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.. by llaykorn(op): 4:09pm On Sep 22, 2015*

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Re: .. by llaykorn(op): 7:55pm On Sep 22, 2015

Larrysun

texanomaly

timpaker

Divepen1

firestar

Ishilove

Royver

D9ty7

What do I need to improve on, abeg? sad

Re: .. by LarrySun(m): 10:42pm On Sep 22, 2015*

A brilliantly-written flash fiction. Well done, sir.

Re: .. by llaykorn(op): 10:45pm On Sep 22, 2015

LarrySun:
A brilliantly-written flash fiction. Well done, sir.

Wow! I'm so glad you did this. Thank you so much, sir!

Re: .. by texanomaly(f): 2:02am On Sep 24, 2015

LarrySun:
A brilliantly-written flash fiction. Well done, sir.

Larry:
"Gotten" is not the best word to use, but it works. Your alternatives would be better. I disagree with you on "made" though. The tense change at the end does need fixing.

@ lay
Nice job. You continually surprise me with your literary talents.

Re: .. by UjSizzle(f): 10:11am On Sep 24, 2015

Larrysun, I think the "flaming head" is supposed to indicate a fever.

1 Like

Re: .. by LarrySun(m): 12:33pm On Sep 24, 2015

UjSizzle:
Larrysun, I think the "flaming head" is supposed to indicate a fever.

Yes, to indicate high temperature. I still think a better metaphor should have been adopted.

Re: .. by slap1(m): 6:49pm On Sep 24, 2015

Nice

'Made' should be 'makes' to follow the proper sequence of tenses in the sentence.

How about 'scalding head'? 'Flaming' is ambiguous.

Re: .. by llaykorn(op): 5:02am On Sep 29, 2015

LarrySun:
Yes, to indicate high temperature. I still think a better metaphor should have been adopted.

Larrysun, could you please to a dot modify that your quote of the piece?

Re: .. by LarrySun(m): 7:25am On Sep 29, 2015

llaykorn:
Larrysun, could you please to a dot modify that your quote of the piece?

Modify? Why?

Re: .. by llaykorn(op): 7:27am On Sep 29, 2015

LarrySun:
Modify? Why?

I don't want the story on NL; for some reasons, sir.

Re: .. by LarrySun(m): 1:42pm On Sep 29, 2015

llaykorn:
I don't want the story on NL; for some reasons, sir.

Okay. Done.

Re: .. by slap1(m): 7:46am On Oct 01, 2015

llaykorn:
I don't want the story on NL; for some reasons, sir.

Hmm. I think I could hazard a guess as to why... Goodluck.

Re: .. by llaykorn(op): 7:53am On Oct 01, 2015

slap1:
Hmm. I think I could hazard a guess as to why... Goodluck.

I think your guess is right. Thanks, bro. Are you in too?

Re: .. by slap1(m): 9:50am On Oct 01, 2015

llaykorn:
I think your guess is right. Thanks, bro. Are you in too?

Yes, I'm in.

Re: .. by stuff46(m): 9:15am On Oct 02, 2015

why did you modify?

1 Reply

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