₦airaland Forum

cupidhero:
If only you knew the kind of love and respect men have for their moms you would not be saying this.....if you only knew.

And so??
Does that mean I'd have to do 23 things just to make them like mi.. smh!

So how did this advice concern a single man like me looking for a virgin to marry

Ma MIL gonna love me so tey she go wish sey na me she marry

NgwaManNaija4LF:
So how did this advice concern a single man like me looking for a virgin to marry

u dey find Virgin wen INTROVERT dey der.
shez been tested nd trusted

tohpahz:
And so??
Does that mean I'd have to do 23 things just to make them like mi.. smh!

Ya Over-Inflated Ego will punish you one Day if you're not carefull!

Kolade354:
Ya Over-Inflated Ego will punish you one Day if you're not carefull!

Akuko ndi gods!

I don't have an over inflated ego. I just don't lick as.s

There's a difference

tohpahz:
And so??
Does that mean I'd have to do 23 things just to make them like mi.. smh!

u dont need to do any 23 tins jus one is enof.

be a GOOD wife

tohpahz:
Akuko ndi gods!

I don't have an over inflated ego. I just don't lick as.s

There's a difference

They're not asking you to lick he asss, Just Resepect Her!

How to get cheap data

I pray no prob will occure with my mom and my wife

Kolade354:
They're not asking you to lick he asss, Just Resepect Her!

I ddnt say i.won't respect her.. so wat are u saying??

tohpahz:
And so??
Does that mean I'd have to do 23 things just to make them like mi.. smh!

Don't mind all these lists. Just love and care for me and our kids and you will have any amount of love you want from my mom. Thats the secret....you will need it someday,maybe this year.

a worthy FP material.

A whole 23 ways??

Marriage must be really hard.

ENDTIMES:
Is she a trophy? Once the marriage is done na she go struggle to win me.

........u Neva jam....u go struggle to win her pant sef

tohpahz:
And so??
Does that mean I'd have to do 23 things just to make them like mi.. smh!

this is Africa,Nigeria to be precise,like it or not you must be in good term with your mother in-law,forget about all this western kinda thoughts.

There's no joy in failing but there's an opportunity,
there's an opportunity to learn the secret of success,
and to know the reason to celebrate success and to know why success must be sustained
http://ayietim.

Flashh:
[color=#225484]It's not necessary you possess all.

Just have a good attitude! [/color]

Like having a good attitude is all it takes, how about the MIL, does this apply to her as well?

freecocoa:
All these just to be accepted? Story.
Whatever happened to being one's self, Abegi.

I beg to disagree. Rigidity seldom ameloriates issues. @OP, God bless you

Too many rules, Tnk God for my MIL!

Lamispaco:
this is Africa,Nigeria to be precise,like it or not you must be in good term with your mother in-law,forget about all this western kinda thoughts.

I ddnt say i won't be in good terms with her..
Am saying i won't force her /do 23 things to mk her like mi..

Ps: i choose the kinda thoughts i want to adopt

Ibiyomee:
Are you married? About to marry? Are you terrified at the mere mention of the name ‘mother-in-law’? Do you feel a few drops of hot urine stream down your panties when you hear your mother-in-law knocking at the door? Well, I grew up in West Africa and I know that some mothers-in-law are actually matters-in-law (but that is not to say that all daughters-in-law are angels). So, how do you become best of friends with the mother of your husband and lover? Let’s roll!

As a wife, it is a great fear lurking in your heart, and you wonder: Will my mother-in-law tear us apart? Will she hate me with passion? Or love me like a daughter? What can I do? What will I do? Will he support her and tell me to go to hell? Get a glass of chilled pineapple juice and relax! I can feel your heart thumping already, and yeah, get a handkerchief and wipe off the steamy sweat! The legendary war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has
been there from the beginning of time but with wisdom, you will not only survive it, you will be a darling daughter to your mama-in-law. Memorize these tips, girl!

1. Never See Your Mother-In-Law As Your Rival:
Actions start from thoughts and you nursing such dangerous ideas will only lead you astray. See her as who she is:
your mother-in-law and the mother of your husband, and hopefully, your newest female friend. She is NOT your rival.
Some ladies enter marriage with a nuclear arsenal and the mindset of ‘demolishing’ their ‘enemy’. Don’t create
problems for yourself. As a woman thinketh in her heart, so she is.

2. Do Not Put Him In A Tight Corner:
Some ladies go to the silly extent of giving the guy an ultimatum or asking that nauseating question to choose
between you and his mother (like who does that?) If you cannot differentiate between maternal love and spousal love,then you are not ready to become a wife. Your roles are different, distinct AND separate. It is a bad husband who will ask you to choose between him or your own mother. Water and oil are both liquids, but
they just don’t mix. Hope you get that, sweetheart? Next!

3. Become A Detective:
Huh? I don’t mean you have to take up a job with the FBI or the SSS, but hell yes, get as much information as
possible about your mother-in-law. Know her preferences, understand her thinking, comprehend what she likes
(especially what will make her laugh no matter how angry she is) and those things that really makes her go gaga
with fury. Such CIA job should not be too much for you to do for a woman you will be stuck with for years. I said be a detective and not a spy….lol! Your hubby will surely help you with that.

4. Be Respectful And Courteous:
According to the Yorubas, ile oko, ile eko ni. What that means is that marriage is a place to learn (especially
manners, etiquette and good behaviour). If you really love and respect your husband in the first place, you will have no problem with this. If you are too pompous, arrogant or downright disrespectful, you may as well stop reading here. In virtually all the societies of the world, respecting your in-laws is very crucial to having a warm relationship with them and stabilizing your own marriage. However, I must mention something very important here: to be respectful does not mean you should become a slave or servant. You are a wife and you must always maintain your
dignity. Do not be rude but be firm. A daughter-in-law does not have the same spelling as a housemaid. Hope you
get my English?

5. Never Make The Mistake:
Of what? Of pointing out a mistake, flaw or error of your mother-in-law in front of your hubby. You are his wife and as a lady, there are much more subtle and cunny ways to draw his attention. Do not criticize your mother-in-law. Ridicule her, you ridicule your lover, and of course, the granny of your kids. According to Shimon Peres, the Israeli President, there are two things in life that you cannot achieve without closing a bit of your eyes: peace and love. Let me rephrase that: the personal lifestyle of your MIL is not your business.

6. Do Not Be Too Forward:
Inasmuch as you are to be proactive when relating with your mother-in-law, do not try too hard to impress. Do not
go to her place everyday (familiarity breeds contempt) but see her on special occasions or when she requests to see
your lovely face (with or without your husband and kids). According to one of the 48 Laws of Power, scarcity will
always create value. If you don’t believe that, why are diamonds much more valued than stones and rocks? You will
come out as fake and you may even be suspected of having a hidden agenda if you are always trying too hard.
Remember how that girlfriend of yours irritates you with her fake life? Be yourself, be natural and genuine. She will appreciate that.

7. Let Her Know You Love Him:
Yes, forget the superficial jealousy, a mother-in-law will love you to pieces when she knows that her son is in safe hands. But, that has to be done with maturity. Every mother wants a good wife for her son but their maternal
instincts makes it difficult for them to just let go. Blame the hormones. Prove to her (by your actions) that you are caring enough and you will over-ride her instincts.

8. Appreciate Her Gestures Of Kindness:
Not all mother-in-laws are devils. Some are really really very nice and will love you immensely even before they
meet you. Appreciate them and not take them for granted.

9. Discuss With Him:
In a case where your duties as a wife are being encroached by an overbearing mother-in-law who will dictate what
he eats or what he wears, register your displeasure with him (but relate well with her). A loving husband will come
back to his senses, and a sensible hubby will not even allow such a scenario in the first place.

10. Place Yourself In Her Shoes:
Know that it hurts her and is a patch of mixed feelings. Yes, he is your husband but it’s still her son, even though she now knows that another lady (YOU!) will now get all the attention and devotion that she has received
UNCHALLENGED for decades. She will subconsciously see you as a coup-plotter ovethrowing her ‘government’, and
displacing her from power. Once you understand this, you should be smart enough to sympathize with her by
reacting with wisdom. In short, do not take everything personal.

11. Detach Yourself When It Gets Too Hot:
If she is still determined to give you a tough time and make life hell for you, detach yourself emotionally and discuss with your husband. Just know that some mother-in-laws are incorrigible and can never be satisfied. Do not kill yourself over that. Maintain your distance but never disrespect her or worsen the condition. At this point, your hubby will do the rest of the healing.

12. Gauge Yourself:
Are you wicked yourself? Yes, you. Stop rolling your eyes…lol! Is there anything evil or indecent about you that is always pissing off your mother-in-law? For the sake of your marriage and peace in your home, assess yourself and
make sure that there is no fault from your own side.

13. Draw The Lines:
You married her son, and not her. Let her know when she is crossing the boundaries. Do this compassionately and
very subtly. Get clues from your spouse. In the African setting, many mother-in-laws find it very easy to intimidate wives who do not seem firm or do not even know the basic responsibilities of a wife. But remember, in asserting your rights as a wife, do it with the tact and skills of a diplomat. Don’t get him irritated.

14. Sync Her Up With Your Own Mother:
Mothers-in-law suffer from the same ‘son absence syndrome’ and always understand themselves better. Also, being
of the same generation, age and mentality, your MIL is more likely to get along better with your mother than you, a
‘flashy’ babe of the 21st century. Let your mother handle that aspect. A good relationship between the two women
will only tip the table in your favour, okay? Good.

15. Communicate With Her:
Did your heart just skip a beat?! I hear some of the ladies saying ‘Over my dead body! I can’t have anything to do
with my mother-in-law’. Remember, loving the honey and hating the bees is not only hypocritical, it does not make
sense. Choose your time very well, when she is in high spirits and have a deep, mother-daughter discussion with her. Do not avoid your MIL. You will only succeed in making yourself more of a stranger (which was your status before).

16. Be kind and compassionate:
Especially if she is of frail health. You’ve got a mother too and one day, you will also become a mother-in-law.
Remember the Golden Rule, and yeah, the Law of Karma.

17. Chill:
Most of the time, mothers-in-law do not have any evil behind even the most mischievous of their actions. They are
only a bit insecure thinking that no person is good enough for their child, or a woman has come to spoil the existing mother-son relationship. Such a reaction is perfectly normal and natural. Do not give yourself sleepless nights over that. Studies have show that most of the time, they mean no harm.

18. let him take up responsibility:
Make sure your husband performs his roles and fulfills his responsibilities as a child to parents. Apart from the fact that you will be laying a very good foundation for your own kids, no one will accuse you of being a callous wife who made him turn his back on his siblings and parents. Be very firm and insistent on this. That he is madly in love with you does not mean he should forget his source. Remind him if he drifts off, it will be to your benefit.

19. Do Not Let Your Ego Get In The Way:
Do not think twice before apologizing and making amends if you have offended her. But do not degrade yourself for
something you’ve never done. Do not allow anyone to blackmail you into submission or surrender. Funnily enough,
she may find it difficult to apologize to you because of many reasons. Do not take that to heart. It is the pride of a mother-in-law.

20. Avoid Arguments With Her:
Oh, you prefer to cook meat by boiling it and she prefers steaks? Do not drag the issue needlessly. Calmly agree.
Remember arguments with even your own Mom do not always come out nicely. It is better to lose an argument to
your mother-in-law than for you to lose your mother-in-law to an argument. Use your head and keep your debating
skills for your girlfriends (especially if you are a lawyer…lmao!)

21. Always See The Good Side Of Your MIL:
Positivity helps. Avoid being judgmental. You cannot form that bond of love if you are always judging her.

22. Let Her Mingle With Her Grandchildren Freely.
Studies have shown that mother-in-laws actually see your own kids as 100% theirs! If she wants to pamper them to
high heavens and take them out and have them to herself all day long at the beach, just let them go. You will even
have the whole house to yourself and your husband! And what can be better than that? #winks!

23. Pray, pray and PRAY!
For those who think MILs are overbearing, you need to realize that she actually made him who he is. She fed him,
suffered for him, was hurt because of him, kept him safe and warm, watched him grow…all these understandably
makes her possessive (she has the right to), and that is normal (are you not jealously possessive of your hubby even without all these, yes, you now gerrit). She may also be afraid or insecure that she will grow old and the son she has laboured for all her life will forget and abandon her. As a daughter-in-law, ease all these fears, see things through her lenses and you become best of friends!

Remember that even the strongest of marriages can be destroyed with inlaw troubles. Be smart, diplomatic and calm
in all your dealings. A friendly disposition will go a long way to helping you and making friends out of your enemies. At times, you may need to work very hard to make it work but do not give up because it is worth it.


http://www.informationng.com/2015/06/23-ways-to-win-over-your-mother-in-law-2.html

Personally, we find the whole bride-to-be vs. mother-in-law power struggle to be a bit overstated. It's not like we're ever going to actively choose one of you over the other. That's far too much work. We prefer to remain completely aloof to the whole thing while it gets sorted out around us. To ensure we can stay out of it when the time comes, we're letting you know now what will surely keep you in our mother's good graces.

Recognize
If the whole idea is that this tug of war happens because she knew us first and you take care of us now (and again, we say "if" because we don't buy this as that big a deal), then the simplest move for you is to simply "get" that. Understand where she's coming from and just kind of deal with it. So she's quick to remind you our favorite meal is her homemade lasagna when you know we'd much prefer your "dump everything in the crock pot surprise" every day of the week. Big deal. Suck it up and let her have the moment. You'll win her over by tacitly admitting you'll never win the battle (even while you're mentally targeting her with Jedi mind control rays).

Open Up
As far as wedding jobs and responsibilities go, mother of the groom is one of the lamest. If you want to make her truly happy, just give our mom something to do. Seriously, anything. She just wants to be involved and feel like you trust her to help. She may be most excited to join you for a dress fitting or help us choose cake (actually, forget that, we get all the cake), but you could have her do the crap that makes you want to stab your eyes out just reading it in your to-do list and she'll crush it. Congratulations, you've just scored points for the future by having someone do your dirty laundry for you. Like a boss.

See more: 5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Future Mother-in-Law

Reach Out
Yes, we know, you have your own mother, and thank you for reminding us again. Nobody's asking you to be besties with our mom (admit you love it when we say things like "besties", but we would highly recommend building some sort of relationship with her outside of us. Things will be leaps and bounds smoother in the future if you can start understanding each other now without requiring us to mediate. This is key. Game's on. We can't be over here mediating.

Call
The single highest-impact tactic you can employ to win our mother's love forever is to pick up the phone and dial her, or convince us to do so. Why? Because we never will. It's not that we don't love our mom (hi, mom!) but we just won't ever call her. Knowing this, and seeing that we now have an awesome everyday companion who has taken over the duties of keeping us warm at night (aww yeah), our mom will start to worry that she's going to lose touch with us forever. That's where, if you ask us, this whole thing starts and ends. So keep the lines of the communication open and let her know she'll continue to remain an important part of our lives. If anything she should rest assured knowing we've found someone else to eventually change our diapers.

SOURCE: http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2015/03/how-to-win-over-mother-in-law.html

cupidhero:
Don't mind all these lists. Just love and care for me and our kids and you will have any amount of love you want from my mom. Thats the secret....you will need it someday,maybe this year.

Lol... Maybe

tohpahz:
WHY do i need to win her..
Is she lotto,Chelsea match or what??

Anyway same old b/s
I don't need to do all those..

Can't force mama in law to like mi.. if she wants to,it's her choice..

Yes she's lotto because you won her son.
If you don't like her leave her son alone.

tohpahz:
I ddnt say i won't be in good terms with her..
Am saying i won't force her /do 23 things to mk her like mi..

Ps: i choose the kinda thoughts i want to adopt

yeah,you choose the kinda thoughts you wanna adopt,and also just because the Op listed 23 doesn't mean your still gonna win over her,you can't satisfy human that's for sure.

But then forget about your hubby been a mamas boy,every man wants a woman that will be loved by his own family..

Lamispaco:
this is Africa,Nigeria to be precise,like it or not you must be in good term with your mother in-law,forget about all this western kinda thoughts.

so after doing the 23 things listed above and she still doesn't like me should i commit suicide? Some people will not like u no matter what u do.... life is too short to waste it trying to please someone biko.

To my future wifey,like it or not,you must be in a very good term with my Mum.

Adufetohposh:
so after doing the 23 things listed above and she still doesn't like me should i commit suicide? Some people will not like u no matter what u do.... life is too short to waste it trying to please someone biko.

well I sited this in the subsequent post,doing those 23 things still doesn't mean she will like you,or you been in good term with her,you can't just satisfy human...

Don't worry dear....my mum died a long time ago...just hv a gud heart!