I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. - Family - Nairaland
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| I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by nj11(f): 5:28am On Mar 14, 2009 |
I have been married for six years to a man that am not inlove with, been trying to work it out so far,but this past Christmas holiday i went home to visit my family and met my first boyfriend,all the feelings i had for him came rushing back,he tells me he feels thesame way too.Now that am back i can't stop thinking about him and its causing lot of strain in my marriage,can't stand my husband anymore.So am thinking the best is for me to leave the marriage. I need help,advise pls!!! |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by emilyone(f): 10:25am On Mar 14, 2009 |
to start with, do u guys have any kids yet? |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by brownbonno(m): 1:50pm On Mar 14, 2009 |
nj11: Was there any reason(s) why you did not marry him in the first instance ? How do you cope for 6 years with out love ? |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by SeanT21(f): 4:21pm On Mar 14, 2009 |
What if your old lover dumps U.Hahah anyway,Do whatever u wanna do!! |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by FBS: 4:57pm On Mar 14, 2009 |
think twice. have you any kids and is your husband a good man? are you ready to take the risk? sometimes, we just never value what we have until its gone. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by Badriyyah(f): 12:47am On Mar 15, 2009 |
Sometimes we think the grass is greener on the other side, but it isn't. Is your husband a good man? Why did you marry him if you had no feelings for him? What will you do if after you leave your husband your ex says he doesn't want you?? I can understand leaving a man because he treats you bad or you're not happy, but leaving him because you met your ex and you claim you're still in love with him might be the biggest mistakes you've ever made. Think properly before you make the next step, because you might be the one to lose everything. Take care 2 Likes |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by nj11(f): 3:41am On Mar 15, 2009 |
emilyone: Yes we have a four year old together. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by Nobody: 3:43am On Mar 15, 2009 |
the marriage has gone kaput, no love there . . . better leave and go marry your lover boy. But i bet you, even he isnt a saint. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by nj11(f): 3:47am On Mar 15, 2009 |
brownbonno: We did not get married, cause we were still very young. Being in a marriage with out love is the worst thing anybody have to go through,is like being in jail,hating everything around you. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by nj11(f): 3:54am On Mar 15, 2009 |
Badriyyah: My marriage was an arranged one,he needed a wife,and my dad agreed to give him one of his daughters.He is a good man, we are just two different people,from different generations. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by Nobody: 3:58am On Mar 15, 2009 |
so you married him to get out of the country? Another sad story, men beware. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by nj11(f): 4:09am On Mar 15, 2009 |
davidylan: @Davidylan You can whatever you feel,did not marry to get out of the country,i was only seventeen years old ,the last thing on my mind was to leave my mom and my family to far and new country,i did everything i could not to go but dad threaten and had his own plans. In africa fathers have the last say. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by osisi2(f): 4:13am On Mar 15, 2009 |
poor girl. does this man know how you feel about him the husband I mean |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by Nobody: 4:14am On Mar 15, 2009 |
nj11, i apologise . . . commented without knowing the details. I suggest you talk to your family first. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by osisi2(f): 4:20am On Mar 15, 2009 |
all these arranged marriages with the enticement of coming to the USA. They want Americana in-law Why are some parents still so primitive in this day and age? dashing an innocent 17 year old to a man she doesn't know anything about. I bet the man is almost 20 years her senior if not more. Poor girl will be gnashing her teeth when the light goes off Nne sorry o I don't even have any advice to give especially with a child involved. What a sad way to live. 1 Like |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by nj11(f): 4:32am On Mar 15, 2009 |
**osisi: Yes,told him the very first day i got to meet him,he said i might end up loving him,which is not working. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by Nobody: 4:34am On Mar 15, 2009 |
nj11: considering the fact that its the USA, i kind of find that hard to believe. 6 years ago was 2002, and i'm pretty sure they were already scritinizing docs at the embassy. unless you came in on an educ visa. . .how old is the husband? based on your posts u are 23, and had your child in 2003/2004, sort of odd, imho, as i would have expected that the first thing your hubby would have done was impregnate you. myb i'm just suspicious of so many threads. . . while you are in a loveless marriage, i'm inclined to suspect your 'first love' dude. you must have been dating in sec school, was he aware of what went down? u really think he has been pining for you for the past six years? maybe - but i doubt it. unless the guys has gone through several failed relationships in that time. . .i can understand you. . .you are in a lovelss marriage, as you call it. i somehow doubt that your former boyfriend will really come through. you have a child. the guy is 23. myb hes one of the brighter/luckier nigerians, and he's already working. more likely, hes still in school. he stands the most to gain from this imho, and some people like bonking married women because its 'no strings attached' just my opinion. . .while i am no fan of arrangee i think if you try you may be able to find some love for your husband or maybe not since we don't know how old he is, his habits, wheter he is a wife beater/philanderer/if you are 100% finacially dependent on him. what precisely makes your marriage loveless? |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by nj11(f): 5:06am On Mar 15, 2009 |
@oyb He was in the states while my inlaws did all the marriage thing,that was in august turned eighteen in November,so everything was okay,stayed in Nigeria for almost a year after that. He did visit. He is over twenty years older, he is a good guy,i just can't find anything to love and it makes me sad. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by Outstrip(f): 5:15am On Mar 15, 2009 |
Well I am sorry but I do not feel sorry for this man. He is a thief. He stole a young girls innocence. As old as he was he is still so foolish. @ the orignal poster I hope you find peace and that you do the right thing. 1 Like |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by brownbonno(m): 8:19am On Mar 15, 2009 |
Naturally i don;t advise or encourage broken homes.In this case i will say "do what make you happy".Your parents acted on your behalf as a minor,but now that you are grown you can act as an independet adult. Even with the age difference,can you image what will happen when you turn 50 and he will be 70?Hmmm think about the future than what is happening now. I wish you the best. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by benincitys(f): 11:52am On Mar 15, 2009 |
do what you feel is right for you and your child , be sure this guy in Nigerian love u, so you don't have to regret it after he is in the state, many of our boys want to go out of Nigerian by anyway. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by Nobody: 11:38pm On Mar 15, 2009 |
@ poster And you think your parents who sold you out like an xmas hen will support you? Uhm, I hope you aren't a nurse. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by osisi2(f): 3:15am On Mar 16, 2009 |
nj11: I predicted right when I made this statement **osisi: The average Nigerian born male marries in his mid thirties and those of them in America married in their late 30's to early 40's so when you said you married him at 17,I knew he had to be at least 38. There are many Nigerian wives in that situation. Is this man abusive, overly controlling and suspecting your every move? That is the situation usually when a young man marries a much older man. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by nj11(f): 4:23am On Mar 16, 2009 |
@ osisi, you are right, he is very controlling,he was always accusing me of flirting with other men,when we go for grocery shopping,church or a party,i use to cry my eyes out when the accusations start trying to defend myself,but as i got older i was like to hell with what he thinks. Just stoped going out with him to avoid fighting. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by amebono13: 7:25am On Mar 16, 2009 |
reading stories like dis breaks my heart,and for that i thnk my God for giving me the kind of parents i have, i was very young when i got married,and it was a big battle cos my parents did not want it,my dad and mum fought tooth and nail dat i wont marry at dat age,it was because of my stubborness,threathened to run out of d house,and locking myself up for days,that they allowed me,they were scared i was going to die of hunger(not knowing dat my sister and i planned it,they will buy me fast food and smhow smuggle it in when nobody is seeing them  )1 Like |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by amebono13: 7:26am On Mar 16, 2009 |
nj11: christ, so d guy was about 40 sthg years when u married him at 17 abi 18?  come wat kind of parents do d devil punish pple with smtimes?haba dis is too much  1 Like |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by FBS: 8:00am On Mar 16, 2009 |
now the truth is flowing. more details pls. it may help is finding a solution to this palava. arranged marriage in this century? Lord help us. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by ekakids(f): 8:12am On Mar 16, 2009 |
girl pls consider the step you want to take before you go for it because i bet you cant say if your ex really loves you the way you still do.remember that its been 6years since you got married to your husband and you say you now have a child with him.dont take any action because of your ex because i dont think he worths it. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by ekakids(f): 8:21am On Mar 16, 2009 |
hi emilyone, what would you really advice this sister to do in this situation |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by sparta(f): 9:58am On Mar 16, 2009 |
@ Poster, I really feel for you, whao, your parents gave you out in marriage at the tender age of seventeen You were just a child still trying to find the woman in you and all they could think of was marriage. I think we african children push this issue of parental consent and respect for them. At seventeen my father could not even choose a course for me to study let alone choose a man for me. What the heck? Anyway sweety, the deed is done, i feel you have been cheated but i stiill do not believe in divorce because the other guy may even be worse if not why do we have people who have been married for 3, 4 or five times. Please for your child, reconsider, Pray for God's guidance and help, he cares about every litle detail of our lives. Talk to your ma about it too, am sure as a woman she will understand. Its good to respect our parents but we have a right also to be happy. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by emilyone(f): 10:13am On Mar 16, 2009 |
yea, for the sake of your child forget about your first love and make more effort at making your marriage work , remember if you had not met your first love again you would still ave carried on without thinking of quitting your marriage. |
| Re: I Want To Leave My Husband For My First Love.pls I Need You Advise. by spikedcylinder: 10:50am On Mar 16, 2009 |
emilyone: So having a child is the key to everlasting unhappiness? Hmmmn. . . .thank you. You have just given me one more reason. |
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