Visitors Staying At Our House. - Family - Nairaland
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My MIL Frequents Our House . / Husband Coming To Living Room With Only Boxer When There Are Visitors / My Cousin Destroys Our House. Advice Pls. (2) (3) (4)
| Visitors Staying At Our House. by topup: 4:43pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
I'm quite confused about an issue and was wondering the type of advice I'd receive. Basically, my mother frequently loves guests to come over, I have discovered that she actually enjoys playing the role of the perfect housewife - sometimes at all costs. She likes to make room fo people and pretend like they don't inconvinience us - well maybe it's because it's not her bed they're sleeping on e.t.c. Okay, today she called me and told me that we're expecting an aunt today, but this same aunt is married with children. What kind of notice is this?? She hinted heavily about 2 weeks ago, but we both discussed it and I told her how much this time I wanted easter to be a family thing and that I don't like being stressed during my holidays from university - she seemed to agree, and she acted as confused as I was. She even hinted that it would be a member of my dad's family. We left it at that. So today, I get a call on my mobile to wake up because she's gone to pick them from the bus station. I am furious, and to make it worse, this particular aunt and uncle are family that my dad has fallen out with. He too is very annoyed by the whole situation. He still doesn't understand why despite his warnings my mother has taken it upon herself to invite them over. In fact, the whole house is (to be continued), |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by Nobody: 4:54pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
Stay in a hotel or with a relative while the family is there. If you can't stand the noise 1 Like |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by adekennis(m): 6:29pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
Hey! Toyinrayo you are back   I beg easy easy dis tym oo!    |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by Nobody: 10:17pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
adekennis:awww long time, baby. Hope you dey kampe  I go take it easy, just for you  |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by dominique(f): 10:29pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
awww pity! i hate having house guests around too, especially those that spend more than 3 days. |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by biina: 1:12am On Apr 10, 2009 |
My experience was different. It wasn't really a case of visitors, they were more or less living with us. Growing up, I enjoyed every minute of it. Both of my grandfathers were polygamous, and so there were enough aunties, uncles and cousins to go round. During festive periods, there were so many people around that we had to eat meals in batches. The 'gists', the games, the movie nights, were all so enjoyable. Best of all was charging toll fees fromr all the bf & gf that came visiting. If u no settle, the person u dey find no dey for house! They made me a very rich kid 1 Like |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by tope2000(f): 1:16am On Apr 10, 2009 |
dominique: I dont mind as long as they dont have kids with them I hate the noises. . . . .most of all i hate seeing my house dirty, dis-organised n unkempt  |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by topup: 2:56am On Apr 10, 2009 |
Lol at the responses. I understand that it's a thing of life - if you're Nigerian that is. But, if I had time to continue (before my little relative came to bug me - cos these kids these days are SO INSENSITIVE to drama!! - Man, I remember when I was a kid, I knew when to keep quiet and not ask questions). Anyways, I'm used to my mum taking decisions on behalf of the household and her parents have stayed over for 4months, and my father's mother came for 2 weeks and his cousins 3 weeks, and another set of cousins for 2 weeks, and then some daughter of my mum's friends for a MONTH (and that girl was unpleasant!!) and more aunties and uncles. I am not inhospitable, it's just about timing, I had to look after my grandparents (whilst my mum went out to work) whilst I was completing my A-Levels. Also, the girl came during my GCSEs and she was a terror (she was the star of: "when the girl from the village thinks she's made it" (not a real movie) I swear she spent close to £400 of our money, she refused to spend the £75 she brought herself because she said it was too little >> lol), then they fill up all our holidays, and okay aside from the complaints. I was actually going to discuss a real issue. The guests are tearing our family apart. Despite my dad not being a permanent resident here and spending up to two months max. in abroad with us, he still has the nerve to be shipping his family (who outcasted us during the earlier stages of my parent's marriage). His mother has disrespected mine, and her and her daughter and two grandchildren just decided to stay - mind you I never talked to these people, and we had to force everything. But it's been okay. Then his sisters come and stay as they please - despite them plotting against my mother and giving my dad advice on how to deal with her before. My mum never stands up for the things that really matters - and I understand that it's very hard. Man, I know this isn't rare in Nigerian families, but it sure is stressful and makes one heck of a story. |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by topup: 2:57am On Apr 10, 2009 |
READ FROM HERE IF YOU DON'T LIKE READING A LOT: Okay - stay focused topup. Today, what happened was, I went to tell my dad and ask if he had any knowledge of the guests, and he agreed he knew but didn't agree. He agreed he wouldn't be rude like he normally is (by the way, he dislikes the aunt because of some deep family issue on his side, my mum thinks it's a pact that his mother made all the children hold, they are against my aunt's choice to marry a man who wasn't of their choosing, despite the aunt being a cousin to my dad). So I knew there was going to be trouble; 'the wife who disobeyed the husband part II', anyways, so I decided to opt out of slaving over the oven and rushing about the house, almost to cause a scene so my mum would STOP doing this!!They arrived, and about 5 minutes of my dad ignoring them and being disrespectful, he started packing his clothes, took his laptop and barged past me, he was about to walk out of the door, when my mother came to speak to him and he started calling her names; "You wicked woman." "It's evil." I know I may not have explained this properly, but my dad has a temper, he has to get away or else he'll explode, he barged past her and was heading down the stairs, my brother ususally really passive and unemotional, practically threw himself at my father and hugged him tight, preventing him from leaving, this was in the corridor, and the guests could easily hear the commotion. So at this point I go and close the living room door and act as the distraction whilst my father is being talked to by my brother and mother, (there's more, but I gotta take a breath of fresh air. |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by iice(f): 1:32am On Apr 11, 2009 |
Eyah, it's hard when stress starts manifesting in the family, relations starts getting strained, emotions flew high. After this visit, maybe you guys can sit your mom down and explain. Personally despite my mother loving the house guest thing, hell no it aint happening If it's someone we like and enjoy their company fine, if not. . .the pesin best be finding somewhere else. That is not to say people don't crash anyhow in our place(s) |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by ThiefOfHearts(f): 1:44am On Apr 11, 2009 |
Your mom's doing that so the family wont say she's the cause of the fight/she's not helping to "save the family". It's a sad situation. Im sure it wasnt to go against your dad's wishes. I would think that from the relatives noticing your dad's behavior, they'd have the sense to leave/get a hotel. Some people are just clueless. Your mom should try to come up with a good excuse and cut the visit short |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by topup: 2:56am On Apr 11, 2009 |
iice: At one point, I suggested to my mother that she should tell the guests sorry and pay for them to stay in a hotel. However, the typical words; "That's just not done in Nigeria." came out of her mouth. All these courtisies annoy me, she doesn't want to have to deal with the embarrasment!! What you said iice, makes sense, sometimes it's not advisable for such an explosive set of people to be inviting guests over. This is day two, my dad finally decided not to book an immediate flight back to Nigeria (I am sure his temper calmed down once he saw the price for a coach ticket  and flight changes ). Things are still chaos but a managable chaos. People ask me, how come you're so mature. This is why!! I've been counselling my parents on their affairs and marriage since I was 7 & earlier!! What the!!Yes, I called my mother and told her that we needed to have a talk as a family when the guests are gone - I just don't think she gets how much things affect this family (same with my dad), she asked me if he was still in the house and when I confirmed it, she chuckled, in that; "He's not serious." way. ThiefOfHearts: Oh, my mother told me that they are clueless that it's them that caused the drift, despite the fact that he refuses to join everybody else and locks himself in another room all day, (a grown man!!). Apparently, they sensed some tension and actually came here to beg my dad, but they've not had the chance, my father doesn't like being convinced to let go of grudges, I think that's why he's avoiding them. They greet him good morning through the door. I'm sure they're aware of something. Anyways, I feel like I'm spilling my deepest thoughts here, other than romance, sex, love, sport and whatever else, this family issue is serious. I just thought I'd give you guys a preview of my biography. . joking Thanks for the responses, much appreciated. I'll keep muttering to myself that "I'm not alone." |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by Outstrip(f): 4:52am On Apr 12, 2009 |
I think your mom needs to stand up. She is taking the easy way out and it is hurting her family. I don't blame your dad for being upset. He sees his family for two months max and yet your mother is bringing in extended family  ?? Mba. Your mother is simply taking the easy short cut way out and at the end it will not benefit her in anyway. |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by Cristalz(f): 10:14pm On Apr 12, 2009 |
@topup Have you told your mum that she is bonding with extended family at the expense of her own nuclear family? And that in Nigeria, the wife doesn't make such decisions without first discussing, and coming to an agreement with her husband. So when she says inviting extended family at any time is a Nigerian thing, counter her with the above. A wife is the spine of a home. She has to know when to do some things, and when not to. She has to know how to maintain the balance between her nuclear family and other relatives. Hugging one at the expense of the other is a sure-fire recipe for absolute disaster. . .she will destroy the entire family. God forbid, if your dad decides to split ways, will these relatives be there to fulfill his role in her life, and in the lives of his kids? Same way everybody needs family. . .which is why she has to realize the importance of a balance. Perhaps it's because there were issues with these relatives when your parents first got married that she is trying so much to please them, but she is going about it the entirely wrong way. Talk to her some more. . .would like to know her response, if you still want to share. Stay strong,k? Family issues are the most heartbreaking. . .they make you grow up too fast( mentally and emotionally), and they make you become a constant fixture in the middle of quarrels trying to keep the warring parties in check. And that's a hard place to be. So, stay strong. |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by topup: 3:24am On Apr 13, 2009 |
Crystalz, exactly!! Will the family be there to replace him?? However, my mother is completely aware of all the Nigerian customs, she is the perfect Nigerian housewife, but she also takes a lot of charge, since for 9 months in the year, she plays mother AND father. Yes, a talk is in need to 'sort' all this out. |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by iice(f): 4:29am On Apr 13, 2009 |
Well, i hope it all works out |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by LadyangeA(f): 10:27am On Apr 13, 2009 |
Your house must be really big. |
| Re: Visitors Staying At Our House. by mickey45: 4:49pm On Apr 05, 2015 |
topup: I wont b too quick 2 dismiss your mom's apparent hospitality to family. She's jst trying her best to keep d family 2gether. In Nigeria, you do not jst marry a man bt his family too. God forbid if something shd happen, its them she'll first hav 2 resort to. Plus, given her history with them, she'll not want a situation where ur father's disposition 2wards them will b seen as a consensus. Cos shd dat happen, they'd rather blame her 4ur dad's unwelcoming attitude 2 dem than placate him directly. |
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