₦airaland Forum

Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!


Hello OUR,

My name is Alondra and I need your advice. About a year ago, I met a guy here in Nigeria. He lives abroad but we met during one of his long vacations and we hit it off almost immediately then started dating shortly after. Few months into dating, I got pregnant. Although he wanted me to keep the pregnancy, he wasn’t really bent on getting married just yet.

My mother on the other hand would not hear of it. She insisted that we should not welcome the idea of having a child outside wedlock. After a little bit of pressure from our parents, he finally went ahead and did the introduction to my family members stating that he was the one responsible for the pregnancy and has intentions to marry me in the near future.

This introduction finally put the mind of my mum to rest since we were on the right track leading to marriage.

My “fiancé” in the making, went back to work in his country of base while I remained here in Nigeria, PREGNANT!

Six months went by and it was time for me to travel abroad (a different country from his) to have my baby. After my baby was born, we stayed a few months then went over to the country where he resides to visit him so he can get a chance to see his newborn son.

(Please note that this time when my son and I went to visit him is the first time we both were not only living together but also staying in the same place for a long period of time).

It was during that visit that reality more or less hit me.

As time went on while we were living together, I realized that he not only had a really bad temper but he would get upset over the slightest thing and I had to brace myself for a few days before I speak to him or even ask him for a favor or for finances for our son.

This behavior was the exact opposite of the sweet and loving man I fell in love with back in Nigeria while we were dating.

His temper is so bad that there was one time he got very upset over pretty much nothing and locked my son and I out of his house on the streets. I had to go to a friend’s house to spend the night so my son doesn’t get exposed to the cold.

After that incident, it dawn on me that not only was he a BEAST but also completely inhumane and callous. As a result, I decided it would be better to live as a single mum than to endure another second of his torture and ill treatment.

That was until I returned back to Nigeria and heard the cries and pleas he had been raining down on my people even before my arrival. He says he is sorry and wants to go ahead with the marriage plans if I would have him.

The question now is WHAT DO I DO? My gut is telling me to walk away but then I’m currently unemployed and with a brand new baby. How do I take care of him and me too? But then my so called “fiancé” treats me so badly and frankly I’m only considering going back simply because of our son.

Please advise on what I should do. Walk away or go ahead with the marriage? I need your help!

Click on the link below to read my reply

http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/10/16/my-husband-locked-my-son-i-out-of-the-house-help/

Hmm.. I already guessed the end of your story from the beginning because it happens everyday but we never learn from other people's experience rather prefers to learn from our own experience.
Chastising you now is too late over rushing into a relationship and having the mind to get pregnant immediately, it's desperation. Atleast this has shown you that u can't win or trap a man by rushing into pregnancy for him.
This current situation is as it should be for now, he is not yet so absorbed into the whole thing as it came unexpectedly and he never knew his life would have turned around within the space of 15 months or so. He needs time and space please but he will come around ok?
My advice: don't walk away from this, everything must be fine, his love and feelings will later come back ok? He just feels LOST and doesn't know how to handle the whole paternity parenthood thing. Don't nag him or pressurize him abeg. What you are passing through now though tough is the price u have to pay for been so inconsiderate and insensitive in matters of love and relationship.
You will never see the WHOLE of a man when you meet only 2 hours everyday and then marry, all you will keep seeing is LOVE.
Manage ok? Don't feel frustrated, he is coming to get you but when it happens, tell us ooo. About his violent display, I don't think he is that person though (psychologically) he is getting advices from friends or whomever he listens to, he believes that displaying all those negative characters will fatigue and frustrate u to quit easily and leave his life alone especially the fact that your parents indirectly forced him to marry u. If he is truly a hard guy, hehe.. He would have abandoned you and your pregnancy and all to go fu*k yourselves and you wouldn't have done anything about it.

As hard as it sounds it's best you count your losses and move on!

There's no point going into a marriage where you can clearly see signs of violence. Yes he may change but who knows the damage and harm you and possibly the child will suffer before the change may come.

Your family will accept you back, please go to them and explain the realities. Even if they don't see/share your viewpoint. My sister run for your life!

As per source of income immediately start exploring all the options you have to care for you and your child.

Many women have been in your shoes and pulled through, your case won't be an exception.

I suspect the fellow feels trapped by you, the pregnancy and indeed baby. Yes he may love you but perhaps isn't immediately ready for marriage and a child.

What has happened has happened, moving on is the next thing.

Even if he never becomes physically violent to you, emotional abuse is just as bad and can make you end up a semi-psycho or God forbid a full psychiatric patient.

The earlier you make your plans to start over the better!

May God be with you!

OkAy....Like You Said....He's A Beast...

No Sane Man Would Leave his So called "Fiancee and Child" in the streets, Alone in the cold and exposed to all the Atrocities that happens at Night....Maybe I understand Your case. MAYBE

....Buh...for God's Sake!..The kid did nothing to deserve such ill treatment...That's like So Inhumane!!

Are You sure he isn't On Drugs or something?? I Personally think He needs Rehabilitation Or some serious Mental Deliverance... meet TB Joshua..he specialises in such cases...

Meanwhile, it all Goes down To Yah..if u don't wanna be tagged a "baby mama" or perhaps, U Have feelings for this Monstrous excuse of a man..please Go ahead n Marry Him..U have Esther's blessing!

..... Buh please!! make absolutely sure U learn some KungFu moves tho Or tukwando...take a martial class or something... I'm sure that'll help.."" And please Buy A Pocket Knife! . it's gonna be a bumpy Ride! Ciao Goodluck!

Very serious issue i must say. But if na me eh i ll postpone his intended date for the wedin, stay with him for some time before jumping to conclusion on whether or not should i go ahead with the marriage.

As if them go hear even when you advice them.

ALocoVivaVoce:
Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!


Hello OUR,

My name is Alondra and I need your advice. About a year ago, I met a guy here in Nigeria. He lives abroad but we met during one of his long vacations and we hit it off almost immediately then started dating shortly after. Few months into dating, I got pregnant. Although he wanted me to keep the pregnancy, he wasn’t really bent on getting married just yet.

My mother on the other hand would not hear of it. She insisted that we should not welcome the idea of having a child outside wedlock. After a little bit of pressure from our parents, he finally went ahead and did the introduction to my family members stating that he was the one responsible for the pregnancy and has intentions to marry me in the near future.

This introduction finally put the mind of my mum to rest since we were on the right track leading to marriage.

My “fiancé” in the making, went back to work in his country of base while I remained here in Nigeria, PREGNANT!

Six months went by and it was time for me to travel abroad (a different country from his) to have my baby. After my baby was born, we stayed a few months then went over to the country where he resides to visit him so he can get a chance to see his newborn son.

(Please note that this time when my son and I went to visit him is the first time we both were not only living together but also staying in the same place for a long period of time).

It was during that visit that reality more or less hit me.

As time went on while we were living together, I realized that he not only had a really bad temper but he would get upset over the slightest thing and I had to brace myself for a few days before I speak to him or even ask him for a favor or for finances for our son.

This behavior was the exact opposite of the sweet and loving man I fell in love with back in Nigeria while we were dating.

His temper is so bad that there was one time he got very upset over pretty much nothing and locked my son and I out of his house on the streets. I had to go to a friend’s house to spend the night so my son doesn’t get exposed to the cold.

After that incident, it dawn on me that not only was he a BEAST but also completely inhumane and callous. As a result, I decided it would be better to live as a single mum than to endure another second of his torture and ill treatment.

That was until I returned back to Nigeria and heard the cries and pleas he had been raining down on my people even before my arrival. He says he is sorry and wants to go ahead with the marriage plans if I would have him.

The question now is WHAT DO I DO? My gut is telling me to walk away but then I’m currently unemployed and with a brand new baby. How do I take care of him and me too? But then my so called “fiancé” treats me so badly and frankly I’m only considering going back simply because of our son.

Please advise on what I should do. Walk away or go ahead with the marriage? I need your help!

Click on the link below to read my reply

http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/10/16/my-husband-locked-my-son-i-out-of-the-house-help/

first and foremost how can you address a newborn baby as BRAND NEW is he an object?

Secondly am sorry but I don't feel sorry for you cause you walked into the lions den with your eyes open. am 95 percent sure you hooked up with him because he is not based in Nigeria, and still went ahead to get pregnant, what ever happened to protections or pills?

well you saw this coming and you jumped into it. count your stars that you meet him single when you visit him in his based country. now you know he has a very bad temper, he even locked you out with your new baby. hmmmm that man doesn't love you as far as am concerned. The choice is yours to make, you are not married yet, I wonder what he will do when you are married. good luck.

Hmmmm, walk away sweetie. Domestic violence starts from somewhere. Pls read the story trending about a murdered young doctor who WAS a victim. Pls respect yourself and your offspring. If he could lock you and his young son out in the cold in a land far away from home...It is well.

If u love ur self don't continue,to avoid "story that touches"....ur real man will locate u.

I beg you in the name of anything you hold sacred, don't walk away, FLEE!!!

"He who wears the shoes knows where it hurts most" if I was in your situation I don't think I will still be asking questions. If he locked you out of the house when he hasn't even paid your bride price, don't you think he might do worse after marriage? I wish you all goodluck.

Locking you out of the house is just introduction. He has given you a taste of what marriage will be like. Most likely you will be another victim of domestic violence. You better run when you still have the opportunity to because one day you will lock yourself in the room and cry blood after another round of beating

you should be lucky he has shown you his real character before the wedding and please if you love your son don't bring him up in such atmosphere where he sees daddy throwing mummy and himself out at the slightest provocation. He'll eventually grow and understand things. If you like give him 1000000 excuse he will know. So raise your son alone and bring him up to be a normal human being and how to behave like a human being when angry and not like an animal

cococandy:
[size=18pt]DO NOT MARRY HIM. That's all. It can't get clearer than this.[/size]

I really like this your new style of writing. .......clear, short and precise. no time!

Zehner:
I really like this your new style of writing. .......clear, short and precise. no time!

Abi.

Flee from such beast my friend

Run for your life, you will be shocked at the things he will do to you when u finally marry him...