₦airaland Forum

@O.P, it seems we've had similar experiences; based on your two posts this morning.

It's particularly annoying, when people say "you can't understand" one thing or another, because you're not married, OR "you're only talking like that because you're not married".

I don't know why Nigerians equate marriage with being responsible. I've met so many (too many) irresponsible (in every sense of the word) married men, and some responsible single men (I belong to this class, if I may say so myself).

However, unlike you, I have absolutely NO PLANS to marry anytime soon. I refuse to bow to societal pressure and go into something for which I'm not ready!

You're absolutely right "boy". but you can really stop the crap by making them to understand that your singleness is absolutely unique and by giving yourself a well deserved respect..Marriage is also sweet but never allow anyone to push you there.

My own is even worst. Nobody in my office sees me as a responsible guy.

They all see me as a play guy.

Noone ever agree to call me Mr. Daniel. Rather they all call me Master Daniel.

Etc.

its a pity

thats whr packaging cmes in, its either u hv baby-face, you laugh nd play alot or u wnt to tke part in evry arguement or conversation..
My advice..Tink b4 u talk nd alwaz talk less, be reserve bt nt hostile nd alwaz be sober.... wit these tips pple wil alwaz be careful talkin 2 u

Samething am battling here

i too am facing d same tin in my office.and is so painful cos i too wnt to settle down buh since dia is no serious guy coming wat will i do.my dear take heart...pele

I'm facing just the same

They also borrow money from you, afterall Or who what are you spending your money on?

Why NL admin come the give this OP double front line thread in a day? You be buhari ni or Saraki or dogara or lia mohd or nebuoliseh, maybe femi adesina don sell eim space for you. This time when this OP the use respond to nlander him for don use chaik one omo mummy or mama iyabo eim for no the trouble us with romance thread on Monday. I dey come my oga just call me.

must we all be married?, Wats this craze about marriage. ? As if marraige makes a person a demi god of a sort.mtcwhweeeeeeesm ,so danm annoying. im sure op is a lady cos all ladies think of is marraige

The same shyte he faces outside is what he faces on this thread.

@Op plenty of us dey, I'm considering options that will keep single for life sef. This marriage thing is not for everyone.

gudrated:
Original 'Postal' with this your grammar?
I wrote this stuff based on my frustrations.

Am a working Class single...
I concur

Am a working Class single...
I concur with MOST of your points.

Though am the GCON of my establisment after my MD.

am praying seriously to MARRY next year but am yet to LOCATE the LADY.... though some have been introduced to me but they are of the EMPOWERMENT VARIETY, and i detest such because they may start with "it DOESN'T MATTER" only to matter Later.

I hear some people CRITICISE MARRIAGE.
U can only REAP HAPPINNESS when you as an UPRIGHT person marry a GOD fearing lady.

gudrated:
I work in a multinational company in Nigeria. Pay is very good. Life is wonderful, but unfortunately I find myself in a division in which I am the only single (unmarried) person out of over 100 people working in the unit. I face daily harassment and discrimination just because I am single. For goodness sake, it isn’t a sin to remain single after 2 years of working there. Gosh! Some of the issues I face are as follows:

1.Everyone expects you to work harder than others – My boss gives me more work than others. He keeps hammering on my head that he expects me to work harder than others simply because I have no wife or kids to worry about- Same annoying stuff everyone around me keeps telling me! I am expected to close later than everyone else simply because I don’t have a family! I am expected to bear more work burden because they think I don’t have other issues in life to worry about. Even when you work so hard, it is never enough because you are assumed to have abundant energy for the singular reason that you are yet not wedded! Isn’t that funny, or rather simplistic, or just plain annoying?


2.You are treated with lesser respect – In a gathering of colleagues, your opinion is not as highly regarded as others. No one really cares much about your opinions (especially non work related issues). Some pretend that they do, but in their actions, you can really tell that they don’t. Many think you aren’t responsible. Some think that all you do is to pursue interns or girls all round.

3.In an argument or debate, you hear “it’s because you are not yet married, you won’t understand’ – This is the most disgusting. When an ordinarily intellectual argument gets to a point when your fellow colleague seems to be losing out, he/she resorts to the cheap punch line “It’s because you aren’t yet married, you simply can’t understand” or “you are still young”. And I simply wonder – what does this discourse have to do with whether I am married or not? It’s just another smear remark on your singlehood.

4.You are an easy pick for relocation/ field work – When issues of relocation or extended field work crops up, you are easily handpicked for that. Reason: You have no family to relocate with. In other words, ‘na only you waka come’. My unit is considering relocating me from Lagos to one of the semi-developed state in Nigeria. I will resist as much as possible. But I know it’s almost a lost battle. No one cares about my reasons for not wanting to move. All because I am single. I was almost considering marrying urgently to block the relocation but it’s not advisable. I am assigned almost every time for field work on behalf of my unit. My other colleagues are easily exempted because of their marital status. Why me always?


5. Everybody reminds you every day of your singleness – Another frustrating issue I have learnt to live with every working day until I finally get married. Everyone reminds you that you are getting older. People ask you when you will finally present your wedding IV. People remind you that you have been working for the organization for quite some time. Colleagues (both senior and junior) ask you what you have been doing with your money. It’s just so vexing. Must I be told every single day at work? I already know for goodness sake.

6. You avoid celebrating your birthdays in office because people will admonish you to get married – Celebrating your birthday, which ordinarily is a thing of joy, becomes a plague (in office) which you have to avoid at all cost. Why? It’s another opportunity for colleagues and other ‘well-wishers’ to preach to you on the need for you to marry. It presents another opportunity for your bosses and colleagues to remind you that your clock is ticking. The bulk of the prayer you receive is “By God’s grace, you will be married by this time of the year”. And everyone shouts a big AMEN! This piles a lot of indirect pressure on you to meet the ‘target’ set to you by others.

7. People call you ‘boy’ - How dare you call me boy? But colleagues do all the time. Many times it is unintentional, but this is because they still see me as a ‘boy’ in their mindset simply because I don’t have the wedding ring on my finger yet! I live on my own, cater for myself, support my parents and some relatives financially and live a comfortable life. Am I still a boy? Damn NO. It’s shocking that even my boss calls me boy when he is scolding me, but never does the same to others. For goodness sake, that’s a form of harassment.


8. You hardly receive compassionate leave – No one wants to consider you for compassionate leave, even after spending your holidays and weekends working. I recount the number of times my married colleagues have enjoyed compassionate leave. But my boss will not hear my plea after working myself out for him. It’s even a sort of battle to go for my company approved leave as he will insist that the leave is of little significance to me since I am yet to marry.

9. You become the errand boy - This infuriates me too, especially when there are no interns around. You do the running around for your bosses. You are sent to the bank, to shops, to pick stuffs, to run some personal errands for your unit. You are expected to do some dirty or menial jobs simply because you are a single man. I have almost become my manager’s personal assistant despite the fact that I am employed a core professional.

10. You are the odd one out – No one will understand how it feels to be the odd one out of over 100 people. That feeling of knowing that you are just different from everyone else only because you are unmarried. You tend to avoid departmental get togethers because everyone else brings their spouses except you. When you aren’t discussing work or sports with colleagues, then it’s most likely that the discussion will be on family issues. People keep throwing it at your face one way or the other. They talk about family friends, timeout with kids, house helps, vacation with hobbies, etc. but you remain silent, hardly able to contribute. It feels awkward to be odd.

These are some of the frustrations we single men face at work daily. Your experience may be slightly different from mine, but we demand equal and fair treatment. The good news is that we won’t remain single for a long time.

Rule no.1
NEVER never let people push you around

Ab025:
@op....please select any nairaland babe of ur choice and wed her ending of this year

most of them are single and searching for a man to marry....

lol..i concur, nairaland single guys should start getting married to the ladies here. We've got some cool headed damsels here u know#teamnairalandfuturecouples

Ivanspring:
Op you know what to do to stop these 'frustrations'. Why not just do it?

Why should he be pressurized into marriage?

It's because of people and attitudes like yours that so many people enter into marriages that don't stand a chance.

Hilarious...

gudrated:
I work in a multinational company in Nigeria. Pay is very good. Life is wonderful, but unfortunately I find myself in a division in which I am the only single (unmarried) person out of over 100 people working in the unit. I face daily harassment and discrimination just because I am single. For goodness sake, it isn’t a sin to remain single after 2 years of working there. Gosh! Some of the issues I face are as follows:

1.Everyone expects you to work harder than others – My boss gives me more work than others. He keeps hammering on my head that he expects me to work harder than others simply because I have no wife or kids to worry about- Same annoying stuff everyone around me keeps telling me! I am expected to close later than everyone else simply because I don’t have a family! I am expected to bear more work burden because they think I don’t have other issues in life to worry about. Even when you work so hard, it is never enough because you are assumed to have abundant energy for the singular reason that you are yet not wedded! Isn’t that funny, or rather simplistic, or just plain annoying?


2.You are treated with lesser respect – In a gathering of colleagues, your opinion is not as highly regarded as others. No one really cares much about your opinions (especially non work related issues). Some pretend that they do, but in their actions, you can really tell that they don’t. Many think you aren’t responsible. Some think that all you do is to pursue interns or girls all round.

3.In an argument or debate, you hear “it’s because you are not yet married, you won’t understand’ – This is the most disgusting. When an ordinarily intellectual argument gets to a point when your fellow colleague seems to be losing out, he/she resorts to the cheap punch line “It’s because you aren’t yet married, you simply can’t understand” or “you are still young”. And I simply wonder – what does this discourse have to do with whether I am married or not? It’s just another smear remark on your singlehood.

4.You are an easy pick for relocation/ field work – When issues of relocation or extended field work crops up, you are easily handpicked for that. Reason: You have no family to relocate with. In other words, ‘na only you waka come’. My unit is considering relocating me from Lagos to one of the semi-developed state in Nigeria. I will resist as much as possible. But I know it’s almost a lost battle. No one cares about my reasons for not wanting to move. All because I am single. I was almost considering marrying urgently to block the relocation but it’s not advisable. I am assigned almost every time for field work on behalf of my unit. My other colleagues are easily exempted because of their marital status. Why me always?


5. Everybody reminds you every day of your singleness – Another frustrating issue I have learnt to live with every working day until I finally get married. Everyone reminds you that you are getting older. People ask you when you will finally present your wedding IV. People remind you that you have been working for the organization for quite some time. Colleagues (both senior and junior) ask you what you have been doing with your money. It’s just so vexing. Must I be told every single day at work? I already know for goodness sake.

6. You avoid celebrating your birthdays in office because people will admonish you to get married – Celebrating your birthday, which ordinarily is a thing of joy, becomes a plague (in office) which you have to avoid at all cost. Why? It’s another opportunity for colleagues and other ‘well-wishers’ to preach to you on the need for you to marry. It presents another opportunity for your bosses and colleagues to remind you that your clock is ticking. The bulk of the prayer you receive is “By God’s grace, you will be married by this time of the year”. And everyone shouts a big AMEN! This piles a lot of indirect pressure on you to meet the ‘target’ set to you by others.

7. People call you ‘boy’ - How dare you call me boy? But colleagues do all the time. Many times it is unintentional, but this is because they still see me as a ‘boy’ in their mindset simply because I don’t have the wedding ring on my finger yet! I live on my own, cater for myself, support my parents and some relatives financially and live a comfortable life. Am I still a boy? Damn NO. It’s shocking that even my boss calls me boy when he is scolding me, but never does the same to others. For goodness sake, that’s a form of harassment.


8. You hardly receive compassionate leave – No one wants to consider you for compassionate leave, even after spending your holidays and weekends working. I recount the number of times my married colleagues have enjoyed compassionate leave. But my boss will not hear my plea after working myself out for him. It’s even a sort of battle to go for my company approved leave as he will insist that the leave is of little significance to me since I am yet to marry.

9. You become the errand boy - This infuriates me too, especially when there are no interns around. You do the running around for your bosses. You are sent to the bank, to shops, to pick stuffs, to run some personal errands for your unit. You are expected to do some dirty or menial jobs simply because you are a single man. I have almost become my manager’s personal assistant despite the fact that I am employed a core professional.

10. You are the odd one out – No one will understand how it feels to be the odd one out of over 100 people. That feeling of knowing that you are just different from everyone else only because you are unmarried. You tend to avoid departmental get togethers because everyone else brings their spouses except you. When you aren’t discussing work or sports with colleagues, then it’s most likely that the discussion will be on family issues. People keep throwing it at your face one way or the other. They talk about family friends, timeout with kids, house helps, vacation with hobbies, etc. but you remain silent, hardly able to contribute. It feels awkward to be odd.

These are some of the frustrations we single men face at work daily. Your experience may be slightly different from mine, but we demand equal and fair treatment. The good news is that we won’t remain single for a long time.

CHAIIII this is what I am passing through on daily bases

I don't really understand. Do they write single on your forehead as you are entering the office? Or do you have a placard that says single?

I don't really understand why you let them push you around like that.

they dare not try that wimme here at my Room Plc






CHECK MY SIGNATURE IF YOU WANNA LAUGH TIRE TODAY

davidif:
My goodness!! the way Nigerians think, its sooooooooo frustrating and irritating at times. Must everybody conform to your standards and expectations? So what if he doesn't intend to marry, is that anybody's business? Na wa o. What a lack of professionalism in that posters work place. Absolutely awful.

e be like naa factory work e dey do

Hop4ALL:
i too am facing d same tin in my office.and is so painful cos i too wnt to settle down buh since dia is no serious guy coming wat will i do.my dear take heart...pele

after descending from the mountain. God spoke to me you're the one
Oya leggo

lynn360:
lol..i concur, nairaland single guys should start getting married to the ladies here. We've got some cool headed damsels here u know#teamnairalandfuturecouples

have their being. Success stories of people who met on NL&got married? I don't think so

hmmmmmm

You sound like a jumia staff@ O.P

Whobedatte:
have their being. Success stories of people who met on NL&got married? I don't think so

Definitely there should be, you don't expect them to go about telling their stories after they are married, they keep their stories to themselves whether it's that of success or failure. So be positive dear friend

Well, OP I know how you feel, I was in a similar condition, during my service year!!, but somehow they weren't able to push me around!!! According to my superior, I've got attitude and buh my reports were almost spotless!!! Not to brag!!! But I took more work, but made it clear that it was my choice.

Our working conditions may not be the same, buh u need to create an atmosphere that ppl shud knw wen to encroach, also, even if you are 17yrs and unmarried, itz your life. . .btw!!! I don't take certain comments seriously, if u say u are married, I won't understand, I'll tell you to get more workload and stay in d office, itz a good place to hide esp from ur wife.

lynn360:
Definitely there should be, you don't expect them to go about telling their stories after they are married, they keep their stories to themselves whether it's that of success or failure. So be positive dear friend

positive? Just being a realist. How can you say 'definitely' when you r only making mere assumptions
Anyway just think if there had being success stories, there would have being at least 1 or 2 peeps who would have shared how they met&got married thru NL

My opinion though

kllinxman:
thats whr packaging cmes in, its either u hv baby-face, you laugh nd play alot or u wnt to tke part in evry arguement or conversation..
My advice..Tink b4 u talk nd alwaz talk less, be reserve bt nt hostile nd alwaz be sober.... wit these tips pple wil alwaz be careful talkin 2 u

Waoh! exactly what I was about to post