₦airaland Forum

MrsPhyno:
Ok um. What you're saying now is different from what you said originally.

This isnt about lofty ideals of whether men should work or women or how much or why unemployment is bad. Bae said she can get a job for the hubby as long as he's willing to complete some minor application steps and of course, do the actual work. Hubby says he doesn't want to work under anyone. He wants to be an entrepreneur or something.
I don't see what that has to do with her being whiny or naggy or not, and thats what I said.

Uh ok, lemme leave lastborns out of it then

Aha! Okay, I give up. I'm totally in support of the points you made here (#woman wrapper). I'm particularly wary of entrepreneurs who use that line: 'I can't work under someone.' They are not to be trusted as some of them can build a skyscraper with mouth, but when given the platform to build, coming up with a hut would be impossible for them. Their ideas never mature, if they don't come up with a multi-million Naira project today, expect a multi-billion Naira contract tomorrow, all on the lips.

Btw, I've always loved to be in control of an enterprise but I won't go as far as condemning the idea of working under someone.

Thanks for turning me into a woman wrapper.

Acidosis:
Aha! Okay, I give up. I'm totally in support of the points you made here (#woman wrapper). I'm particularly wary of entrepreneurs who use that line: 'I can't work under someone.' They are not to be trusted as some of them can build a skyscraper with mouth, but when given the platform to build, coming up with a hut would impossible for them. Their ideas never mature, if they don't come up with a multi-million Naira project today, expect a multi-billion Naira contract tomorrow, all on the lips.

Btw, I've always loved to be in control of an enterprise but I won't go as far as condemning the idea of working under someone.

Thanks for turning me into a woman wrapper.

Yeah... I dream of entrepreneurship too, but as you so aptly mentioned, it is not merely by lip service. Sometimes you gotta work your way to the top.

Sorry for turning you into a woman wrapper

MrsPhyno:
Yeah... I dream of entrepreneurship too, but as you so aptly mentioned, it is not merely by lip service. Sometimes you gotta work your way to the top.

Sorry for turning you into a woman wrapper

No wahala

WorriedGal:
Hello nairalanders, I'm in a situation that has been giving me sleepless nights. This is a new account i created just to protect my identity.
I got married 11 months ago to my best friend. We dated for about 8yrs before we got married, though we broke up in between and were apart for about 3yrs before finally coming back together again.
Part of the reasons why i broke up with him was, he took advantage of the fact that i was the type who doesn't ask him for anything. If i even collect money from him when we were dating, i always give him back and he'll take it. Because of that, he too didn't bother spending on me. He never took the initiative to buy me things or took me out as other boyfriends do. So i felt he didn't appreciate the fact that i'm not a demanding girlfriend. Though there was a time i had issues from home and didn't have money for my rent, he raised the money for me. That is the only time he gave me cash. And that is something i never forgot.
Fast forward to the present, he's currently not working. He is an entrepreneur who has been pursuing one project or another. While i'm also an entrepreneur but i have lots of clients i work with, so i'm the only one who brings in money to the home. The house we are living in, i paid 80% of the rent and the furnishing was entirely from my pocket. The car we are using, i got it with my money. I've been the one taking care of every single expenses in the house since we got married last year. I also make sure he gets clothes for himself with my money. When i get paid by clients, sometimes i give him money to send home to his parents and i send to mine as well.
He hasn't brought a dime home since after our wedding.
But he has been very very supportive, caring and faithful. Sometimes he takes me to my meetings with clients and waits for me till i'm done. He helps with house chores most times when i'm tired.
My problem now is, i know it is the responsibility of the man to provide for the home. I've advised that he gets a job for the meantime until his projects actualize, so that he can at least be bringing something home. But he refused. I have access to all his atms and his phone so its not a case of he's hiding his money.
Right now, i'm unable to work due to complications from my pregnancy so money is no longer coming from my end. Our rent expires in two months. Baby will arrive in months. But we are penniless. I've exhausted all my savings on hospital bills and our home expenses. I've asked him twice what's the plan, and he said he's still hoping on his projects. I asked him to at least look for something to do for now so we can gather our rent but he's sluggish about it. Everyday he'll just sit at home with me and be sleeping or watching movies.
I've gotten to my boiling point. I'm frustrated. If i had been saving my money since i got married, i would have saved up to 2 million naira. But now i have nothing. What do i do? Is there any mistake i made?
It's a very confusing situation because he gives me all the support and care i need, but he himself does not go out there to hustle and make sure money comes in for us to at least feed. The money with me now won't last us more than this week.
Please help me with matured advice & sorry for the long writeup.

It's too late to cry when d head is off. U acted d man in ur rship while he acted d woman y complain nw good thing he is caring, faithful n supports with house chores

ogawisdom:
It's too late to cry when d head is off. U acted d man in ur rship while he acted d woman y complain nw good thing he is caring, faithful n supports with house chores

Thanks for your comment but its never too late to cry. No situation is hopeless and i had hoped to get advice on what i can do to improve my situation, not negative words that will make me give up and cry over the past.

Thanks to those who gave me suggestions. Guess what? I applied most of the suggestions given to me here and he has agreed to work with me in my business and raise money. From my discussion with him, he agreed he was really discouraged by his projects not working out.(Thanks to the person who suggested that i ask him this)
I fixed a meeting with a client, briefed him on what to discuss. He met with the client and was able to secure the job. We are currently working together on the job and i'm still putting him thru, so the workload will be lesser and i can deliver.
I told him to take it as our business, not my business. So he shouldn't feel he's working as my staff. We just got our first payment for the job on Friday.
I'm so happy i mustered up the courage to lay bare my problems here and ask for help. Thanks to you all for keeping me positive. I'll keep praying this ends well and he's able to keep up his interest in working with me

WorriedGal:
Thanks for your comment but its never too late to cry. No situation is hopeless and i had hoped to get advice on what i can do to improve my situation, not negative words that will make me give up and cry over the past.

Thanks to those who gave me suggestions. Guess what? I applied most of the suggestions given to me here and he has agreed to work with me in my business and raise money. From my discussion with him, he agreed he was really discouraged by his projects not working out.(Thanks to the person who suggested that i ask him this)
I fixed a meeting with a client, briefed him on what to discuss. He met with the client and was able to secure the job. We are currently working together on the job and i'm still putting him thru, so the workload will be lesser and i can deliver.
I told him to take it as our business, not my business. So he shouldn't feel he's working as my staff. We just got our first payment for the job on Friday.
I'm so happy i mustered up the courage to lay bare my problems here and ask for help. Thanks to you all for keeping me positive. I'll keep praying this ends well and he's able to keep up his interest in working with me

U r still d man in dt rship keep giving him d lead, dt might jst b d reason God made u two man n wife. D man is a good man, humble n co-operative. He jst needs a leader then he will follow n u got d ability to lead so problem solved but do dt in love n humility. All d best

WorriedGal:
Thanks for your comment but its never too late to cry. No situation is hopeless and i had hoped to get advice on what i can do to improve my situation, not negative words that will make me give up and cry over the past.

Thanks to those who gave me suggestions. Guess what? I applied most of the suggestions given to me here and he has agreed to work with me in my business and raise money. From my discussion with him, he agreed he was really discouraged by his projects not working out.(Thanks to the person who suggested that i ask him this)
I fixed a meeting with a client, briefed him on what to discuss. He met with the client and was able to secure the job. We are currently working together on the job and i'm still putting him thru, so the workload will be lesser and i can deliver.
I told him to take it as our business, not my business. So he shouldn't feel he's working as my staff. We just got our first payment for the job on Friday.
I'm so happy i mustered up the courage to lay bare my problems here and ask for help. Thanks to you all for keeping me positive. I'll keep praying this ends well and he's able to keep up his interest in working with me

My dearie really happy for you that you have found this solution. It's great that he has found some motivation and is more up and doing.

I would advise you to keep this as a short term solution until you have our baby. After you have the baby I advise you to encourage him to get his own thing going on . Ie JOB!. It can get a bit murky in this kind of scenario.

Acidosis:
Hmmn


What can a man do when the job is not available?

I don't think I'm in a right position to blame your husband cos I would probably be sleeping if I were in his shoes as well. The current government is frustrating entrepreneurs. I've spent N1000 on T-fare only today searching for fuel to power Generator.

PHCN is currently on strike, and the Minister of Petroleum who also doubles as the GCFR is somewhere gallivanting with South African president. Honestly, the kind of hardship I've undergone today is enough for me to charm Mr. President so he can go and join his ancestors. In this mood, I'd not want any woman to nag about money or getting a useless job somewhere that can hardly feed a family for 3 days.

Sometimes, all we need is words of encouragement, a little positive push without nagging. Nobody loves poverty, but tell me, what can someone like me do in this condition where all I do revolves around electricity. I've gone to over 6 filling stations and no one is ready to sell in Jerry cans, mind you only 6 out of about 50 stations open their doors for vehicles. I don't think I can ever beat or fight a woman but if any one mention Sai Baba or Change around my dwelling place, such a person may not see the next minute. Things like this kills motivation, will and drive to achieve anything. It makes you lose your clients, their trusts and of course money.

May be your husband's project is being hampered by some wicked forces in government.

This is not a period to advise a man whose business worth N200k/month to go out there and search for a N5k/job. Such a man can kill his employer.

Sorry I'm harsh but it is the hard truth. Ever since you've been doing your business, why don't you put him through since you get paid frequently?

The Nigerian situation is no longer funny. Wives, please do not nag your husbands into frustration and depression.

God bless You.

I am so happy to read your update. Congratulations. Marriage is team work, with both partners doing what works best for them. Each should know and understand the others strength and weaknesses and see how they can work together to do better jointly.

All marriages are not equal or the same. I am happy you both have found what works for you. I am glad you didn't listen to those abusing your husband, We are funny people who are willing to tolerate abuse and cheating as long as a man provides. Not every man or woman is industrious as you have that gift the best thing and as you have done is to work with him to ensure cash keeps flowing.

Safe delivery

dear sometimes life can b like that, u have tried atleast as a good woman, but pls b very careful with this matter. It is very sensitive and I dont think u should b telling people about it.
Let me tell u, it is because he did not have moni that is y u can't kno the very extent he can go to spend on u. With what I persive, people like your huby can go to any lenght to satisfy their wife with all they've but d situation at hand does not permit him to display himself, that is y he will folow u to attent 2 ur client and patiently wait till u finished with them.
Now, if u forward this case to your parent or his, hmmmm, it can turn d home sour and the effect is far beyond what is hapening now. Just try and study him, know his kind of person and how to handle him. He's your husban baby and u remain d only person that can bring out the best in him and change him to your very taste. If he sees job today that kind of person will do and joyfully take.
If not for d sake of d baby this wouldn't have happened but pls things will take its shape very soon, but it is important for u to know that God doesn't think like man so what will happen wen baby come is already know to HIM alone and let me tell u, u will survive it and there wont b prob, d only thing may just be a little hard time in finance and it will just be for a while and go. So do not spoil your entire future because of this small thing because words they say are egg and if broken can not be picked again.
See, even if bot of u are swimming in millions it doesn't me that u will not have challenge at home. What are are facing is life reality and it is peculiar to u. 9ja is not laughing nowadays, no job, everything is in disarray already and that is d major source of the trouble in our land. So pls handle that with care. I persive that guy can die for u to live and wen it come to love, he has it for u to d ultermost d greatest ingredients in successfull marital life.
Even here on nairaland, ask any family weda they never face any challenge in their marital home, anyone who said no is a liar. So pls be calm, watch him, open up to him respectively how u are been scared of what to eat wen baby come because u dont have any thing on u any more
Ask him to suggest d way forward. because me I'll do encourage couple to sort out things by themselves rather than inviting peopl interventn in their marital affair. I pray God will rescues u IJN.

fem29:
Hmmm. My dear stop worrying. He is relaxed because you are doing all the worrying so he believes you will find a way to sort things out. Just tell him, ' Hubby, the money I have left will only last till end of the week' and then sit down and be looking. Don't give any suggestions, don't do anything. When he sees that you have stopped carrying the burden hopefully he will buck up.

Also, do you have any parents or family member you can go to if worst comes to worst? . At least somewhere that you can go to have your baby and then rebuild your life until your hubby gets his head together. Please never pay for everything again, you have seen the kind of person your hubby is. If you even have money do not tell him. He needs that push to get out there. Please stop worrying for the sake of your baby

İ agree with fem29's advice about not paying for anything. You see, when a man really cares about a woman, he gives. Whether money,time,advice but a man opens his heart and his wallet when he is in love with you. You see a man has the instincts to provide(at least most men) for their women. İt gives them a sense of pride and identity. Your man showed you his opinion of you when he did not spend one naira on you and going so far as to take the money you pay back! Haba. İ'm sorry to hijack your story but permit me. İ was going out with this guy during my undergrad days that did not spend a dime on me.İ am just like you,undemanding,simple and understated.But this guy would not even say 'take money to at least fix your hair' knowing fully well that İ'm a student.You can bet that it did not last.
For your husband,stop paying for stuff at home. İt's his responsibility.İ know it will be hard to stop as you are already used to it,just try.
İt will be that fire under his ass that he needs. shalom

O

kaffy4tope:
What advise can we give to a married woman with a new baby? You courted him for years so you knew him in & out before walking the aisle with him. Abi you expect us to tell you to leave him or use him as money rituals ni?

You were blindly in love wid him when u still had options of leaving him. My dear, is too late now ooo. Keep praying and advising him, that's your cross you have to carry.



Enjoy your home.

this is not the kind of advice she needs right now

Acidosis:
Hmmn


What can a man do when the job is not available?

I don't think I'm in a right position to blame your husband cos I would probably be sleeping if I were in his shoes as well. The current government is frustrating entrepreneurs. I've spent N1000 on T-fare only today searching for fuel to power Generator.

PHCN is currently on strike, and the Minister of Petroleum who also doubles as the GCFR is somewhere gallivanting with South African president. Honestly, the kind of hardship I've undergone today is enough for me to charm Mr. President so he can go and join his ancestors. In this mood, I'd not want any woman to nag about money or getting a useless job somewhere that can hardly feed a family for 3 days.

Sometimes, all we need is words of encouragement, a little positive push without nagging. Nobody loves poverty, but tell me, what can someone like me do in this condition where all I do revolves around electricity. I've gone to over 6 filling stations and no one is ready to sell in Jerry cans, mind you only 6 out of about 50 stations open their doors for vehicles. I don't think I can ever beat or fight a woman but if any one mention Sai Baba or Change around my dwelling place, such a person may not see the next minute. Things like this kills motivation, will and drive to achieve anything. It makes you lose your clients, their trusts and of course money.

May be your husband's project is being hampered by some wicked forces in government.

This is not a period to advise a man whose business worth N200k/month to go out there and search for a N5k/job. Such a man can kill his employer.

Sorry I'm harsh but it is the hard truth. Ever since you've been doing your business, why don't you put him through since you get paid frequently?

The Nigerian situation is no longer funny. Wives, please do not nag your husbands into frustration and depression.

you are saying off point. Read her previous post

I'm happy for the op,pls your marriage is unique do what works best for you, as long as you have peace, communicate all your displeasure to your man just don't stop talking keep talking and someday he'l listen, don't listen to those who say don't spend it's your home spend, but always let him know your displeasure on certain issues , be firm when you have to be but do it with wisdom don't allow finance spoil your marriage.. .. Always read proverbs 31...You seem to be a virtuous woman.. GOD BLESS YOU... Your hubby is lucky, you are also lucky to have him. Just keep pushing him and he'l be just what you want...

Give him space to reset his destiny.[/quote]

Xince the money will only last una this week. My God why are you worried. If i get u correctly u said he would rather sleep or watch movies with you than to go out and hustle. Two objects involved. Bed with TV.
Post them as advert for sale on nairaland when u guys go broke. Hope its sha flatscreen tv led at least 42 inches.i go buy

GodnGold:
Welcome to marriage.

where everything is not rosy but we keep it 100 by worrying less and praying more.

Source for loan to put to bed first.
It sure is well.

My sister my friend, where have u been?

WorriedGal:
Hello nairalanders, I'm in a situation that has been giving me sleepless nights. This is a new account i created just to protect my identity.
I got married 11 months ago to my best friend. We dated for about 8yrs before we got married, though we broke up in between and were apart for about 3yrs before finally coming back together again.
Part of the reasons why i broke up with him was, he took advantage of the fact that i was the type who doesn't ask him for anything. If i even collect money from him when we were dating, i always give him back and he'll take it. Because of that, he too didn't bother spending on me. He never took the initiative to buy me things or took me out as other boyfriends do. So i felt he didn't appreciate the fact that i'm not a demanding girlfriend. Though there was a time i had issues from home and didn't have money for my rent, he raised the money for me. That is the only time he gave me cash. And that is something i never forgot.
Fast forward to the present, he's currently not working. He is an entrepreneur who has been pursuing one project or another. While i'm also an entrepreneur but i have lots of clients i work with, so i'm the only one who brings in money to the home. The house we are living in, i paid 80% of the rent and the furnishing was entirely from my pocket. The car we are using, i got it with my money. I've been the one taking care of every single expenses in the house since we got married last year. I also make sure he gets clothes for himself with my money. When i get paid by clients, sometimes i give him money to send home to his parents and i send to mine as well.
He hasn't brought a dime home since after our wedding.
But he has been very very supportive, caring and faithful. Sometimes he takes me to my meetings with clients and waits for me till i'm done. He helps with house chores most times when i'm tired.
My problem now is, i know it is the responsibility of the man to provide for the home. I've advised that he gets a job for the meantime until his projects actualize, so that he can at least be bringing something home. But he refused. I have access to all his atms and his phone so its not a case of he's hiding his money.
Right now, i'm unable to work due to complications from my pregnancy so money is no longer coming from my end. Our rent expires in two months. Baby will arrive in months. But we are penniless. I've exhausted all my savings on hospital bills and our home expenses. I've asked him twice what's the plan, and he said he's still hoping on his projects. I asked him to at least look for something to do for now so we can gather our rent but he's sluggish about it. Everyday he'll just sit at home with me and be sleeping or watching movies.
I've gotten to my boiling point. I'm frustrated. If i had been saving my money since i got married, i would have saved up to 2 million naira. But now i have nothing. What do i do? Is there any mistake i made?
It's a very confusing situation because he gives me all the support and care i need, but he himself does not go out there to hustle and make sure money comes in for us to at least feed. The money with me now won't last us more than this week.
Please help me with matured advice & sorry for the long writeup.

This was the exact description and situation I was with my ex years back. Except your husband makes up his mind to go hustle and provide for the family am sorry it may only get worse. You have made him comfortable and relaxed for so long.

Try as much as possible to have a plan b of finance from friends and families till u put to bed safely, put a stop to more kids till he shows a positive sense of responsibility.

After delivery if he isn't showing any action then u know what to do.

It is well.

He seems to be a nice husband but it would have been nicer if he was providing for the family. I guess everyone has their own cross to bear, it just comes in different shape or form.

My dear, Maybe you can assist him in looking for a job since he doesn't want to look for one himself. I think you have been nice enough. You can only do so much. Send him job openings and tell him to apply. Let church members and family members know that your husband is looking for a job. Tell everyone who can help your husband that he needs a job. Since he has refused to do it himself. Help him to apply and follow it up. If he needs to go for an interview tell him to prepare. If after all these, he is still being sluggish about it, then don't give him any money again. Just take care of things in the house but don't give him any money. Maybe when he sees that he doesn't have any money, he will go and work.
Even the bible says that he that will not work, should not eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:10.