₦airaland Forum

I guess that's why they bear your surname at the end of the day right?

I will call it a fair bargain

Although my dad will not relate with this write up because the reverse is the case. My mum is the one who would feel neglected. He knows everything before she does, he gets the gifts too. It wasn't always like that though but the tables must have turned at some point in our lives.

UZOOOOOOOO

Dads Rock

[quote author=CoCoLav post=41128766][/quote]
Now I wanna love the root, and not the flower ; so when autumn arrives, I ll know what to do.
#lemme glue the heart back.

[quote author=yuzedo post=41087832][/quote]Uzo..

I read your Opening post and cried quite a bit on the inside.

I don't have a father no more... he died TEN years ago.

I don't have a mother no more either... she died only last year.

*sigh*

Seems i'll just have to continue manning up as always to life's responsibilities alone and with siblings once in a while.

Salute to you again yuzedo for this thoughtful post.

You rock!

Reminds me of my favourite breaking bad quote

I don't know where you are coming from but for me the opposite is the case in my experience. The fathers of my dad's age group I know receive very substantial gifts from their children in the form of cars, houses, cash, etc. So much so even the mothers comment about how the children shower their dads with gifts, that's not to say the mothers are left out, they also get stuff like all expense paid trips abroad, shopping sprees, cash, etc. I find it funny and a tad bit whiny when people start measuring the affection of their children in a "mother vs father who gets more love" bullshit. Nobody absolutely loves everyone the same way so stop giving yourself head and heart ache trying to measure affection instead enjoy what you receive while making sure your own affection is always on display.

TL:DR STOP WHINING START LIVING

Aii felt the same way when my dad came to clean my fan while I snored away, because I'd spent the better part of a week sneezing
Hope I have appreciative kids someday.

Thoughtful post.

yuzedo:
Wednesday 9th December 2015, 8am.

The knock on the door of my room as I dressed for work announced my dad’s intention to enter.

“It’s the trash-man”, he declared jocularly, as he transferred the hardly full contents of my bin into the fresh garbage bag in his hands.

“Notice how we do not have a cockroach problem? None sighted in forever”, he gushed with pride, alluding to his diligent refuse disposal practice as the reason for our vermin-free residence.

Yes, my dad, almost 70 years of age, the big Chief outside our home, former government-man, ex baby-boy, etc, was little more than a “servant” in his own home.

Wonderful!

All this took place in less than sixty seconds, but the thoughts in that lone minute provoked an inexplicable sobriety in me, and as he made to depart, I whispered a subdued “thank you”.

“Sorry?” he asked.

“Thank You.” I repeated louder, but with the same sober gratitude.

The affirmation and unexpected validation from those two simple, unanticipated words moved the old man into an impromptu utterance of blessings on me for thanking him for helping me.

Did you get that? ‘God bless you son, for thanking me when I helped YOU.’ Lol. Okay.

Wednesday 9th December 2015, 9pm.

Back from work and gym, I go to the living room where my parents have just finished dinner and are settling in to watch TV, and I request my mom’s presence in my room for a very intimate conversation as previously agreed.

My dad is like, ummmm…. wtf? In his mind he’s thinking, what kind of discussion is this that I am blatantly excluded from? I only learn about the extent of his disappointment the next day; I don’t think I cared much, that night I wanted my mom’s sole attention, and my mom’s attention I got.

On my birthday a month ago, among the ton of gifts I received was a much-appreciated wrist-watch from my dad that I had ‘more than hinted’ on wanting. My mom on the other hand, gave me a token sum of money, significant only in the wishes and prayers behind the gesture.

After hoarding and hoarding the money for so long because I didn’t want to spend what I considered the best and most significant gift of my birthday, I finally decided to spend it on something the giver is nuts about, even if it meant I had to add half of the amount given to make up price of said gift.

My dad’s wrist-watch gift on the other hand yielded approximately zero dividends (save for goodwill, perhaps) despite its far greater value and utility.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is all you need to know about the THANKLESS state of fatherhood, further demonstrated in the unfair state of affairs that sees a million mother’s day celebrations in a year, and a hardly remembered fathers’ day with minimal fanfare or regard.

While not attempting to take anything away from the special and very well-deserved status and rewards naturally conferred on motherhood, it seems a shame that despite every effort and sacrifice made and intended by fathers, they will never be at par with their more venerated partners.

And maybe this is exactly why they are fathers, and men; because they can bear the under-appreciated nature of their positions without waning in their (sense of) duties. Because even now, many realizing how long a road it is, and the number of years involved in providing, protecting, and steering a family through turbulence and calm, there will always be a lopsided affection that will never ever favor them. And this disheartening knowledge will not stop any true man or aspirant from taking on the divine mandate of patriarchy.

There are some rewards, no doubt, but it seems effort no matter how immense, never truly equals return. And so forty years on, you may still be changing the light-bulbs, taking out the trash, handling bill payment and every other daunting and mundane task reserved for the man, and the wife will reap the rewards of these little efforts of yours at sustaining the home by way of (far greater) affection, material and financial endowments, and never-ending goodwill from the kids. SAME KIDS who stole YOUR life-companion away from you by requiring her time and attention from birth, consolidate that hold through material and emotional inducements in their adulthood, while you get no recompense for your loss.

Lol. Ironic. Your own kids are ‘the enemy’.

As an aside, I imagine the question on many people’s minds at the beginning of this exposé must’ve been “why the hell is your 70-year old dad still doing these tasks when you are f*cking around?!”

Short answer – Because he wants to.

Longer answer – Because I have my own responsibilities which I carry out judiciously. And when he isn’t around, I take on every and all responsibilities without complaint, excelling at them, too. My own preparation for when I have to put up with little Yuzedos and Yuzedettes stealing my legally-married wife from me, while I grimace in self-pity and continue making the environment conducive for them all. (No, the long explanation was not out of a sense of guilt, but more from a need to further support my dad’s priceless influence in my mental formation).

When I said “Thank You” to my dad at 8am, it wasn’t so much for taking out the trash as it was for these solid lessons on the lifelong, thankless responsibility in fatherhood he had obliviously just taught me, and how despite the apparent under-appreciated nature of the business, it is actually one of the most honorable roles ordained by God and recognized by man. For doing these things for 40years without complaint, and for showing me what it is to be a man, I am thankful to my dad, and expectant that my kids too will appreciate the enormity of the role.

I believe I am ready, by God’s grace, simply because I like to think that (true) love is sacrifice, and I’m already very much in love with my unborn kids……. [s]But they better fucking love me right back, or their momma can fix the damn car engines while I drink my beer! Ugh![/s]

Yuzedo (handsome and SINGLE) writes from Ikoyi, Lagos. All rights reserved, don't f*cking lift this and post on your site without permission if you don't want me to close down that your two-bit-wannabe blog for nothing.

lovely write-up.


The truth is being a father and a man generally, is a thankless job. I often tell females that it's harder to be a man than a woman.


Men are not given the attention and appreciation they deserve. they are continually shortchanged and have to keep silent, these days they get emasculated in the name of gender equality. Being a man is nothing to be wished for

safarigirl:
lovely write-up.


The truth is being a father and a man generally, is a thankless job. I often tell females that it's harder to be a man than a woman.


Men are not given the attention and appreciation they deserve. they are continually shortchanged and have to keep silent, these days they get emasculated in the name of gender equality. Being a man is nothing to be wished for

It is a poor soul who looks for validation from the acts of others. No father/man worth his salt is on standby waiting for attention to revel in the joys of being a man,he will be a man whether or not anyone feels like it is worth it.

LordReed:
It is a poor soul who looks for validation from the acts of others. No father/man worth his salt is on standby waiting for attention to revel in the joys of being a man,he will be a man whether or not anyone feels like it is worth it.

appreciation never killed anyone. You do what you have to do, but even the toughest guy wouldn't mind a "thank you" once in a while.

Men do not get close enough to their kids by supporting kids emotionally,it is only natural for a kid to appreciate the closer person more.

Gender roles should be redefined maybe.

Emotional needs weigh more than financial ones and that is why Mothers will always win. Nigerian fathers need not just be providers, they need to invest more into being friends with their Children and being partners in their life journey.

Many mothers I know of today are also working and providing for their families. It does not make the Father's role unique anymore. Let Fathers also change diapers and clean the tears off their children's faces and then see if they won't be accorded similar gratitude.

safarigirl:
appreciation never killed anyone. You do what you have to do, but even the toughest guy wouldn't mind a "thank you" once in a while.

Then maybe you need to rephrase your previous post because that is not the impression it leaves.

LordReed:
Then maybe you need to rephrase your previous post because that is not the impression it leaves.

maybe you need to read it again for better comprehension

lolaed:
Gender roles should be redefined maybe.

Emotional needs weigh more than financial ones and that is why Mothers will always win. Nigerian fathers need not just be providers, they need to invest more into being friends with their Children and being partners in their life journey.

Many mothers I know of today are also working and providing for their families. It does not make the Father's role unique anymore. Let Fathers also change diapers and clean the tears off their children's faces and then see if they won't be accorded similar gratitude.

There is no need to put either financial or emotional needs on a scale, they are both important and require attention. Any well balanced home/person needs both. However I do agree man need to find better emotional connection with their children. I know men who don't change diapers but manage to develop a good emotional response with their children. But it should not be because men need a "reward" from their children. Affection is infectious. Show affection to your kids they will always remember that whether you are father or mother.

safarigirl:
Being a man is nothing to be wished for

This doesn't sound like a mere wish for thank you, sounds more like a cry of pain on behalf of men.

LordReed:
This doesn't sound like a mere wish for thank you, sounds more like a cry of pain on behalf of men.

you read it wrong.

safarigirl:
you read it wrong.

When you say something is not to be wished for, are you giving that thing any sense of value?

LordReed:
When you say something is not to be wished for, are you giving that thing any sense of value?

you read it with an extreme view. It could also mean that it is not the better of two options


It is a lot harder being a man than a woman in today's society, that is what the comment means, it doesn't mean being a man is valueless.


Like I said, your comprehension is faulty

safarigirl:
you read it with an extreme view. It could also mean that it is not the better of two options


It is a lot harder being a man than a woman in today's society, that is what the comment means, it doesn't mean being a man is valueless.


Like I said, your comprehension is faulty

It is not my comprehension that has a problem but your extreme wording. "To be a man is not to be wished for" is gravel in the teeth. You cannot use such words and expect to come off sounding like you are not extreme. I challenge you to say that to either your father, husband or brothers and see what they say.

LordReed:
It is not my comprehension that has a problem but your extreme wording. "To be a man is not to be wished for" is gravel in the teeth. You cannot use such words and expect to come off sounding like you are not extreme. I challenge you to say that to either your father, husband or brothers and see what they say.

daddy deeeee


I sight you

LordReed:
There is no need to put either financial or emotional needs on a scale, they are both important and require attention. Any well balanced home/person needs both. However I do agree man need to find better emotional connection with their children. I know men who don't change diapers but manage to develop a good emotional response with their children. But it should not be because men need a "reward" from their children. Affection is infectious. Show affection to your kids they will always remember that whether you are father or mother.

would it be wrong for men to change diapers though?

ideology:
daddy deeeee


I sight you

Brother I salute!

lolaed:
would it be wrong for men to change diapers though?

Not at all, what I was trying to point out is that there are different ways of achieving the same goal so that we don't get stuck at the idea that it is only diaper changing dads that can connect with their children. BTW I have done my diaper duty for today

LordReed:
Not at all, what I was trying to point out is that there are different ways of achieving the same goal so that we don't get stuck at the idea that it is only diaper changing dads that can connect with their children. BTW I have done my diaper duty for today

Ok. That's an idea I agree with. Children won't even remember the diaper era. However, It is important that both parents are involved at every stage of their children's development and build the bond with them earlier on.

safarigirl:
lovely write-up.


The truth is being a father and a man generally, is a thankless job. I often tell females that it's harder to be a man than a woman.


Men are not given the attention and appreciation they deserve. they are continually shortchanged and have to keep silent, these days they get emasculated in the name of gender equality. Being a man is nothing to be wished for

Are you a man? Sometimes i wish i can come back from work, fold my legs, read newspaper and have someone serve me dinner. I wish atimes to trade my sleepless night when i have a baby and i can go on and on. So don't tell how easy motherhood is.

Meanwhile Op, nice write up. My dad will always be dear to me.

soonest:
Are you a man? Sometimes i wish i can come back from work, fold my legs, read newspaper and have someone serve me dinner. I wish atimes to trade my sleepless night when i have a baby and i can go on and on. So don't tell how easy motherhood is.

Meanwhile Op, nice write up. My dad will always be dear to me.

I never said motherhood is easy.

And there are many women who come back from work, fold their legs and read papers too, that you don't do it doesn't mean it isn't done.


Even when men bother to try, their efforts are barely appreciated, they are men anyway.

I just have to drop by...I must confess ur writing style is unique and awesome, your posts are not just thoughtful but also capable for far-reaching effects. Thanks so much for this piece. I think I'm your number 1 fan here

lolaed:
Gender roles should be redefined maybe.
Emotional needs weigh more than financial ones and that is why Mothers will always win. Nigerian fathers need not just be providers, they need to invest more into being friends with their Children and being partners in their life journey.
Many mothers I know of today are also working and providing for their families. It does not make the Father's role unique anymore. Let Fathers also change diapers and clean the tears off their children's faces and then see if they won't be accorded similar gratitude.

cococandy:
I don't under appreciate my father.
But I appreciate each one according to their efforts.

Anyway human beings are emotional beings. Male and female. And hence tend to care more about those who bond emotionally with them.

Dear fathers, pls take the time to have that emotional connection with your kids and you'll see your problems of being neglected in old age gradually disappear.

So on point.

Amhappy:
Well when the children are growing up most daddies have no emotional connection to them. They are only care about providing money which is very important but means little to youngsters. Most men spend less time with their family and their only discussion is about school in a scolding manner. Men who spend their spare time with their children do get remembered. [b]I remember a late uncle that spent quality time with us while we're growing up,[/b]he know me more than my dad and I do get him gifts even as a student.

So true. I have one uncle I love and respect over others. I could remember how we came all the way from Bauchi to Lagos before he left for US. He was the one who picked me up when I had my first accident and took me for treatment.