh, go figure.

Who says that there is a high rate of unhappy marriages in Africa?

carefreewannabe:
You seem to know what roles men and women have to play to keep a marriage going, so why not share it?

-The increasing divorce rate.
-The stories we read on different media.

Afrobasic:
Cause for one I'm actually quite busy.
And two, it should not be a problem figuring it out

-what increase in divorce rate?...
-The media cherry picks stories you know? The media never speaks of the thousand more happily ever afters in Africa.

Sophyrocks:
Women have changed more? LOL. Please mention the changes and i will mention all the changes men have undergone all through the decades. Blaming the women for everything as usual. Men are now saints. Odiegwu.

cococandy:
lol I already gave up. Totally agreed with him

carefreewannabe:
You are quite busy but you have enough time to avoid my question. I see.

The same is true of the media in the West, they also cherry pick stories, you know, because people like sensationalism.

There is no increase in divorce rate in Africa, even though the modernization process has manifested itself in various spheres of life? Ok! Then you have no reason to be worried.

Islie:
Without divorce self....... As the institution of marriage improve self


It all boils down to the persons, personality, purpose and reasons why they are getting married and want to spend the rest of their lives together

Islie:
You make a lot of sense there...... Its those moral and cultural codes that makes it work and the beliefs also had a hand in it
Whether you are a Christian, Muslim or traditionalist..... The roles of each person are clearly defined and explicitly said..... So, when there is an overlap of these roles and one wanting to take over the other roles, their would be a clash of interest and may brew up some disagreement within the institution of marriage

Islie:
I quite understand the point the writer is passing across here and agree to some extent with some of her points .......

But, I kinder ask myself..... What is the different things, attitude and responsibility did our mothers did to have make their marriages work during their own time and sustained it till today that our women of today are finding it difficult to do.

Is it that our mothers were quite obedient
Is it that our mothers were understanding
Is it that our mothers were patience enough
Is it that our mothers were religious

Because the rate of ddivorce today is alarming

striktlymi:
No...I am not convinced!

bukatyne:
What is the role of a wife as stated explicitly in the Bible

Islie:
Without divorce self....... As the institution of marriage improve self


It all boils down to the persons, personality, purpose and reasons why they are getting married and want to spend the rest of their lives together

dre11:
Maybe the book of Proverb 31 vrs 10 to the end
That will give you some better understanding

bukatyne:
What is the difference between provs 31 woman and today's woman?

dre11:
I gave you a passage to correlate what the other person was saying
And if you can't juxtaposed it with what its on today.. Then you wait for the person you ask to answer you.

Then you will need to ask the person that brought up the argument.....


Because there is a difference, also with the guys too

bukatyne:
What is the role of a wife as stated explicitly in the Bible

Islie:
Ephesians 5 vrs 22 and 23


How many women do that...... All they agitate for his role reversal and liberation
When you want to play the head...... That's what you get

crackhaus:
And if eventually Nigeria does have more divorces, will that make the institution of marriage better and more respectable?

carefreewannabe:
Yet, my grandmother will tell me to count myself lucky that I have more freedom and independence than her generation; not because my grandpa was a bad husband or her marriage unhappy, but because of all that she has seen in her life and how depressing and devastating the marriage institution became for some people.

carefreewannabe:
Neither my mum nor my grandmother, who have had a long lasting marriage, would want me to live the lives many women of their generation lived.

carefreewannabe:
To be honest, I am so happy that gender roles have become more flexible.
When I think of what I would have missed if I followed the traditional route, I feel that it is a depressing thought.

I would have been trained to be a mother and housewife and my life would revolve around cooking and house chores. What a boring life.

The way I was brought up, I was lucky to enjoy education, primary, secondary and tertiary. I was lucky enough to travel and study in different countries, learn about different cultures, meet interesting people and develop mentally.

I now have a job that I love, that fulfills me and that gives me the feeling that I am able to make a difference every day by helping people.

I am interested in politics, economics, sociology, music, different cultures, literature and able to understand the complexities of life.

I still cook and do my house chores but there is more to my life than that and I would never change with any woman who used to live in the past just because it would reduce the divorce rate.

carefreewannabe:
I see the advantages of the progress we have made instead of focusing on the disadvantages.

carefreewannabe:
I can imagine that the divorce rate equals the number of unhappy marriages in the past, the only difference is that people are not trapped in these marriages any longer, which, for me, is a good thing because I wouldn't want to sacrifice my precious life on an unhappy and unhealthy union.

bukatyne:
Women play the head how?

I cannot see any role in that verse...

What do you understand by submission?

Islie:
Am sure the dictionary will explain better





And...... Since you believe I don't know the meaning, can you define it for me in your own terms

LordReed:
What a stewpid thought! We need more workplace accidents to teach people how to be safe at work? We need more traffic accidents to teach people how to drive well? We need more thefts so people can learn to be more security conscious?

Whatever happened to plain ol' instruction and leadership by example? The call for more failure in other to highlight successful patterns is the most stewpid I have ever heard.

ileobatojo:
Completely agree.

LordReed:
What a stewpid thought! We need more workplace accidents to teach people how to be safe at work? We need more traffic accidents to teach people how to drive well? We need more thefts so people can learn to be more security conscious?

Whatever happened to plain ol' instruction and leadership by example? The call for more failure in other to highlight successful patterns is the most stewpid I have ever heard.