₦airaland Forum

misssclassy:
[color=#000050]To all of you who are criticizing and saying all sorts of things.

First of all, I am not claiming to be a relationship expert, neither am I claiming to be more intelligent than others.

I just saw this topic an important topic that needed to be discussed on, and that's why I painstakingly took my time to compile this write up.

I did a bit of research, i read peoples account on their marriages and what caused it to break down, I added my own ideas and I wrote it down in away everybody could gain from it.

I even asked you to add your own reasons if you felt mine wasn't enough. And some of you are even insulting me?

You guys should grow a bit of maturity, please.[/color]

Show due acknowledgement to them then.

It will lay more credence to your write-up, though its never a do or die affair.

ahsekeena:
And the op must be thinking she's wise now.







Lemme just stay here and read comments.

take a chill pill now.

allanphash7:
Seems someone is angry here

Bravo! Great write up. But did u interview any marriage experts? Or any divorcee? Did u take ur time to talk to people or couple that are divorced or the ones that are on the brink of divorce. Are u married? Do u have a first hand information? or u just plagiarised? No disrespect pls.

marriages fail everywhere




CHECK MY SIGNATURE TO READ ABOUT MY FUNNY PERSONAL SECRET DIARY

You quoting a wrong person bro



Am not missclassy

freeage7:
Bravo! Great write up. But did u interview any marriage experts? Did u any divorcee? Did u take ur time to talk to people or couple that are divorced or the ones that are on the brink of divorce. Are u married? Do u have a first hand information? or u just plagiarised? No disrespect pls.

misssclassy:
No marriage is perfect. Every marriage always has its ups and downs. What's important is for couples to work towards building a successful relationship.
But with the number of failed marriage growing rampant these days, it's essential for couples to understand the reasons for these failed marriages and avoid them.

Below are some of the causes of many failed many marriages.

*Getting Married For The Wrong Reasons
If people marry for the wrong reasons, their marriage is bound to fail. There is no two ways about that.
These days, a lot of couples just decide to enter into marriage without a clear understanding of what marriage really is ,and this a major reason why many marriage collapse.

You see people marrying just to belong, to bear the title of "married". Some are pressurized into marriage by their parents, family and peers. Some people allow society to choose when and whether to marry or not.
Some people marry for money, some for beauty. Some marry just to be associated with a particular class or to attain a social pedigree.

What all these people fail to understand is that marriage is for people who are truly in love. Most of the successful marriages out there are between people who know the essence of marriage and who value marriage. People who marry for because they love each other. Because they feel they can't live on this earth without each other. People who want to start a family together and live and die for each other.

A lot of people fail to take cognizance of the. fact that money, beauty, social status... etc are all superficial, and that one day, they would fade and all that would remain to keep their union strong is the true love they both share.

*Lack Of Compatibility
A couple that is not compatible with each other will never coexist well, and in turn, their marriage will not move forward.
A lot of people tend to ignore the essence and usefulness of courtship.
The courtship period is a period where partners get to know each other better. During this period they would learn whether they are compatible or not.

Even at that, you still see some couples forcing themselves into marriages when they know fully well that they are not compatible with each other.

One key area of that bothers on compatibility is sex. Most times you see a situation where one partner cannot satisfy the other, or a case where a partner is sexually over active or under active and the other partner suffers.

Comparing Their Marriages With That Of Others
A lot of couples fail to understand that every marriage is different and that they shouldn't compare their marriages with anyone else's.
This is because the factors surrounding their marriage is not the same as that surrounding other peoples marriages.

When they start comparing their relationship with that of others, they begin to expect too much from their spouses, and they will start having overly high expectations of what they want from their marriages.
And when those expectations are not met, they begin to feel that the marriage isn't progressing.

*Money
I will divide the problems involving money into two categories.
1)The lack of it.
2)Issues involving it's management and use.

1)It is difficult for a marriage to progress if the couple lack the finance to take care of themselves and their needs.
This would lead to a lot of marriage issues, and it would create a lot of friction between couples.
Since the husband is the bread winner of the family, It's always advisable for a man to
to attain financial stability before venturing into marriage and after that, he and his wife should focus on maintaining a steady source of income.
But sadly, a lot of couples fail in this area and in turn their marriage bears the weight.

2)Most couple tend to have issues with managing funds. Disagreements over financial responsibilities or monetary investments can cause much stress in a relationship often
These couples are usually unable to handle these issues maturely and with mutual understanding and fairness.

*Not Developing Friendship And
Companionship
Friendship is an essential catalyst needed to strengthen relationships.
When that bond of friendship has been developed between a couple, it would be difficult from them to pull apart.
A lot of couples fail to build and foster friendship between each other.
Most times, they let work, and other external factors affect their closeness and friendship.
They fail to spend quality time with each other,and engage in activities that foster friendship between them.

*Lack Of Trust
Trust is another key factor that influences the growth of a relationship.
If one or both partners don't develop that bond of trust between each other, it's totally impossible for such a relationship to work.
Couples that don't trust each other lack confidence in the actions and judgments of each other.
They tend to always suspect that their partners might be cheating on them and this creates issues and they begin to develop the mindset that they can no longer stay in a relationship with each other.

*Lack Of Effective Communication
The importance of effective communication between partners in a relationship cannot be over-emphasized.
Most couples fail to learn to be open and be okay with sharing their thoughts and opinions with each other..
They fail to understand that maintaining a strong connection through open communication keeps the bond of love strong in a marriage. Lack of communication can cause two people to gradually drift apart .
Many relationships have failed because of poor communication. Many couples find it hard to express how they feel for each other. They don’t know how to present their needs and they don’t know how to listen carefully. Lack of proper communication creates gaps among couples and leads to misunderstandings of all sort.

*Abusive Relationships
Abuse can coming in different forms.
Such include sexual, physical and emotional abuse
Abuse by either of the spouse is also a major reason why many marriages are fail.
Most times, its women that suffer the load of this abuse.
Physical abuse on women is prevalent here in Nigeria and a lot of marriages have broken down just because of it.
Some men lack self control and respect for their wives and tend abuse her physically at any slight provocation.

A relationship where a partner abuses the other, can never work.

*Infidelity
This is another cause for the collapse of a lot of marriages.
When one or both partners fail to uphold their marriage vows to each other, love and trust begins to decline and a break up becomes eminent.

*Habits And Addiction
Some habits and forms of addiction have been proven to be detrimental to the success of most marriages as the other partner is repulsed by such habits
Such habits include drinking, smoking, spending too many nights out, keeping bad friends, nagging and complaining, always abusing and insulting the other partner when angry...etc.

*Spiritual Reasons
We live in a contemporary Nigerian society and as such, we can't leave out the roles spiritual forces and black magic(juju) play in a number of failed marriages.
There is also the issues of ancestral/family causes, spirit husbands and wife and other forms of spiritual manipulation.

*Influence Of A Third Party
This is also a major cause of a lot of failed marriages.
A third party can involve a family member, a friend or even a spiritual leader.
The influence of this third party on relationship can't be overlooked.
There have been cases of people giving wrong advise and manipulation couples into thinking they are not meant for each other, either out of ignorance, or for selfish reasons.

*Lack Of Commitment
The truth is this; if a couple isn't committed to making their marriage work, despite circumstances they face, that marriage won't work.
A lot of couples give up easily. They forget that perseverance and hard work is needed for a marriage to work.

*Written By Misssclassy

Please feel free to add yours. Let's educate ourselves.

Cc
Lalasticlala
Ishilove

You do well...atleast you are able to edit it and space each paragraph wt astericks unlike some ladies that will just copy and paste directly.
You are very smart

Don't be afraid to make mistakes, they flag areas of weakness, which must be strengthened, in the quest to get closest to perfection, the narrower the margin of error, the stronger the foundation, upon which an enviable legacy can be built, and sustained. . /p5sIGP-hi

Most marriage councellors are products of failed marriages.#fact.

allanphash7:
You quoting a wrong person bro


Am not missclassy

No vex jo

Following

misssclassy:
No marriage is perfect. Every marriage always has its ups and downs. What's important is for couples to work towards building a successful relationship.
But with the number of failed marriage growing rampant these days, it's essential for couples to understand the reasons for these failed marriages and avoid them.

Below are some of the causes of many failed many marriages.

*Getting Married For The Wrong Reasons
If people marry for the wrong reasons, their marriage is bound to fail. There is no two ways about that.
These days, a lot of couples just decide to enter into marriage without a clear understanding of what marriage really is ,and this a major reason why many marriage collapse.

You see people marrying just to belong, to bear the title of "married". Some are pressurized into marriage by their parents, family and peers. Some people allow society to choose when and whether to marry or not.
Some people marry for money, some for beauty. Some marry just to be associated with a particular class or to attain a social pedigree.

What all these people fail to understand is that marriage is for people who are truly in love. Most of the successful marriages out there are between people who know the essence of marriage and who value marriage. People who marry for because they love each other. Because they feel they can't live on this earth without each other. People who want to start a family together and live and die for each other.

A lot of people fail to take cognizance of the. fact that money, beauty, social status... etc are all superficial, and that one day, they would fade and all that would remain to keep their union strong is the true love they both share.

*Lack Of Compatibility
A couple that is not compatible with each other will never coexist well, and in turn, their marriage will not move forward.
A lot of people tend to ignore the essence and usefulness of courtship.
The courtship period is a period where partners get to know each other better. During this period they would learn whether they are compatible or not.

Even at that, you still see some couples forcing themselves into marriages when they know fully well that they are not compatible with each other.

One key area of that bothers on compatibility is sex. Most times you see a situation where one partner cannot satisfy the other, or a case where a partner is sexually over active or under active and the other partner suffers.

Comparing Their Marriages With That Of Others
A lot of couples fail to understand that every marriage is different and that they shouldn't compare their marriages with anyone else's.
This is because the factors surrounding their marriage is not the same as that surrounding other peoples marriages.

When they start comparing their relationship with that of others, they begin to expect too much from their spouses, and they will start having overly high expectations of what they want from their marriages.
And when those expectations are not met, they begin to feel that the marriage isn't progressing.

*Money
I will divide the problems involving money into two categories.
1)The lack of it.
2)Issues involving it's management and use.

1)It is difficult for a marriage to progress if the couple lack the finance to take care of themselves and their needs.
This would lead to a lot of marriage issues, and it would create a lot of friction between couples.
Since the husband is the bread winner of the family, It's always advisable for a man to
to attain financial stability before venturing into marriage and after that, he and his wife should focus on maintaining a steady source of income.
But sadly, a lot of couples fail in this area and in turn their marriage bears the weight.

2)Most couple tend to have issues with managing funds. Disagreements over financial responsibilities or monetary investments can cause much stress in a relationship often
These couples are usually unable to handle these issues maturely and with mutual understanding and fairness.

*Not Developing Friendship And
Companionship
Friendship is an essential catalyst needed to strengthen relationships.
When that bond of friendship has been developed between a couple, it would be difficult from them to pull apart.
A lot of couples fail to build and foster friendship between each other.
Most times, they let work, and other external factors affect their closeness and friendship.
They fail to spend quality time with each other,and engage in activities that foster friendship between them.

*Lack Of Trust
Trust is another key factor that influences the growth of a relationship.
If one or both partners don't develop that bond of trust between each other, it's totally impossible for such a relationship to work.
Couples that don't trust each other lack confidence in the actions and judgments of each other.
They tend to always suspect that their partners might be cheating on them and this creates issues and they begin to develop the mindset that they can no longer stay in a relationship with each other.

*Lack Of Effective Communication
The importance of effective communication between partners in a relationship cannot be over-emphasized.
Most couples fail to learn to be open and be okay with sharing their thoughts and opinions with each other..
They fail to understand that maintaining a strong connection through open communication keeps the bond of love strong in a marriage. Lack of communication can cause two people to gradually drift apart .
Many relationships have failed because of poor communication. Many couples find it hard to express how they feel for each other. They don’t know how to present their needs and they don’t know how to listen carefully. Lack of proper communication creates gaps among couples and leads to misunderstandings of all sort.

*Abusive Relationships
Abuse can coming in different forms.
Such include sexual, physical and emotional abuse
Abuse by either of the spouse is also a major reason why many marriages are fail.
Most times, its women that suffer the load of this abuse.
Physical abuse on women is prevalent here in Nigeria and a lot of marriages have broken down just because of it.
Some men lack self control and respect for their wives and tend abuse her physically at any slight provocation.

A relationship where a partner abuses the other, can never work.

*Infidelity
This is another cause for the collapse of a lot of marriages.
When one or both partners fail to uphold their marriage vows to each other, love and trust begins to decline and a break up becomes eminent.

*Habits And Addiction
Some habits and forms of addiction have been proven to be detrimental to the success of most marriages as the other partner is repulsed by such habits
Such habits include drinking, smoking, spending too many nights out, keeping bad friends, nagging and complaining, always abusing and insulting the other partner when angry...etc.

*Spiritual Reasons
We live in a contemporary Nigerian society and as such, we can't leave out the roles spiritual forces and black magic(juju) play in a number of failed marriages.
There is also the issues of ancestral/family causes, spirit husbands and wife and other forms of spiritual manipulation.

*Influence Of A Third Party
This is also a major cause of a lot of failed marriages.
A third party can involve a family member, a friend or even a spiritual leader.
The influence of this third party on relationship can't be overlooked.
There have been cases of people giving wrong advise and manipulation couples into thinking they are not meant for each other, either out of ignorance, or for selfish reasons.

*Lack Of Commitment
The truth is this; if a couple isn't committed to making their marriage work, despite circumstances they face, that marriage won't work.
A lot of couples give up easily. They forget that perseverance and hard work is needed for a marriage to work.

*Written By Misssclassy

Please feel free to add yours. Let's educate ourselves.

Cc
Lalasticlala
Ishilove

Have you ever been married? Funny how people boldly talk and offer yeye advice on things being they know nothing about.

freeage7:
Bravo! Great write up. But did u interview any marriage experts? Or any divorcee? Did u take ur time to talk to people or couple that are divorced or the ones that are on the brink of divorce. Are u married? Do u have a first hand information? or u just plagiarised? No disrespect pls.

[color=#000050]I don't plagiarize. I wrote it myself. You can do your research if you want.

For goodness sake, we hear of marital issues everyday. We hear stories on the radio and tv, we listen to peoples experiences. So what's wrong in putting it all into writing?

Must I be married before I am able to write such?[/color]

RJayson:
take a chill pill now.

Like molly?

misssclassy:
[color=#000050]I don't plagiarize. I wrote it myself. You can do your research if you want.

For goodness sake, we hear of marital issues everyday. We hear stories on the radio and tv, we listen to peoples experiences. So what's wrong in putting it all into writing?

Must I be married before I am able to write such?[/color]

Its ok. Misssclassy. Hope u are not angry oh?

ahsekeena:
Like molly?

whatever that means.

To the OP excellent analysis, the only thing wrong here is the heading, it should say most marriages not just Nigerian ones.....kudos!

inpatient and untrust

vjsmiles:
[size=14pt] Even though i am not a family man ^why i think most marriages fail is when a man marries his wife out of pity [/size]

You made a point. A girl will easily walk out if she thinks she can't stay with a guy in marriage but some kind hearted guys will keep managing till they marry even when he knows she isn't exactly what he wants in a wife.

My question is, how are these points connected to Nigerian marriages alone?

Look how my comments been hidden. Too bad

stephenqueen:
Ah no go talk

With all this nl girls saying they can't date a broke guy.Their marriage will crumble if their future husbands turn from grace to grass.

freeage7:
Its ok. Misssclassy. Hope u are not angry oh?

The number one thing that leads to divorce is intimacy. Out of 10 divorces, 7 are on the ground of sex.

JEGA01:
Funny enough most of dis pple writing ds things, even with their knowledge (of why marriages don't last), end up having failed marriage(s).

You'll see them write "500 ways to keep your guy" but in reality, their guyz dump them(the writers) like refuse.

#noOffence Misssclassy, its jst the truth

motion supported @ JEGA01....


Just passing @ Misssclassy....No foul-play intended pls!

Just that the lengthy write-up could win an award if converted to a Textbook

freeage7:
Its ok. Misssclassy. Hope u are no vexing oh?

[color=#000050]To be honest, I am.
Its really annoying when I take my time to write something and someone just comes out to say I plagarized, or I don't anything about what I am saying.

The super mod that moved the thread to home page isn't _stupid. She was trained to do her job. And her job includes making sure a thread without a link isn't on front page, unless she can guarantee that it wasn't plagiarized.

This is just the problem with most Nigerians. For christ sake because you can't do something doesn't mean someone else can't
God gave us brains for a reason. If you place boundaries for yourself, doesn't mean someone else should.

Those that write articles on websites don't have two heads do they?

Psychiatrists give advise on mental issues but does that mean that the have suffered from mental disorders in the past? No. It's just through acquisition of knowledge, observation, and analysis, and that's exactly what I did.

Sorry I am sounding a bit angry. This post isn't actually directed to you, but to all those quoting me and spilling trash.[/color]