₦airaland Forum

Mistaarhlohki:
I am in pain.....

Been dating this lady for almost 3years now... Then she caught me cheating and we had a BIG fight.... I did her wrong, she said I broke her heart into pieces...and now she has no heart.

All these happened late last year...so this year we came back slightly and she made me have sex with her and I thought she has forgiven me..

But, sometimes wen I try to be nice to her, she makes me feel unwanted....my romantic advances and playfulness are usually cut short. I'm being treated like I'm chasing her for the first time and it hurts so so bad.

Every time I want us to talk she says she's not in the mood...or she's feeling sleepy or she's busy or some flimsy excuses that drives me insane.

The only thing I thank God for is that I have never ever raised my hands in beating her and I have never manhandled any lady before its not in my nature.... But she is really pushing me and the more she does the more I tell my self u are stronger than that, keep calm.

Recently, I borrowed her Fone to make a call and I saw her chats wif some guy... Reminding d guy dat she left her pant in his room and he should keep it for her...

Good lord, I asked her and she told me they went to the beach and sand got into her pant and she took it off to get cleaned..

You know the story was very shallow and untrue....I didn't take it lightly with her but still made her feel comfortable around me despite knowing she may be seeing different guys now cos I caught her again with another married man during the Presidential elections in a chat and via phone calls...I wan go mad when d bastard tell am after election make dem hook up for evening, and she deh with me....evening reach she dress up and tell me say she deh commot, I had to stop her and we quarreled till late at night.. Still d bastard deh call say where she deh?..Omo thunder begin spark for my brain my people...

I know maybe she is trying to get back at me for cheating on her....the pain is I love her too much and I feel awful I cheated Becos of some stupid lust for one chick who shouldn't have gotten my attention in the first place.

To be honest, this girlfriend of mine is tormenting me emotionally, I have asked her, begged her to let me know why she does what she does....if she's tired of us she should let me know so I can stop wasting my energy and time...her response is nothing is wrong with us I'm d problem I'm RUDE, FULL OF PRIDE AND A PRETENDER.

She sent me all these words in a chat... So I'm planning to see her and have her tell me all these in person....to be sure she meant it, cos whenever I'm with her she finds it very hard to talk and its very unhealthy for me or us.

Like I said from the top, I need your advice y'all....cos I'm really in PAIN.

babyosisi:
The list of what one would expect is endless so for that reason,I disagree with almost everything you wrote as being tests of a healthy relationship even though I agree they are all good in themselves and expected.
The only singular test IMHO is to ask yourself
" How does he/ she make me feel"?
Not what he/she thinks or feels or does but how does it feel to me,the recipient.
No matter what the intentions of the other person is, if I am not getting it, it is worthless to me.

babyosisi:
The list of what one would expect is endless so for that reason,I disagree with almost everything you wrote as being tests of a healthy relationship even though I agree they are all good in themselves and expected.
The only singular test IMHO is to ask yourself
" How does he/ she make me feel"?
Not what he/she thinks or feels or does but how does it feel to me,the recipient.
No matter what the intentions of the other person is, if I am not getting it, it is worthless to me.

Ephemmm:
Love conquers all: but money and quality sexual life can make your wife to behave, submit and cooperate with you as if she is your creator in the long run. In fact, she would remain as loyal as dog

Guys, please make money
More money, I mean
Make more more and more money I say...

Hmmm.... 'My account has been credited' the only word that matters most in the hearing of every woman than 'I love you'.

God please bless me and the works of my hand too..

mizskyhigh:
I was all of that to him,it was easy because I loved him and was willing to stick around for as long as it takes...And to be honest,it was perfect! Or so I thought,he was my one weakness and at the same time my strength!

We teased each other when broke..."Na your mate dey go shop without bargaining o" and lots of other crazy stuffs...I can go on and on on how amazing it was,until all of a sudden,I was in a relationship with myself!

He cheated! He knew I'll never cheat on him,yet he did and as if that was not enough,he told me to my face he loves her as much as he loves me! Wow! I cried! yes I did! And I tried to forgive him,I tried to just turn a blind eye,but how can I?

My heart was broken into a million pieces,I knew it was time to move on! It was tough,it still is...I miss everything we had,I miss laughing and telling ourselves how soon we are gonna secure our jobs,and of cause shop without bargaining at all..lolz...but I guess that was all me!

We often pray we find love,but sometimes when we do,it threats us like trash!...still healing.

No one asked me,but I needed to get all that emotion outta my head before it explodes

Love is painful,pointless and overrated BUT i'll never quit on love,NEVER!

kingstylo01:
After booking space, i'll like to drop this:

Although i agree with your points, i'll like to say that love is the most important factor in a relationship..
If your relationship is unhealthy, love is the medicine.. It will heal everything..


Love is important because it is very difficult to find a relationship slightly unhealthy..

In as much as i agree with your last point "let it go", i'll like to state this:

if you would let every unhealthy relationship go, then on the long run you'll hardly stick to any healthy relationship because all relationship have an iota of unhealthiness, which needs love as its medicine..


#LOVE CONQUERS ALL

buygala:
All the above-listed facts are true but secondary to one chief but hardly admitted fact


- IF THE SEX IS BAD, YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT MERELY UNHEALTHY, BUT ON LIFE SUPPORT...IT MAY LOG OUT AT ANY FUCCKING TIME, FOR EVEN THE FLIMSIEST OF REASONS

Also


- IF your parents or relations have the habit of constantly and needlessly meddling in your relationship business, please do this world a favor and marry that busybody . ... 'Healthy relationships' are not for you

- IF you frequently have to sacrifice your dignity and aspirations in order to hold the relationship in place, then that relationship is no longer 'healthy' but toxic for you
....


- IF you don't give bae the time he\she deserves, someone else will
.... And when that happens, bae might just mentally detach herself/himself from you and attach himself/herself to the 'caring' 'assistant bae' .. Then the relationship is definitely dancing skelewu on a live Nepa transformer .... it will die and decompose speedily if both of you do not quickly mend your broken fences


- IF you can't say 'I AM SORRY' as frequently as possible, be ready for long-drawn arguments, periods of malicious silence, and all other catalysts of a dead relationship. ... Saying 'sorry' detracts nothing from you, even if you say it one billion types in a day.... Just say it like you mean it, even if you don't . ... That way, you merely lose the battle, but have an opportunity to restrategize and win the war

kolocat:
I wish NL had a dislike button

guente02:
This is the reason why i dont even want to ask them girls out because i know that I haven't come across a lady that would add all these the op has stated. Just that the peer pressure from my folks is going all out to coercing me into the chase which is just to have sex and your life remain stuck at the same place it was when she came it or even worse.
I want that babe that would tell me my strength and flaws and tell me what she thinks of it, where she feels needs work, that type that is not thinking about now alone but the future. She shouldn't even bother about hers coz I've got a doctorate in doing that. But where you go see such babe? Everybody eyes dey tear and dey shine like 200w halogen.

Mistaarhlohki:
I am in pain.....

Been dating this lady for almost 3years now... Then she caught me cheating and we had a BIG fight.... I did her wrong, she said I broke her heart into pieces...and now she has no heart.

All these happened late last year...so this year we came back slightly and she made me have sex with her and I thought she has forgiven me..

But, sometimes wen I try to be nice to her, she makes me feel unwanted....my romantic advances and playfulness are usually cut short. I'm being treated like I'm chasing her for the first time and it hurts so so bad.

Every time I want us to talk she says she's not in the mood...or she's feeling sleepy or she's busy or some flimsy excuses that drives me insane.

The only thing I thank God for is that I have never ever raised my hands in beating her and I have never manhandled any lady before its not in my nature.... But she is really pushing me and the more she does the more I tell my self u are stronger than that, keep calm.

Recently, I borrowed her Fone to make a call and I saw her chats wif some guy... Reminding d guy dat she left her pant in his room and he should keep it for her...

Good lord, I asked her and she told me they went to the beach and sand got into her pant and she took it off to get cleaned..

You know the story was very shallow and untrue....I didn't take it lightly with her but still made her feel comfortable around me despite knowing she may be seeing different guys now cos I caught her again with another married man during the Presidential elections in a chat and via phone calls...I wan go mad when d bastard tell am after election make dem hook up for evening, and she deh with me....evening reach she dress up and tell me say she deh commot, I had to stop her and we quarreled till late at night.. Still d bastard deh call say where she deh?..Omo thunder begin spark for my brain my people...

I know maybe she is trying to get back at me for cheating on her....the pain is I love her too much and I feel awful I cheated Becos of some stupid lust for one chick who shouldn't have gotten my attention in the first place.

To be honest, this girlfriend of mine is tormenting me emotionally, I have asked her, begged her to let me know why she does what she does....if she's tired of us she should let me know so I can stop wasting my energy and time...her response is nothing is wrong with us I'm d problem I'm RUDE, FULL OF PRIDE AND A PRETENDER.

She sent me all these words in a chat... So I'm planning to see her and have her tell me all these in person....to be sure she meant it, cos whenever I'm with her she finds it very hard to talk and its very unhealthy for me or us.

Like I said from the top, I need your advice y'all....cos I'm really in PAIN.

guente02:
This is the reason why i dont even want to ask them girls out because i know that I haven't come across a lady that would add all these the op has stated. Just that the peer pressure from my folks is going all out to coercing me into the chase which is just to have sex and your life remain stuck at the same place it was when she came it or even worse.
I want that babe that would tell me my strength and flaws and tell me what she thinks of it, where she feels needs work, that type that is not thinking about now alone but the future. She shouldn't even bother about hers coz I've got a doctorate in doing that. But where you go see such babe? Everybody eyes dey tear and dey shine like 200w halogen.

kolocat:
I wish NL had a dislike button

emusmith:
Relationships are a necessary part of our existence. However, relationships can be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy relationships contribute to our overall well-being while an unhealthy relationship does the exact opposite. There are different things that point to whether a relationship is healthy or not. To tell if your relationship is healthy or not ask yourself these questions:

1. What does he/she bring out of me?

The quality of your relationship revolves around what you become by it. How is the relationship impacting you? Note this is not about the other person forcing you to change who you already are. In a healthy relationship, you don’t feel forced to change who you are but rather inspired to make needed changes. In other words, it does not try to fix you but rather help you fix yourself. A true partner knows your weakness but shows you your strengths. Feels your fears, but fortifies your faith. Sees your anxieties, but frees your spirit. Recognizes your disability, but emphasizes your possibilities.

2. What does he/ she think of me?

What your partner thinks of you really matters. It tells or determines the value he or she places in such a relationship. And we usually give quality attention and care to whatever we value. Does he/she see you as a plus in his/her life? Relationship works when it involves mutual contribution. If your partner does not see you as a value or at least a potential value in his life, the intimacy and closeness will likely diminish with time.
Also, people tend to become what the most important person in their lives believes they can be. That’s why people in abusive relationships are usually self-critical and timid.

3.What does he/she think of my future?

Every true relationship invests in your future one way or the other. Your relationship should contribute to your dreams and aspirations. Does your partner support and consider God’s plan for you. Does he/she help it or hinder it?
This emphasizes the need for you to determine the direction of your life. If you know what you want in life and where you are going, it is easy enough to figure out who fits into the picture.

4. How does he/she behave towards me in difficult times?

The real test on the quality of your relationship comes during difficult times not when the goings are smooth. If he/she turns abusive or one way or the other makes it look like you are the cause of his/her problems, that’s a negative signal.

5. What does he/she thinks about my values and beliefs?

If you are in a relationship where you have to sacrifice your core values, beliefs and things that really matter to you, you may need to re-consider that relationship. It is true that we are to adjust and sacrifice certain things in a relationship. However, when it involves relegating things that really matter to you; you are likely to end up unhappy in such relationship. One thing peculiar with couples in healthy relationships is the fact that they have similar values, beliefs and focus.

6. How does he/she reacts when issues arise?

Disagreement occurs every in any relationship. What matters is how it is handled? If he/she holds grudges for days and drags every little issue or disagreement to the extent that a third party need to be involved before it can be resolved, it does not tell well about that relationship.

7. How much do I trust him/her?

A relationship without trust breeds insecurity, heart breaks and emotional instability. It is impossible to have a relationship if there is no trust in such relationship. Couples in a healthy relationship are quite open to each other. That’s why communication is very important in relationships. If he/she allows you to wonder or try to guess what he/she has in mind; If you constantly sense insincerity from him/her, then there’s bound to be trust issues in such relationship.


Have a lovely night rest.

emusmith:
It will be incomplete if I neglect to add this:

But there are times the best option is to let go. This is not usually easy especially if you have been in such relationship for long. However, it is usually better to acknowledge that it is not working and do the needful – walk away. You will be glad you did in the long run.
But just before you put all the blame on your partner, remember that it takes two to tango. Relationships need the contribution of the two people involved to work. You need to look away from your partner and check in with yourself too.

buygala:
- IF THE SEX IS BAD,

emusmith:
It will be incomplete if I neglect to add this:

But there are times the best option is to let go. This is not usually easy especially if you have been in such relationship for long. However, it is usually better to acknowledge that it is not working and do the needful – walk away. You will be glad you did in the long run.
But just before you put all the blame on your partner, remember that it takes two to tango. Relationships need the contribution of the two people involved to work. You need to look away from your partner and check in with yourself too.

Mistaarhlohki:
I am in pain.....

Been dating this lady for almost 3years now... Then she caught me cheating and we had a BIG fight.... I did her wrong, she said I broke her heart into pieces...and now she has no heart.

All these happened late last year...so this year we came back slightly and she made me have sex with her and I thought she has forgiven me..

But, sometimes wen I try to be nice to her, she makes me feel unwanted....my romantic advances and playfulness are usually cut short. I'm being treated like I'm chasing her for the first time and it hurts so so bad.

Every time I want us to talk she says she's not in the mood...or she's feeling sleepy or she's busy or some flimsy excuses that drives me insane.

The only thing I thank God for is that I have never ever raised my hands in beating her and I have never manhandled any lady before its not in my nature.... But she is really pushing me and the more she does the more I tell my self u are stronger than that, keep calm.

Recently, I borrowed her Fone to make a call and I saw her chats wif some guy... Reminding d guy dat she left her pant in his room and he should keep it for her...

Good lord, I asked her and she told me they went to the beach and sand got into her pant and she took it off to get cleaned..

You know the story was very shallow and untrue....I didn't take it lightly with her but still made her feel comfortable around me despite knowing she may be seeing different guys now cos I caught her again with another married man during the Presidential elections in a chat and via phone calls...I wan go mad when d bastard tell am after election make dem hook up for evening, and she deh with me....evening reach she dress up and tell me say she deh commot, I had to stop her and we quarreled till late at night.. Still d bastard deh call say where she deh?..Omo thunder begin spark for my brain my people...

I know maybe she is trying to get back at me for cheating on her....the pain is I love her too much and I feel awful I cheated Becos of some stupid lust for one chick who shouldn't have gotten my attention in the first place.

To be honest, this girlfriend of mine is tormenting me emotionally, I have asked her, begged her to let me know why she does what she does....if she's tired of us she should let me know so I can stop wasting my energy and time...her response is nothing is wrong with us I'm d problem I'm RUDE, FULL OF PRIDE AND A PRETENDER.

She sent me all these words in a chat... So I'm planning to see her and have her tell me all these in person....to be sure she meant it, cos whenever I'm with her she finds it very hard to talk and its very unhealthy for me or us.

Like I said from the top, I need your advice y'all....cos I'm really in PAIN.

Ephemmm:
Love conquers all: but money and quality sexual life can make your wife to behave, submit and cooperate with you as if she is your creator in the long run. In fact, she would remain as loyal as dog

Guys, please make money
More money, I mean
Make more more and more money I say...

Hmmm.... 'My account has been credited' the only word that matters most in the hearing of every woman than 'I love you'.

God please bless me and the works of my hand too..