₦airaland Forum

Goldenboy007:
My guy go and get a job. You have too much free time in your hands...wow..get a life for heavens sake !! Are you a monitoring spirit ?? I pray you don't die of hypertension ! It takes a thief to catch a thief ! It seems your hands sef are not clean !!!! Ahan !!!! Why find what is not lost !!! Why don't you just buy hijab for your wife so that no man will look at her !

nortcentrallord:
You talk like a kid. If a woman or man can give his or her whole body and mind to his or her spouse in the name of marriage, why then can't they have free access to a mere electronic device except there is something to hide. If you can't go through each others phone, why trust each other @ all? Am sure you are not married. Its obvious Family values are almost gone even in Africa.

freelance777:
Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife.

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.

F50:
My brother there is absolutely nothing wrong with your wife...the problem is with you. Now let me try to explain.

Your wife is behaving like a normal woman and that's how they were created. The problem is that you didn't created boundaries in your relationship.

Most women are created to be loyal and submissive now couple that with a man that disvirgined them or a man that is better than you in bed, what you get is an over loyal woman even when she don marry someone else.



Now you may be her husband quite all right but as long as you didn't set strict boundaries that are supposed to checkmate her past loyaltys you are in for this type of Mary go round. Although this is not an issue because no way I will marry someone who is not a virgin.

I assure u that your wife loves you but why she removed her ring I believe she has already told you, and from her answer it looks like u caused it too. Some people believed in do me I do you god no go vex. That's if she was telling the truth about her true reason.

My girlfriend can not make the mistake of chatting with an ex not to talk of my wife.
She can not even wish him a happy birthday, she can't have his number on her phone, she can't pick his calls o! She can not interact with him through any media possible. She just can't simple.

For me its better my girl friend cheats on me with another man than with an ex. I will forgive her immediately if she sleeps with someone else I no go even think am too much...but with an ex? The relationship is over o! I hate ex's pass devil o! And she knows . she can not try any form of communication with ex o! Becos the wahala that will result she won't survive it.
These are the kind of boundaries you for don set since b4 una even marry. As in eeh the first time she even chat with the ex u for break that your flat screen TV for parlour and her mirror for room and her phone so that she go know say ex's na no go area.
Then if she flirt with a neutral guy just do like say e no pain u too much so that she will be able to differentiate ex's temper from neutral guys temper. You see she don dey understand u

esonuu:
boundary or no boundary,a lady who wants to cheat wil cheat.wil u police her around? Infact by the time u do all u just said,she wil be more careful,do it in a way that u wont evn knw

treese:
Hello you all. I am his wife.but I am indeed glad he came here to pour his heart out. He doesn't like communicating with me that much, once he is upset u dont wanna be around me. You will pity me, he treats me unfair, he removes his ring at will and says he had a bad day and so it his wedding ring that caused it. You can take a look tru my profile. You would see just a little of my complaints. But now i get where the problem is. Funny enough I didn't know he had this topic here already cos I am not much of a nairaland person so if he didn't make front topic I won't have seen it. And it was even God that drew my attention here cos even front topic I don't read that much. Very very glad I did. Now o am not a cheating wife and would never ever till I die cheat. I would rather walk away. You see d gentle man who put this topic down, he doesn't talk much to me. If anything goes wrong with us, I could be talking for 3mins he will just increase the volume of his phone and start playing music. He can agree how any times in a day I ask him why he hates me so much. Cos he acts as such. Let me analyse the instances that made him think am cheating. My EX who was the first man I probably ever loved. Myself and my husband has had plenty issues on exes his exes sef just disappeared completely like a year back. My ex probably called me and we had a very clean and open convo. I tot to myself this is wrong jor. So I told him, my ex called me and he has always bin calling which is true. But very clean convo. He has Like 3kids now and is happily married. The day i told my hubby my ex called me. He was just there like whatever, and I rem telling him that day you never get jealous of me. U should even ask me questions or something. If I keep talking without bin asked questions then something is wrong with me. God knows I felt hurt that he was neutral. And that night my husband decide to have phone intimacy with an old female friend to get back at me. I rem that Sunday Wen I saw it. I cried. I felt hurt d moment he said that's for Kipling in touch with ur ex. And i asked him why he didnt allow us talk about it immediately, sometimes thats all we need just talk to us and show u care, till date i always feel my husvand is t worrird ablut losing me, instead he pays me back. And i dont think it should that way, sometimes communicatikn is all u need and u would just find d truth in d detail. I cang coynt how many incriminatikng stiffs i have fpynd on his phone, me i cant kip quiet for too long i tell him sharp sharp and sometimes it isnt what i think, but if i decide to keep.quiet and pay him back i would only be hurting us more, so back to my ex, Then we went out, we spoke about it and it all got cleared, but I guess it didn't. Secondly he spoke about me removing my ring. Now this is me also.when I find out hubby always removes his ring often and blame it on bad days I join him. Right now none of us Is wearing a rjng; he as removed it again and thrown it away claiming another bad day and I joined in cos I don't undestand that ish again. Now the third case of cheating. He said o saved my ex's number yeah that's true and that becos I didn't want my husband to think otherwise cos I actually think he knows the guys number or have it saved somewhere. This guy is helping my lil brother gt a job with an oil firm. He is only helping.
When my husband saw this I felt so bad so so bad and I wish I had discussed it with him. But I tot he would pay me back painfully again so I decide to keep it away from him. The third blame is me cooking for a guy on the estate. The guy is a friend I met quiet alright. But God sees my heart I cooked it out of helping. His wife is overseas and d guy claimed to be broke, then also there was fuel scarcity he said he couldn't get fuel to buy. So he wanted me to help him with food. That faithful day, my husband's friend who also lives on the estate was home, my nanny and my two kids, so I asked him to give his opinion,and he said why not that the guy is an easy going person on the estate and for him to ask for food he must be In a bad state. We had some left over rice at home and I told hy nanny to go and give him. When my hubby came back that day I Had to find a way to explain to him. I wasnt too sure of his response, but to a certain extent d man i know and the way he has bin treating me I tot he will say no big deal. But I got otherwise instantly I knew I had messed up, but how to fix it became a problem. He has called my dad on this matter. That old man is another man I fear the most after God. Tho I was scared of wat he will do to me. But I was rather glad. Cos I wanted to be free and be trusted again. The matter on ground is something that I know can ruin my home but now that he as spoken I believe and hope he learns to trust me. Now I understand d reason for the mean treatments. He doesn't like visiting marriage counselors, so smtimes we end our matters and issues arguing and no resolution. Am saying it world wide now. I am not cheating on my husband. I love him than anything else in the world. Appreciate him and would always honour him. His changes and behaviour towards me recently sort of got me changing to, but now I see where it's all coming from. God bless u nairaland at least he spoke here. But seriously, dear Nairalander's you can't give concluding opinions on a journey of 3years based on 650 words. U don't av any idea wat we both av bin Tru to just conclude that he divorces a woman u know nothing about based on the short story u heard. I am a woman who would do anything g to keep her home. I took steps that I had no clue I would regret. Now he doesn't trust me no one knows how that feels. Even when I go out for business he picks d lie from d truth and this hasn't bin making me go what I deserve. I hope and pray God fixes this for me.

NgwaManNaija4LF:
Guy you are very weak,As a jealous man that is ready to kill,my wife will never think of cheating because she know what awaits her,be it ex natural, I don't care, infact,through my actions,they will know the different between man and marn.

Insidous:
I pray you find the strength to withstand the divorce. You made mistakes but they were pardonable. You should find solace in your kids forget him and if and when you decide to move on, I pray you find a good man that would reciprocate your every show of affection.

repogirl:
you seriously lack the capacity to read and then comprehend, you should go and find your brain from whatever dump it was thrown and then return to read my statement then maybe you might get it.

But incase you still dont get it after finding your brain lemme ask, pls point out where I said my phone is a no go area?

Tobiegal:
Finally some real sense!

What do you think you are doing snooping around her phone... talkless of impersonating her... Would you have taken it likely if it were the other way around?!

OP would advise you the same as i would advise a woman in your shoes...

You need to stop snooping around her phone with the mind of finding something? if only you have got a 6-10 job, this would be the least of your concern...

Please, sit her down when she's in a good mood, and talk to her nicely... if that doesnt work... talk to someone she respects... if da doesnt work.... seek the Lord in Prayers! Nobi only woman sabi pray for man.... you should also learn to pray for your woman...if the marriage really means anything to you!

And about the ring removal? what was your own reason for doing away with your own? You were enjoying, feeling fly like a young bachelor.... abi... tau! the tables have turned... she's an after 2 funky babe.... and you are here shouting all over the place... abegi! u tik its easy to born 2 and still look funky ba? na the result of ya attitude you dey see so.... please, free the babe jere...

[color=#1980BC]Did you type this post when you were high on weed or you were just trying to display your inherent stùpidity?

Such illogical reasoning. [/color]

Flye:
Bros I disagree with u about the issue of trust, if a wife can save the name of ex with code, it really mean something even though it may not but true.
How many people can take it when their wife cook for a male friend of her after her husband has complained about such male friend?

She gave her husband room for suspicion and I doubt the other woman will take it lightly when she comes and her husband tells her another woman has been taking care of him including cooking while she was away.

There are things u will deliberately aviod, not because things will happen but to avoid people thinking that's things is happening.

She threw away her caution, u can be a good neighbour but it must be with to wisdom.
Her nanny could have done the cooking and delivery of the food in the presence of her husband and with his blessing.
How will she feel if she discover that her husband has just turned to a good Samaritan to one potential rival in their estate after she had shown her disapproval to her husband's friendship with such lady

shabaranky:
Good one bro......thanks for the intelligent advice.....hope the OP has learnt some lessons!

pretydiva:
Op 2 say d truth,u stil don't ve any proof 2 show ur wife is cheating on u wit her ex,or ve u caught dem red handed Buh dat ur wife get mind shall..hw can a married woman leave her matrimonial home 2 go cook 4 somebody else's hubby

Can't d man cook himself, or go 2 any eatery 2 eat?. Marriages of these days dey tire person I swear. Op I 'd advice u give her d benefit of doubt. Watch her closely n also threaten 2 divorce her if eventually ur suspicion comes tru

Brytawon:
NOTE: She said she never cooked in the man's house but she sent leftover rice they had at home through their nanny to him with the consent of her hubby's friend because her husband never gave her a listening ear nor a shoulder to lean on.

It takes two to make love/marriage work but one to destory!

Brytawon:
NOTE: She said she never cooked in the man's house but she sent leftover rice they had at home through their nanny to him with the consent of her hubby's friend because her husband never gave her a listening ear nor a shoulder to lean on.

It takes two to make love/marriage work but one to destory!

emmyrichie:
Do not fall for this smoke of God does not support Divorce, you better do the needful before hypertension set in into your life. Remember, it has no cure, accompanied with stroke and heart attacks.

Flye:
Yes I got that but the issue is her husband has warned her about the guy from the onset.

Bro listen to urself, "she sent food to someone with approval of her husband's friend because her husband does not give her a listening ear or shoulder to lean on"
If her husband interpreted it that way, I bet d man would have sent her parking.

On the issue of the leftover rice, what did you want her to say, that she cooked a delicious meal for him after all this brahaha, never take a report directly after a terrible incident bro.

Bro I suggest you read the husband's complain and the wife's response to actually dicifer the true issue on ground without emotion.

I still insist that she caused all this for herself.

1 ex's number saved with code.
2 Wore wedding ring out in the morning and found hidden in the glove compartment during the day.
3 Warned a wife not to befriend a guy only for her to tell him everything going on in their home.
4 To cook for same guy ur husband feels is treat to his family and love.

I can continue to mention till end of time.
No doubt the man has is own fault, but the lady gave room for the mistrust and doubt which she also acknowledge in the last paragraph of her response.

emmatok:
Stop trying to justify her actions.

She sent their left over food to another woman's husband like she is running a charity home.
And what her business with these men with their own intentions.
Her Ex- Who wants to hang around
Her husbands friend- who is look for opportunity
The new estate guy- who wants to catch some fun
Men are not stupid when it comes to relationship.
She seems to be the vulnerable, inexperienced and undiscerning type of woman.

F50:
My brother there is absolutely nothing wrong with your wife...the problem is with you. Now let me try to explain.

Your wife is behaving like a normal woman and that's how they were created. The problem is that you didn't created boundaries in your relationship.

Most women are created to be loyal and submissive now couple that with a man that disvirgined them or a man that is better than you in bed, what you get is an over loyal woman even when she don marry someone else.



Now you may be her husband quite all right but as long as you didn't set strict boundaries that are supposed to checkmate her past loyaltys you are in for this type of Mary go round.

I assure u that your wife loves you but why she removed her ring I believe she has already told you, and from her answer it looks like u caused it too. Some people believed in do me I do you god no go vex. That's if she was telling the truth about her true reason.

My girlfriend can not make the mistake of chatting with an ex not to talk of my wife.
She can not even wish him a happy birthday, she can't have his number on her phone, she can't pick his calls o! She can not interact with him through any media possible. She just can't simple.

For me its better my girl friend cheats on me with another man than with an ex. I will forgive her immediately if she sleeps with someone else I no go even think am too much...but with an ex? The relationship is over o! I hate ex's pass devil o! And she knows . she can not try any form of communication with ex o! Becos the wahala that will result she won't survive it.
These are the kind of boundaries you for don set since b4 una even marry. As in eeh the first time she even chat with the ex u for break that your flat screen TV for parlour and her mirror for room and her phone so that she go know say ex's na no go area.
Then if she flirt with a neutral guy just do like say e no pain u too much so that she will be able to differentiate ex's temper from neutral guys temper. You see she don dey understand u

Brytawon:
Bro I understand your pain and agony concerning the issue. She did many wrong things which I admit to but now is not the right time to apportion blames but see how we can help reconcile this home. Trust me, no one will like to be in such situation.

Freelance777 and treese your marriage can still work if only you guys want it to.

Speaking from experience...

babdav2015:
stop defending ur stupidity.

koyyes:
hmmn, there are really two sides to a coin. You have your faults, he has his. I really don't know why he felt justified to speak ill of you on NL when he also had phone intimacy with a friend. You and your husband have to resolve your issues as soon as possible before things get out of hand. You also have to limit your convo with your ex. I'm also seizing the opportunity to tell the original op to grow some balls and reason maturely as the head of the family. You did a very bad thing by coming to Nl to wash your dirty linen. Why won't your wife follow you to do the same? Lead by example!