onoja12:
domestic abuse my foot,am equally sure you didn't read the part where she is spending late night by her mother.If her mother is lonely let her go find a boyfriend and leave there marriage alone

As for my daughter i would raise her right,and would teach her to respect her husband just as her mother respects me,only women from broken home like to brake there children s home,if i check the mother must have broken her own home.and that is why my people say don't marry a girl from a broken home because her mother would brake yours too

onoja12:
domestic abuse my foot,am equally sure you didn't read the part where she is spending late night by her mother.If her mother is lonely let her go find a boyfriend and leave there marriage alone

As for my daughter i would raise her right,and would teach her to respect her husband just as her mother respects me,only women from broken home like to brake there children s home,if i check the mother must have broken her own home.and that is why my people say don't marry a girl from a broken home because her mother would brake yours too

freshcvv:


A lot of info are hidden..judging from her writeup alone, one can see that the husband has been blackmailed so badly with all the "good things they did for him" that he now tries to assert his status..

When you keep using the help you rendered someone to maltreat and disrespect him (especially a man), ego kicks in, once his ego is defeated by the blackmail, he turns to a wussy.. This must not be allowed to happen by the man.

rokiatu:
ya all so quick to jump to conclusion. Stop making assumptions please.

Billyonaire:


You cant take your mother out of your marriage. You can not have another mother. A mother is who you run to, for advise, when you face difficulties in marriage. What type of man will abandon his kids and wife because of his personal ego ? There is no love there. Love humbles a man.

onoja12:
there is no way around the fact,she mentioned her mother,her brother but not her father,there is no way there would be a father and this would happen,except the mother has chased the father away and assume the role of man,now she is trying to do same,from what i read the mother has thought her daughter to pocket her husband and the husband has refused to be pocketed rather he is bent on asserting his authority and the mother sees this as rebellion,so she is using her daughter to fight back and the stupid daughter is allowing herself to be used

SmooshCHN:
Not take mother away as in physically, don't just quote a part of the whole sentence and take on it. I simply said their marriage would seem OK without the issue of the mother and her husband in relation of she keeping her marriage alive. She packed out because of the issue between both.

onoja12:
there is no way around the fact,she mentioned her mother,her brother but not her father,there is no way there would be a father and this would happen,except the mother has chased the father away and assume the role of man,now she is trying to do same,from what i read the mother has thought her daughter to pocket her husband and the husband has refused to be pocketed rather he is bent on asserting his authority and the mother sees this as rebellion,so she is using her daughter to fight back and the stupid daughter is allowing herself to be used

Rose2014:

Same way my people say a child that used to see her father beat his mom will grow to beat his wife too

An abuser is a no no for me anytime. Let him go n fight with other men out there

Rose2014:


I think u should read the next two comments after the op where physical abuse in which a new born baby was injured
Is this what u'll say to ur daughter if she's being abused by her husband?

francizy:


My take is that he doesn't love her and just used her to get what he wanted. One thing is for sure about we Nigerians, we never marry only a woman! We marry her family. You can't love a daughter and hate her mother, except the lady in question was maltreated by her own mother. Else, he doesn't have any excuse for hating the mother.

The lady's mother did the right thing for calling the police on him cause I think it was simply silly for a man to beat up his wife just cuz she went to see her mum. What if she had cheated on him, then he would have killed her na..

She should better know what to do about that guy cuz he doesn't love her. I'll put some blame on her for taking him over there, realising what he's capable of and still didn't kick his wacked àss back to 9ja.

400billionman:


Most girls don't know about this..

rokiatu:
God STFU and stop making assumptions like I said. It wouldn't hurt if you ask you know. Her father is dead.

Nimrod81:


this mother isn't giving good advice and the wife moved out with the kids out of ego... To say the man is abandoning the family is an attempt at emotional blackmail... She should go back, the guy should never hit her again... The marriage is worth saving...

IYANGBALI:
abused?who abused her?do you know what it means to be abused? You only heard her own side of the story,wait for the man's own. Marriage is for better for worse,full of ups and downs,its not for babies. If you are not ready to face the heat in marriage stay in your father's house.

Rose2014:

So all the people that get physically abused in Naija are fatherless
U go fear reasoning na

rokiatu post=3. 1598857:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.

There's someone very very dear to me that this is happening this to right now. And the lady in question is so confuse as to what step to take. This is how the story goes,her mother was having a family dinner and invite both she and her husband but the husband refused to go. Keep in mind that the husband don't love her mother at all. She have tried everything for him to love her mom to no avail. So this time she decided to take a step just to teach him a little lesson. After the family dinner, she decided to pack some of her clothes and take her two little girls and went over to her mom. She explained everything to her mother, and the mother didn't call her son in law either because of anger, so her elder brother decided to call him and talk to him about the whole situation. But he already decided he's never stepping to his mother in law house, never! And the wife may as well stay there because he ain't going for her, and he's not apologizing to the mother either, he don't like her and he's never putting foot to her house.



To cut long story short, the lady is now in a dilemma. To go back or not? He disrespected the family so now the decision is on her shoulders to make. They want nothing to do with it. She loves him, and they have two little kids together. The marriage is barely four years. They were high school sweethearts in Africa, the lady worked her butt off to bring him over, and now that he's settled and got all his papers he's acting like this. Her world is like crushing down.

Which bring me to the question, if you were the lady in question, what would you do?

Billyonaire:
We live in a society where a man is king, and women are told they were created for man's happiness. That is wrong and must stop. The woman's happiness is not being considered here. A mother raised this woman and a man finds her attractive and married her. Then you beat that your wife, someone's daughter up. And you expect the mother not to react ? Says who ? This man needs to be told that he owes the mother-in-law apologies. He must go and assure the mother in law that he will NOT beat the wife again. That's the right thing for any sane man to do. In the event that he is even abandoning the wife and kids speaks louder of his heartlessness and loveless-ness for his wife and kid. The man needs to see a therapy because there is a larger personality dysfunction that might surface later.

onoja12:
domestic abuse my foot,am equally sure you didn't read the part where she is spending late night by her mother.If her mother is lonely let her go find a boyfriend and leave there marriage alone

As for my daughter i would raise her right,and would teach her to respect her husband just as her mother respects me,only women from broken home like to brake there children s home,if i check the mother must have broken her own home.and that is why my people say don't marry a girl from a broken home because her mother would brake yours too

Billyonaire:
We live in a society where a man is king, and women are told they were created for man's happiness. That is wrong and must stop. The woman's happiness is not being considered here. A mother raised this woman and a man finds her attractive and married her. Then you beat that your wife, someone's daughter up. And you expect the mother not to react ? Says who ? This man needs to be told that he owes the mother-in-law apologies. He must go and assure the mother in law that he will NOT beat the wife again. That's the right thing for any sane man to do. In the event that he is even abandoning the wife and kids speaks louder of his heartlessness and loveless-ness for his wife and kid. The man needs to see a therapy because there is a larger personality dysfunction that might surface later.

Boyooosa:

so na because of dis cheap tori u com de tell adults mak dem keep off.
Tell her to involve her father, since her mother has serviced (am just thinking) the guy b4, so respect no go de tru tru and d guy might be doing it to avoid another round (just thinking), he will still have respect for her father no matter what. the father can reconcile the situation. but if she doesnt have father again, she can go tru one of his cherished and respected friends for mutual settlement. Try it and thank me later!

freshcvv:


A lot of info are hidden..judging from her writeup alone, one can see that the husband has been blackmailed so badly with all the "good things they did for him" that he now tries to assert his status..

When you keep using the help you rendered someone to maltreat and disrespect him (especially a man), ego kicks in, once his ego is defeated by the blackmail, he turns to a wussy.. This must not be allowed to happen by the man.

dinachi:
This is what I call a real man. He should not back down at all. They (she and her mother) wants to turn the man to their toy. His refusal to be reduced to a joke is the reason they are behaving like kids. I am sorry to say but I think the lady and her mother are highly IMMATURE. For instance, if the man runs to his own mother any time there are issues, who will now stay at home.
The man have simply refused to be disrespected and @rokiatu, try and hear the whole side of the story before you jump to conclusions. Tell that immature friend of yours to go back to her home and build her OWN family. Her mother should leave her alone and focus on her old husband.

kraftsta:


People like u claim they are fighting fire while intentionally using gasoline.
U heard a one sided story n made ur conclusion n from wat I read I can't see any reason for u to conclude d man doesn't love d wife..D only thing I understand is lack of communication btw d couple, so pls reserve dis ur clueless advice for ur own sisters...sincerely I don't know d joy u guys get wen u see a broken home.
My wife of course knows I don't take it lightly wen any third party get to know of our disagreement not even our kids...

My advice to u OP is to tell ur friend n her family to cut d man some slack, no man enjoys wen his family affairs is bn run by his in-laws, becos he owe dem gratituide at one time in his life...The man feels like bn taken advantage of n controlled.
D wife's duty now is to change this perspective before her hubby can learn to b free wt her family.