Hello Nairalanders..

I don't even know where to start from but this is how it goes.. I and my boyfriend already agreed only on white wedding here in London, but his mother said we need to have a traditional marriage.. I cant because my dad's peeps cut him off when he got married to my mum.. The only grandparents i know are my mum folks and also the only village i call my village is my maternal village.. And now his mum insists that we also do a traditional marriage?? I am losing it.. What do i do?? I have no paternal ties.. How do i go about that? I cant even tell my peeps cause they had mixed feelings initially about my fiance.. I need your help peeps.. What do i tell his mum?

Forgive any typos and incomprehension..

Tell her that you refused to marry the son of your village's chief herbalist( the chief custodian of the Amadioha\ Okija shrine in your village) .. so he has sworn that anyday you set foot in the village, you and all who accompany or set foot in the village on your invitation will run mad, bark and foam at the mouth like rabid dogs, and die of body swelling within 7 days

or

Respectfully tell her to marry her son and walk away from the relationship. ...

Forget about the guy and move on...I might sound harsh but I am sure u ll thank me later.

MiLs...

there is no crime in explaining all this to your would be husband who will inturn explain to your would be MIL. Frankly, I think MIL wants to do Owambe things, she doesnt want to miss out on the frenzy of gele, buba, agbada, local drums etc Really traditional weddings are always sweet (Yoruba trad). And again, another thing with Trad wedding as to do with "dowry". Dowry payment is the most significant part of any wedding. You can as well ask your BF to tell his mother to organise the trad wedding if she so insist.

Coming

Doing the Traditional is no big deal. There's no law(atleast non that I know of) that states that a traditional marriage must be done in your father's village.

I have observed people now have their traditional marriages arranged in their family's location/base.
I suspect she has gone to ask questions like the Igbos will usually do.
It is either she knows u do not travel home and wants to use this as an excuse to push u out or she wants to wear gele for her son's trad (which I do not see as possible).
Take a walk if her son can't talk to her, that woman might give u wahala in d future o o

buygala:
Tell her that you refused to marry the son of your village's chief herbalist( the chief custodian of the Amadioha\ Okija shrine in your village) .. so he has sworn that anyday you set foot in the village, you and all who accompany or set foot in the village on your invitation will run mad, bark and foam at the mouth like rabid dogs, and die of body swelling within 7 days

or

Respectfully tell her to marry her son and walk away from the relationship. ...

Very funny!!

Walk away?? Its not that easy? Or is it now??

Closetoheart:
Forget about the guy and move on...I might sound harsh but I am sure u ll thank me later.

MiLs...

How can i walk away from him?? We are not even having any problem? Except his mother's demand?

bennyrazz:
there is no crime in explaining all this to your would be husband who will inturn explain to your would be MIL. Frankly, I think MIL wants to do Owambe things, she doesnt want to miss out on the frenzy of gele, buba, agbada, local drums etc Really traditional weddings are always sweet (Yoruba trad). And again, another thing with Trad wedding as to do with "dowry". Dowry payment is the most significant part of any wedding. You can as well ask your BF to tell his mother to organise the trad wedding if she so insist.

Organise the trad wedding? Where? My father's compound? I am supposed to be from Ogun state but i dunno where that is to start with.
She can always have the jolly frenzy during the white wedding na
I think her demand is silly.. I am the one getting married to her son not her..

OluwaChinenyenwa:
How can i walk away from him?? We are not even having any problem? Except his mother's demand?

Okay. I pray u wont have any in d future. Thats my opinion. You dont have to take it. I wish someone gave me this option few years ago when my MIL started her wahala. She will not be disturbing my home n peace by now. Another grace you might have is if your fiancée is not mummy's boy...and you have to be very sure.

Amybijou:
I have observed people now have their traditional marriages arranged in their family's location/base.
I suspect she has gone to ask questions like the Igbos will usually do.
It is either she knows u do not travel home and wants to use this as an excuse to push u out or she wants to wear gele for her son's trad (which I do not see as possible).
Take a walk if her son can't talk to her, that woman might give u wahala in d future o o

If she wants a traditional marriage, we can always give her one here in london.. But going home to Nigeria? My father's place? I do not see that happening.. And his son isnt even helping matters.. Typical mamas boy

Closetoheart:


Okay. I pray u wont have any in d future. Thats my opinion. You dont have to take it. I wish someone gave me this option few years ago when my MIL started her wahala. She will not be disturbing my home n peace by now. Another grace you might have is if your fiancée is not mummy's boy...and you have to be very sure.

He is. His mum still dictates his moves, well not every moves.. His mother knows i am not the kinda girl she is gonna want to mess with

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Hello Nairalanders..

I don't even know where to start from but this is how it goes.. I and my boyfriend already agreed only on white wedding here in London, but his mother said we need to have a traditional marriage.. I cant because my dad's peeps cut him off when he got married to my mum.. The only grandparents i know are my mum folks and also the only village i call my village is my maternal village.. And now his mum insists that we also do a traditional marriage?? I am losing it.. What do i do?? I have no paternal ties.. How do i go about that? I cant even tell my peeps cause they had mixed feelings initially about my fiance.. I need your help peeps.. What do i tell his mum?

Forgive any typos and incomprehension..

Why can't you do it in your mum's side/village?

kpolli:


Why can't you do it in your mum's side/village?

Can i

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Very funny!!

Walk away?? Its not that easy? Or is it now??

its not easy but honestly, whn it comes to MIL issues, its better to just walk away...

I wish you would just walk away...with your description of ur fiancee. Trust me, she ll dictate ur grandchild's name, where to have d naming, when to cut his or her hair, how to prepare food and what to prepare in ur own house, the kind of clothes u should wear for ur kids, d church u would worship in, how to spend ur holidays etc.

Closetoheart:
I wish you would just walk away...with your description of ur fiancee. Trust me, she ll dictate ur grandchild's name, where to have d naming, when to cut his or her hair, how to prepare food and what to prepare in ur own house, the kind of clothes u should wear for ur kids, d church u would worship in, how to spend ur holidays etc.

Na wa for you oh .

Give simple advice, you're already talking about a strangers future, poisoning her mind toward her future MIL.

OP is your fiancé Igbo?

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Can i

of course

She's not wrong to ask you guys to have a traditional marriage even though ultimately the choice is yours to make but most people especially traditional folks will like to know the origin of their children's spouse and a traditional marriage helps do that just fine.
To them it is just like marrying someone they can't trace their roots and you know marriage is a big commitment. You need to know who you're getting into with as much as possible.

Maybe the guy is love struck for now and his mom is looking out for him. I'm sure your mom would be worried too if you wanted to get married to man who you can't trace his root.

What you can do is to have your trad in your maternal home.If you're igbo, you will understand that maternal roots are also considered as good as paternal roots. Or just do it where you are based like someone suggested. I heard that's the trend now. just give them something to hold onto.

There is a lot being unsaid

Traditional marriage is a rich expression of culture

Why don't your parents want to do traditional marriage

Why should your fathers family not be involved in giving out their daughter

Why should a rift caused by ur fathers marriage choice years ago still be relevant today


Is your father a proud man

Are you talking about his extended or nuclear family ( your uncles an aunts)

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Can i

pickabeau1:
There is a lot being unsaid

Traditional marriage is a rich expression of culture

Why don't your parents want to do traditional marriage

Why should your fathers family not be involved in giving out their daughter

Why should a rift caused by ur fathers marriage choice years ago still be relevant today


Is your father a proud man

Are you talking about his extended or nuclear family ( your uncles an aunts)

My father's family cant be involved cause they don't even know me.. The rift was between my father and his folks. Ok this is it, my father is the only child. During his service year, he met my mum who is igbo and stuffs led to stuffs and they started talking about marriage which his father refused because mum is igbo.. His father cut him off when he finally got married to my mum and its been that way till date. Never been to my dad's place, dont even know where the place is cause he doesnt even talk about it..
The infos i got was from my mum.


My parents would like to do the traditional marriage only if its going to be in London, but my MIL said she wants us to come back home?? Isnt that absurd??

OluwaChinenyenwa:
If she wants a traditional marriage, we can always give her one here in london.. But going home to Nigeria? My father's place? I do not see that happening.. And his son isnt even helping matters.. Typical mamas boy

Biko run from this mama's boy. My friend's marriage of 2yrs just packed up cos the guy's mum was practically running the marriage.

cococandy:
She's not wrong to ask you guys to have a traditional marriage even though ultimately the choice is yours to make but most people especially traditional folks will like to know the origin of their children's spouse and a traditional marriage helps do that just fine.
To them it is just like marrying someone they can't trace their roots and you know marriage is a big commitment. You need to know who you're getting into with as much as possible.

Maybe the guy is love struck for now and his mom is looking out for him. I'm sure your mom would be worried too if you wanted to get married to man who you can't trace his root.

What you can do is to have your trad in your maternal home.If you're igbo, you will understand that maternal roots are also considered as good as paternal roots. Or just do it where you are based like someone suggested. I heard that's the trend now. just give them something to hold onto.

Thanks, but the mum asked to come home? Why do i have to go home and do the trad? Does she have any other motive? She is supposed to be in London for the white wedding but she changed her plans and said we have to do trad first of all which is going to be in Nigeria?
This is ridiculous, going home for traditional marriage? When i can have one here?

Ewuro4:


Na wa for you oh .

Give simple advice, you're already talking about a strangers future, poisoning her mind toward her future MIL.

OP is your fiancé Igbo?

Nope.. He is Yoruba

Closetoheart:


Okay. I pray u wont have any in d future. Thats my opinion. You dont have to take it. I wish someone gave me this option few years ago when my MIL started her wahala. She will not be disturbing my home n peace by now. Another grace you might have is if your fiancée is not mummy's boy...and you have to be very sure.

My point exactly. Thanks, you for speaking my mind.
OP check it well o o before someone will say you do not luv his mum after the wedding.

Closetoheart:
I wish you would just walk away...with your description of ur fiancee. Trust me, she ll dictate ur grandchild's name, where to have d naming, when to cut his or her hair, how to prepare food and what to prepare in ur own house, the kind of clothes u should wear for ur kids, d church u would worship in, how to spend ur holidays etc.

Funny
She is in Nigeria so i cant be bothered

But walk away? I and this guy dated on n off and we are finally back on track, and then i have to walk away again? Its not that easy tbh

Amybijou:


My point exactly. Thanks, you for speaking my mind.
OP check it well o o before someone will say you do not luv his mum after the wedding.

Funny!!
We had an issue a long time ago and it was because of his mum, he came back apologizing that he wouldnt let his mum come between us again, and hes been good till now?

amokeme:
its not easy but honestly, whn it comes to MIL issues, its better to just walk away...

Thanks, what if the next guy i meet has same trouble? I mean his mother? Will i keep on walking away??

OluwaChinenyenwa:
Funny!!
We had an issue a long time ago and it was because of his mum, he came back apologizing that he wouldnt let his mum come between us again, and hes been good till now?

Ok. I guess it's time to prove that to you...lolz
May God's will be done my dear. It will be if it is meant to be.

OluwaChinenyenwa:
My father's family cant be involved cause they don't even know me.. The rift was between my father and his folks. Ok this is it, my father is the only child. During his service year, he met my mum who is igbo and stuffs led to stuffs and they started talking about marriage which his father refused because mum is igbo.. His father cut him off when he finally got married to my mum and its been that way till date. Never been to my dad's place, dont even know where the place is cause he doesnt even talk about it..
The infos i got was from my mum.


My parents would like to do the traditional marriage only if its going to be in London, but my MIL said she wants us to come back home?? Isnt that absurd??

An only child dilemma...

Has your father made any moves over the years to reach out to his father and mom and what was the result of such overtures

Your mum gave u an account //// Have u asked your dad

Did your mum ever attempt to reach out to her inlaws knowing she was married to an only child or she was happy with the state of things

Speak to your father

This may be the opportunity for him to reach out after all these years

There is nothing absurd in holding trad at home

pickabeau1:


An only child dilemma...

Has your father made any moves over the years to reach out to his father and mom and what was the result of such overtures

Your mum gave u an account //// Have u asked your dad

Did your mum ever attempt to reach out to her inlaws knowing she was married to an only child or she was happy with the state of things

Speak to your father

This may be the opportunity for him to reach out after all these years

There is nothing absurd in holding trad at home

My mum.wasnt happy but what could she have done??
My dad doesnt like talking about his folks, tried asking but got tired at some point, because its always gon be go to your room kinda answer.
I wasnt bothered while i was young because i had my maternal folks to look onto, i only asked him when i noticed his folks never visited unlike my mums'.

Reaching out? Talked with my dad this morning and he asked me to tell my MIL that everything would take place here or she should forget about having any trad marriage.. So i do not think that he wants any sort of reconciliation..