₦airaland Forum

kaboninc:
Coogar

bride price of 1m?

Mbaise abi?

imo state & many parts in nigeria.
laptops & blackberry phones are now parts of the things expected by the bride's family.

Stillfire:
They still have their fathers and mothers to contend with... which is embbarrassing that at over 20 years you cannot put your parents in their places.

so you agree with me then that nigerian parents are the leading cause of unmarried wonen in nigeria?

saaedlee:
Till I get it approved n published, okay? Besides I said its an excerpt from my dissertation.

Okay, since you said its an excerpt from your dissertation....

I just have a different opinion about what you deduced from the observations you made.

I think the reason behind the alarming number of unmarried ladies can be strongly linked to overbearing influence of the parents over their daughters.

MRBrownJ:
sadly, yes to me these are the reasons why such lady would be unmarried at 35, but if you know any other reason, pls do share them with us all.

There are enough modern day women who do not believe in marriage.
There are enough women who lost someone for one reason or another and didn't consider anyone else a suitable replacement or love the one they lost and who are unable to love anyone else.
There are enough women who have different priorities in life.
There are enough women who are not willing to settle for less just for the sake of marriage.
There are enough women who believe in serial monogamy.
There are women who are not able to have kids and who find it hard to find a man who will marry them.
There are enough women who are hidden lesbians.
There are enough women who, for one reason or another, do not like sex and therefore do not want a man by their side.

Life is only simple on Nairaland.

coogar:
imo state & many parts in nigeria.
laptops & blackberry phones are now parts of the things expected by the bride's family.

Lool.
I think it could be exposure. Parents who probably lost out could want to recoup and feel that their kids can provide that opportunity again.

kaboninc:
Lool.
I think it could be exposure. Parents who probably lost out could want to recoup and feel that their kids can provide that opportunity again.

that is no longer marriage!
just call it slavery or human trafficking.

coogar:
that is no longer marriage!
just call it slavery or human trafficking.

Lool. Modern day slavery...


So when do you intend settling down?

kaboninc:
Lool. Modern day slavery...

So when do you intend settling down?

me?
i am a happily married man. you think i am still searching like you?

coogar:
so you agree with me then that nigerian parents are the leading cause of unmarried wonen in nigeria?

Probably, but I cannot blame them totally because we are not dealing with children here. If at 21, 25, 30 years you are still relying on your parents to make critical decisions for you, I think you are to be blamed more.

saaedlee:
None, excerpts from my M.Sc Project.

Till I get it approved n published, okay? Besides I said its an excerpt from my dissertation.

He asked for reference! How did you arrive at that number?? "4 in every 10 Nigerian ladies between that ages of 26-39 are unmarried."

And what percentage of these people are unmarried by choice? You claimed Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development came up with the numbers. Where is your proof?

https://cdn.straightfromthea.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/tumblr_maojs7DBEh1rzbvsto1_250.gif

coogar:
me?
i am a happily married man. you think i am still searching like you?

Hahahaha

So it is sambarry?

saaedlee:
None, excerpts from my M.Sc Project.

OK. Cool.

kaboninc:
Hahahaha

So it is sambarry?

is sambarry not your babe?

Stillfire:
Probably, but I cannot blame them totally because we are not dealing with children here. If at 21, 25, 30 years you are still relying on your parents to make critical decisions for you, I think you are to be blamed more.

how many 21, 25 & 30 years of age women still depend on their parents to buy sanitary pads for them? leave age out of it when it comes to naija folks, abeg. they are all babies even at 30.

coogar:
i strongly disagree....
if the sons are irresponsible, there's nothing to say the daughters wouldn't be far worse than the sons? how did the parents manage to train their daughters but then neglected the sons? highly unlikely.

this is like a female midget demanding a tall suitor. it is no longer her rights to demand such. she should just accept whatever life throws at her......she should never set any standard, that would be tantamount to hypocrisy.



how's the problem with men?
it's the women that should lower their standards to a reasonable range. where do you expect a 25-30 year old nigerian guy to find money to buy a car, get a house, and then fund a multi-million naira wedding?

the boy just probably graduated from a uni. he's just starting his life & some greedy parents are demanding things their own older sons have not achieved. hypergamy is fairly universal but nigerians take theirs to an astronomical level.



this is neither here nor there.
the population is 160 million. at least 20 million women are single & eligible. if 10,000 women marry in every state per month, that's just 370,000 per month or 4 million per year. that's just 20%

I can't fit shout abeg, no strength today.

Stillfire:
Probably, but I cannot blame them totally because we are not dealing with children here. If at 21, 25, 30 years you are still relying on your parents to make critical decisions for you, I think you are to be blamed more.

I think they rely on their parents because they still live in their houses.How many 25-28 years old have a stable job and pay rent in Nigeria?

It is also not just Nigerians,many African countries have this culture including some Asian countries.

innervoice:
There are enough modern day women who do not believe in marriage.
There are enough women who lost someone for one reason or another and didn't consider anyone else a suitable replacement or love the one they lost and who are unable to love anyone else.
There are enough women who have different priorities in life.
There are enough women who are not willing to settle for less just for the sake of marriage.
There are enough women who believe in serial monogamy.
There are women who are not able to have kids and who find it hard to find a man who will marry them.
There are enough women who are hidden lesbians.
There are enough women who, for one reason or another, do not like sex and therefore do not want a man by their side.

Life is only simple on Nairaland.

bro, although you are on point with the reasons you gave above, i was mostly focussing on the +30 women who have been seeking for a man and didnt find any, like the 7 examples the OP gave.

edwife:
I think they rely on their parents because they still live in their houses.How many 25-28 years old have a stable job and pay rent in Nigeria?

It is also not just Nigerians,many African countries have this culture including some Asian countries.

Those materialistic girls are favourite for these predicaments.

lalasticlala:
OK. Cool.

I can't create a thread and I'm not serving ban. Please why is that?

Polygamy is the simple solution.

saaedlee:
When unmarried girls reach a certain age, depending on the societies they live in(tho it differs from society to society) people begin to refer to them as “old cargo" etc.

Especially here in Nigeria, people still look upon a young unmarried girl as though she were to blame for her state. Fingers are pointed accusingly at her regardless of the reasons or her own circumstances. The girl soon becomes the butt of ridicule, accusations, and meddling by those around her and even those closest to her.

The reasons for the girl’s delay in getting married or in not getting married at all are many and varies. But the most prevalent delay of a young Nigerian girl getting married is insecurity, especially financial security. However, there are social circumstances and pressures that also create delays in getting married for the ladies.

There are also other reasons such as high dowries, which may make some young men run from getting married on time. Little wonder why most marriages you see today are consumated by older men and women . Then there are families which demand that a prospective suitor have certain characteristics or else they will not allow their daughters or sisters to marry him.

What do girls in Nigeria say about why they are not married?
How much do they suffer because they are not married?
Can "RUNS" decide on when a girl gets married?
[b]Can a girl begin a new life and start a family no matter how late?

Ekaette, who is 38 years old, said: “I tried to imitate some girls in my family by carrying the banner of ‘No To Marriage’ — at least not until I had completed my education, graduated and worked as a accountant. As time passed, I became increasingly involved in trying to achieve this goal and to be fair, I received many proposals at that time from North, East, and Western parts of this country but the men did not meet my standards. And my friends and family agreed with me because they wanted me to have what I wanted in a partner. My mother, however, God rest her soul, disagreed and used to try to convince me to take the proposals more seriously. She told me over and over not to imitate my cousins since they had not received proposals as good as mine in the first place. But I didn’t listen to her and thought that as I was still young and attractive, I had plenty of time to consider different options and choose the right man. The days and months flew by and with the deaths of my mother and father, I was left alone. Most of my friends are married now; I’m still alone and my looks are fading with time. I realize too late that I’ve wasted my life setting impossible conditions for the men who wanted to marry me.”

Dr. Nkechi, a single woman in her 40s, said: “I wronged myself by going along with my mother’s decisions. My mother refused every suitor on the basis that he wasn’t worthy of us. And what made things worse was that my father was so much weaker than my mother that she had ‘the’ say in everything related to my sisters and me for more than 20 years. My sisters and I never had the courage to disagree with her or challenge her. And if the suitor was up to our standards, she would make up conditions that were impossible to fulfill. We never knew what she wanted from a prospective husband. The situation continued until we were no longer young but were still being called ‘Miss’. Now whenever anyone asks us why we are not married, we justify ourselves by saying that we are too involved with our professional lives. Our mother still dreams of a perfect husband for each of us; in her eyes, we are still ‘little girls’ even though we are all highly qualified adults.”

Temilope from Ogun state, who is 35 and still single, said: “Yes, it is not easy being an unmarried woman in our society. Girls who refuse to marry don’t do so without a reason. Very often the reason is her family’s attitude and that is the reason in my case. Today I’m 35 and I’ve been getting proposals since I was 19; my father, however, refused them all since he was influenced by my stepmother who accused every man of being a gold digger, greedy for our money and social status. At the same time, she managed to marry off her own daughters to men who were not always up to the standards she set for me. The result was that I focused on my studies since I had no other outlet. I had to dodge the queries about my being single. People pitied me and said how strange it was that with my looks, education and status that I was still unmarried. Even after I graduated and began working, suitors approached my family but all were turned away. We have reached the point where no one will ask for me since it is well-known that everybody will be refused.”

Kudirat, who is over 30, said: “My love for children surpasses everything in the world. I was so eager to get married and have a family but my mother refused every man who proposed to me or my sister. When I asked my mother why she refused them even though many came from prominent families, she answered that this was in accordance with our late father’s will that we not marry anyone outside our tribe The years passed by and our younger brothers and cousins got married while we have remained single.”

Kemi and her sister are teachers and together earn more than NGN 1,200,000. every month. They say their father refuses to let them marry because of what they earn; if they marry, he will lose access to their money. He treats every man as someone who wants only his daughter’s salary. He does not want to lose it.

Leyefa from Bayelsa, who turned 34 only recently, said: “My chances of getting married are decreasing if not already ended. In this day and age, young men are unlikely to marry a girl they’ve not seen — or at least one which their relatives have seen. After all, this is how girls get married; someone from among the man’s family or friends sees the girl and recommends her. Since I’m not allowed to leave the house or go out or work, no one will see me and so I remain unmarried. These conditions are the ones I have lived under since childhood; my mother didn’t allow me to go anywhere but school and so I didn’t make many friends. In order to have friends, you must be able to come and go and that is what I was not allowed to do. And even after I graduated, I wasn’t allowed to work. This made me ask my family what had been the point of my education and my degree if I was not to be allowed to work? They said both would be an advantage when I raised my children. I have now gone to a matchmaker in hopes that she can find a husband for me.”

Blessing, who is 37, said: “My not being married is a matter that is out of my hands; I am the firstborn in my family and we aren't rich so I cannot settle down now, I have to work to provide for them, I travel a lot, Abuja, Lagos, Kano etc. I just hve to make money!!! If I just agree to marry a man now, will he be providing feeding money for all my siblings and poor parents?

From the above explanations, I can draw my conclusion;
People differ in the age at which a woman is considered an ‘old cargo’. Much depends on the practices and ideas of the society the girl lives in. We often see today that the marriageable age is linked to the stages in finances because of the responsibilities of making a living and supporting a family. Women no longer feel that their worth or status is dependent upon their husband. Another factor in delaying marriages is the recent craze of "runs" a lady prefers to hang out with Politicians and others just to make ends meet then in the long run, no sensible man will want to approach her for a relationship talking more of marriage.

Also that it is now possible for women to having children when they want rather than getting married first, thereby earning the title "Baby Mama"!

According to latest statistics from The Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social Development 4 in every 10 ladies aged between 26 - 39 are unmarried!

Ladies keep on selecting

Continue

The world will never stop becuase u have suddenly remember u want to get married


I hope other ladies are reading the post and learning. You can't always make all the mistakes In your lifetime

Who carried out this research?

How?

What is alarming about not being married?

Nigerian mothers sha......bhettt my mom is different

At least the kidnapped girls have married Boko Horam.

What is alarming about not being married? Nigerians with their backward hypocrisy.......

innervoice:
Having irresponsible sons is the more reason to desire a responsible son-in-law. And even if that is their mistake that their sons are irresponsible, why should their daughters pay for their mistakes?



If that is true, then the problem is with men and nobody else. You have just painted a bleak picture of the male gender and perfectly justified why a woman may not choose to get married at all.

top three Nigerians who take nice pictures in front of their gate http://www.mouaue.com/2015/04/top-three-nigerians-who-take-nice.html

Most of them are women who are competing with men.

In a Country where about 75% of the marriageable young men are unemployed, who do you expect to marry the young girls?
Honestly, can't wait for May 29th

Marriage isn't for everybody. If men outnumber women, it mathematically follows that not all women could find a husband, unless polygyny is allowed.

coogar:
imo state & many parts in nigeria.
laptops & blackberry phones are now parts of the things expected by the bride's family.

top three Nigerians who take nice pictures in front of their gate http://www.mouaue.com/2015/04/top-three-nigerians-who-take-nice.html

freecocoa:
Mschew.

Dey there

Soon you go tell us your own storystory

Trouble ooo
Does this mean we are in freaking danger of starting a nuclear war!! With the sheer alarming number of us!

It is more alarming than the soulless-ness of Nigerian marriages right? More alarming than the rates of poverty and unemployment? More worrisome than the tribalism now rife in the country? More alarming than the dangerous male chauvinism and not chivalry rampant on social networks in this country? Certainly more dangerous than the situation of migrants the world over? Of course the conditionalities of SAPs, World Bank and IMF pale in significance to the alarming number and alarm I, and my fellow unmarrieds pose to the calm, beautiful and concerned Nigerian society

Lawd! And Lol

I prefer the insults to the patronising and condescending tone of "are you gonna marry them...or are you God....or will they marry themselves?....
(Okay...I will now read the post and the comments)

freecocoa:
Mschew.

my sister follow chook mouth for mata na. This one concern you oooo!