zicoraads:
I have thought of several headings to give this "epistle" and decided on this one. Ordinarily, I would have done this in the Romance section, but I would prefer to get more matured responses concerning the topic. (no offence to Romancelanders).

I met this girl some years back. She is Igbira. Also a Muslim. Before we met, I was in a relationship of about 9 years. Although we had broken up once before and came back together. This girl I was dating before meeting this Igbira girl was perfect in all aspects. In short, she was too perfect i.e. if there is anything like that. She cooked well, was super beautiful, respected every member of my family...especially my parents and siblings. In short, we were the perfect couple to be; and our walking down the aisle was just a matter of when we decided to. I was someone her siblings and her mum regarded as 'The One.' She was also someone I could beat my chest and vouch for as regards decency and up rightness.

Through all these years we never had sex. We decided we were going to wait till when we got married. Although, I had flings, several flings and had sex whenever I wanted to. Over the years though, the relationship became very, very boring to me. I tried, I know I did. I tried to spice things up. But the more I tried, the more everything became boring and at some point, I was beginning to get irritated by her. But I endured all these. Not for anything, but because I knew leaving her would break most people's heart, especially my mum's. And maybe I couldn't summon the courage yet because I was still under my dad's roof. They still had considerable control over me.

After leaving NYSC in November, 2012; I got a job in Feb., 2013. That is when I met the Igbira girl. She was a complete opposite of my girlfriend. She was very, very lively...full of life. Extremely intelligent and talented. She also had amazing foresight.

After getting a job, I started getting a steady in flow of money. And as the money came, so it left. I spent without having any plan. After all, I wasn't paying rent and wasn't buying food...so, what the heck! My girlfriend too didn't see anything wrong with all of that. I guess she loved it too. Who wouldn't? But everything changed when I started becoming close to this Igbira girl. She also had a boyfriend then, so it was just platonic. After about 2 months of our meeting, she broke up with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend said his parents told him they will not accept her as a wife. So, she had to let go. She was devastated...and my shoulders were there to cry on.

After a while, our closeness came to a head and my girlfriend started asking questions. I had to lie on every single occasion to cover up. It is worthy to note that my girlfriend was the typical "Coming to America" wife that was presented to Akeem. I can't remember any quarrel we had throughout all those years. But this other lady was different. I think from then till now we have quarrelled more times than I had with my girlfriend. And this other lady is no where to be compared in terms of beauty. But what she didn't have facially, she made up for it with her intellect.

After a while, I couldn't take the lying anymore and decided to break up with my girlfriend. I guess it didn't come as a surprise to her because she saw it coming. The only people who didn't were my friends and family. My mum was devastated, still is. A family meeting was called and I was summoned. At this point I wasn't living with my parents anymore. This Igbira lady had pushed me, almost to a point of quarrelling to cultivate the habit of saving most of my income. In short, I achieved more in a very short time of being with her. She would push, plan, budget, plan, plan and plan. My people on the hand were furious, my mom was convinced that I was under a charm and she made sure almost everyone heard her out. I received calls from home and abroad asking me why I would act in such a foolish manner. I stopped picking my calls at some point.

After a few months, everything became a little quiet. And we became inseparable. But then she started whispering about marriage. Which I was already thinking of. But then, the religious question was one we couldn't find an answer to. She tried to convince me though, tried to tell me and show me the beauty of Islam. I, on the other hand, tried to show her the beauty of Christianity. After a while, we decided to set a deadline for ourselves. If there was no solution then, we would just call it quits. That was when I decided to shift grounds. I was now ready for the both of us to remain where we wanted to be (even though it goes against everything I believe in). Still, she refused to budge. According to her, her religion was the most important thing to her. And if she looses it, she would have lost part of herself.

Now I knew my parents were probably going to disown me if I had brought up the idea of marriage to someone who was not only an Igbira, but also a Muslim. But I decided that my happiness was utmost. But one thing I failed to grasp was how she on the other hand, didn't even think of taking risks. She claimed if I loved her enough, I should be able to make that sacrifice for her. But the question I kept asking her was, why can't you also make the sacrifice for me?

After a while, we called it quits. It hurt like cray. Still does. I find it hard to concentrate a times. I have done several things to get her off my mind, but none has worked thus far. I just decided to put this down today, even though some people I don't want seeing this might. And I don't fancy doing the anonymous thingy.

I don't believe I was "jazzed." Although I have never missed anyone like this before. I guess in the end, religion and tribe won out. Probably what I deserved!

Kachisbarbie:
This your story sweet o @ Zico. I enjoyed it, no come know wetin to talk

deeptesting:


We have seen people of different religion married and swimming the tide together... It requires a high level of tolerance and unconditional love.. However, there are certain issues that are fundamental and core to ones life and religion is one of it.

In my capacity and from my experience i will suggest you let go it will reduce your prayer points in the future.

Mindfulness:
I enjoyed reading this story a lot. I love it.



Zicoraads,

why does anyone have to sacrifice anything?

zicoraads:


Now I knew my parents were probably going to disown me if I had brought up the idea of marriage to someone who was not only an Igbira, but also a Muslim. But I decided that my happiness was utmost. But one thing I failed to grasp was how she on the other hand, didn't even think of taking risks. She claimed if I loved her enough, I should be able to make that sacrifice for her. But the question I kept asking her was, why can't you also make the sacrifice for me?

Mindfulness:

zicoraads:

Well, I get your drift now. There was a part in my post where I stated that I told her we should just stick to the status quo. No one should sacrifice anything. But for her, and I think her parents as well, it is either a Muslim comes or nothing. So, for me to even do anything or think of anything, I must first be one.

KanwuliaJara:
People sabi complicate dem lives sha!
OP! Yes, you got served!
You can't have everything in life you know?

You just have to learn to PUT YOURSELF FIRST ALWAYS!

You think meeting a compatible partner comes TWICE in a lifetime?

Because of some SHYTE religion, you threw your one chance at happiness away?

I pity your life!

Mindfulness:


You are ok with her being and staying a Muslim? Now and after marriage?

zicoraads:

Of cos I am. I don't have one single problem with that.

Mindfulness:


And she knows it?

zicoraads:

Definitely...she does. Told her on several occasions.

zicoraads:

You pity my life...with a kiss?
I understand where you are coming from. And trust me, there isn't one day I didn't think of going all selfish and putting myself first. And the painful thing is, am not the overly religious type. But then I couldn't just do it. Especially when I thought about the consequences of it on the people I really care about.

Mzdivacious:
kanwuliajara take it down 1million notches.u dont have to bring or show any frustration.calm down na

zicoraads,u ehn...i thought u said u are over d girl,me sef i pify u.love isnt easy to come by o.hold that thought dear.its been several months n u still cant stop thinking about her,i still believe u shd give her a call n give it another shot.but since she wasnt willing to compromise sha,u are not that old sooo,another girl might come

some people werent supposed to see this.but u didnt av a chance against me since i frequently visit ur diary n pages n all

zicoraads:

MD...this has been here for awhile now. You just saw it?

Anyway, this is all in the past now!

Mzdivacious:
saw it cos i stalked ur diary n profile

Kachisbarbie:
This your story sweet o @ Zico. I enjoyed it, no come know wetin to talk

zicoraads:

Stalker on the loose

How have you been? And, whatever happened to updates on your own diary

Mzdivacious:
lol.i cant be letting random readers in on my life like that.its a matter of time before i erase my old posts.a diary cant solve my problems

zicoraads:

I don't think that's the purpose of keeping one. It's basically just for penning down thoughts...for memories and probably for posterity sake. Of cos a diary can't solve anyone's problems. Even money can't solve all problems, talk less of an online diary.

Besides, what you see on my diary is just half of what happens in my life. I don't know about others but I don't tell all. Getting to know me better, you might just be pleasantly surprised

Mzdivacious:
kanwuliajara take it down 1million notches.u dont have to bring or show any frustration. calm down na

zicoraads:

I don't think that's the purpose of keeping one. It's basically just for penning down thoughts...for memories and probably for posterity sake. Of cos a diary can't solve anyone's problems. Even money can't solve all problems, talk less of an online diary.

Besides, what you see on my diary is just half of what happens in my life. I don't know about others but I don't tell all. Getting to know me better, you might just be pleasantly surprised