₦airaland Forum

tsmith: @ op -

1.) Because the society dictates it, so the men are sexist, and the women too allow it.
2.) Because many live by hearsay and not 'what works'. Many are afraid to challenge myths and find it easier to comply rather than finding the right balance of what works best with Now (current climate, environment and one's partner).
3.) Because religion is archaic and needs to be brought into the 21st century. Many of the sexist views and notions are religious based, so perpetuators live by these doctrines.

A long time ago, I used to think sexism is as a result of lack on education, but I have long realized that even some educated ones still demonstrate these views. Neither is it a result of where you live. Because many abroad go to work and engage with fellow women as pars, but come home to be demiGods. Though education and location could play a part in eventually changing people's mindsets, but only those that are rationale.

Five star post! Round of applause for you.
I particularly agree with number one, women are also enablers of sexism. Many of them believe that they must depend on a man for material possessions to continue existing. Why won't men look down on them when they keep acting like their lives cannot go on without men?

Feminist movement came up to liberate women, to elevate their status, to give them a chance to express themselves as equal to a man and not be disregarded. Its done a good job so far, especially when you consider women status in primitive era. Even then, a lot of women have underutilized this movement and some have even abused it thereby not tapping the full potential
of the movement.
U(women) have to wake up and smell the coffee, u should have a say in your natal or conjugal home. U dont always have to be in the background, in the shadow, u could be in the front or light if u are willing to. U have a choice especially in matters that affect you. A man shouldnt have the final say in the home, a woman should criticize and point out his flaws in a professional manner where neccessary. The white men have to an extent got the better of the black men on this account. That is why the damsel in distress stereotype is gradually tapering down in american/european society.

usermane: U(women) have to wake up and smell the coffee, u should have a say in your natal or conjugal home. U dont always have to be in the background, in the shadow, u could be in the front or light if u are willing to. U have a choice especially in matters that affect you. A man shouldnt have the final say in the home, a woman should criticize and point out his flaws in a professional manner

But the Bible and Quran says men must have the final say in the home. . . .they are the leaders of the home according to religions so they must always have the upper hand in everything. Whether they are good at leadership or not is not anybody's concern.
A muslim woman for instance cannot do the things you mentioned in your post because men are basically demi gods to their wives in Islam. The wife cannot leave her house without her husband's permission and cannot even perform some religious rites like fasting without getting his approval first.

blaise26.abj:
Ain't the bolded Racism? And you are complaining about Sexism.

It isn't racism, it's anti Nigerian men. Yes who guys are totally and royally messed up.

Daresh:
It isn't racism, it's anti Nigerian men. Yes who guys are totally and royally messed up.

Hahahaha!

I know this is late.

I wanted to type but you don type am finish

Gambrosia:
BECAUSE DENSE NIGERIAN MOTHERS AND WOMEN IN GENERAL ACCORD THEM SUCH PRIMITIVE 'CULTURAL PRIVILEGES'!

Upon all. . . no thank you o!
The more you 'submit'. . . the more you are seen as a fool!
No wonder women age in marriages. . .enough to look OLDER than their husbands or husbands' mothers!

What can I say. . . take a monkey ourra the bush. . . THE BUSH will always remain in the monkey.

What do we have left? BUSH MONKEYS!

Siena:
Your response to a very rampant issue speaks volumes. What you're saying in effect is, that is how men are meant to behave, and women must either accept it without question, or not get married to Nigerian men.

Smh.

Daresh:
My sister, hmmm, Nigerian men ehn! I just shake my head. My case is similar to yours, I have managed to drum out the sexism to an extent from my husband cos b4 we married he used to say and think the dumbest things. However his relatives? I shake my head. The day his uncle told me, pregnant women shd not wear trousers! Or "don't cross your legs in front of your husbands ppl! I just ignore him. When I told my husband, he was mad. See these ppl are so damn backward, just ignore them. I ALWAYS said my daughter will never marry a Nigerian man. I said it even b4 I had a daughter. I can't deal with their wahala for the poor girl. My husband has bn asking what is wrong with Nigerian men, I refer him to his relatives.

@first bolded,all Nigerian men talk and think this way?I'm sorry but you got yourself the wrong crew.
@second bolded,you can't choose for your daughter.All you need to do is raise her well so she knows to makethe right choices.Don't put wrongs things in your daughter's head.You can't use your husband's village to judge all Nigerian men.

It's your choice anyway.

@Op:well,women are not equal to men at least physically and God has made it so.This ur view about men is what causes a lot of problem in marriages especially as it has been happenning in the western societies i.e rampant divorces and now you want same to occur in africa and nigeria to be more precise?God in his infinite wisdom said women should submit to their husbands and husbands should equally love their wives.this ur sexist indoctrination is anti christian.PLS if you can't respect a man and his opinion don't marry him!don't spoil our young girls with this your flawed message abeg.

thorpido:
@first bolded,all Nigerian men talk and think this way?I'm sorry but you got yourself the wrong crew.
@second bolded,you can choose for your daughter.All you need to do is raise her well so she knows to makethe right choices.Don't put wrongs things in your daughter's head.You can use your husband's village to judge all Nigerian men.

It's your choice anyway.

sorry but I'm doing the same to my daughter as well (even making plans so she doesn't spend her formative years with Nigerians). I've met only 2 relatively sane Nigerian men (both were 2 of my brothers), even my hubby acted "sane" and is now acting like his fellow cave men (I don't know if it's his Naija environment and I have to keep stopping it). My child can't go through this, please carry una "superiority" to "bless" other people's daughters.

You must be submitted to some higher authority as a human being (men and women alike) instead the equation is not balanced and it is very dangerous to bring males up telling them they are demigods and can do no wrong (or are you enjoying the weekly updates of rape cases against babies, girl children and young women and elderly mamas ). Look at our society and tell me how that's working out for us. Corruption and every vice starts from the home, so how am I to get good values if a hypothetical dad beats my mum up, cheats on her with impunity, values his sons over me and is opening his mouth to attempt to teach me "submissiveness" and constantly undermining my efforts ("this degree you are studying, when you marry you won"t work too much because your place is at home (then why waste money sending me to school), "you need to learn how to cook while your brothers watch tv (what are their hands for), etc) what he's teaching is NOT submission, he's telling his child to accept a lower standard of living and not be her best). Then he expects normal adjusted members of society to come from such a home.

Onegai:
sorry but I'm doing the same to my daughter as well (even making plans so she doesn't spend her formative years with Nigerians). I've met only 2 relatively sane Nigerian men (both were 2 of my brothers), even my hubby acted "sane" and is now acting like his fellow cave men (I don't know if it's his Naija environment and I have to keep stopping it). My child can't go through this, please carry una "superiority" to "bless" other people's daughters.

You must be submitted to some higher authority as a human being (men and women alike) instead the equation is not balanced and it is very dangerous to bring males up telling them they are demigods and can do no wrong (or are you enjoying the weekly updates of rape cases against babies, girl children and young women and elderly mamas ). Look at our society and tell me how that's working out for us.

Well,you're free to raise your daughter anyhow you wish.
My parents didn't raise us that way in my family.I do not deal that way with the woman i married.

The rape cases has to do with men being physically stronger than women.If it were the other way,women would also rape men in the same magnitude.It has to do with a decadent society and not necessarily because men are taught to be superior.

Una can sabi wake up old thread ehn.

Onegai:
sorry but I'm doing the same to my daughter as well (even making plans so she doesn't spend her formative years with Nigerians). I've met only 2 relatively sane Nigerian men (both were 2 of my brothers), even my hubby acted "sane" and is now acting like his fellow cave men (I don't know if it's his Naija environment and I have to keep stopping it). My child can't go through this, please carry una "superiority" to "bless" other people's daughters.

You must be submitted to some higher authority as a human being (men and women alike) instead the equation is not balanced and it is very dangerous to bring males up telling them they are demigods and can do no wrong (or are you enjoying the weekly updates of rape cases against babies, girl children and young women and elderly mamas ). Look at our society and tell me how that's working out for us. Corruption and every vice starts from the home, so how am I to get good values if a hypothetical dad beats my mum up, cheats on her with impunity, values his sons over me and is opening his mouth to attempt to teach me "submissiveness" and constantly undermining my efforts ("this degree you are studying, when you marry you won"t work too much because your place is at home (then why waste money sending me to school), "you need to learn how to cook while your brothers watch tv (what are their hands for), etc) what he's teaching is NOT submission, he's telling his child to accept a lower standard of living and not be her best). Then he expects normal adjusted members of society to come from such a home.

So na only men corrupt, women no corrupt? Well done madam... Most of u ladies raising ur daughters to hate men might subconsciously turn them into lesbians tomorrow... Becareful! Recent research indicates that nigerian men are the most considerate & peaceable in africa..

But we as men have to take some portion of the blame. Some of the recent topics on this board are worrying. The rape one was exceptionally discouraging.

[quote author=Onegai post=36770748]sorry but I'm doing the same to my daughter as well (even making plans so she doesn't spend her formative years with Nigerians). I've met only 2 relatively sane Nigerian men (both were 2 of my brothers), even my hubby acted "sane" and is now acting like his fellow cave men (I don't know if it's his Naija environment and I have to keep stopping it). My child can't go through this, please carry una "superiority" to "bless" other people's daughters.

You must be submitted to some higher authority as a human being (men and women alike) instead the equation is not balanced and it is very dangerous to bring males up telling them they are demigods and can do no wrong (or are you enjoying the weekly updates of rape cases against babies, girl children and young women and elderly mamas ). Look at our society and tell me how that's working out for us. Corruption and every vice starts from the home, so how am I to get good values if a hypothetical dad beats my mum up, cheats on her with impunity, values his sons over me and is opening his mouth to attempt to teach me "submissiveness" and constantly undermining my efforts ("this degree you are studying, when you marry you won"t work too much because your place is at home (then why waste money sending me to school), "you need to learn how to cook while your brothers watch tv (what are their hands for), etc) what he's teaching is NOT submission, he's telling his child to accept a lower standard of living and not be her best). Then he expects normal adjusted members of society to come from such a home.



I know my experiences are not every one's but where I come from and all the people I have interacted with in my life in NIGERIA a girl getting a degree and not working is actually disheartening and something parents are not very happy about. My dad( God bless his shoul) would say Condolezza Rice is a woman like you your being a woman is not an impediment to you striving for excellence. When I decided to stay home for awhile my mums words were always 'you know your dad had so many high expectations of you'. I also know that me and my sister were never valued less than my brother in short my dad used to be accused of comparing my brother who initially struggled academically to us as we used to get prizes, awards etc.

I know there are sexist men In Nigeria( like all other countries) but haba to say all(or ok most like you have alluded to) see their daughters as lesser beings is over generalising.

Smh @ the ones grooming their daughters to stay away from Nigerian men. So if they are destined to be with Nigerian men you'll reverse it to please your cave mentality? O ga oooo

Daresh:
My sister, hmmm, Nigerian men ehn! I just shake my head. My husband has bn asking what is wrong with Nigerian men, I refer him to his relatives.

Kai! Insult of the highest order. What was his reply to you? Please tell the truth ooooo.....

men can marry anytime they want so you refusing can't taky anything away from them, keep refusing, by the time you clock 40 years old without getting married, you would start begging men to marry you.

Same old tactics, the minute you question wrong doing someone will ask you if you want to remain single at 40 First of all, reaching 40 is a blessing, many people die before that age here(even married people) So yea, you can be married @ 25 and single @ 40, SO what?!

Pidggin:
Same old tactics, the minute you question wrong doing someone will ask you if you want to remain single at 40 First of all, reaching 40 is a blessing, many people die before that age here(even married people) So yea, you can be married @ 25 and single @ 40, SO what?!

classic reply

Op sorry to say this but I dislike your attitude big time. Who the devil do you think you are to make that general assumption?

Yea you want a maid and the baby is due bla bla bla, was it not someone 's child you wanted as a maid to run around for you ? That kid you gonna call a maid/servant , is he/ she different from the one you are carrying?

Seriously you need to learn humility as a course because your write up is far from it. Besides what is the big deal loading the dirty clothes you wore on a laundry mechine?
All you needed is to explain here that you needed help desperately. And every one will understand not insult Nigerian men.

Besides you are not the first person to run business as well as keeping a home. What you are having is not Jesus Christ. So give Nigerian men a break.

@ damiso, Generalising is almost not the best way to get points across.Much as it is not the best way to get a point across, it is not also best to use our family or people we know as a way to come to a conclusion. Just because something is not happening with people you know does not mean that it is not happening or that those it's happening to should not speak up. If something terrible is happening to some people, it is important that people that are not experiencing it shows some empathy and see how we can put a stop to it happening. We don't have to wait for most people to experience it before doing something about it.

babygirlfl:
@ damiso, Generalising is almost not the best way to get points across.Much as it is not the best way to get a point across, it is not also best to use our family or people we know as a way to come to a conclusion. Just because something is not happening with people you know does not mean that it is not happening or that those it's happening to should not speak up. If something terrible is happening to some people, it is important that people that are not experiencing it shows some empathy and see how we can put a stop to it happening. We don't have to wait for most people to experience it before doing something about it.

But those men and people I spoke about are Nigerian men,No?

Because some comments like 'the only 2 sane men I have met among them are my brothers' are also people known to Onegai.Which I am not discounting.

I never said it was not happening as you see I agreed that there are sexist Nigerian men, I have experienced my own share of sexism from both Nigerian and Non Nigerian men.

My point was to say ALL( even Most) Nigerian men think their daughters are less than their sons,think their daughters will end up in the kitchen, beat and abuse their wives, is simply not true.

I think doing something is by highlighting the men who are not like that so that the next generation have role models to look up to. Simply saying all Nigerian men are sexist reinforces it as the norm.

I am not discounting other peoples experiences I am just highlighting the fact that those men being spoken about are not all what Nigerian men are or should be.

Same way I would call out Men who say ' all Nigerian girls are materialistic and will only marry made men' . there are Nigerian girls who are materialistic and will only marry made guys but I know Nigerian girls who are not and did not marry only made men so that makes that statement untrue.

babygirlfl:
@ damiso, Generalising is almost not the best way to get points across.Much as it is not the best way to get a point across, it is not also best to use our family or people we know as a way to come to a conclusion. Just because something is not happening with people you know does not mean that it is not happening or that those it's happening to should not speak up. If something terrible is happening to some people, it is important that people that are not experiencing it shows some empathy and see how we can put a stop to it happening. We don't have to wait for most people to experience it before doing something about it.

Babygirl, how do you put an end to stereotypes? By building stronger counter stereotypes?

damiso:
But those men and people I spoke about are Nigerian men,No?

Because some comments like 'the only 2 sane men I have met among them are my brothers' are also people known to Onegai.Which I am not discounting.

I never said it was not happening as you see I agreed that there are sexist Nigerian men, I have experienced my own share of sexism from both Nigerian and Non Nigerian men.

My point was to say ALL( even Most) Nigerian men think their daughters are less than their sons,think their daughters will end up in the kitchen, beat and abuse their wives, is simply not true.

I think doing something is by highlighting the men who are not like that so that the next generation have role models to look up to. Simply saying all Nigerian men are sexist reinforces it as the norm.

I am not discounting other peoples experiences I am just highlighting the fact that those men being spoken about are not all what Nigerian men are or should be.

Same way I would call out Men who say ' all Nigerian girls are materialistic and will only marry made men' . there are Nigerian girls who are materialistic and will only marry made guys but I know Nigerian girls who are not and did not marry only made men so that makes that statement untrue.

@bold, you're right.

I think the exemplary male role models also need to speak up and let the younger ones know that's the right way to go.

We have older females all the time trying to mold younger ladies into line and proper behavior, yet these older men do nothing and watch the younger men go astray.

Onegai:
sorry but I'm doing the same to my daughter as well (even making plans so she doesn't spend her formative years with Nigerians). I've met only 2 relatively sane Nigerian men (both were 2 of my brothers), even my hubby acted "sane" and is now acting like his fellow cave men (I don't know if it's his Naija environment and I have to keep stopping it). My child can't go through this, please carry una "superiority" to "bless" other people's daughters.

Sorry your hubby is a cave man and all the men you have ever met are cave men. I guess you live in a cave that's why you keep meeting cave men. May be you should change your location and get a bit more exposed so that you stop meeting cave men.

Let's stop all this silly talk that my brothers are the only exposed people, I am sure your brother's wives will have their own issues with your brothers. The fact that you and your brothers are of the same parents and you were brought up with the same values does not mean any guy that was raised differently is a cave man. As I said before, may be you need to gain some exposure and realize that people are different and will always be.

cococandy:
@bold, you're right.

I think the exemplary male role models also need to speak up and let the younger ones know that's the right way to go.

We have older females all the time trying to mold younger ladies into line and proper behavior, yet these older men do nothing and watch the younger men go astray.

What a joke, so mothers cannot train their sons again? Why cant the mothers mold their young sons too? If you folks are having serious marital issues, why don't you blame your husband and stop generalizing. There are wonderful men out there, the fact that you didn't marry one is your fault. Stop making excuses for your error in judgement.

thorpido:
Well,you're free to raise your daughter anyhow you wish.
My parents didn't raise us that way in my family.I do not deal that way with the woman i married.

The rape cases has to do with men being physically stronger than women.If it were the other way,women would also rape men in the same magnitude.It has to do with a decadent society and not necessarily because men are taught to be superior.

Thorpido you're in your 30s right? People of that era have a different mindset and were brought up differently (my brothers are of that age group), not all of them but there was a different mindset. My dad encouraged his sons and daughters to do their best. Decades later, I befriended a younger woman and her junior brother. One day, this much younger guy was flaring up at his older sister and one of his complaints was "she doesn't even cook for me and leave food for me. Is that how she will behave in her hubby's house? ". Meanwhile, they were in school together at that time and came home together and he expected her to drive him home (which she did), then enter the kitchen and make him a meal, he didn't feel to help her. And look around NL, majority of the male commenters are young unmarried men who keep denigrating women and advocating violence to solve issues. Older men were not like this, my FIL (in his 70s) says things have gotten worse.

Women older than me (their 60s) achieved more than all these girls shouting here. But it looks like we are sliding back, not forward.

More alarming is their opinions on issues of rape. Ask any older male and they may remember it as an abominable act for which the perpetrator would pay dearly.
But these days, they consider common friendly visits as implicit agreement to sexual encounters.

Its obvious the older guys are not doing much to shape these younger boys into proper young men.
Some try I can attest to that. But they need to do more.

Romance section is filled with twisted young boys. It's appalling to imagine the kind of fathers they will make when they get to the age of settling down.

Onegai:
Thorpido you're in your 30s right? People of that era have a different mindset and were brought up differently (my brothers are of that age group), not all of them but there was a different mindset. My dad encouraged his sons and daughters to do their best. Decades later, I befriended a younger woman and her junior brother. One day, this much younger guy was flaring up at his older sister and one of his complaints was "she doesn't even cook for me and leave food for me. Is that how she will behave in her hubby's house? ". Meanwhile, they were in school together at that time and came home together and he expected her to drive him home (which she did), then enter the kitchen and make him a meal, he didn't feel to help her. And look around NL, majority of the male commenters are young unmarried men who keep denigrating women and advocating violence to solve issues. Older men were not like this, my FIL (in his 70s) says things have gotten worse.

Women older than me (their 60s) achieved more than all these girls shouting here. But it looks like we are sliding back, not forward.

Onegai:
Thorpido you're in your 30s right? People of that era have a different mindset and were brought up differently (my brothers are of that age group), not all of them but there was a different mindset. My dad encouraged his sons and daughters to do their best. Decades later, I befriended a younger woman and her junior brother. One day, this much younger guy was flaring up at his older sister and one of his complaints was "she doesn't even cook for me and leave food for me. Is that how she will behave in her hubby's house? ". Meanwhile, they were in school together at that time and came home together and he expected her to drive him home (which she did), then enter the kitchen and make him a meal, he didn't feel to help her. And look around NL, majority of the male commenters are young unmarried men who keep denigrating women and advocating violence to solve issues. Older men were not like this, my FIL (in his 70s) says things have gotten worse.

Women older than me (their 60s) achieved more than all these girls shouting here. But it looks like we are sliding back, not forward.

40's.
Nairaland has actually created an awareness in me about the mindset of the much younger ones in this generation.My younger ones are in their 30's so the place to get an idea of what is happening to younger people is here.I must say i'm appalled by some of the things I read here especially the romance section.

There was a gang rape thread one time and you need to see some of the things they wrote,blaming the girl.Things have really gone down south.A lot of young guys see girls as some 'take-away',no thanks to the media.
Fathers(and other men) are not doing enough raising good boys i must say.
Feminism should help women in this generation become better and demand more from guys(I'm personally just still skeptical about the feminism I see displayed).

Abeg leave those romance boys. They are teenagers and those waiting on jamb Jare.when they grow up they will grow sense


meanwhile so you too you get opon like Rihanna own

opon as in front ogo

cococandy:
More alarming is their opinions on issues of rape. Ask any older male and they may remember it as an abominable act for which the perpetrator would pay dearly.
But these days, they consider common friendly visits as implicit agreement to sexual encounters.

Its obvious the older guys are not doing much to shape these younger boys into proper young men.
Some try I can attest to that. But they need to do more.

Romance section is filled with twisted young boys. It's appalling to imagine the kind of fathers they will make when they get to the age of settling down.

SAMBARRY:
Abeg leave those romance boys. They are teenagers and those waiting on jamb Jare.when they grow up they will grow sense


meanwhile so you too you get opon like Rihanna own

opon as in front ogo

Yes now.

With a Jewish chin too.

Hmm