₦airaland Forum

Nonso23:
Is there a reason for me to do all those many good things for the next person?
Yes. To feel at peace within myself, to get the happy feeling that someone thinks I care or for the fun of it.
There is always a reason, condition attached.
It's foundation is selfish. It therefore cannot be love. Unless love = mild narcissism

Love will make you do things without conditions...hence, my assertion that Love is grossly overrated in relationships and marriages cos people no longer give without expecting a reward. Trade-by-barter is the name of the game.

standd:
Love will make you do things without conditions...hence, my assertion that Love is grossly overrated in relationships and marriages cos people no longer give without expecting a reward. Trade-by-barter is the name of the game.

Love itself is based on conditions

The concept of unconditional love is false

I married for love and I know my wife married me for love.Of course in marriage other things are important but I can confidently say that our foundation is love.
Marriage for other people may not be about love.In Nigeria especially,love is the least of it.Money comes first most times,status,the job he/she has(I had some colleagues who only wanted nurses),time/age(a lot of ladies just have to settle down with the available),tribe(nna,na from my village or nothing)etc.

raumdeuter:
Love itself is based on conditions

The concept of unconditional love is false

But God is love

thorpido:
I married for love and I know my wife married me for love.Of course in marriage other things are important but I can confidently say that our foundation is love.
Marriage for other people may not be about love.In Nigeria especially,love is the least of it.Money comes first most times,status,the job he/she has(I had some colleagues who only wanted nurses),time/age(a lot of ladies just have to settle down with the available),tribe(nna,na from my village or nothing)etc.

Do you live in Nigeria?

Nonso23:
There is always a condition attached to our every actions.
It is a case of value reorientation. A man may buy a house for his wife as a proof of his love for her. I.e she makes him happy. On his value system the house is not worth as much as the happiness he feels being around her. He wants her to keep making him happy.
That is his selfish reason that is mild narcissism.

So, marriage must not be about love?

standd:
Do you live in Nigeria?

Not only Nigeria. Love globally is based on certain conditions. Globally money is a major reason people get married. In India before you can marry you would be subjected to background checks which include submitting bank statements, skin color, level of education, Family history etc

standd:
Do you live in Nigeria?

Yes I do.You're surprised?

raumdeuter:
Love itself is based on conditions

The concept of unconditional love is false

what is unconditional love?

raumdeuter:
Everyone has a condition for "love". Some its big breastt, Some big nyansh some specific level of education, some financial security, some certain physical attributes etc. So your "love" is conditional on these

The person you claimed you love, if they take these factors away from him/her, would you still love the person?

You are funny but absolutely right. A man married one of my friends for her beauty, and she married him for his money cos he is wealthy and she desires comfort. They are happily married, they got what they both wanted and their marriage is working. They may grow in love after years of companionship and getting to know each other well enough, but they definitely did not start with love.
When I see people mouthing love as if they even know what it means, I get disgusted.

@Ujsizzle, yes, we do a LOT of things for selfish reasons, even when our reasons don't seem selfish to us, they are still selfish when we search deep.

thorpido:
Yes I do.You're surprised?

Love in Nigeria has a lot of boundaries and bridges and canals...You must be lucky

SAMBARRY:
what is unconditional love?

I would love you regardless of the condition in when poor, when rich, even if you are blind, deaf and dumb, or the nyansh, breast, 6packs, cute face disappears, in sickness, in erectile dysfuncrion, in low sex drive, in cancer, you are jobless, you are a criminal, If everything I know today about you changes, I would still continue to love you

raumdeuter:
Not only Nigeria. Love globally is based on certain conditions Globally money is a major reason people get married. In India before you can marry you would be subjected to background checks which include submitting bank statements, skin color, level of education, Family history etc

The bolded is the cruz of the matter. Personally, I will not marry any man that has a small pecker and I am not joking... Love has nothing to do with this.

Nobody should quote me, abeg.

I married for love.
From my experience and IMO, Love makes you want to do a lot of things for your partner including respect, care for, not want to hurt him/her etc
It also makes you overlook a lot of things too & easier to forgive.

I am not naive and I know that a lof of people marry for other reasons. There are also arranged marriages too that work

Some of it is also down to upbringing and mindset and what you are exposed to. Someone born into poverty and lived in poverty all their life and just wants to get out of it, may marry a man just for his money and feel no love towards him. It happens.
We all have our different reasons for doing things.
Each to their own and people should marry who they think is best for them.

Nonso23:
Of course since the said love doesn't even exist .

But love exist, just not in the way and manner that people like to act and behave when they claim they are in love.

[quote author=raumdeuter post=34467874]I would love you regardless of the condition in when poor, when rich, even if you are blind, deaf and dumb, or the nyansh, breast, 6packs, cute face disappears, in sickness, in erectile dysfuncrion, in low sex drive, in cancer, you are jobless, you are a criminal, If everything I know today about you changes, I would still continue to love you[/quote Abcdef

standd:
Two people can sustain a home on solid finances, mutual respect, trust, loyalty, understanding and mutual interest.

It's high time we stopped deceiving ourselves with love

This is not true...

snakebeat:
This is not true...

It is very true.

snakebeat:
This is not true...

Teach me, I want to learn.

We only fall in love with personality. You can love Chamberlain/Christabel and still hate his/her character.

That's the reason Chioma, a Deeper Life girl can fall in love with 2face, a womaniser. The fact that Chioma loves 2face doesn't mean she loves cheating, womanising, and beer.

So before you marry that guy/girl, ask yourself:
1. Can I endure her inability to say "sorry"
2. He hardly say "Thank you" each time I give him gifts, can I bare this nefarious attitude?
3. He has a terrible culinary & eating habit, can I bare this?

When you marry someone with a bad attitude in the name of LOVE and you know deep down within yourself that you do not have the strength and tolerance to accept the inadequacies; truth is: complaints, nagging and ingratitude won't be far from the home.

However, count yourself LUCKY when you meet someone you LOVE truly with a good ATTITUDE. The problem with this option is that its very rare Finding true love itself is hard; let alone sharing love mutually & exclusively (i.e. no intruder/side chick/ex-factor).

In any case, you can always marry someone you feel you 'love', whose attitude you like and can tolerate.

Nonso23:
The criterion for love is just too stringent for any mortal. It is impossible even.

Love is/was possible. Just that global warming, selfishness and pollution have destroyed the cerebral zones that are meant to feel and give true love

standd:
Love in Nigeria has a lot of boundaries and bridges and canals...You must be lucky

I know.I know it's a scarce thing in Nigeria but it was what i wanted and i got it(talk about getting the desires of your heart).

thorpido:
I know.I know it's a scarce thing in Nigeria but it was what i wanted and i got it(talk about getting the desires of your heart).

Hmmmmm...pictures of your love or adonbeliveit

Nonso23:
Love is perfect and we aren't. We are incapable of love due to our humanity.

We are capable of love when we get all our heart desires in the bargain. You see Dangote's wife/wives will NOT leave him even if he hits their heads on the wall daily, same can not be said about Baba kafayat, the vulcanizer whose wives won't even wash his clothes.
People find love in comfortable places, what we don't have is LOVE, True love.

standd:
Two people can sustain a home on solid finances, mutual respect, trust, loyalty, understanding and mutual interest.

It's high time we stopped deceiving ourselves with love

I don't quite agree with this.
What sustains you when your solid finances is gone. When someone breaks your trust. When a spouse hasn't been loyal. And your interests no longer align?
What pushes you to try fix things when the factors you've highlighted become one-sided?

Dyt:
Babymama1
What is your own all about?

I loved and still love my husband and that I consider very necessary for marriage and the primary ingredient..I got married at 23. when I analyze it now as a mature adult I know like raumdeuter said that there were certainly other ingredients to that thing I called love.
My number one quality in a man is his intelligence.
While someone may be in awe for a tall buff man, I would for a man with mucho intelligence.
So for me love will not exist without super smarts and a mad drive to succeed.
Perhaps for some that love wouldn't exist without him having money, for me a good career choice and potential of making a comfortable living was good enough.
Could I have loved a man who was very smart and chose to work as a high school teacher without a potential for a comfortable living,i don't know.

UjSizzle:
I don't quite agree with this.
What sustains you when your solid finances is gone. When someone breaks your trust. When a spouse hasn't been loyal. And your interests no longer align?
What pushes you to try fix things when the factors you've highlighted become one-sided?

Our opinions differ and love doesn't sustain anyone. Only deep-rooted convictions and the ability to separate what's necessary from what's not, will suffice. Every human have their limits, as long as they have not reached breaking point, people will try to uphold what brings them comfort and joy.
IMO, it is love that finally erodes with time, especially for those who mistake lust and affections for love.