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One of those rare moments that I am speechless....

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@samocholi. That woman will kill you one of these days. I swear!

Spanner4:


Fear ladies nowadays

Nowadays ?? Guy, you be learner

Bros u beta walk out of the marriage before it is too late for u because frm all indication u lost ur job because of her. So it is beta to walk before u lost ur life. Anyway today is my birthday, kindly like show some love by liking my comment.

Man know thyself... religion of yesterday was created for men to properly acknowledge & know who they really are in order to serve God in truth & in spirit, today it's just glorified confraternity.

The fear of divorce is now greater than ur life?! Marriage is an institution which u also have a choice to walk out of it if it does not soothe ur life. Always remember that u can't change anyone who's not willing to change... Don't die sad.

No right thinking man will allow this to happen without acting fast. OP i take it that your story is one sided. We need to hear from your wife first

You married a very wrong woman and thats is why you are experiencing hell on earth. I have heard your kind of story from different men's experience.
Guys beware, double check and double check that lady, Karashikas everywhere masquerading as wife materials.

Proverbs said "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenesss in his bones"

"It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious(wahala) woman" proverbs 21:19

She's diabolical & psycho-trauma.just be very prayerful get a handwork that fetch an income. Then rent an apartment take ur little baby & vanish; from both ur wife & d families; even yours if possible.they r all tied down

You can divorce her on the ground of adultery and please pray, she is Still in cult.

samocholi:

Greetings to u all,please I need a candid advise because am fed up and confused at same time.It all started in 2011 when I met my wife through my collegue in the bank. I used to work in operations and hardly have time to truly search for a wife that is what I thought back then.so I had this collegue of mind who appears responsible and is also a church worker in a responsible church,not all these money making churchs.so I confided in him , so one day he came to me that he has this lady where he normally goes to worship atimes that he will take me to meet her ,that she is God fearing ,a church worker and her father is a pastor in one of the northern states,which he did and introduced us and gradually we started dating,


I even took her to see my parent.to their amazement she woke up around 4am and swept and cleaned the house before we could even wake up for morning prayers.when my Dad saw this he was really please and was like this truly is wife material.but my Mum was like don’t conclude oh as per girls of nowadays that we should keep praying.at first I wanted us to do our traditional marriage in April 2012 and after that white wedding but she started indirectly pressuring me that we should do trad in August and white in November,2011.i thot about it,and with my naïve mind said to myself that since she seems nice and am ready to marry.


I agreed and we got married in 2011.we did both court and church marriage.immediatly we came back from honey moon my life has been one hell of a life or another.it began when my former collegue in the bank sent her sister to bring her cv to me incase we are recruiting so that I can submit for her.so the lady called later to thank me for the assistance and my wife was with me in the sitting room.it was around 7-8pm.after the call my wife started quarreling,that who is that lady calling me that am cheating on her,she went inside the room and brought out our wedding cert.that she will tear it and that we should go our separate ways.i became shocked ,I then told her that she can take the lady’s number or I can call the lady in her presence.that I don’t even know the lady. I did not even have the lady number in my phone,the lady collected my number to follow up and that is all.



I left her with my phones and entered the room.this was happening barely a month and a half after our wedding.as the days go by she started bringing different quarrels and problem.after like a year two month into the marriage,one faithful Friday night after I came back from work and I was fast asleep she woke me up around 11pm that we should talk.and I told her that if we can leave it till morning knowing fully well that the next day was satuday unless if the matter is btw life and death then I can wait.she said it is not btw life and death and was insisting that we talk before I knew it she brought out a knife and wanted to stab me so I manage to collect the knife and threw it into the wordrobe.


By then the sleep in my eyes cleared immediately and I was like what is the matter what is wrong or what wrong have I done to her,my people up till tofday she has not given me an answer.so she stood there speechless so I assume all is well then as I was going tom bed she took one of her high heel and struck me behind my head I fell down and went blank.after a while I woke up and saw her looking at me.so I got up and entered my car with blood all over me to her uncle’s house and showed them and told them what happened.before I continue we live in Abj,so the uncle called her parent and her mum came to Abj the next day.before then I had written and taken my divorce letter to the pastor that am not doing again.


After that the pastor and her people intervened and talked to her. I went to that my colleague that introduced her to me that what does he know about her that I may not know so he said she told him in confidence that she was in cult in the university and that her boyfriend then was the capon.she also told him that the boy friend was shot in school then and died in her arms.when I confronted her she down played everything and wanted to pick a quarrel,so that one died down.


Before I continue,am a banker ,and my wife has a boutique that she sells men wears in Abj. She hardly laughs but b4 we got married she was always laughing.i havs severally asked her what the matter is but she will say it is nothing. Before now I did not know that my wife is a runs girl,after our baby’s birth in Dec 2012 my wife went and did family planning without my consent,it was in the evening when the stuf started disturbing her that I got to know. In August last year that is 2014,I was watching news when she came back by 9:30pm,she started making it a habit of coming late in 2014 and that has caused serious quarrel btw us. So when she came in she droped her phone on the center table and went inside to take her shower.as I was watching the television I now said let me go through her gallery because she likes taking pictures.after that I now checked her messages.i was shocked what I saw.

She sent a text to a married man,saying that she cursed him with the sperm he pured inside her and the man said it was mutual that she is the one came to his house to collect money for the shoes and shirts he bought,he also said he will curse her with his children’s life that she is not the only one that has a child and insisted that it was mutual.at that point my hands started shaking and before I know I she jumped out of the bathroom with soap on her body to take her phone.immediatly she came to the sitting room and saw me with her phone she frozed for like 15seconds not knowing what to say after that I asked her who is the man and she said that I was one of her friends from owerri that used her phone to chat the man.

when I checked the chat history it was not just one day chat it spans four days becos the chat was very lengthy. So I was pissed off, I reported the issue to the pastor where we got married and he down play it that she cannot do such a thing..
My wife has quarreled with all my neighbours in my compound of 8 flat,she has also quarreled with our security guards at the gate to the extent that they have refused to wash her car.On 25 of dec 2014 after returning from the church my wife spreed her cloth under the sun and my neighbour’s puppy came and played with the cloth and tore part of it.the next day she went to tell then but she did not grt a good response so she went behind and boiled hot water and pured on the puppy. My neighbor’s wife went and call police for her the next day being Sunday.but their aim is to keep her in cell till Monday to teach her a lesson.unknown to them my uncle is a top police officer so I called him and we were able to bail her putting Monday date.since then small thing my wife will start saying things that she is suspecting me , that am having am affair.i now told her how,she now said a man that does not drink alcohol and does not smoke will surely womanise.i then asure her that I have done nothing of such.and truly since I married her four years ago I have never looked at any woman aside her.

To cut a long stry short,February this year as usual during valentine I to her to a shop and asked her to pick whatever she wants.then she picked cloths and shoes worth 70k and I paid. After that February ending I usually give her 50k for upkeep so tha day I had keep the 50k but there was a plumbing problem that I had to take 5k out of it to solve so I gave her 45k promising to bring the balance home or I credit her,and that faithful morning we were having a meeting in which a top official is coming from head office and my head of operations was nor around so I was sitting in for her.

so I asked my wife to help me take our daughter to sch that day as I have to rush to the office b4 time. After giving my wife the 45k she threw it on the floor that it is not enough and started insulting me that what kind of useless job is that ,unknown to me she had gone and locked the entrance door and taken the key,as I was about to go out I discovered that the door was lock,so I called her aunte to talk to her,as she was on the phone with the aunt I went through the back door. As I was about to drive out I saw my wife rushing to close the gate with only pant and singlet,I mean pant and singlet not bump hort or rapper.i was surprise,but before she could close the gate I had already passed she now took a big stone and stared running after the car.
she threw the stone at my suv ,it sounded like a bomb very loud.at first I did not know what happened untill I saw her running towards the car so I stoped,she now came held my side mirrow and started breaking it so I had to drive off. I was devasted and could not make it to work,so I called someone in the office that I won’st be able to make it to the office that am having some issues at home.


She went back to the house and called my Dad that if I come back she will kill me.so my Dad called me and I explained to him immediately what happened. so he said I should not go back home that day, I went and slept in a hotel In town .so the next day her mum came and I went home.Now it is not that am afraid of her but because I respect women and will not want to beat ofr fight her,I am far biger and taller than her if I decide to cough she will vanish so is not that am afraid of her am only respecting the marriage institution. When I got home the second day to resume work the third day I discovered that she had tore all my cloths,my shirt both office and casuals,all my suit including my wedding suit,.so I had nothing to wear the next day.so I missed work wednesdy,Thursday and Friday,during all these happening I have been in touch with my office and told them am having some family issues and could not make it to work.



I resumed the next Monday to work and everything seem to be going well, then on Tuesday I got a sack letter from human resources of the bank.unkonwn to me. the new manager that was posted to my branch got a querry for myself and the head of operations not being around for the initial meeting. so he was angry and he wrote to the bank’s human resources and when they checked that I was not logged on for the three days I was sacked,all because of my wife.most times she sends abusive texts messages to me while in the office.For instance if am attending to customers and she is calling and I did not pick on time she will now send a nasty text that I delibertly don”t want to pick her calls.i have even told her to come and see how we work in my office.so since march am yet to get any serious thing to do.
I January I had 2.5m I paid our rent 1m and part pay for a land 1m and the remaining 500k lasted us from march till june.as usual with banks I was not paid anything.so when my savings finished in june the major financial burden fell on her,with little coming from me now.Since then my wife has made my life a living hell with all sorts of insult. For example in November,there was nothing in the house so she went to southern fries and bought rice and chicken for herself,then bought a watery oha soup with out meat that I should make garri and eat with it.it was when I wanted to microwave it that I discovered that it was watery and has no meat.i did not say anything.


Most times I stay back at home unless I have an appointment or an interview just not to spend unnecessary .so I was checking one of the cupboard in our room and I saw somethings she got from a native doctor,they include a bottle of concosion with the label witches and wizards destroying oil,the second one was two of her bathing soap with burnt candle on it when I looked at the soap closely I saw small cross buried inside,the third thing I saw was the complimentary card of the native doctor.All these things I just mentioned are real and I have their pictures that I snapped.i picked them and went to her uncle’S place to show him and he was mad,he immediately called her parent to come to Abj immediately and I called my parent to come becos I told them I don’t want the marriage again. Both parties came and the meeting lasted from 5pm to 12 mid nite and continued again the next day.

she could not defend her sellf and I said am not doing again and everyone started beging that I should give her one more chance.and it seems the issues was resolved.i started my investigation and discovered that unknown to me my wife is a runs girl even b4 I married her and after marriage she continued .that is why she went and did family planning without my knowledge so that she can be sleeping with me with out condom.and this days she dresses sugestivly.i have reported to the pastor ,her parent about her dressing but she has not changed.presently she is fighting with a lady in her former church the lady is a leader in the church.she said the lady has been attacking her in the dream and anytime they lady sees her the lady calls her prostitute.She told me that the lady is sleeping with her pastor.My wife has bad mouth and insult at every provocation,she hadly laughs always moody but when some kind of men call her she will be laughing as if tomorrow no dey.

Today being Christmas as we were preparing to go to church,she was noW feeding our daughter who just turned 3 last week.becos the baby was being slow to eat she started shouting that if the baby does not eat quikly that she will injure her.when I heard that I came and told her that such statement to a baby is not good,I have cautioned her severally not to be telling the baby that she will injure her.because there was a day I was playing with our baby and the baby was telling me that she will injure me.so becos of that I cautioned her.that was all,instead of her to take corrections she started insulting me.that am useless,that the whole burden is on her that she regrets marrying me.that she will surprise me one of these days.


My dear brothers and sisters in the house especially the married ones I frankly need ur candid advise as I am tired of her ,her bad and unrepentant character and her evil ways but am only looking at the term Christian marriage in terms of divorce as I ultimately want to make heaven just as every one.

Thank u for taking ur time to go through my ordeal.

All this long story and you are still there? You are even in the same house happily eating her food and asking us what to do? My advice? Try and love her more. You havnt loved her enough. After al, marriage is for life. Mtschewwwwwwww
You do not value your life.

Read through your long epistle. Usually donot comment on non Christian unions because the institution of marraige is a God centred one. That is founded and operated by God. You made fleeting references to your relationship with God but by your actions you don't appear to relate with God at all. Your wife just as much. Remember. God created man complete and perfect before 'discovering the need' for a woman. You on the other hand were not completely ready for a wife so I cannot see why you expect any other outcome.

To start with, your delegating of your responsibilities of 'finding' a wife is insulting to God (not surprised your idol of a job was uprooted) as it sets the agenda for the rest of your life in Christ. Even as a tata one of the first things I got to understand about God is that He personally takes charge of ALL THE IMPORTANT DECISIONS OF OUR LIVES particularly those which relate or can affect others so I inquire of God not about whether to wear black or grey socks but who, when, how to marry because man is not capable of making choices beyond what they see.

[size=18pt]@Samocholi: Mumu get levels for this life. It seems like you have a tender heart. Time will harden it. Many have given you very good advice on this forum. Warri man say Ë don reash". My brother, e don reash to take water wash that juju comot ya eye, wake up from your slumber and call this contraption you call marriage quits. If not, you will soon be on the cover of SUN newspaper as a murder victim. Be a man and send the bloody witch in your house packing. Use your fuc.king brains next time you wish to find a wife. Be careful with all those pastors and pastoresses around you. They are all gold diggers. Every single one of them.[/size]

This is why i dont trust many of these girls wey dey carry church matter for head.many of them are worse than jezebel and hitler combined.

@ OP,

The short answer to all the confusion in your house is that your wife is psychotic, it will get worse except she gets treatment. The two issues below, extracted from your narrative, made this conclusion possible:
- "so I was checking one of the cupboard in our room and I saw somethings she got from a native doctor,they include a bottle of concosion with the label witches and wizards destroying oil,the second one was two of her bathing soap with burnt candle on it when I looked at the soap closely I saw small cross buried inside,the third thing I saw was the complimentary card of the native doctor".
- "presently she is fighting with a lady in her former church the lady is a leader in the church.she said the lady has been attacking her in the dream and anytime they lady sees her the lady calls her prostitute".

She is seeing and fighting imaginary enemies, this won't stop until she finds a solution. Her accusing you of certain acts also supports this and she may get to a point of fatally attacking you. She has mental health problem and needs help.

Your biggest challenge will be in helping her since she won't agree that she is mentally ill (she is not mentally ill if she easily agree to see a doctor). What you do if she disagree will be the major decision for you.

Some plan of action you can consider:
-Talk to a doctor or psychologist about your observations
- Talk to her parents sharing input from the doctor/psychologist, if there is an inference of psychosis by the doctor.
- With or without her parents, you may have to drag her to the hospital for necessary treatment

In the interim, minimize confrontation. Let her have the impression of being in control. Secure your life (sleep in another room, locked when you are sleeping). Be extremely vigilant. PRAY for wisdom!

Wish you best of luck.

Hmm. From Experience l would like to read your wife's comment or statement before I can comment or advise you. You both need proper counseling, (not from your pastor, or parents or relatives) but from certified marriage therapist like me. After that, we can then ascertain, what the next line of action should be. I can be contacted through prudentpentium@yahoo.com

I gotta curse U a bit man
U ARE MAD
UR PASTOR IS MADDENING
YOUR PARENTS, I'm speechless
All that happened to U and U still married.
O ti ya were

ajuwarhodes:


I have,but am going to take it a step further, my intention is to go back to my parents and tell them to invite all his family members for a meeting where I will open up in front of all of them,I will also threaten that if a family meeting isn't carried out,am out of the abusive marriage.that's my intention, am working on leaving soonest

Yes that is the wise thing to do. Get both family members involved and lay your complaints in a respectful way. All the best.

Touching!while reading the story a sort of coldness went through my spin! You are indeed a man and a true husband, you've traveled miles in courage and perseverance, if your story is nothing but truism. Here, seek the face of God first, then divorce can come afterward. From the kind of woman typified and exposed in your narrative, it will only take the intervention of God through the Holy Spirit to change are story and history. Finally, there's nothing impossible with God, But if ye believe, the question is, does she? if no, divorce her peaceful and with love.

...

Op hmmmm wat are u stil doing dere, na die u dey so




Well u nid to change church cause Is like dat her pastor no like u and u can travel 4 a while stay like 3 to 4 months away 4rm d house I bet u her brain go correct sharp sharp,
Women women women if u survive dem den, u will live long I tell u.


Op since u are in abj I can refer u to my church deir 4 house deliverance, cause u and ur family nids it cause she don give u chop and clean mouth by nw. Inbox me if interested

leaderWills:
You can divorce her on the ground of adultery and please pray, she is Still in cult.

to emphasized on op marriage is an institution between a man and woman come together to become one and that is why 1+1=1.let me explained it better you is d first 1.God is d plus in between yuh wife which is another 1.that is why both of u are 1 but d moment + which is out of marriage is out then u become 2 which against the law of marriage and that is why Jesus Christ say it that u can divorce yuh wife because of adultery cos all manner of sin man commit outside the body except adultery within yuh body and remembered our body are d temple of d living God so my brother u have all right to divorce her with this yuh story but pray first and seek God face by yuhself before u take any decision but always remembered bad marriage can easily make some1 lose heaven too

The best option for you now is to man up, and send her back to her parents house and make sure you keep the baby with you. if u can't take good care of the baby take her to your mother. After you are done with that, prayer and fasting that God should restore your home and fulfill his promises in your life

CHIMSKY:

All this long story and you are still there? You are even in the same house happily eating her food and asking us what to do? My advice? Try and love her more. You havnt loved her enough. After al, marriage is for life. Mtschewwwwwwww
You do not value your life.

The best option for you now is to man up, and send her back to her parents house and make sure you keep the baby with you. if u can't take good care of the baby take her to your mother. After you are done with that, prayer and fasting that God should restore your home and fulfill his promises in your life

Brother you are a real man,if all this are real,if her mother is a house wife invite her to come and stay with your famiy for four months so that she will monitor your wive with her activities,is only mummy that can call her to other,with prayers too.

You see, this is why I hate pastors atimes. I'm ver sure the pastor telling you to stay put in this kind of demonic marriage wont do such. USE YOUR HEAD AND QUIT THE WHOLE SHII.

Tallesty1:
I didn't read all but I learnt from the little I read that the op is dealing with a woman who was an ex cultist, a runs girl, and a husband beater.



And e be like say she get personal native doctor because she get plenty jazz for cupboard too.

naim be say u read all. Lol. It's sad coming from a woman who should love with all her strength. Kai!

Bros you are the problem of the marriage not your wife.You don't have principles or wisdom.Just look at how you allowed a woman destroy your life and that of those who depend on you.
Read about Vashti in the bible and how she fell therefore making room for Esther. A woman that will not honour her husband is only planning his down fall. Every wise woman builds her house,but the foolish one plugs it down with her hands. It not enough to claim she attends church. Some people are not worth giving the risk.Imagine if you continue this way untill your daughter grows up.Love yourself and most importantly I recommend you study the whole book of proverbs with understanding.It will help your life. Take this moment to rebuild your life and stop meeting that pastor of yours,he does not have your best interest.You have trusted the judgement of others so far and look at where it has landed you.it is time to build yourself and pray for wisdom like Solomon did.Wisdom is the principal thing,without it,you stand no chance to survive challenges of life.
Please I dare you to study the book if proverbs,if your don't receive insight within two days write to me. I am believing God that He will show you a way out and restore you. This is not just a prophetic word,it is an unshakable fact.

Run as far as your legs can carry you. If your legs fail, take a bike. My uncle had this kind of wife- very diabolic and wicked. I can relate with the scenario you described. She made him lose his job and dignity.

My uncle left with his three kids. Thanks to family members who took custody of the kids till he was able to find his feet.

My brother...I beg u with God..u gas get closer to God and triple ur prayers...however bro its better u leave dat house... I mean run,fly even vanish if possible...heaven na one way journey ooo no return ticket for sale...may God guide and strengthen u...u will definitely c 2016 and more years to come..btw heaven help those who help demselves enough of family intervention be a man I do d right tin(forfeit d house, d jezebel of a wife(pardon me) ur selfcentered inlaws(pardon me again) and ignore d pastor. take ur daughter to ur mum..and get ursef a job life goes on.. Merry christmas

i presume she is a 'fine' girl. physical beauty is meaningless. dont follow a girl just because she is 'fine'

BROS I READ UR STORY SO TOUCHING BECAUSE I AM A MARRIED MAN TOO. PLEASE DIVORCE THAT LADY COS LIGHT AND DARKNESS CAN NEVER MEET TALKING SHARING THE SAME BED. GOD FORBID

@Op; sorry about your predicament. From what you have narrated, one can align this to Bipolar WHICH IS A Mental Health Disorder and Mental Health Disorders’ are at 4 levels; namely;

Level 1 is when the situation have reached the stage where you need to be sectioned
Level 2 is when you need constant medication to help you function and to reduce the pressure that the condition puts on you
Level 3 is when you’re about to be prescribed medication to help with mood swings
Level 4 is when you’ve just been diagnosed

Your wife’s case looks to me as an advanced stage where its getting close to her being sectioned. As you mentioned that she threatened you with a knife; that is very serious as she could kill you and she won't even know she's done that until later after she has carried out the deed. She really NEEDS MEDICAL HELP FAST and probably she also needs to be on medication constantly to HELP WITH HER DIAGNOSIS and avert her mood swings to be more proactive and function in a stable condition.

The question is CAN YOU KEEP COPING WITH THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR AND COPE WITH HER MENTAL DISORDER? It’s a crucial question as you’ll always have to know how to handle the situation(s) that’ll arise and best believe, THE SITUATION(S) ARE FULLY ARISING AS YOU YOURSELF HAVE NARRATED HERE.

It’s obvious you didn’t pick up on her waking up at 4am to sweep the house as EYE SERVICE and as you’re not a woman, you wouldn’t have been in a position to know if she was playing the eye service game just to make you her own and bang; you were hooked and now that she's married to you, she started showing you her true color.

There was no need for you to have rushed into marrying her especially since you didn’t carry out enough due diligence in knowing her fully during your courtship era; hence this nightmare circumstances you’re currently experiencing would have been averted. I'll always say it, that what you know you can’t tolerate during your courtship stage, should be curbed; as it’ll only get worst after marriage.

What I am not sure of is if she herself is aware that she has a problem possible of a mental health nature. Did she at anytime mention this to your friend who introduced you to her at the beginning who subsequently never informed you?

Note that a MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION can be hereditary i.e it can be passed on to the child(ren) you have. Although it is not 100%, THAT IS SOMETHING YOU’LL HAVE TO BEAR IN MIND as you move forward.

Aside that, she’ll have mood swings as you have attested to; and it’s not because she wants to be unreasonable but SADLY, it’s just that she can’t help it. As you perceive your life to be in danger, due to the things you have discovered, now is the time for you to think and act fast as to what you intend to do and because a mental health disorder (which is how I currently class the case of your wife from your write-up) HAS NO KNOWN CURE and that’s why she probably needs medical help to curtail her condition in order to help her function and have a stable life whether you decide to stay with her or not.

Going forward, be prayerful; but also note that there are 2 options viz;

1) Stay with her (you can get killed) and endure the treatment she’s currently giving you but see if there is anyway you can both get help together through counseling.

2) Seek for a divorce (bear in mind that you have a child to think of) as she has committed adultery which is a ground for divorce and in that process save your life. I hope you yourself are squeaky clean I.e. you haven’t committed adultery yourself.

The choice is yours and yours alone to make. Also don’t forget that she played an active role in making you loose your employment and as if that’s not enough, she’s also currently becoming an ACTIVE TROUBLE MAKER with no intention of calming down as you have stated above.

Having said all the above, we haven’t heard your wife’s side of the story to know if there are things you yourself are involved in that is making her behave like this. THERE ARE ALWAYS 3 SIDES TO A STORY; YOUR SIDE, THEIR SIDE AND THE TRUTH.

Lastly, I hope other men/women would learn a thing or 2 from your experience. One more thing, I know you might think it’s odd; but I’ll strongly advise you to go and carry out a DNA test on your daughter to be absolutely sure that she’s yours 99.99%. As you’ve mentioned that your wife has a philandering nature.

I rest my case.