₦airaland Forum

DonTim1:
Used to hold grudge,could last even a decade,but since I stated praying this lines every morning "...and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those...." It just doesn't make me feel my prayers wld be answered without forgiving my offenders, so I forgive and have peace.

But mostly it has too do with ur temprament.

Sanguines forgive almost immediately
Choleric hold serios grudges
Melancholy hold grudges too
U hardly offend phlegs.

I also think that forgiveness means peace, inner and outer. So at the end of the day, we do US a favor by forgiving.

Mindfulness:
I conclude that you don't hold grudges because you can understand others, like in this example, the cultural differences, which leads to another conclusion, that people who are able to take on someone else's perspective are probably more capable of forgiveness.

Just out of curiosity, how do cultural differences manifest in this scenario? Can you give an example of what she says that could be considered rude or offensive?



This is what I also do.
When I was younger, I would continue talking in anger and later regret the things I said. We grow wiser with age.

Yep, wisdom grows with age.

Re: the bolded, unfortunately, I can't do that. Already said too much anyway.

EfemenaXY:
Yep, wisdom grows with age.

Re: the bolded, unfortunately, I can't do that. Already said too much anyway.

I understand. I was just trying to enhance my intercultural competence.

DonTim1:
Used to hold grudge,could last even a decade,but since I stated praying this lines every morning "...and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those...." It just doesn't make me feel my prayers wld be answered without forgiving my offenders, so I forgive and have peace.

But mostly it has too do with ur temprament.

Sanguines forgive almost immediately
Choleric hold serios grudges
Melancholy hold grudges too
U hardly offend phlegs.

Well, one person that I know very well could be classified as sanguine but is very unforgiving.

Ok o let me excuse you o


happy married life in advance

EfemenaXY:
You sef.

My bobo (Sagamite) is whispering in my ears. Why d'you choose this moment to distract me, Kulyie?

And in response to your question, no babes, you don't fall into the category @OP is describing na. I mean, I know you have wacky ideas and we've disagreed many many times but it's never got out of hand now. Or has it?

Happy Sunday!

Mindfulness:
When is an apology SINCERE? How do you know it is sincere?

An apology that is not a throw-away apology. Not something said just for the sake of saying or because they want to engage in "lets keep the peace".

You will know by their tone, body language and ability to identify and accept the specific wrong doing. Not the "okay, I apologise. Even though I don't know what I am apologising for or why I am apologising".

Sagamite:
An apology that is not a throw-away apology. Not something said just for the sake of saying or because they want to engage in "lets keep the peace".

You will know by their tone, body language and ability to identify and accept the specific wrong doing. Not the "okay, I apologise. Even though I don't know what I am apologising for or why I am apologising".

Would you apologize if someone was angry with you and hurt, someone close?

SAMBARRY:
Ok o let me excuse you o


happy married life in advance

We've been married for tey-tey. Didn't you know Jennykadry was his first wife and me the 3rd out of his 5 legal wives? Every yam festival, we visit his shrine at Shagamu for blessings.

He does have plenty-plenty girlfriends but if you ask me nicely, I could put in a good word for you so he includes you in his long list of conquests.

EfemenaXY:
We've been married for tey-tey. Didn't you know Jennykadry was his first wife and me the 3rd out of his 5 legal wives? Every yam festival, we visit his shrine at Shagamu for blessings.

He does have plenty-plenty girlfriends but if you ask me nicely, I could put in a good word for you so he includes you in his long list of conquests.

thank you not interested

y'all can share your shagamu soups together

bet remind him to take you and his numerous wives for the ojude oba festival o

Mindfulness:
Would you apologize if someone was angry with you and hurt, someone close?

If I did something wrong I would apologise.

Sagamite:
If I did something wrong I would apologise.

Why do you think do some people hold grudges for a long time (in families or with friends)?
Why are some other people very quick to forgive?

No grudges!
I either forgive or PUNISH!

KanwuliaJara:
No grudges!
I either forgive or PUNISH!

I have been expecting you.

How do you punish?

Mindfulness:
I have been expecting you.

How do you punish?

Justice given to suit the offense!

KanwuliaJara:
Justice given to suit the offense!

Evasive answer. My curiosity has not been satisfied. I want examples.

SAMBARRY:
thank you not interested

y'all can share your shagamu soups together

bet remind him to take you and his numerous wives for the ojude oba festival o

Lol!

I can't even begin to explain what you're missing babe.

Give me a shout when you change your mind sha.

Mindfulness:
Why do you think do some people hold grudges for a long time (in families or with friends)?
Why are some other people very quick to forgive?

Different personalities.

Different cultures.

Different self-developments.

Mindfulness:
Evasive answer. My curiosity has not been satisfied. I want examples.

Then you give scenarios!

KanwuliaJara:
Then you give scenarios!

Let's say you need emotional and financial support because someone in your family is sick or died but the person closest to you, who you were sure would be by your side in difficult times, is not there for you in a way you would need him or her to be there for you.

Let's say someone does not invite you to a family gathering and you are disappointed.

Let's say someone lies to you and you learn about it later.

Sagamite:
Different personalities.

Different cultures.

Different self-developments.

How may the personalities of the forgiving and unforgiving differ?

Mindfulness:
Let's say you need emotional and financial support because someone in your family is sick or died but the person closest to you, who you were sure would be by your side in difficult times, is not there for you in a way you would need him or her to be there for you.

This is where many Nigerians get it wrong. This Entitlement culture.

Just because you think someone's going to help you out, doesn't mean their financially obligated to. Help is just what it is. Help, and nothing more. It's actually offensive and quite immature to hold a grudge against someone just because they can't dole out their money to you, on your say-so.

Mindfulness:
Let's say someone does not invite you to a family gathering and you are disappointed.

So? Rather than hold a grudge against them, you either move on, or if you've got the time to burn, ask them why you weren't invited. Never presume on behalf of people until you know the full story.

Mindfulness:
Let's say someone lies to you and you learn about it later.

Then you ask them why they lied to you.

Honestly, none of the reasons you've given above are enough reason to keep malice with folks. Life is just way too short for this. Seriously.

EfemenaXY:
This is where many Nigerians get it wrong. This Entitlement culture.

Just because you think someone's going to help you out, doesn't mean their financially obligated to. Help is just what it is. Help, and nothing more. It's actually offensive and quite immature to hold a grudge against someone just because they can't dole out their money to you, on your say-so.

Trust me, I hate entitlement culture. It makes me furious. This is not what it is about.

Let us leave out the financial aspect, how would you respond then?

So? Rather than hold a grudge against them, you either move on, or if you've got the time to burn, ask them why you weren't invited. Never presume on behalf of people until you know the full story.

Good one. This is EXACTLY what I would do.

Then you ask them why they lied to you.

It is not about me. I am the forgiving type. And I know why people lie.

Mindfulness:
Let's say you need emotional and financial support because someone in your family is sick or died but the person closest to you, who you were sure would be by your side in difficult times, is not there for you in a way you would need him or her to be there for you.

Not enough to bear a grudge. People can't give what they don't have.
I need support, they need empathy!


Simply remind them when their times come.

Let's say someone does not invite you to a family gathering and you are disappointed.

Not enough to bear a grudge!
Every disappointment is a blessing in disguise!
Never go where you are not wanted!

Let's say someone lies to you and you learn about it later.

Not enough to bear a grudge. Simple let the person know and offer them an opportunity to make amends.

KanwuliaJara:
Not enough to bear a grudge. People can't give what they don't have.
I need support, they need empathy!

Simply remind them when their times come.



Not enough to bear a grudge!
Every disappointment is a blessing in disguise!



Not enough to bear a grudge. Simple let the person know and offer them an opportunity to make amends.

@red

I love it!


What would make you feel hurt?

Mindfulness:
@red

I love it!


What would make you feel hurt?

Injustice!
Betrayal
Emotional Abuse

KanwuliaJara:
Injustice!

It is not injustice AND betrayal when someone leaves you alone in your worst moment even though you were there for them in difficult times?

Mindfulness:
It is not injustice AND betrayal when someone leaves you alone in your worst moment even though you were there for them in difficult times?

If you give with an open heart without expecting anything back in return, you'll never feel that way - betrayed.

Mindfulness:
Trust me, I hate entitlement culture. It makes me furious. This is not what it is about.
Let us leave out the financial aspect, how would you respond then?

So what is this about then?

EfemenaXY:
If you give with an open heart without expecting anything back in return, you'll never feel that way - betrayed.

Very true! But we are humans and not angels.

Are you telling me that you wouldn't be disappointed if your husband left you alone when one of your parents died?


Another scenario, your husband wants to marry a second wife, would you forgive him?

EfemenaXY:
So what is this about then?

Emotional support. Being there when you mourn. Take care of you. Spend time. Listen. Again and again.

I like to think of myself as the forgiving type but when the wound runs deep I have found that it takes a while to forgive the person.

Mindfulness:
Very true! But we are humans and not angels.

Are you telling me that you wouldn't be disappointed if your husband left you alone when one of your parents died?


Another scenario, your husband wants to marry a second wife, would you forgive him?

"Left alone" as how? And no, that never happened, not even when my dad passed away. I got 150% support from him.

Re: Marrying a second wife, that doesn't faze me. I'll even give him the money for her bride price. I could do with a childminder to run after my energetic toddler.

Mindfulness:
Emotional support. Being there when you mourn. Take care of you. Spend time. Listen. Again and again.

I don't get what you're driving at.

If you've got a particular example relating to your personal experience, then out with it. This is getting tiresome.