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How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie - TV/Movies (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland ForumEntertainmentTV/MoviesHow Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie (21618 Views)

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Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Nobody: 7:19pm On Dec 11, 2015
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Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:20pm On Dec 11, 2015
NOBODYY:
Because she said she doesnt like igbos??
STFU please
Who's dis one? respect ursef....woman wrapper.
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by NOBODYY: 7:21pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
Who's dis one? respect ursef....woman wrapper.

Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Ojay105(m): 7:22pm On Dec 11, 2015
jrerico1:
1) When a ghost look left and right before he cross road

2) When a dead corpes sweat enormously in a coffin

sad sad
.AS IN WAT D FU*CK
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by tansho(m): 7:22pm On Dec 11, 2015
Gun battle in a room, yet no shattered Windows, furniture, etc. Gunshots always hit the forehead
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Deeejah(f): 7:24pm On Dec 11, 2015
Its only in nollywood u see an actress wt dsame hairstyle and nail polish afta 2 yrs. And a dark complexioned boy grows up to become Ramsey Noah.
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by dontai(m): 7:27pm On Dec 11, 2015
When you see 'TO GOD BE THE GLORY', when you are just settling with the storyline.
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:28pm On Dec 11, 2015
[quote author=NOBODYY post=40915206][/quote]Anu mpama...she has infected u with her uncultured life....its a pity.....d spell can't be broken. Die in d spell.
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by sirAmeh(m): 7:30pm On Dec 11, 2015
grin Just observing!!
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by NOBODYY: 7:30pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
Anu mpama...she has infected u with her uncultured life....its a pity.....d spell can't be broken. Die in d spell.

Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by MosquitoLaps(m): 7:31pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
Anu mpama...she has infected u with her uncultured life....its a pity.....d spell can't be broken. Die in d spell.
Bros, how Zaragirl tek affect wetin dem dey talk na? huh
U toast her and she no gree for u?
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:33pm On Dec 11, 2015
[quote author=NOBODYY post=40915415][/quote]U can do beta fooool.......jst bow ur head in shame and apologise for siding an arrogant and uselez cu*nt....
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by NOBODYY: 7:34pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
U can do beta fooool.......jst bow ur head in shame and apologise for siding an arrogant and uselez cu*nt....

Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by jflexy(m): 7:35pm On Dec 11, 2015
where a woman adds poison to a soup,stirs and thirsts it with d finger but not affected by d effect of d poison

#abi she get immunity 4 poison undecided
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:35pm On Dec 11, 2015
MosquitoLaps:
Bros, how Zaragirl tek affect wetin dem dey talk na? huh
U toast her and she no gree for u?
Toast keh? Na wa for u oooo!!!!!


Can u toast dissected worm called zaragal?
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by NOBODYY: 7:38pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
Toast keh? Na wa for u oooo!!!!!


Can u toast dissected worm called zaragal?

Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Krimmy(f): 7:38pm On Dec 11, 2015
Its only in nollywood one actress features in upto 10 movies d same period.. Atimes shooting abt 2 to 3 movies in d same location..

Its only in nollywood u will see holes from gunshots all over d wall yet the pple there are still alive.

Its only in nollywood dey use hotel reception 4 hospital.

Its only in nollywood dat pple don't get old 15yrs later.

Its only in nollywood dat they shoot a whole movie in hotel rooms.
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by deuce07(m): 7:38pm On Dec 11, 2015
DJBIGGY:
1. A couple is making love in their room with no one watching and yet they cover themselves with thick blanket and start to struggle and sweat like they were forced to do it in a public place.

2. It is only in Nigerian movies when a prayer warrior/pastor says ”HOLY GHOST FIRE! to an evil person and you will see fire balls, fire whips, fire missiles appearing. Wonderful! I wonder why this never happen in churches of today…lol.

3. When a ghost appears to person and say to him “SO YOU KILLED ME”.

4. When every slap sounds like a gunshots.

5. Someone will be shown 25 years after and he will be wearing the same clothes he wore earlier.

6. A car is about to have an accident when a steering wheel suddenly starts turning and the driver will eventually hit a tree and the driver will be seen with his head on the steering wheel with no damage to windscreen, nor any scratch on the car whatsoever.

7. The actors waste unnecessary time to perform an act that shouldn’t take more than a fraction of a second example: An actor will spend fifteen good minutes of his time threatening to kill someone, spend another
five minutes looking for his gun (while the mumu victim will stand there watching) and then spend another ten minutes shouting “I WILL KILL YOU TODAY” after which he shots his gun (the sound is often times not in sequence with the trigger pull) and then the victim screams ” I AM DEAD, YOU HAVE KILLED ME, I AM DYING” and then he dies.
8. Adverts floods the first half hour. Thank God for fast forwarding

9. A car will hit someone at top speed and that person will still be lying on the bonnet of the car

10. You have to reduce the volume for the soundtrack and increase it to hear what the actor are saying, so you have to hold onto your remote control.

11. Almost all endings will happen in church, when at the end of the movie, a pastor and his team prays and the wicked/evil person manifests, confesses and then drops dead. So death always waits for a person to confess before killing the person? I never know o. .

12.To God be the glory. This always happens when the director/ producers have run out of ideas to end the movie.

13. A ghost wearing a Timberland and a wrist watch.

14. When the film advertisement ends with GO GRAB UR COPY NOW!!!!!! as if its going out of existence and your entire being is dependent on it.

15. When it is marketed and distributed at 51/52 Iweka road Onitsha, 12 Idumota lane or Pound road Aba.

16. An actor leaves his house in a red shirt and is seen in the car with a blue shirt and arrives his destination in a red shirt.

17. When a hospitalized patient coughs continuously and dies by shaking violently on the hospital bed.

18. When a man suffers a gun shot injury to the tummy and is shown in the hospital with bandages on their
head and a cast on their arms and legs.

19. When a village setting has all of the cast scantily dressed with ankara or animal skin, like NOBODY wears shirt & trouser in the village.

20. When a village boy travels to the city ( lagos) and comes back as a rich man. I wonder why we still have poor people in lagos.

21. When u see the cameraman’s image on the body of a shiny car, with his camera raised up and usually clad in white SINGLET and SHORT knickers.

22. When it is distributed by Zeb Ejiro, Produced by Zeb Ejiro, Written by Zeb Ejiro, Screen Play by Zeb Ejiro, Make up by Zeb Ejiro and Directed by
Zeb Ejiro.

23. When your mother and sisters all gather in the parlour watching the tv with rapt attention and periodically turn to each other and say “this kind thing dey happen true true o ”

24. When u see an actor/actress remembering what happened in 1972 …and at the back u see vote for MUHAMMADU BUARI 2015 APC CHANGE sign board…. in 1972 .

25. To God be the glory. Watch out for part 4.

Add yours...
http://www.olamzy.com/2015/12/how-to-identify-nollywood-movie.html

CC lalasticlala
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Nobody: 7:39pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
Toast keh? Na wa for u oooo!!!!!


Can u toast dissected worm called zaragal?
Look @ dis frustrated congolese goat ooo...because I don't prefer to be with shameless, worthless,useless, senseless local igbo champion like u, dats y u are crying all over nairaland...u go die on top my case watch cheesy
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by deewhone(f): 7:39pm On Dec 11, 2015
Ma own question be say... How on earth can Olu Jacobs and Patience Ozokwor (blacky) give birth 2 Van Vicker?
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:40pm On Dec 11, 2015
[quote author=NOBODYY post=40915545][/quote]Bcus u av been possessed....stay away frm dat gal.....zaragal will ruin ur abt to b arranged pieced life.... I pray it won't b too late b4 u realise d harm done on u.....zaragal is an evilllll spiiirit...
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Naff24(f): 7:40pm On Dec 11, 2015
NOBODYY:
In a nollywood movie After giving advice/warning on a sick bed you must cough three times before dieing its in the constitution

The way wey we dey always confirm death in nollywood movies is comical seff
just carry the hand & drop..
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by daveyjay(m): 7:40pm On Dec 11, 2015
OP is on point
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Nobody: 7:41pm On Dec 11, 2015
[quote author=NOBODYY post=40915653][/quote]Nobody calling dis guy a fool is an insult to foolishness...he is more and more foolish dan a foolish man.....his stupidity has no match @ all cc chisun
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Nobody: 7:41pm On Dec 11, 2015
[quote author=NOBODYY post=40915653][/quote]Nobody calling dis guy a fool is an insult to foolishness...he is more and more foolish dan a foolish man.....his stupidity has no match @ all cc chisun27
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by NOBODYY: 7:42pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
Bcus u av been possessed....stay away frm dat gal.....zaragal will ruin ur abt to b arranged pieced life.... I pray it won't b too late b4 u realise d harm done on u.....zaragal is an evilllll spiiirit...

Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Nobody: 7:42pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
Bcus u av been possessed....stay away frm dat gal.....zaragal will ruin ur abt to b arranged pieced life.... I pray it won't b too late b4 u realise d harm done on u.....zaragal is an evilllll spiiirit...
U are miserable son of a bittch...nah nairaland u go die put still I no go do chinchin boys
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by deuce07(m): 7:43pm On Dec 11, 2015
By the title of the movie, nigerians are known to use a whole sentence for a title.. Like "the policeman that goT shot at ajegunle".
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:44pm On Dec 11, 2015
zaragal:
Look @ dis frustrated congolese goat ooo...because I don't prefer to be with shameless, worthless,useless, senseless local igbo champion like u, dats y u are crying all over nairaland...u go die on top my case watch cheesy
Mumuuuu......I'm local and proud....


But u r international and untrained....no wonder ur father halted ur school fees...cus he saw d vision he breeded a useless gall called zaragal the great bittt**ch.
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:46pm On Dec 11, 2015
zaragal:
I am miserable daughter of a bittch...nah nairaland I go die put still I go do chinchin boys
Eyah.....ndo....its a pity
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:49pm On Dec 11, 2015
[quote author=NOBODYY post=40915776][/quote]U av been finally consumed by dat mammy water of a smelling cu**nt called foolish zaragal.....we can't help u.....sori


Zaragal ur possessed woman wrapper iss hia 4 u to finally destroy.....foooollllssss paradise.
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by MosquitoLaps(m): 7:49pm On Dec 11, 2015
ChiSun27:
Toast keh? Na wa for u oooo!!!!!


Can u toast dissected worm called zaragal?
Bros, the fact that Nairaland is a faceless forum doesn't mean you should resort to defamation of character when somebody turns down your request for friendship.

I'd advise you to stop the name calling

You're way matured than that.

I read in the thread where she said Ibo guys are a turn off.
if it so pains you, you can just skip her comment and move on.

You don't have to dwell on it, abeg.
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