₦airaland Forum

5minsmadness:
OK let's face it. Modern marriages seem to be breaking down left right and center. All this "marrying the love of your life" etc seems to have been over-rated. a few days ago i might have been ready to stick my neck out in defense of modern marriages but right now I am having a rethink.

We all know that our parents and grandparents marriages lasted much longer than what we see nowadays. we try to attribute it to lack of 'open-eye' by the women or unavailability of statistics but I don't believe any of that. I firmly believe our grandparents marriages lasted longer because they knew what marriage was about and had many advisers in the form of extended, older and well experienced family members to go to for help in any grey area.

The white man is good at giving a dog a bad name to hang it. They show statistics and stories and movies of how arranged marriages were so wrong and how people ended up miserable not marrying 'their one true love', they show pictures of arranged marriages looking like two unwilling people that were forced together. I don't believe all that propaganda either. Arranged marriages were better than what we have now and i'll tell you why.

1. Your parents made sure you were mature enough to get married. its not like nowadays when we see kids marrying and breaking up for the littlest of things. in those days parents and in fact the community assessed the husband-to-be to be sure he had matured physically and more especially mentally before picking a wife for him. The same went for the woman.
(****please note this post does not include/condone child marriages that take place in the north and in certain religions. those guys are on their own)

2. Your parents made sure you were ready financially for the marriage. In my place, the man would be given a piece of land to till and also a small hut to take care of his future family before considering marriage. So there was shelter and sustenance prepared already for you and your new wife.

3. Your parents did a thorough interview and investigating of the proposed in-laws before even considering approaching them. this included the type of family, whether they were hot-tempered, whether the girl could cook, whether they were known for fighting their spouses, whether the men beat their women, whether there was mental illness, convulsions, barrenness, courtesy, industriousness, etc. by the time they were through most times the family going to pick a bride or accept a groom knew what they were going in for.

4. Both marriage partners had clearly defined rules of what their duties were in the house. There was no crossing of boundaries and each of the partners knew what they were expected to do t make the marriage work, if they failed in their responsibilities for any reason, they could easily be reported to the immediate or extended family.

5. Last but not the least, they were usually not blinded by love not to see each others bad sides. Falling in love is sweet and all, but it really makes you not to see the fault in your partner until it is too late. IN arranged marriages the love came afterwards. and it was a more matured and tolerant kind of love and not the mushroom love we see nowadays that can barely stand the pressures of everyday misunderstandings.

I think it is high time we revived the practice of Arranged marriages in our society.

What utter, clunking rubbish!

Lasting longer = better?

Maybe if they sent you to jail for 17 years, you would say it is better than being sent there for 5 years.

Ooh

Sophyrocks:
Now inspite of the higher morals we had back amongst our forefathers, some of them still married wrongly. Some homes back then had all manners of abuse. Its not everyone that would be enlightened when it comes to marriage and morals. But divorce wasnt the culture, women were always advised to endure as long as their husbands still cared for the kids. Most women were just homemakers, housewives with nothing going for their lives. There are also some exceptional households with women as breadwinners. Yes, women being breadwinners didnt start from this modern age. There were men who did nthing but drink while their wives went to farm and sell their produce.

In this modern age, most people do not find arranged marriages desirable because it could involve forcing a person to accept someone they dnt like at all. Modern age must come with a lot of changes. Economic changes have changed everything. women now work and earn money. A lot of enlightenment and education is going on now. Things of old have passed away. The bad change is our morals have gone down. Nowadays, a lot of s.ex is going on before marriage which has introduced unwanted pregnancies, stds, abortions and single motherhood. Gross infidelity is everywhere because of our fallen morals. There are too many vices going on that would disrupt marriages. also many people now marry for flimsy reasons, to show off, to please society. women could tolerate then but not now. the vices are too prevalent to do any tolerating.

Truth be told, if marriages of now are to survive, they must revive their dying morals. High morals〓 better marriages. Since we all know what destroys marriages, we have to avoid all these vices to make marriages work. The same bible that talked about love also talked about adultery. we know all these but because of our fallen morals, we ignore them. Too bad.

OMG.
. Sophyrocks making so much sense nowadays! This is one of the most sensible posts on this thread Am flabbergasted

5minsmadness:
.

Even then a woman could remove herself and run back to her father's house. Modern woman 'empowerment' did not change this. I see no inferiority or superiority. It all depended on the woman's(and her family's) resources.

There was definitely more mediation done those days than now. Since it was the family the spouse married and not the individual, the offending spouse was answerable to more people/higher authorities.

Today's modern woman has no patience or perseverance. It's divorce at the drop of a hat.

Well said however also consider that now "modern" woman has other avenues of "escape" other than running back to her family.

P. S

The topic is about arranged marriages i.e letting your parents choose a compatible spouse for you and in the process looking out for unsavoury characteristics including violence towards women. The topic is about how our free will in choosing spouses has not in any significant way improved the outcome of modern marriages. I strongly feel you are going off point with the female bashing thing.

Female bashing? Where and how?

5minsmadness:
OMG.
. Sophyrocks making so much sense nowadays! This is one of the most sensible posts on this thread Am flabbergasted

Is that so?

Vickybee:
Our grandmothers did not claim Christianity. They practised their African traditional religion.

You can't spoon-pick the culture that favours you and filters other away.

Christianity, like our traditional religion recognises the man as the head of the family

Vickybee:
I didn't see how going through menstrual cramps make me a weaker sex.
Thanks

I didn't call you a weaker sex o. You are a strong sex. I'm just trying to butress my point to you. But anyway, it's a man's world.

5minsmadness:
You Don dey smoke dat tin again abi?

I don drop am o. But i hear say you never drop your own till now. The wind of change nor blow reach your side, abi you dodge am?

5minsmadness:
I want to believe that you are a product of marriage. Your parents might never have had the bravery to bring you into this world is not for the assurance of this sacred institution(marriage). Have a little respect.

Epic sermon. However, marriage is not the only route to bring forth a New blood. People that do not believe in marriage are abound. Respect their decision and indeed, their rights.

The both parents run a background check on the family of the bride and the groom,to check if there's a chronic disease ( like epilepsy, madness, etc) in their lineage....

5minsmadness:
Not true pls. This is an abnormality. The usual thing is for the parents to hold a family meeting and call the offending party to order.

Never allow marital conflicts to reach to d extent of calling family meetings.Cos there's a saying dat says dat whenever a rope is cut into pieces no matter how u try to join dem d lenght wil never b d same again,dat applies to love.

Joavid:
I mostly don't speak out, but its nauseating, an eyesore, having to read your nonsense on every post I come across in this section.
Maybe the spirit is leading me to speak to you, so here ;

You are the most clueless and confused pseudo-feminist I have ever come across on this forum!

The time you spend on this forum trying to string together all those bulllsh1t in an effort to sound intelligent, you could use that time in actually learning to be intelligent.

And yes, you can do it. You know why? Cos you are not that bad. The 1diots liking your posts are way dumber.

Are you done barking like a mad woman?

You can now fùck off my mention.

u seem unmarried...with such an attitude you wont last in a man's house.........

Vickybee:
You forgot to type that our grandfather didn't claim it's a "man world" like the chauvinistic men of these days do.
A married man caught cheating would be disgraced likewise a married woman. No gender is spared...

It's high time what is sauce for the goose becomes sauce for the gander.

My piece!

sorepco:
u seem unmarried...with such an attitude you wont last in a man's house.........

You would be very surprised that you will see the opposite. Are you God to foretell the future?

pickabeau1:
I agree love is mostly overrated
But i m not sure arranged marriage is the solution

The issue is the lack of understanding about how to keep a marriage n the collapse of mediating traditional institutions

Op is right..remember, marriage is different from dating...in marriage parents ought to involve 100%, the fear of parents and God combined will always make couple to think twice when they are about doing drastic things to themselves, that's how it was then.

Vickybee:
You forgot to type that our grandfather didn't claim it's a "man world" like the chauvinistic men of these days do.
A married man caught cheating would be disgraced likewise a married woman. No gender is spared...

It's high time what is sauce for the goose becomes sauce for the gander.

My piece!

I have not seen where a married man was disgraced because he was caught cheating since the time of abraham,isaac and jacob.
It was those days that our grand father really played the tune of "its a man's world"

Those days women dare not speak unless she is asked to
There r certain festivals in those days that women stay in doors,they r not allowed to come out until its over

cococandy:
At the drop of hat you mean abuse?

Be arranging your marriage and advocating enduring spousal abuse. As long as it favors you.
Your cup of tea bro.

I've been waiting patiently for you to arrange that marriage between me and that your beautiful sister ,don't worry I won't spank her face - I'll only spank her were no one else can see except me .

Joavid:
I mostly don't speak out, but its nauseating, an eyesore, having to read your nonsense on every post I come across in this section.
Maybe the spirit is leading me to speak to you, so here ;

You are the most clueless and confused pseudo-feminist I have ever come across on this forum!

The time you spend on this forum trying to string together all those bulllsh1t in an effort to sound intelligent, you could use that time in actually learning to be intelligent.

And yes, you can do it. You know why? Cos you are not that bad. The 1diots liking your posts are way dumber.

Sister! I give you my respect.

I even to say na only me notice this her rubbish she dey post up and down.


Shall the dumbo guys were like her post dey find something for her na.

Elxandre:
You see what I'm saying!
Feminists have ruined our marriages and have made many single parented.

Wait... a feminist just said a man is the head.

Hahahahahah feminism in nigeria is a joke

All this people just come online and shout and when u see them in reality u will wonder if they are the same set of people that curse thunder and brimestones here in the internet world

Feminist recognising a man as head...biggest joke of the day

Ask some of them they will tell u they are strong chrisitans yet they are feminists

Missy89:
Relationship is always a battle. Only the strong survives because there is always a motive behind everyone of them and love is always secondary.
Some guys will drop their GF for a richer or pretty babe too. Are they loyal?

Yes, relationships/marriages are always competitive due to the innate competitiveness of the human nature. And folks will always have ulterior motives cos we all exist within the confines of survival of the fittest. Hence I don't believe true-love can exist in a relationship cos folks who "love" do so for a reason. Unconditional love doesn't give you a reason to. However, folks from back then understood the need for sacrifices in marriages, especially when kids are involved - a far cry from today's consciousness that's more about selfishness.

How do you mean? Men are just naturally polygamous - and I believe that also aligns with the consciousness of the society. So, you have to judge them based on fatherly responsibilities.

Joavid:
I mostly don't speak out, but its nauseating, an eyesore, having to read your nonsense on every post I come across in this section.
Maybe the spirit is leading me to speak to you, so here ;

You are the most clueless and confused pseudo-feminist I have ever come across on this forum!

The time you spend on this forum trying to string together all those bulllsh1t in an effort to sound
intelligent, you could use that time in actually learning to be intelligent.

And yes, you can do it. You know why? Cos you are not that bad. The 1diots liking your posts are way dumber.

Blood of jesus..anointing breaks the yoke
Are u related to liquidmetall??

Like viciyus said..i give u respect

moca:
Good of u to open up.
Thanks.

I'm a bit busy now.
Will give u tips on how to get a babe who will love u as per whom u are not ur pocket.
Believe me,such babes r everywhere.

Ahem

synergycom19:
This is Satanic

Okay. I'm sure satan knows it's satanic too...

SirShymexx:
Yes, relationships/marriages are always competitive due to the innate competitiveness of the human nature. And folks will always have ulterior motives cos we all exist within the confines of survival of the fittest. Hence I don't believe true-love can exist in a relationship cos folks who "love" do so for a reason. Unconditional love doesn't give you a reason to. However, folks from back then understood the need for sacrifices in marriages, especially when kids are involved - a far cry from today's consciousness that's more about selfishness.

How do you mean? Men are just naturally polygamous - and I believe that also aligns with the consciousness of the society. So, you have to judge them based on fatherly responsibilities.

Really

hensben:
Op is right..remember, marriage is different from dating...in marriage parents ought to involve 100%, the fear of parents and God combined will always make couple to think twice when they are about doing drastic things to themselves, that's how it was then.

Yes

So what you are saying is now it is better for the woman,my dear abeg tell yourself the truth.in does days women were not desperate for husband.this days,there is nothing they don't do,from church to juju house.from club to occasions

edwife:
Yea maybe favorable for men but not for women...

Women had no say when or how they will get married,they didn't even see their suppose spouses until wedding day

interesting

[size=38pt]Arranged Marriage also preserves the tribe, culture, rootz and gives the children a sound sense of identity and belonging!

The GODS bless you @Op.[/size]

[size=28pt]GBAM @ OP!

MATURE TOPIC.


ARRANGED MARRIAGES WILL SAVE THE FUTURE OF NIGERIAN WOMEN WHO CANT BE DIFFERENTIATED FROM ASHEWO THESE DAYZ.[/size]

PAGAN9JA:
[size=28pt]GBAM @ OP!

MATURE TOPIC.


ARRANGED MARRIAGES WILL SAVE THE FUTURE OF NIGERIAN WOMEN WHO CANT BE DIFFERENTIATED FROM ASHEWO THESE DAYZ.[/size]

I don't blame you at all. It's the stupiid gods you serve that didn't give your mum the foresight to flush you out so you don't come here and disgrace her after wasted years of sacrifice. You so called traditionalists are a bunch of cocaine addict jokers.

koyyess:
I don't blame you at all. It's the stupiid gods you serve that didn't give your mum the foresight to flush you out so you don't come here and disgrace her after wasted years of sacrifice. You so called traditionalists are a bunch of cocaine addict jokers.

fvck u and ur dead jew god bastard slave born from the gutter. dirty sewage rat. who dint kniw ur lineage. fvcking dyckhead.

Op, its not about the 'formation' of marriage. It's about the people involved. People these days are more wicked and selfish. For example, what right thinking father will allow his daughter marry a moronic deluded, disrespectful traditionalist like pagan9ja who has disgraced everything he stands for?!Its not possible. You have to allow her make her choice.