₦airaland Forum

freecocoa:
Because I don't see why I have to submit to anyone, we are equals.

bukatyne:
@Freecocoa, the bold is for you
I laugh when I see people say submission is what makes a wife 'inferior' to a husband
There is NO human relationship without submission and obedience....
Ed.wify said we should stick to a topic and we did... that is obedience in plain English.
Your husband says he wants jollof rice; you cook it... obedience
Your wife says she wants coldstone ice-cream; you branch to buy it... obedience
Your bestie says you should give her your cream top; you package it wella and give her ... obedience
Even the Bible we reference said everyone should submit one to another Eph 5:21..
Whatever rocks our boats jor
@cococandy; nice one
Whether senior, junior, equals, inequals etc., you will submit in all relationships at a point and you will be submitted to...

And it is not the slave-master relationship NL alludes to.

babygirlfl:
The main problem many people have with this head thing is because of abuse. When there is abuse of a system, the natural thing is for people to ask for change. There are many men who abuse the position of being the head. My question is what should be done to such men. Don't you think there should be check and balances in this head thing. Leadership is supposed to be a position of service and responsibility. If men are to get the position authomatically, should there not be a way to check his excesses? Obama was voted in and can still be voted out. Does this happen in marriage?

On equality, I like to see it as when both partners are worth the same in a marriage. It's not about washing plate and all that. I know Nairaland have made it so but it appears so because we are in the family section where such topics come up. When man is simply refusing to wash dishes because it's beneath him, then that means he thinks he is worth more than the woman who is going to wash the dish. Equality means even when the man works and the wife stays at home, they are worth the same and vice versa. I don't care what people do in their homes. What I fight for is that both man and woman are worth the same and both have a choice.

On roles, I think this should be common sense. If a one partner solely provides, it's common sense that the other takes care of the home. If they both provide, it's common sense that both tend to the home. The problem is when husband and wife both work and somehow only the woman should do the chores or in extreme situations where only the woman works and still does everything at home.

On submission, I think it's one thing where people say one thing and do another. Nobody can follow the dictionary meaning and we both know the danger of following individual definitions. The confusion the word submission actually cause today it's because different people have given it different definitions. The reason why I don't agree with it is that you don't know the definition that the other person might give it.

Also as someone already said, it's simple - If you don't support equality, you support inequality.

bukatyne:
@Freecocoa, the bold is for you

I laugh when I see people say submission is what makes a wife 'inferior' to a husband

There is NO human relationship without submission and obedience....

Ed.wify said we should stick to a topic and we did... that is obedience in plain English.

Your husband says he wants jollof rice; you cook it... obedience
Your wife says she wants coldstone ice-cream; you branch to buy it... obedience
Your bestie says you should give her your cream top; you package it wella and give her ... obedience

Even the Bible we reference said everyone should submit one to another Eph 5:21..

Whatever rocks our boats jor


@cococandy; nice one

keppyy:
Wise words...

I'm learning, thank you...

freecocoa:
But is it though buky?

With those things mentioned, your will is still yours but with submission, the story changes.

There's a difference in doing what a person politely asks of you, than the one ordered of you.

freecocoa:
But is it though buky?

With those things mentioned, your will is still yours but with submission, the story changes.

There's a difference in doing what a person politely asks of you, than the one ordered(grammar) of you.

bukatyne:
In biblical submission, your will is still yours; forget the Cultural twist we give everything.

Even God cannot force us to do His will.

A husband ought not to 'order' his wife And if a woman marries a man that orders her like take away, make she no vex.

freecocoa:
No be small make she no vex.

In the end, it is different for everyone and just like babygirl has said, it is the abuse of this headship thingy that has brought about this war.

babygirlfl:
The main problem many people have with this head thing is because of abuse. When there is abuse of a system, the natural thing is for people to ask for change. There are many men who abuse the position of being the head. My question is what should be done to such men? Don't you think there should be check and balances in this head thing. Leadership is supposed to be a position of service and responsibility. If men are to get the position authomatically, should there not be a way to check his excesses? Obama was voted in and can still be voted out. Does this happen in marriage?

On equality, I like to see it as when both partners are worth the same in a marriage. It's not about washing plate and all that. I know Nairaland have made it so but it appears so because we are in the family section where such topics come up. When a man is simply refusing to wash dishes because it's beneath him, then that means he thinks he is worth more than the woman who is going to wash the dish. Equality means even when the man works and the wife stays at home, they are worth the same and vice versa. I don't care what people do in their homes. What I fight for is that both man and woman are worth the same and both have a choice.

On roles, I think this should be common sense. If a one partner solely provides, it's common sense that the other takes care of the home. If they both provide, it's common sense that both tend to the home. The problem is when husband and wife both work and somehow only the woman should do the chores or in extreme situations where only the woman works and still does everything at home.

On submission, I think it's one thing where people say one thing and do another. Nobody can follow the dictionary meaning and we both know the danger of following individual definitions. The confusion the word submission actually cause today it's because different people have given it different definitions. The reason why I don't agree with it is that you don't know the definition that the other person might give it.

Also as someone already said, it's simple - If you don't support equality, you support inequality.

cococandy:
Yea I understand the grammar difference. The key thing is that in the end someone's will and not yours was done. The ability to be fine with that happening at anytime is what I was actually talking about. That's the mindset anyone going into a relationship should have. That it will be sometimes so.

Forget the rigid grammar. No one in real life can mandate their partner to do what they want all the time in a healthy relationship.

So even a willingly submissive person is in fact just making a good old compromise because he or she made the CHOICE and wasn't forced to do so.

bukatyne:
@bold, so so on point

Biblical submission is definitely not same with dictionary 'submission'

bukatyne:
@bold, so so on point

Biblical submission is definitely not same with dictionary 'submission'

babygirlfl:
The main problem many people have with this head thing is because of abuse. When there is abuse of a system, the natural thing is for people to ask for change. There are many men who abuse the position of being the head. My question is what should be done to such men? Don't you think there should be check and balances in this head thing. Leadership is supposed to be a position of service and responsibility. If men are to get the position authomatically, should there not be a way to check his excesses? Obama was voted in and can still be voted out. Does this happen in marriage?

On equality, I like to see it as when both partners are worth the same in a marriage. It's not about washing plate and all that. I know Nairaland have made it so but it appears so because we are in the family section where such topics come up. When a man is simply refusing to wash dishes because it's beneath him, then that means he thinks he is worth more than the woman who is going to wash the dish. Equality means even when the man works and the wife stays at home, they are worth the same and vice versa. I don't care what people do in their homes. What I fight for is that both man and woman are worth the same and both have a choice.

On roles, I think this should be common sense. If a one partner solely provides, it's common sense that the other takes care of the home. If they both provide, it's common sense that both tend to the home. The problem is when husband and wife both work and somehow only the woman should do the chores or in extreme situations where only the woman works and still does everything at home.

On submission, I think it's one thing where people say one thing and do another. Nobody can follow the dictionary meaning and we both know the danger of following individual definitions. The confusion the word submission actually cause today it's because different people have given it different definitions. The reason why I don't agree with it is that you don't know the definition that the other person might give it.

Also as someone already said, it's simple - If you don't support equality, you support inequality.

freecocoa:
I get you but although in some of those instances, your will doesn't even come into the picture as you have no will as regards the matter in the first place.

Say hubby wants to eat jellof rice and I didn't have a particular food in mind and won't mind jellof rice, so he mentions it, I cook it, did I really do his will? The way I see it, it can only be his will, if I didn't want jellof rice but cooked it because of him anyway.

To submit to someone, you have to give up your will, now how easy is it, to give up one's will?

I think compromise is different from submission.

There's nothing like your own will, in submission.

bukatyne:
@Kimoni:

The worth is actually not 'material/monetary' if I get babygirlfl right.

Just how the gift of prophesy is not 'superior' to the gift of healing or the gift of speaking in tongues.

Kimoni:
Then I misunderstood her. So in marriage terms, what does "worth" refer to?

Kimoni:
Yes it does. Is there any law that stops a man or woman from exiting the marriage if it fails to meet up with their expectation?? I don't know of any.

Hmnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

This is up for debate. Should marriage automatically upgrade your worth to that of your spouse because he/she is worth more and downgrade your worth when he/she is worth less? Is this equality?

I know of an 18 year old beauty queen who married an old billionaire - over 60 years. Now one year down the line, is she supposed to be worth the same thing with the man just because he put a ring on it??

I perfectly agree. Infact, I read somewhere that the working woman does over 75% of the total work in the house. She does her own traditional roles fully and she still takes up a significant portion of the man's traditional duties of providing

Arrrrrhhhhhhhhh don't blame the confusion on the word o, that word has had the same meaning over the years. If people interprete it to mean whatever, then it's their problem and not what has been sitting jejely on its own over the years. I can't disagree with a model just because people interprete it in different ways. What would that say about me?

Not so simple actually. How do you begin to support something when there is no universal understanding amongst its proponents as to what it even entails

bukatyne:
In her context, she meant 'importance', 'value' etc.

@equality: if there is no universal definition for equality amongst its proponents, is there a universal definition for inequality?

bukatyne:
@Kimoni:




@babygirlfl:

Trust me, for any home to run smoothly, both parties are submissive and loving

You study your husband to know 'he doesn't like big onions', 'he doesn't like goat meat', 'he likes his food hot' etc. and try to do them
Your husband studies you to know 'she doesn't like me removing my trousers in the living room', 'she loves when I complement her hair', 'she loves exy' and tries to do them.

It ain't academic

cococandy:
Only a few people if any practice true submission in the real sense. When people say that, they really do mean compromise.

Kimoni:
But how do you measure that?



Modified

babygirlfl:
ok, I hear you Ma

babygirlfl:
When I asked if it happens in marriage, I meant if the husband can be voted out just as Obama can be voted out. And are you trying to say that if a man is not a good head that the wife can divorce him?

The worth I meant here was actually not material. I meant the person's worth (importance and value ) as human.

What is your definition of submission? Do you believe in the dictionary submission?

Are you a Christian, I ask because even Christians don't have a universal belief about what Christianity is. There would not be different denomination if there was.

bukatyne:
Is there a universal definition for inequality amongst its proponents?

Re value: However the people in it decide to measure the value.

re a working wife contributes 70% of the running because she does chores + contributes.

Except a woman is not working, she will do more even if she doesn't contribute (for a home where the man provides and the woman takes care of the home)

Kimoni:
Inequality has no proponents

Kimoni:
Voting out, sacking, firing, divorcing....as long as there is an exit system. Relate my post to the question you asked initially.

Then I perfectly agree. Every member of the family/team is just as important.

Honestly, I have never bothered to search for the dictionary meaning or to check whether it aligns with the Biblical submission which I believe in. I try to live a very practical life devoid of theories and big grammar.

Far from true. The fundamental beliefs that binds Christians together are one and the same. Those are the very foundations of the faith and it is those foundations that determines if one is a Christian or not. Pls don't confuse this with church doctrines, these will always vary according to the number of churches that exist.

bukatyne:
Really?

You believe in inequality right? You are a proponent.

Kimoni:
there is?? What are they called? do they have different waves too? Pls educate me biko

Kimoni:
there is?? What are they called? do they have different waves too? Pls educate me biko